words in movies
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'?
Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Chandler: He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie. That's the situation as we know it... (walks to Phoebe and Monica)
(Rachel decides not to give up that easily and follows him to his apartment and bangs on the door, which he opens.)
Chandler: (in a manly voice) Yeah well, Im gonna go spit. (He goes into the bedroom. On his way out, Joey gives Rachel a wide berth.)
[Scene: Delmonico's restaurant. Ross is waiting for his blind date to show up. A waiter walks past him.]
Monica:: he has to work, there's some rush on the big (pause, thinks) ah damn it one of these days I'm really gonna have to start listening when he talks about his job.
Melanie: Well, now we've gotta find something fun for you! (she starts kissing his chest)
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
Joey: FINE, ok, if you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. (He turns his back to them and starts humming) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Ross: You got it! (Monica leaves, Ross closes the door). All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. (He grabs a bag of styrofoam peanuts) Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him!
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross enters and checks his messages.]
(He walks away and Joey does Rosss fist thing. He then enters Richards dressing room, to find Richard cutting his steak with his sword.)
Chandler: Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that!
Larry: Oh, will you mind if I wash up? Because I came straight from work and who knows where these babies (Holds up his hands) have been.
Ross: No, I'll do it. (he quickly grabs Joey's boarding pass and gives Joey his one.)
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Chandler: Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes!
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
Kathy: Umm, (moves her hands down to his butt) I love this touchy. Can I take it to work with me?
(Kathy leans in really close and Chandler mouths "Oh my God." She moves around in front of him and kneels at his feet.)
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Ross: and it was Ernst Muhlbrat who first hypothesized that the Velociraptor would expand its collar and emit a high pitched noise to frighten its predator. (A student raises his hand.) Yes Mr. Lewis?
Rachel: Yeah, but he waited until the last minute! So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party. I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat.
Monica: Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen! There arent any message youve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a disgusted look on his face.) Apparently youre not very good at it! I
Joey: Ah, he cant make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh! (hides behind the coat rack.)
FRANK: Yeah hey, you know if you want I can take you around back and show you where he hit his head on the rain gutter.
Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little Oh nowait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Ricks pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, thats working.
Joey: I dont want to talk about it. Yknow, you couldve at least saved me a whole cookie. (He grabs whats left of the cookie and pops in his mouth.)
[Scene: Joey's bedroom, time lapse. He's asleep and dreaming. In his dream he's doing the crossword puzzle with wait for it Monica!]
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
Chandler: Okay, I went over to Ross' apartment to bring back Clunkers. Yknow, for you, and (Clears his throat) I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere, all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI Ross, one of your neighbors, growing weed. I couldn't find him, and I am so, so, so, sorry. But I do know where we could all go ease the pain. (Points up and then over to the street)
Jake: Yeah that would be great! Let me make sure Im not doing anything Tuesday. (He bends over to open his bag, when he does so his pants slide down his butt revealing a pink lace secret.)
TV Announcer: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area.
(Chandler puts his face in his hands as Joey and Phoebe start to examine the trash.)
[Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of his chair.]
Ross: (recovers his composure and starts typing) Respectfully, professor R. Geller. (hits <return>, closes the laptop and joins Charlie on the sofa) Hey!
Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) Im sorry, its for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please?
Phoebe: Hey, dont call him that! His name is Spackel Back Harry!
(Then she reaches over again and Joey moves his plate a little to the left, and she misses, then she reaches out again, and he moves his plate to the right , so she misses again. She tries a third time and this time, Joey pushes his plate so far to the left, it drops off the edge of the table)
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Chandler: Hes really picky about his patients.
(Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them)
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Joey: (He just sits there, legs very close together with a painful look on his face) Soldier down!
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
(Joey jumps up in excitement and without turning around Chandler holds out his hand stopping him, and ushering him back into his seat. Joey sits down, dejected.)
Ross: Sorry! Sorry! Oh, (He sticks it under his shirt) there! (It's just there flashing through his shirt) Hey Gary, who am I? Phone home!
(Joey totally agrees with this statement and kicks his feet up.)
Ross: Yeah, and it was uhm... it was like a real little person laugh too. It was... it was like uhm... (Ross tries to impersonate Emma's laugh, but it comes out very squeaky, very high pitched. He laughs about himself but then looks at Rachel, realises that it sounded weird and straightens his face.) Only... only not creepy.
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Joey is approaching one of the blackjack tables on his quest to make enough money for his movie.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (hes in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. Hes got the wool cap, hes got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and hes got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like theyre from the inner-city.]
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.
(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
Joey: Check it out. (He turns around, pulls down his pants, and shows Phoebe that hes got panties on.) How much of a man am I?!
Phoebe: Well, I would love to but the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects. (Ross just happens to have his hand on a sheet that is covering something that suspiciously looks like a bike.)
(Ross grabs his things and runs to the door only to be blocked by his exiting students.)
Monica: Hes got something plastic lodged in his throat, weve got to go to the hospital.
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joeys apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
(Chandler glances up at Monica with his mouth still wide open and his eyes still huge)
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ma?
Rachel: So what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?
Chandler: See? (Does his laugh.) Here we go. (Starts walking her to their room, and has to pass in front of Mr. Geller whos sitting at the table and Mrs. Geller whos standing next to him.)
Chandler: Its Clint. Its Clint! (He heads for his bedroom.)
Chandler: Ho-oh, hes gonna get some! (Rachel looks at him.) Of the glare from the streetlight out of his apartment. Yknow so umm, hes closed the drapes there so he can have a nice, pleasant conversation with your little sister. (Pause) Well, Im off to bed! (Goes to bed.)
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Robert: Oh God! Here we go again. Why does this keep happening to me? (spreads his legs) Is it something Im putting out there? Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Chandler: Joey got meat sauce on the banister again! (He goes into the bathroom to wash his hands.)
PHOEBE: I'm so sorry honey, but, okay, Rachel gave this guy her number and, um, she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone.� So, you have to intercept all his calls.
Monica: Its the heat. (has her hand on his chest, and then pulls it away) And-and the humidity.
Ms. McKenna: Ok if everyones on board, its settled, Chandler, (Walter puts his hand on Chandlers hand, Chandler sleeping puts his hand on top of his, he then wakes up and pulls his hand away) Chandler?
Phoebe: Well, but thats what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldnt even talk to me any more. Because he said he didnt wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
(Joey sticks his head through the gap. Monica and Chandler are now sitting at the dinner table. There is another smaller table full of food standing in front of the front door)
Joey: (nodding his head) Okay.
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
The Producer: (checking his watch) Lets get you into wardrobe for a fitting.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
(Ross fake laughs, obviously not finding this funny, and hes starting to panic, so he shoves the whole saltwater taffy hes eating in his mouth)
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
Joey: And thats Wednesday. (He reclines in his chair.) Ohh.
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
David: Uhm... uhm... Goodbye... Uh... Schto ya ztez vigul... ui... (David holds his hands gently on the back of Phoebe's neck. There's a sound of a a bunch of keys rattling, and the door opens... It's Mike)
Woman: Ross Geller, why do I know that name? Its uhWait! (Grabs his book off of the shelf.) Did you write this?
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his horrible trek back home without pants on. The whole gang is there.]
Joey: (holds his fist up) WATER BALLOON! (he stuffs the slice in is mouth and gives the foil back to Ross)
(The camera zooms in on the clock on the wall and it reads a quarter after one. Time lapse. The clock now reads 3:30, and Phoebe is still giving Rick his massage.)
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is in costume and standing at the craft services table. He checks his pockets and finds some prop coins in a pouch, which he replaces with some cookies.]
Emily: Liam, do me a favour. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, its his first time.
(Ross resumes his patrol when his best friend and sister walk up and start to take off their coats, but they stop when they see him.)
[Scene: Joeys. Joey is laying on his recliner, depressed, and the dog is laying on the footrest.]
Ross: It-itThe point is my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm.
PHOE: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice how he always starts his stories with, um, OK, 'I was soooo wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, ooh, 'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut.'