words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel: I know...
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don't.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler: I know!
Rachel: I need some milk.
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Phoebe: Its just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasnt called. Not that I even care, y'know.
Phoebe: No. No. Its just I was umm, I was with Ross and Jill after you left and umm, Im pretty sure I saw a little spark between them.
Ross: No, I cant. I would, I really would, but my son is here; I cant leave him. Isntyou dont think theres any way?
Ross: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.
Ross: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.
Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
Monica: Oh my God. Youre even dumber than I am!
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Joey: All right! Now hey, I need to use the bathroom. Since I dont need any assistance in there, take a break!
Rachel: I mean it's my fault.
Monica: How do you think I am?! Youve wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
Monica: Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me.
Rachel: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda
Phoebe: Yeah well, "excuse me, I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer, but (peering through her spectacles) I can't see it, I can't see it"!
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I dont even like Chandler.
Phoebe: So, I need to write some depressing stuff to go along with my new floozy voice, but nothing that sad has ever really happened to me.
Rachel: All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey Ive ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!
Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.
Ross: Uhh, okay, its uh, Emily and I, we decided to uh, to get married.
Monica: I make the decisions, and I say no.
Monica: I really need to talk to you.
Don: Your food is fantastic! Wow, I really want to talk to you about your menu, once I get some coffees first. Um, anyone want any?
Rachel: (crying) No. I cant, youre a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just cant stop picturing with her, I cant, (Ross stands up and backs away) it doesnt matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. Its just changed, everything. Forever.
Rachel: But I
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if youd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe youd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.
Rachel: Hello. I need to get on the 11 o'clock flight.
Rachel: Can you not look at me when I say this? (He turns around) I thought that if I could get you here, I could seduce you.
Chandler: Ill make something up! Im good at lying, I actually did borrow your Walkman!
Rachel: Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, (pause) I'm still in love with you Ross.
Chandler: Well, I did and it hurt. (they walk towards the bar) That's when I wrote the song: "Betrayal In The Common Room".
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
Chandler: It was terrible. I fought with (Pause) my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this? (Throws away another Rollo)
Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I dont have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Chandler: I know, it's beautiful. Amazing.
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienists blouse.
Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Ross: You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
Monica: Oh man! I did it again!
...I feel a little sneezy And now I- (abruptly stops)
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
Sophie: Yknow why? Shes got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much.
Monica: Oh, its so beautiful. Ohh! Yknow, I-I dont know if I feel right about this.
Frank: (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?
Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.
Rachel: Well then how come youre still at a job that you hate, I mean why dont you quit and get the fear?
Ross: I couldn't possibly eat another bite.
Ross: Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, yknow? (He mimics a robot)
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldnt picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Rachel: Well said. And a uh good example of the fun I was referring to uhh, but I just think Im past the point where I think I can yknow, just have fun.
Joey: No, Im not! And it wasnt a hop it was a pademarie.
Joey: I think Saturday(groans in pain again).
Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too.
Monica: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know.
Ross: I dont think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?
Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too!
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monicas photo albums, I mean you dont do that if youre just in it for two weeks.
Joey: Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers theyre just, you know, theyre nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a famous baby.
Ross: Actually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. (Laughs) "Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?" Don't know!
Monica: Chandler! (Knocks on the door.) Chandler! I just figured out who you are!
Phoebe: I know, it is.
Rachel: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.
Phoebe: Oh can I? Vegetarians never get to do the wishbone. It's really not fair either! You know, just because we don't eat the meat doesn't mean we don't like to play with the carcasses!
Rachel: I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo. (Ross walks to the couch where Sandy sits)
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know!
Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.)
Chandler: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Dina: Joey, I cant stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me. I want him to have his uncle. Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
Joey: Whoa! Is this porn? What did I do? I mustve hit something on the remote.
Ross: I do too! I do too!
Frank: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi!
Ross: yes, yeah I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship, but you should know she is so much fun, a wonderful person please don't blow her off.
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.
Ross: Okay, well here we are. Now were in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? (sits down next to her) Look, I, (on the verge of tears) I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And Im sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I cant. (We see Monica and Phoebe are almost in tears.) I just cant see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.
Joey: Im missin picture time?! (Jumps over to look, Ross glares at him and he retreats.)
Chandler: Hey! Im sorry! That(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Dan: I see the head.
The Cute Guy: Wow! Uh, this is kind of embarrassing. I was actually coming over to talk to your friend.
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down).
Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son.
Chandler: You know, I always feel that way after an interview. I'll bet it went better than you think.
Rachel: (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled) Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?
Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!