words in movies
Joey: Ohh-oh, wasnt he cheating on you with her?
Rachel: Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.
Ross: Id bet Id still be doing my kara-tay. (Thats karate, hes just saying it that way.) Towards the end of our marriage I was doing a lot of kara-tay as a way of releasing the tension from yknow, not doing anything else physical.
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a massage client who worked there and-and he said I had a knack for stocks.
Monica: Hes not boring! Hes just-hes just low key.
Monica: No Joey! Chandler could be your assistant! See, he could answer all of your fan mail and stuff!
Monica: Rach, hes a friend of ours.
Chandler: Well its kinda hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that hes not real.
Rachel: Hes coming over! Hes coming over!
Chandler: Oh just great. He beeps me now with codes. One is, "Bring me food." Two is, "Im with a girl, bring us food." Three is, "Im lost and I cant find food."
(Chandler tries to take it, but Monica wont let go. He tugs harder, and she still doesnt budge.)
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Rachel: Oh Mon, listen I have to ask! Okay, Joey Tribbiani invited me back to his apartment, now does he do this with a lot of girls?
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
(He does a kara-tay move to silence her, then answers the phone.)
Phoebe: Was it my work? Were they mad? Was it Jack? Did he yell?!
(He goes to turn off a machine. Suddenly, Dr. Drake Remoray appears at the door with two cops!)
Ross: Oh. (He takes the notepad she was using and looks at it.) Wow! (Flips to another page.) Huh. (Flips another page.) Boy! (Flips another page.) Well, someones been doing their homework. (Flips two more pages.)
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, (The one he had when he was Dr. Drake Remoray, because he still is.) Rachel is there and admiring the big ceramic fake dog.]
Chandler: Well, I could make it seem like hes here. (Imitates him.) "Heres some little known facts about cous-cous. They didnt add the second cous until 1979." (Mumbles something further.)
Monica: No. Hes not a horrible guy.
Chandler: Okay. (They both realize what he just said.)
Rachel: Joey, youre such an amazing actor! (He smiles.) How do you know where Dr. Drake Remoray leaves off and Joey Tribbiani begins?
(He takes her hands in his and kisses each one, then kisses her on the lips. When the break the kiss, Rachel starts to get nauseous and throw up. Joey backs away in horror.)
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Chandler: Oh, okay! (He rolls over to do that again.)
Joey: Well he actually saw you a little bit too.
Joey: Wow! Uh okay, well uh (He gets up, opens a drawer, and pulls out the ring.)
Chandler: Oh. Oh right! Right! Because youre still seeing him and uh, hes a good guy. I mean, I remember a time when (He fakes falling asleep.)
Chandler: I bet he can.
Monica: Yknow, I dont have an appointment, but I sure could use a physical. (He laughs halfheartedly) Are you sure youre okay?
Phoebe: All better! Back to work! Except this clown from research told me I was fired. He should do his research, huh?
Phoebe: (to Arthur, hes the guy calling 9-1-1) Dumbass!
Ross: Okay. (He does so.)
Joey: Ok, ok! (He leaves)
Rachel: (laughing) Yeah, and-and you better make sure he tips you this time.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Phoebe: I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I do really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the money I'll save on stamps.
Chandler: Oh yeah! Okay, lets play again. (He deals out two cards each again.) What do you got?
JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave)
Chandler: Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five! (Holds up his hand to give Monica a high five, only he cant straighten his fingers.)
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
Joey: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... I think it's better if you tell him, you know. It's easier for a woman. That way, you know, if he gets mad, all you have to do is go... I didn't mean it. I'm so so--ooory. (he pushes his breasts together from the side)
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Ross: (Staring back, and then breaks off) (To Phoebe and Rachel) Yeah, he can do it!
The Director: Im sorry Joey, as long as hes here and hes conscious were still shooting.
(When Joey tries to pull back his head, he notices he is stuck)
Rachel: ...is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that (in a deep voice, mocking Ross) what's in the inside is important...
(He licks his fingers, liking it. He offers Chandler a taste.)
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Joey: I know why I don't remember her, huh? (he winks at Rachel)
Rachel: Well, believe it or not, it's true. When Joey and I were together, he was wonderful. He was thoughtful and mature. And for the one week that we went out, he didn't sleep with anybody else!
Rachel: Well, it's a little low... pick up a little... (Ross picks it up) a little bit more... (he picks it up again) a little bit more... (he takes it off) There you go! (pause) Now throw it away!
Chandler: Daddy. All right look, heres the story. (Flashback to Chandler about to enter the steam room as he does the voice-over.) Well, we had just finished playing racquetball and we were gonna take a steam. I walk into the steam room and it was really steamy. (The flashback shows his glasses fog up and him trying to find his way around the steam filled room. He takes off his glasses.) So I take off my glasses and thats when in happened.
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Phoebe: No, he really hates it. But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair! So you got to pick your battles. But the good news is, Gladys is yours!
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Monica: (thinks about it) All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there!
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Monica:: what means if he gets like a disease or kills someone. not if he gets his jollys to jaws!
(Ross enters the room, takes off his robe and enters the booth. He stands with his back to the nozzles and then realises that this booth has nozzles at both sides of the wall)
Director: I dont see it. (To Janine) You are dancing with the tall guy over there. Tall guy, raise your hand! (He does. Janine goes over to him.)
(He then straightens himself, and looks at the torte)
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
(He walks over, but just before he knocks on the door, he hears some moans and looks shocked.)
Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler.
Gunther: Maybe nobody won the jackpot, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found the ticket on the street, right outside, and won $10,000 (goes to the counter).
Monica: No, he’s picking up dinner, why, what’s up?
Joey: (he has a turkey on his head) It's stuck!!!
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Chandler: I know. (He kisses her.)
Ross: Love you guys. (he kisses Monica, he, Rachel and Phoebe leave.)
Ross: I love this. (he got a sweater)
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Joey: No you wont. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, hes sorry. But, (to Chandler) youve got one more apology to make, all right, youve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Ross: I know, and I can't stop sweating. (he walks towards Missy)
Rachel: Okay, what? What is too sensitive? (There's music coming from the living room. Ross opens the door to the living room and he and Rachel see Sandy play a song for Emma on his recorder. Rachel is moved by this, but Ross only sees his point proven again, and walks back into the kitchen, angrily. The door he was holding, swings back and hits Rachel.)
Joey: Ok, thank you. And I promise you I will not forget this one. (he starts writing on his hand) Mandy.
Mrs. Geller: (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think hes stoned again.
Missy: Sure, he was in your "band"? (she air quotes band)
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
(he uses his remote to turn on the music, "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, and starts dancing for Phoebe. He shakes his butt, moves his shoulders back, grabs his crotch and hops towards Phoebe. Phoebe is half horrified and half scared. He takes his hat off and throws it away, does some "Can Can" high kicks and swings his butt in front of Phoebe who looks at it in disgust. Then he tears open his shirt and shows her his chest and she flinches.)
Phoebe: This is the happiest dog in the world. I borrowed him from my friend Wendy. Now, you can only keep him until he cheers you up. And he will cheer you up!
(Cut to Chandler. He's walking around looking for Ross. He sees him kissing a girl next to a vending machine)
Ross: (feeling the fabric) Wow, this is really soft (he looks the price). Three hundred and fifty dollars?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. He deserves to do the thing he loves one last time.
Joey: (to himself) Man, this is a long drive! Are my eyes open? No! (He opens his eyes and sees a hitchhiker.)
Joey: So he can't come?
Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me!
Roy: Whoa, whoa, whoa (he turn off the music). She cringed!
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Joey: (on the screen there's the word "Supermarket") Uhm... ok. It's a store, like a supermarket. (there is a sound indicating he made a mistake as he shouldn't have said 'supermarket'. The next word appears, "notebook") Oh! I see-I see what I did. Yeah, ok, ok, uhm... I'm writing in my...
Chandler: He had sex with Mr. Girabaldi!
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
(They shake hands, he walks out and shuts the door, then seems to change his mind, moves to open the door, than changes his mind again and leans over the door. Just then, Rachel opens the door)
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to.
Ross: (he enters) Hey.
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Ross: Is-is he ok?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Monica: (sees what he is doing) Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open!
Ross: I'll see you in the morning (he leaves).
Monica: All right, all right! Lets just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) Youre single. (To Tim) Youre single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) Shell be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) Ill give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Chandler: So, what does the other guy do? Does he go to college too?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
Phoebe: (noticing a guy sitting by the green post looking at her) Oh wait a second you guys for the last couple weeks Ive been that guy everywhere I go. We take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe hes the tea guy. (He gets up to leave, and smiles at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
Ross: (knew this was coming) There it is... (he comes back)
Joey: Uh no Rach, hes gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake.
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, dont believe me, I know Im rightdo you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
(The director looks at Joey and he nods.)
Monica: You see that guy? Hes in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave hes going straight to the porn.
Ross: Damn it. It's never off the table. (he leaves the apartment)
Joey: I AM NOT GONNA HELP YOU DO THAT! Goodbye! (he leaves)
Rachel: Well, it wasn't just me, alright? He freaked out too! He couldn't even undo my bra!
Joey: Hey, Im gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! Hed even make the girl pancakes! Plus, hed make extras and leave em for me.
Mike: Hey (He kisses Phoebe)
Joey: (his mood changes instantly) Just when I thought we could be friends. (he leaves the room)
Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When asked if you take initiative I wrote, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision," and under Problems with Performance I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not," and then uh, then I drew a little smiley face, and then a small pornographic sketch.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.]
Chandler: It's seven years ago. (he looks surprised) My time machine works!
Ross: That guy Mark. From Bloomingdale's... She thinks he's just being nice to her. But I know he really wants to sleep with her.
Ross: We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her. But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
Rachel: He offered me one.
Rachel: He offered me one.
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again... Look at this place. Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art, this huge macho couch. When we know all he does is sit around all day crying about losing Monica to a real man! (laughs) You don't think he's here, do you? (Joey looks around)
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not gonna mess with Jack, he's a great man, he fought for our country.
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
Mr Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?
Ross: He’ll be fine.