words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel: I know...
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don't.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler: I know!
Rachel: I need some milk.
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Joey: Im sorry, I just I like things the way they are.
PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.
Joey: I dont want them to move to a Volvo dealership!
Monica: Well uh, Im trying to make something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Joey: What? I dont get it.
Joey: (starting to cry) I have never known love like this.
Chandler: I stole Monicas and changed the name.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...
Mr. Geller: I always thought that too. Tell me, what does your father do?
Rachel: Wow! I cant believe you lied to me.
Monica: Are you gonna break up with me if I get fat again?
Alice: No-no-no, no, its going to be fine. Because umm, because I teach Home Ec, and uh, I can have 30 kids making baby clothes all year long. Yknow itll-itll be like my very own little sweatshop.
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that? RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember. ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy] RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me? ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night. RACH: Huh. ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages? RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.] ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael? [Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
Joey: Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you.
Rachel: Hey! Have you guys seen Jill? I cant find her anywhere.
Phoebe: Ooh, I think I wanna trade circles.
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Chandler: I dont even know the man. Okay? Were not the close. I havent seen him in years.
Phoebe: Okay, I think I need to do some shopping. (Gets up and leaves.)
MONICA: Rache, I think we have enough regular lamps.
Monica: So what! As long as hes not wearing a white dress and a veil I dont care.
Ross: Look, its just did, did you ever go to a party and think, "Would really anyone miss me if I werent here?"
Ross: There is no way I am letting you drive this car! So why dont you just hand over the keys?
Chandler: I had too okay?! Were getting married! Married couples cant keep secrets from one another!
Man: Sure, Id like that.
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Monica: Chandler, look I-I know that your dad embarrassed you. I know
Chandler: Look forget it okay? I dont want to go. I dont want to see him. I dont wanna.
Monica: Now there you go! I wouldnt want my best guest to strain her eyes!
Rachel: Hey. Oh, I have a question. If-if-if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
Chandler: So I really never get to win anymore?
Monica: Its so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one whos eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
Phoebe: I know. They were mine.
Rachel: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help.
Joey: (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory) Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, Im Joey, we havent met.
Chandler: Im gettin my chair back! (Heads for Joey and Rachels.)
Phoebe: Oh no-no, no, I made a promise to myself that the next time I would talk to Ursula would be over my dead body. And thats not happening til October 15th, 2032.
Joey: Yeah, I wouldnt know about that.
David: Uh no, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the red-eye. Well listen, yknow, next time youre in Minsk umm
Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, whats the harm in that?
Phoebe: I think so too. And that little flap? Great for holding my lipstick.
Ross: Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind.
Joey: Hey! I am secure with my masculinity.
Phoebe: There is nothing wrong with Jake! Okay? He is all man! Im thinking even more than you.
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
Ross: I was talking to myself! Youre going down!
Chandler: Ohh, umm, y'know what, I already ate.
Fran: Im gonna wait till after we order. Its her, right.
Ross: (yelling, thinking Emily can hear him through the answering machine all the way to New York.) I love you too! Im, Im gonna call you right now from the phone booth! (Realises) You cant hear me. (Goes to make his call.)
Waiter in Drag: Youre straight. I get it. (Walks away.)
Monica: Uh oh yeah, she did. Uh, he did. (To Chandler) She? (To the waiter) Im-Im sorry Im new. I dont
Phoebe: Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00!
Ross: Yeah, Ill get right on that.
Rachel: Okay. Switch places with me! Switch places with me! Come on! Ill go under, you go over!
Ross: No Rach! Come on! No-no! Yeah, Im sure we wont get arrested for this.
Policeman: Can I see your license please?
Policeman: Well I tell you what
Rachel: I wont speed.
Rachel: Well, Valentines Day was like two weeks ago, so I wouldnt get her a calendar!
Rachel: I knew it! I knew it, ahh .
Policeman: Yes I am.
Rachel: I promise.
Rachel: Really?! You think so? Yknow, I had just rolled out of bed.
Joey: I hate this woman!! I hate her! She told everyone in the company about that info-mercial, and now they all keep asking me to open their drinks. Okay, and whenever I cant do it, theyre all like-like laughing at me.
Rachel: Here we go. Im serving my last cup of coffee. (the gang starts humming the graduation theme) There you go. (hands it to Chandler) Enjoy. (they all cheer)
Chandler: No Im serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you.
Ross: I can handle the stick!!
Mark: Hi. Well, look, I was just gonna leave a message, isnt tonight your, your big anniversary dinner?
Chandler: Believe me, Ive been saying that for years. Oh my God!
Ross: I prefer not to answer that right now, Im still carrying a little holiday weight.
Helena: No-no I heard! Im just sorry.
Joey: Listen, you know how uh, when youre wearing pants and you lean forward I check out your underwear?
Phoebe: Ok, good! (pause) You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this...(a pigeon swoops down, scaring Phoebe who drops the bowl on the street) Oh God, no! (pause) I think I broke your bowl.
Joey: Yknow, Im beginning to see what Jake was talking about.
Monica: Yes smokie, that is what it was. I just can�t get enough.
Phoebe: I think its important that you do.
The Potential Roommate: I can do that.
Monica: Im-Im Monica.
Joey: Hey Rach, listen I was thinkin uh, Im gonna have an extra room over at my place
Joey: Yeah, I-I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didnt want you to worry about me. But, Im having surgery today.
Chandler: I know it would make me happy, maam.
Chandler: Actually Monica and I are engaged.
Ross: Oh great! Were going out again Saturday. But I just found shes also seeing some other guy.
Phoebe: Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know, were making out. You know.
Ross: What?! What does he want?! I wasnt doing anything!
Chandler: (To Monica) When I was growing up I played the one on the far left.
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
Ross: I know. I know.
Ross: Yknow of-officer I uh I had the weirdest dream last night
Phoebe: Yeah, I understand.
Woman: I dont think so.
Joey: Yknow, you look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?
Rachel: see I cant decide whether it would go better next to the new wicker dining chair, the Sahara desk, or the Parker console table.
ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.
Ross: No, its Its not that. Umm, now what Im going to say to you, Im not saying as your friend. Okay? Im-Im saying as it as Monicas older brother.
Phoebe: Ooh-Ooh! I did it! I did it! I figured out a way to make money! Im gonna open up my own massage place and Franks gonna help me! And! We can work it around his schedule so he doesnt have to quit school!
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Joey: Oh no, Ill be done by then.