words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel: I know...
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don't.
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler: I know!
Rachel: I need some milk.
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Yknow, suddenly I find you very attractive.
Phoebe: I know! Robin is so gay!
Ross: Hey uh, well, todays my first lecture and I kinda wanted to try it out on you guys, do you, do you mind?
Monica: I pick you, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I kinda thought.
Rachel: Oh, Im sorry. (Gets up and moves.)
Joey: Im not answering that.
Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready?
Phoebe: (giggles) Im pretty.
Ross: Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.
Ross: Yknow what? Im good! Im good!
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Chandler: I didn't nail the boxes to the floor.
Ross: Whats all this about you guys fighting?! Is this really over a room?! I mean, that is so silly!
Chandler: Im so sorry youre sick.
Monica: Im fine-d. Im fine-d! Yknow, its a really hard word to say.
Chandler: Im gonna grab you some tissue.
Chandler: I dont wanna know what Monica got me. Yknow? I mean, look, Im sure she worked really hard at getting you a present, and wanting to surprise me, and you guys are gonna ruin that, and I, look we have to put these back, this is not what Christmas is about.
Joey: Uhh, well Ive got an audition down the street and I spilled sauce all over the front of my shirt. (Removes his hand to reveal a huge sauce stain.) You got an extra one?
Phoebe: Never mind, I got it.
Monica: It's no big deal, I do it all the time.
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Chandler: I wish I had smoked for my career
Jill: Oh, thats so great! Okay, Im really gonna do this! I dont know how to thank you guys.
Phoebe: Ooh, I like cards.
Rachel: Im just visiting my good friend Carol.
Rachel: Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just made out. And the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it was the best gossip shed heard all year.
Rachel: I dunno. Yknow to me hell always be Jack Geller, walks in while youre changing.
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
Phoebe: Seriously, I dont Rachels gonna think its a good idea.
Phoebe: I would love that job!
Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?
Rachel: Oh, come on! You think thats gonna work on me?! I invented that!
Hillary: Ive probably been talking too much. Why dont we talk about you a little bit?
Phoebe: Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party?
MRS. GREENE: Oh, I missed you kids. Well, should I put my coat in the bedroom?
Chandler: I dont believe it. The most romantic night of my life and Im runner up.
Monica: He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!
Phoebe: What about, what about when I said yknow about the apartment pants, how dumb was I?
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the bands ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band saysI dont care about the stupid band!!
Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why cant I tell them that we live together?
Phoebe: Umm, I think theres something you should maybe know.
Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.
Phoebe: Wow! I didnt know you guys actually used those.
Woman: What do you mean? Yesterday you said I was too pretty to pay for stuff!
Phoebe: (singing) I found you in my bed! Howd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Jill: (entering) Sorry Im late, whats up?
Joey: Oh, Oh, you're right! I don't want that. I can't date her!
Jill: No! I mean hes nice.
Rachel: (on the couch) Oh hi! Yknow, I just wanted to see if there were any leads on the old job front.
Jill: Right! But, I am sorry.
Rachel: I just, Phoebe, said yknow thought she saw something between you guys.
Rachel: Oh no-no-no, no-no-no, thats not what I meant.
Chandler: I know. (He kisses her.)
Jill: Well okay, if it means that much to you, then Ill ask him out.
Rachel: No! No I, no Ross is not a geek!
Chandler: I cant believe we live here!
Rachel: Yeah but, you dont, you dont, you dont want to try to much too fast. Yknow? I mean, you do remember what happened to the little girl that tried to much too fast dont you?
Chandler: Oh Jeez honey, I thought, I thought you were asleep.
Joey: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought you liked me. Im such a jerk.
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
Ross: Yeah but after you said it was okay, I figured, "Why not?!"
RYAN: Your face could be covered with lochs, I wouldn't care.
Monica: (entering) Chandler, I think Im sick.
Monica: Come on! I really need your help!
Joey: Not good, no. I didnt get the part, and I lost my job here, so
Joey: See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.
Monica: Fine, Ill rub it on myself.
Monica: Not now, Im sick!
Monica: I cant believe it! What is it? Is it the rubbing or the smell?
Monica: How could I be asleep knowing that you were in the next room.
Rachel: Well, I used to date him, but youre still going out with her!
Ross: Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?
Rachel: All right, Im sorry. Im sorry I didnt tell you but you were so mad already!
Monica: Oh my God! We love that show! I mean Ross and I have been watching it since I can remember!
Monica: Oh no its not, no its not. Its a first date. Im sure that nothing is gonna (as she is talking we see Ross close his drapes.)
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay, Im going to have to kick her ass too.
Joey: Whoa, I didnt know we could date your sister!
Pete: Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely good news. Hold on a second, I have another call. (clicks his remote) (to his other call) Hey, how's it going?
Gunther: What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.
RACHEL: I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I wouldn't have to worry about this.
Chandler: Im good.
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
Ross: (trying to act manly in front of Janine) No I dont want to play video games, Joey!
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Ross: I guess so.
Rachel: Im serious, I really, I think I need just to have some...meaningless, sex y'know, with the next guy that I see.
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Rachel: Thank you. I yeah.
Ross: I mean after tomorrow night.
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Cop: Yeah. Ever since you flashed my badge at me, I kinda can't stop thinking about you. You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen.
Ross: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?
Monica: My boots in tan! Hey! Can you get a little closer so I can see the price?
Rachel: I gotta go! (Runs out.)
Monica: Yeah youre right. I dont know what I was thinking.
Chandler: Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. Ill do it.