words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel: I know...
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don't.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler: I know!
Rachel: I need some milk.
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because youre a client, I cant ask you out, even though you give me yknow, the feeling.
Phoebe: What about me? I just found out that Denise is leaving town for a while, I dont have a roommate.
Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.
Joey: Look, I told ya, Im not going to any clinic! I dont have a problem, youre the one with the problem! You should go to a "Quit being a baby and leave me alone" clinic!
Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank.
Monica: I know.. it's gonna be really hard.
Rachel: Sorry. Im so exited! Ive been waiting for this for months! I got my hair coloured! I got new sheets! Im making him a very fancy meal.
Rachel: I think he's across the hall.
Ross: Hey, I might!
Joey: No, no, look. All I’m saying is that you’re my agent, ok? And you’re not getting me into any auditions and I’m tired of it.
Monica: I dont know how museums work in England but, here, youre not supposed to take stuff.
Monica: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together.
Monica: (dubious) I understand.
Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
Monica: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Ross: Im just thinking about your new bride at home. Okay? Do-do you really want to start your life together by letting her down?
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
Woman: Im very interested to find out whos been doing her taxes these last four years.
Ross: Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Okay? I'm a big boy, I can do whatever I want!
Phoebe: I got no sleep last night!
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?
Chandler: Emma? Emma? Look at me! Well, I think I'll go downstairs for a while.
Mona: Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs yes again!)
Joey: Hey, yknow what? Ill come too. Im making money now; its about time I give something back.
Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.
Chandler: (stops) I have no idea.
Rachel: I didnt have to, because I was wearing my I heart Ross sandwich board and ringing my bell.
Phoebe: Then Im gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
Ross: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song about this.
Trudie Styler: Im told there are two sides to this story, but all Ive heard is that Bens a bit of a poo-poo head.
Ross: No I left the diapers at the hospital! Theres some in the bag but Ill run out and get some more.
Phoebe: Its fine. I mean, this is something that youve been thinking about since you were what, 14? (Shes referring to the Halloween picture.)
Ross: Hey! I did not dump Rachel! (To Mona) Nor are we still together. (The phone rings and Ross goes to answer it, only hes trapped behind the apothecary table by Dr. Green.) Can I just (Dr. Green glares at him.) Why dont we just let the machine get that?
Joey: Well uh, it's just that uh, y'know if-if you're gonna be wearing someone's sweatshirt shouldn't it be your boyfriends--and Im not him.
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! Thats when it occurred to me, the key to my success, the munchies. So I ah, started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!'
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. (Does so.)
Rachel: Oh my God! Thats so great! Im so happy for you guys!
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
Dr. Drake Remoray: Thats right Wesley! I just stopped by to say that, youre not a real doctor! And that womans brain, is fine!
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
Ross: Yeah, but it didnt fit. Well, luckily theres a store here that has one left in her size, but Im the groom, Im not supposed to see the dress
Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question.
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Chandler: Hello? Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. (pause) No, she's not here but, you know, I can tell her. Should I be sitting down for this? (his smile fades as he hears the answer) Oh. (pause) Well, so what does that mean? (pause) Ok. Ok, thank you. Thanks. (hangs up)
Ross: I can't believe you guys are moving in together. That's, that's great! I mean...I'm happy for you guys..
Ross: Listen, I-I need a favor. Umm, I was in the shower, and as I was cleansing myself, I ah, I-I, well I felt something.
Monica: I see pizza!
Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
Phoebe: I love you too. (they hug) Please don't... Don't turn into... you know... French bitch! (they hug again)
Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over and hugs him.) Its exactly how Id imagined it would be.
Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've.
Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.
Chandler: Uhh yeah. Yeah, its (Points down the hall) right, right down there. (When he has Bob looking down the hall, he turns around and knocks his nameplate off of his door.) Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why?
Monica: I think he's shy.
Ross: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away.
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
Rachel: Do I have my own castle?
Phoebe: Okay. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was going to propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something.
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Phoebe: Okay, you can totally say no, but umm, would it be okay with you if I set Ross up on a date?
Chandler: Little baby girl Chandler, where I have heard that before? Oh right, Coach Ruben. (Tries to get her to drink a little more from the bottle when he suddenly smells something. Its times like these Im glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been invented.) Do you know what Pheebs? When youre done over there, we kinda have a situation over here too. (Phoebe is changing hers.)
Joey: For one thing, the guy on the tape said I was doing a good job!
Monica: And say what? "You owe me a goodbye", I mean, he's got more pride than that.
Ross: I uhm... Well, I sang... (Rachel gasps) well actually I rapped... Baby Got Back... (Rachel's face changes from excited to angry)
Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
Chandler: Without my toe?! I need my toe!
Joey: Uh-huh! I know. Im coming soon to a theater near you! Im in THX! Im unsuitable for children!
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Phoebe: Umm, look we dont, we dont really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I dont know about you but that doesnt happen to me a lot.
Rachel: I already fed her.
RACH: Ummmm.... well, actually I'm already done, but I...I kinda got plans.
Monica: Okay. So you, me and London. Looking at people differently. Maybe he wants to do what you and I did in London with someone.
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Phoebe: Oh... Mike's sister just invited me to a party tonight, he's gonna be there. And she was like "Oh, don't worry! I asked him. He's totally ok with seeing you!". So now I have to go so he'll think that I'm totally ok with seeing him!
Chandler: Nah, Monicas watching some cooking show. Come on, I dont want to miss when they were skinny.
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
Phoebe: Okay, then I must be disoriented.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's hotel room, Rachel is still trying to get the ink off and Ross is on the phone to the company. Wait a minute, why exactly are they sharing a hotel room? Didn't they like break-up or something? Did I miss a memo? Or maybe, it's just foreshadowing things to come. Who knows? Maybe the answer's at the bottom of the page. Then again, maybe it isn't and it's just one of those things TV writers just don't explain. Anyhoo ]
The Doctor: No, Im getting three separate heartbeats.
Joey: Oh hey come on, dont-dont-dont do this! Umm, look let-let me tell you something, okay? Now when I watch you do a scene, Im thinking, "Boy, she-she is a great actress!" (Shes not buying it.) Uh but-but, I am also thinking, "She is hot!"
Chandler: Because, Im too afraid.
Phoebe: Eww, I don't wanna do that.
Ross: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up some wine, what?
Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats cant sleep.
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
Ross: Well I, I don't know. Why?
Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think theyre a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice.
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine.
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
Bob: Huh, I never really noticed.
Chandler: Yknow what the worse part was? I got to see what my life would be like without you. It was like Its a Wonderful Life with lap dances. Please promise that you will never leave me, that we will grow old together, and be with each other for the rest of our lives.
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.