words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel: I know...
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don't.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler: I know!
Rachel: I need some milk.
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Rachel: Can I ask you something?
JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.
The Porsche Owner: Listen, I-I-I dont come to this city much so I dont know if youre crazy or this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys.
Chandler: Not to shabby, I got this all off myself using my wifes tools. (He takes the door off the frame and we finally get to see whats behind the green door! It is stacked, floor to ceiling, with junk.) Oh my God!
Rachel: Okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-okay! I got it! I got it! I got it! I cant! I cant! I cant! I cannot go with you and my sister thing. Okay? I just cant. Its just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together and I freak out. It freaks me out. I cant do it! I cant do it.
Rachel: Thank you. (He leaves and she proceeds to plant the folder in his bottom drawer. She then picks up the phone and holds it to her breasts.) Hello? (Hangs up the phone.) I still dont get it.
Monica: I know that youre new at this, but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum.
Monica: Well what is it? What is it? If its gonna help bring the baby here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it.
Rachel: Ill take that bet.
Rachel: Well, Im miserable here! I might as well make some money out it!
Rachel: No, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste.
Rachel: Oh honey, dont worry. I really do feel like tomorrows the day.
Ross: I chose those, Im a paleontologist.
Chandler: Im so sorry.
Chandler: Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I still feel so bad!
Joey: Give me a number, I dont want to owe you anything!
Amy: Oh I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible? If you guys died.
Joey: Its not just the stuff he paid for, I mean its-its everything. Yknow? He read lines with me. He-he went with me on auditions when I was really nervous, and then he consoled me after I didnt get parts that I really wanted. You always believed in me man. Even, even when I didnt believe in myself.
Chandler: You dont owe me anything, I dont want you money
Guru Saj: (entering) Hello, I am Guru Saj-(sees the duck)-Whoa!! (to Joey) Thats supposed to be a duck right? Cause otherwise, this is waaay out of my league.
Chandler: I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
Rachel: All right, I gotta go to bed. Honey, I had such a wonderful time.
Ross: This is insane, Im not gonna make love to you just so that youll go into labor.
Rachel: Ross IWe tried all the spicy food. Its not working.
Doug: Oh yeah-yeah-yeah, yknow I did it and I felt a hell of a lot better and if you whip it just right you might hit a seagull in the head.
Rachel: Oh, I know it. Youre right. Thats not sexy. Oh Oh! (Drops a fork on the floor.) Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed over and get it. (Tries too, but cant quite seem to make it.) Oh God!
Ross: I love when you talk dirty to me.
Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and its always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year Im going to make them cry.
Rachel: Come on Ross! Im miserable here! Come on! You started this, now you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me.
Ross: Oh, I know.
Rachel: Oh no. No-no! I think my water just broke.
Rachel: Okay! I got the keys! Okay! Okay!
Ross: Im getting that baby out of you!
Ross: I am good. Okay! Okay! Uh, I got the pillow! I got the bag! You got the keys?
Ross: Oh nothing. Nothing! Just uh, youve been a little short with me lately. Im not trying to irritate you.
Trudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Monica: The strange part was, he was really nice, umm and he looks great, but I didn't feel anything at all!
Rachel: Well, I dont know about that, but some said that I looked like a floating angel.
Phoebe: No, its not! We were just goofing around and I dared him to try them on.
Part I Written by: Scott Silveri Part II Written by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman Parts I & II Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Ross: Okay! Okay! Fine, Ill stop! No teaching, okay? Well just watch the pretty light streaking across the sky. (Comets dont streak across the sky, meteors do.) Okay? Whos official name is Bapstein-King.
Rachel: Okay. Um ButOkay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together.
Ross: I really think theyre out of rooms.
Rachel: (interrupting her) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Im sorry, semi-private? We (Laughs), we asked for a private room.
Rachel: No-no-no, no, honey please, Ive got, Ive just have so much to deal with.
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Phoebe: Okay, I can fix this! Okay Monica, Rachel thinks all you can talk about is the wedding. (Rachel glares at her.)
Nurse: Im sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.
Joey: Okay, its an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)
Phoebe: Five minutes ago, a line like that wouldve floored me. Now nothing. Well, not nothing, I am still a woman.
Ross: Hi! Hi, Im uh Ross. Im here to ruin this magical day for you.
Rachel: Oh no, I really dont want any(He takes the picture)Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross
Julie: Oh honey, I think Im having one too!
Mona: No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.
Phoebe: Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!
Chandler: Okay. Ive been thinking about it too, and I, I think were ready.
Will: Im a commodities broker.
Monica: Thats it! Right there! Is all I wanted!
KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.
Janice: Oh. Oh I just cannot believe Clark stood me up!
Ross: Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my I mean, Im lucky to have just one good (They all start getting emotional.)
Rachel: (simultaneously as Ross) No, I dont think well be doing that.
Ross: Oh uh, Im sorry. (Runs out.)
Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! Whats this?
Rachel: Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle!
Rachel: Im just kidding! You can go pee! (He does so in a hurry.)
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Am I interrupting?
Rachel: Yes, and I know that youd say no if he asked you, but Im sorry; how great would you look walking down the aisle in this Donna Carin. (shows her the picture.)
Ross: Mom, yknow what? I-I cant deal with this right now. Im sorry
Phoebe: I know!
Ross: Um, that is because my doctor says that I have a very serious.... nuget.... diffency.
Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesnt stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. Im carrying a litter.
Ross: No-no, Im Im sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Ross: Umm. Umm, Im-Im just gonna(Closes the privacy screen.)
Monica: Well maybe Im ready now. I mean, its a little scary, but maybe its right.
Chandler: Im not crazy about babies. Im crazy about us.
Chandler: Im kidding. This is going to be fun.
Monica: So were gonna try? I mean, are we trying?
Joey: Hey I got one! I got one!
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Phoebe: All right, Ill see you downstairs then.
Phoebe: Sure! I feel so bad for you; I broke my leg once too.
Chandler: (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you for a moment?
Ross: Yeah but Pottery Barn! Yknow what I think? Its just she-shes weird. Yknow its because shes a twin. Twins are weird.
Nurse: I think I know who youre talking about.
Rachel: Ross, you stay here and talk, Im gonna go have a baby.
Monica: I think we found a place.
The Cooking Teacher: Oh Alessandros! I love that place!
Chandler: Okay, okay, but dont worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which Im fairly certain are the same thing.
Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby.
Phoebe: Yeah! How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors house and told you that he liked you, and you went down there and you found out that he didnt like you? How would you feel?
Phoebe: Yes, while I was in the chair! Thats why I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, its not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives!
Monica: No, a guy would be saying, "Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else." Oh my God! Im never gonna get to sleep with anyone else! Ive been so busy planning the wedding that I forgot about all the things that Id be giving up! I mean, I Im never gonna have a first kiss again.
Phoebe: W-wI justits thatI haveyknow I have-I have an appointment. And its very important.
Cliff: Im 33.
FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'
Joey: Oh thats terrible. Im-Im really sorry.