words in movies
Part I Written by: Scott Silveri Part II Written by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman Parts I & II Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
Ross: N No! We took a cab too, but I did test runs!
Rachel: Ross, you stay here and talk, Im gonna go have a baby.
Ross: Okay. Okay. (To the nurse behind the desk.) Umm hi, this is Rachel Green. Im Ross Geller. We-we called from the car.
Rachel: (interrupting her) Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Im sorry, semi-private? We (Laughs), we asked for a private room.
Nurse: Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we cant guarantee a private room and currently theyre all unavailable.
Nurse: Im sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.
Ross: I really think theyre out of rooms.
Rachel: Theyre not!! Ross, theyre just saving them for the important people!! Okay?! What-what if I was the president?!
Rachel: (standing up) Okay. Yknow what? Id have to say I really dont care for your tone. And this is not the only hospital in this city and we have no problem toWhoa! (She starts a contraction) Oh gosh! Whoa!
Dr. Long: Ill be back in an hour to check you again.
Rachel: Thank you. (Dr. Long exits.) Well, I guess we have some time to kill.
Ross: Hi! Hi, Im uh Ross. Im here to ruin this magical day for you.
Julie: Yeah, we are going to share every moment of this with you. And I think were gonna have some fun.
Rachel: Oh no, I really dont want any(He takes the picture)Oh! Thank you. Oh. Oh Ross
Julie: Oh honey, I think Im having one too!
Monica: Listen uh, I-Ive been doing some thinking, and I dont know whether its because were here or Rachels giving birth but umm, I think we should try to have a baby.
Chandler: Okay. Ive been thinking about it too, and I, I think were ready.
Monica: Yeah but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird like mine is now!
Monica: Okay, just back off mister! Whoa. (Pause) Cause I am ready to have a baby. I just want Joey to be the father.
Monica: Thats it! Right there! Is all I wanted!
Marc: I am so sorry. The doctor insisted on closing the curtain for the exam.
Rachel: (simultaneously as Ross) No, I dont think well be doing that.
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Am I interrupting?
Ross: Oh uh, Im sorry. (Runs out.)
Ross: Hi! Im so glad youre here, but its gonna be a while. I-I wished youd called first.
Mrs. Geller: Oh thats all right, Im coming back later with your father.
Mrs. Geller: I actually needed to talk to you before the birth.
Mrs. Geller: I brought something that I want to give you, assuming of course that you want it. (She holds up an engagement ring.)
Mrs. Geller: This is your grandmothers engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
Ross: Mom, yknow what? I-I cant deal with this right now. Im sorry
Mrs. Geller: Just think about it. If you dont, Ill talk more about humping.
Ross: she came and dragged me out of the labor room to ask me why Im not with Rachel.
Ross: Okay, stop it! I cant deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby.
Phoebe: I know!
Joey: I mean seriously, shes like the perfect woman. I mean I know she turned me down, but if she hadnt and wanted to be with me, I would take her in my arms and (Realizes everyone is staring.) I havent bummed you guys out like this in a while have I?
Sick Bastard: Honey I swear! I wasnt looking at her!
Ross: Umm. Umm, Im-Im just gonna(Closes the privacy screen.)
Ross: No-no, Im Im sure no one was looking. Just want some privacy. (He closes the screen and stares wide-eyed at Rachel.)
Chandler: Im not crazy about babies. Im crazy about us.
Chandler: Look, weve always talked about having babies someday. Im not saying it has to be right now, but Im starting to think that we can handle it. Were good. Were really good.
Monica: Well maybe Im ready now. I mean, its a little scary, but maybe its right.
Chandler: Im kidding. This is going to be fun.
Monica: So were gonna try? I mean, are we trying?
Chandler: Were trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Yknow Im not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?
Phoebe: All right, Ill see you downstairs then.
Joey: Hey I got one! I got one!
Phoebe: Oh down please. (The guy tries to reach the button, but cant.) I-I hate to be a ball buster can I just do it? (She pushes the button.)
Phoebe: Sure! I feel so bad for you; I broke my leg once too.
Man: Yeah. Me. (The elevator door opens.) Oh hey, thats me. (Rolls onto the elevator.) Hey uh, I take it youre just visiting someone.
Man: Im in the middle (The elevator door closes, cutting him off.)
Rachel: Ugh, is she pregnant yet? She doesnt need to be; shell still have the baby before I do. Oh Ross, another contraction! (Leans back on Ross for some support.)
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
Nurse: I think I know who youre talking about.
Nurse: Im sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff
Joey: Remoray. Its Portuguese. We need that information; Im a doctor.
Joey: Hands! It is absolutely essential that you tell me what room the man my assistant described is staying in. Hes a patient of mine, Ive been treating him for years!
Monica: I think we found a place.
Phoebe: But lately all the guys I meet seem really nice at first, then they turn out to be the biggest jerks.
Rachel: Dr. Long, Ive been at this for seventeen hours! Three women have come and gone with their babies, you gotta give me some good news! How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Ross: Just three?! Im dilated three!
Dr. Long: We are moving along, just slowly. (Rachel lies back and sighs.) Dont worry, youre doing great. Ill be back soon. (Exits.)
Rachel: Hey, yknow what? Im not waiting! Im gonna push this baby out! Im doing it! I mean its what? Three centimeters? Thats gotta be like this! (Holds her hands a couple inches apart.)
Joey: Hi! Im Dr. Drake Remoray and I have a few routine questions I need to ask you.
Man: Really? Ive been dealing with Dr. Wells.
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
Joey: Im a doctor Cliff, not a mathematician.
Cliff: Im 33.
Cliff: Well uh if you must know Im a widower.
Joey: Oh thats terrible. Im-Im really sorry.
Rachel: Okay! Okay wait! You listen to me! You listen to me! Since I have been waiting four women, thats four, one higher than the number of centimeters that I am dilated, have come and gone with their babies! Im next! Its my turn! Its only fair! And if you bring in one woman and she has her baby before me Im going to sue you! Not this hospital, Im going to sue you! And my husband (Points at Ross) hes a lawyer!
Nurse: I dont think the next patient is very far along.
Janice: I .cant .believe this!
Janice: I mean this is so great! Were gonna be baby buddies! (Does the laugh.)
Janice: Hi! Hi sweetheart! This is my husband Sid, I dont think youve met him. Ross, Rachel, this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologists office. Thank God for adult acne huh? (Does the laugh.)
Sid: I still cant believe it! Im the luckiest guy in the world!
Rachel: I get it!
Janice: So? Congratulations you two, I didnt even know you got married.
Janice: Uh-oh, I feel another one coming. (She makes a sound like a goose during the contraction.)
Chandler: Well let me think about that, while I remove my pants!
Monica: I cant believe this is taking so long. How are you doing?
Chandler: Weirdest thing. Did I hear(A nurse opens the privacy screen and Chandler sees Janice)Mother of God its true!
Janice: Oh, this should be easy. I have a very wide pelvis. You remember Chandler.
Chandler: Janice I didnt even know you were pregnant! Whos the unwitting human whos essence youve stolen?
Phoebe: Okay Ive got one for you, if you had too which one would you rather eat, a seeing eye dog or a talking gorilla?
Cliff: Id have to say the talking gorilla, because at least I can explain to him that youre making me eat him.
Phoebe: Somebody went to college. Wow. (Cliff gets uncomfortable) What is it? Im sorry. (She moves her arm, which was resting on the same pillow his leg is.)
Cliff: No, Im sorry. Its just my foot itches like crazy.
Phoebe: Oh, Ill get it. (She gets up and grabs a spoon.)
Cliff: Wow! I usually get to know a girl a little better before I let her spoon me.
Rachel: Oh thats five Ross. Five women have had five babies! And I have had no babies! Why doesnt she want to come out?
Ross: Yknow what I think it is? I think youve made such a nice home for her over the last nine months that she just doesnt want to leave.
Rachel: Doctor you gotta do something! I think you gotta give me drugs or you gotta light a fire up in there and just smoke it out.
Dr. Long: Actually, I think youre ready to go to the delivery room.
Cliff: Im telling you! The guy from that show was here in my room, asking me all these weird questions!
Joey: (entering) Rachels having her baby!! (Phoebe turns and looks at him.) Which is of no interest to me, Im a neurologist.
Phoebe: Okay. Okay. IOkay umm this I-I sent my friend Joey in here to find out stuff about you. Umm yknow, if it helps you came off great. A lot better than Im coming off right now.
Cliff: I dont believe this. You got him to pretend he was some fake doctor?
Cliff: And then you tried to make me think that I was crazy.
Phoebe: Youre right, that was wrong. Im sorry. Im so sorry. Its just that I liked you so much. Can we just, can we just start over?
Cliff: I dont think so.
Joey: Uh, if I may? Umm-umm look, Cliff, you told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? And maybe-maybe it would if-if would help if-if you knew some personal stuff about her. Uh, she was married to a gay ice dancer. Uh, she gave birth to her brothers triplets. Oh! Oh! Her-her twin sister used to do porn!
Phoebe: Umm, look we dont, we dont really know each other so it would be really easy to just forget about this, but there seems to be something between us. And I dont know about you but that doesnt happen to me a lot.
Rachel: I cant. I cant push anymore, I cant.
Dr. Long: Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something.
Ross: Oh thank God, I thought she had two heads.
Rachel: Im sorry, I cant!
Rachel: I cant!
Ross: Hey! Hey! Come on! You can! I know you can do this! Lets go!
Rachel: I cant. Please, you do it for me.
Rachel: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. (The baby cries.) I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, shes looking at me. Hi! I know you.
Monica: Oh my God! Shes amazing. Oh, oh Im so glad you guys got drunk and had sex!
Chandler: Its incredible, I mean one minute shes inside you and then 47 hours later here she is.
Joey: (taking the baby) She looks so real! (The gang looks at him.) Yknow what I mean! Shes this whole tiny little person. She already has eyelashes and knees and uh-oh.
Joey: Oh no-no, no for I second there I counted six fingers, but one was from the other hand so were good.
Phoebe: Okay, my turn. My turn. (Joey hands her to Phoebe.) Oh! Youre so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! (Pause) I wont.
Rachel: Oh nothing I Sorry, I just cant stop crying.
Rachel: So? You guys are all sleep deprived. I dont see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh God. (Starts to cry harder.)
Rachel: I was reliving it.
Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute its not gonna be Baby Girl? I thought that was so original!
Rachel: Yeah, and yknow what? I love them both, so why dont you just pick one and thatll be it.
Rachel: Thats not her name! Im sorry, she just doesnt feel like an Isabella.
Chandler: So then I guess Ferdinad is out.
Ross: So I guess were back to uh, Baby Girl.
Monica: Yeah, Ive had them picked out since I was fourteen.
Monica: I dont want to say.
Rachel: (gasps) Emma! (Looks at the baby and starts to cry.) See? I dont want it.
Monica: Yeah, but I love you more. Besides yknow, nothing goes with Bing. So Im screwed. I mean (Rachel hands Emma to Monica.) Oh, hi Emma. Yeah, thats you. Youre our little Em. Oh whats that honey? What? Oh, you want a little cousin? (To Chandler) You want a cousin right now?!
Monica: I know. Hey, do you realize we may have just changed our lives forever? We may have just started a family. Nine months from now we can be here, having our own baby.
Rachel: Oh, Im fine. (Gasps in pain as she sits down.)
Janice: Can I just say, I really admire what youre doing. Just raising her all alone.
Rachel: Oh, Im not doing it alone. I have Ross.
Janice: Im telling you Rachel, listen to Janice. They all say theyre gonna be there until they start their real family.
Rachel: Well IThats never gonna happen with Ross.
Janice: Oh well thats what I thought about my first husband, now Im lucky if my kid gets to spend the weekend with her father and the twins and little Ms. New Boobs.
Janice: I hate to be the one to say it, but honey you two (Her and Emma) are on your own.
Rachel: Well Thats yknowThatsWeve been alone for the last twenty minutes were doing okay. Besides yknow what? I-IMaybe we wont be alone, cause lately I-Ithings have been happening between me and Ross, yknow? Right before I went into labor, we-we had this kiss. Yknow? So it might be the the beginning of something.
Janice: Im gonna leave the three of you alone.
Rachel: Uh-huh. (Ross takes off his coat and sets in on a chair.) Yknow what I was, I was thinking about?
Ross: I mean we dont want to go down that road do we?
Rachel: No! No, of course not. No. Thats why I brought it up. (Pause) They didnt have any sodas?
Ross: Oh my God! Im sorry, I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot.
Phoebe: I just cant decide who she looks more alike, you or Rachel?
Phoebe: Im sorry, for the last time, why arent you two together again? (Silence from Ross.) No, I know. I know, because youre not in that place. Which would be fine, except you totally are.
Ross: Look, weve been together. Okay? And then apart, and then together, and then apart, and now we have a baby. (Pause) Its just if-if we got together again and it didnt work out I could never do that to Emma. I mean she-she thinking everything(Starts to cry.) Oh thats now me. What do they put something in the water in this place? Since Rachel and I were doing really, were doing really well right now.
Phoebe: I know. I know. I know. I know, and if you try to make it more you might wreck it.
Joey: Hey. I just saw a woman breast feeding both of her twins at the same time; it is like a freak show up here. (Notices shes wiping her eyes.) Whats the matter?
Rachel: Really its nothing. Im just
Rachel: Ive just been thinking about how my baby and I are gonna be all alone.
Joey: Okay, how long was I watching that woman?
Rachel: Im just saying that yknow, someday Ross is gonna meet somebody and hes gonna have his own life. Right?
Joey: Yeah, I guess so.
Rachel: I just never thought I would raise this baby all by myself. Pretty dumb huh?
Joey: Hey, listen to me, listen to me you are never ever gonna be alone. Okay? I promise thats not gonna happen.
Rachel: Joey. Honey what would I do without you?
Monica: See, Ive been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people Im only planning on doing this once. So, uh yknow, maybe this is selfish and Im sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
SUSIE: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! Thats it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) Thats right!!
ROSS: I was thinkin' about it.
Rachel: All right, look, heres the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, Ill invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. Were seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.]
Joey: I know Im having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Ross: Well, okay so, I dont have it all worked out quite yet. Just dont say anything to Rachel, please?
Rachel: Yeah, I said what was okay when I thought she was some weird bald chick. I mean, y'know, that girl has hair got all over head!
Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.
Rachel: I am not a pushover!
Kate: I dont know! I just, just do this! I-I always have to pick the like the smartest guy, or-or the most talented guy Why cant I just pick someone like you?
Monica: Well, so far I have uh, my brides maids dresses wont get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I dont have my something blue.
Chandler: Nope, hymn 253, His Eyes Are On The Sparrow! When my parents got divorced is when I started using humour as a defence mechanism. (answers the door and its Rachel again.)
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.
Ross: Look, I do not re-love her.
Phoebe: Im a lady Monica, I dont kiss and tell. But this hickey speaks for itself. (She starts to open up her blouse.)
Charlie: Please, I've been crazed all day! I had a meeting with the Dean, and my syllabus for summer school is due and I'm writing the Foreword for a friend's book...
Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much youve grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, Once a cheater, always a cheater. Ooh, I just wish we hadnt lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...
Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And Im sure were all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He sits down.)
Joey: No ... the leather sticks to my ass. You know, this isn't fair. What makes you think that I'm just gonna sleep with her and then blow her off? Huh? Can't you guys open your minds to the possibility that I actally like her, and might want something real? (pause) Look, the truth is, I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel, ok? I didn't think I could ever love again.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.)
Monica: And I have costumes.
Monica: Hello? No rejection? I got shot down at fat camp! Boy, kids are mean when theyre hungry.
Rachel: No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.
Dina: Bobby Corso, but hes a real nice guy. I like him a lot. Hes real funny.
Phoebe: Because, every time I go to the dentist, somebody dies.
Julio: I thought I would, but the translation's no good.
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (Hes frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Rachel: Thank you. (Gets up) Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy, theres no turning back.
Chandler: You know, it's funny. Every time you say "triplets," I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds.
Chandler: Oooh, Im afraid that does not exist.
Joey: A monologue? I don't have.. (sees the book he was reading before for his "dramatic reading") I got it. (hangs up) (announces to the room) Aah! so... I'm gonna take off!
Monica: I made her. (Phoebe looks shocked) Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Rachel: Oh yeah! But you know what? If you need Hugsy, don't worry. Emma will totally understand. I won't... but whatever (She leaves the room).
Chandler: Oh thats not true! Thats not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it (notices the look on Monica and Phoebes faces.) Oh, there was no big dog. All right this sucks! I already got her this briefcase, and I had R.G. put on it (Phoebe looks confused.) Her initials
Chandler: Oh, and dont get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. Its just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, its making all the other guys jealous.
Joey: I was tryin to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what Im gonna do?
Joey: (goes over to Ben) Hi Ben! So you wanna be an actor huh? I gotta tell ya, it's no picnic. There's tons of rejection. No stability. One day you're Dr. Drake Remoray, the next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle.
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up - in the first place!
Ross: SON OF A BITCH! (turns to his right to see three kids staring at him) (To the kids) Oh relax! I didn't say the 'F' word! (They go away)
Ross: Yeah, I recognize the ankles!
Rachel: Yeah. I'm-I'm telling you he's really sweet and he's really funny and he's just ugh, got a good heart. And besides, I y'know, I think he really likes you.
CHANDLER: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.
Chandler: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play!
Monica: You guys are dead, I am so good at lighting rounds.
Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that-
Joey: Well my old man is doing a plumbing job down there and he heard they have an opening. So, you want me to see if I can get you an interview?
Monica: (re-entering) Im gonna start getting ready! (Goes back into her room.)
Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket.
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the "a-gogo."
Monica: Okay! You get the vacuum cleaner and Ill get the furniture polish!
Monica: (to the mask) I missed you-you ugly, flat faced old freak!
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Rachel: Well can we see it?! Oh maybe we shouldnt. I mean if she just died this morning out of respect.
Roy: Ok, ok, ladies! Can I have your attention, please? (pause) Did someone call for the long arm of the law? (He extends his arm from around his crotch and then upward and outward, towards Phoebe) I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon! (Puts his hands over his crotch) I hope you're familiar with the States penal code, ok, ok, enough teasing. Now for some pleasing!
Monica: Umm. Well, theres Rachel, and umm, I think thats it. How bout you?
{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}
Ross: I�m serious. C�mon, you should go. Here. (shoves her outside, while she tries to stay) No, uh-uh, just go.
Ross: (blows it) Sorry. Cause umm, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.
Ross: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and lets see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
Phoebe: Oh Ross, calm down, Ill give you the 80 cents. (Ross glares at Rachel)
Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Helena: Im not very fond of New York. Queens I like. (Noticing Monicas ring.) Ooh, what is this sparkle something! (Shows the audience who woos.) Honey! Huh?
Young Ross: (singing) 'I am Bea. I drink tea. Won't you dance around with....' (spills some tea and it drips onto his/her dress) Ohhh! (runs away crying)
Monica: Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought theyd brighten up the place. They do dont you think?
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
CHANDLER: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.
Ross: I just, I hate this so much! I mean, every time I go pick her up at the airport, its-its so great. But at the same time Im thinking, "Well, Im gonna be right back there in a couple of days, dropping her off."
Phoebe: Look, Precious... Mike's not worth this. You're an attractive, intelligent woman and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang. I mean, he proposed to me while he was still seeing you... He was gonna break-up with you on your birthday? And, I don't like to kiss-and-tell, but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive (Thinks a little while.) Hold on one second; let me check this out. (He gets up and grabs a photo album.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Shhh! Im on a call! (On phone) Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. Its umm, its umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe yknow after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. (Listens) Okay, well okay Ill see you then. (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up.)
Monica: Oh my God, that place has the creamiest frosting! I use to hitchhike there when I was a kid.
Rachel: Yes! And I know what looks sexy on guys. Please, just wear what I suggest, and she’s gonna go nuts for you.
Ross: Ok, I gotta say. I mean, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to hear me do my speech! UH! And I've a surprise, uh... I had to pull some strings but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference! That's right! (he gives them their passes) This babies will get you into all the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Ross: Well, what about me?! Im a medical marvel!!
Ross: This couch, is cut in half! I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half!
Amy: Oh. I was so looking forward to this. It was going to be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. We were going to have sushi.
Monica: Its a dead dog. Thats Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school.
Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Ross: Look, I-I dont want to miss anymore baby stuff. So Here. Heres my new pager number, okay? Anytime anything pregnancy related happens use it! Ill be there! Okay? I dont care if its three in the morning and all you want is ice cream.
Rachel: And remember how I said I was going to keep it in my purse so that if it rang I could just pick it up?
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Carl: I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental issues per se.... it's just that guy!
The Woman: I told em your candy is absolutely indescribable!
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Rachel: Well, I assume Ill have to take showers with him, but y'know, thats true of any job.
Ross: All right, I see what you guys are saying. I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application.
Ross: Yeah, it kinda grows on you. (They both laugh.) Actually, I wanted to finish talking to you about uh, spring vacation.
Monica: YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM! I just had the best first day ever! The kitchen: twice as big as Allessandro's.