words in movies
Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up, food or sex?
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Chandler: I don’t know what you mean, giant talking cigarette! Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting into Nancy’s car, so if she asks you, I was at work all day.
Ross: I don’t know. Phoebe, if one of us saw Mike with another woman would you want us to tell you?
Ross: No one, I’m just saying if... (Phoebe starts pinching him in his neck)
Ross: Believe me, if I did see with someone, there’s no way I... (Phoebe starts pinching him again)
Monica: If only there were a smaller one to clean this one!
Phoebe: Have you thought about what you would be giving up? You can't move out of the city, what if you want Chinese food at 5am? Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
Ross: You know what, if you wanna look for a house, that's okay.
Monica: We think if you saw it, you'd understand. I mean you guys were there. (Points to Rachel and Phoebe) It is beautiful, isn't it?
Ross: Yeah, I mean, if you moved there, you have to leave here. I mean, how can you leave this place?
Rachel: (talking on the phone) C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying that I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Monica: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?
Chandler: If you win, we give up the birds.
Chandler: But if we win, we get your apartment.
Monica: Hey, we would still be living here if hadn’t gotten the question wrong!
Chandler: Little toast here. I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
Joey: And about this Nancy thing... If you're not sleeping with her, should I?
Ross: Uh, do you wanna go change first? The doctors keeping the office open late for us, but if you hurry
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Bandleader: Thank you, thank you very much. If everyone will please take your seats, dinner will be served.
Mrs. Geller: Were sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married after you turned 30 youd pay for it yourself.
Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, Im not fine, Im not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if were friends who dont see other people?
Joey: (stopping the waiter) Hey hey hey! Don't mind if I do!
Rachel: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have sex.
Chandler: Y'know, if I won $5,000 I'd join a gym, y'know build up my upper body and hit Richard from behind with a stick! (Mimics it.)
Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, Id be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.
Chandler: Oh hey. Id shake your hand but uh; Im really into the game. Plus, I think itd be better for my ego if we didnt stand right next to each other.
Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).
Chandler: Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, wed really appreciate it. (Joey nods in agreement)
Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! You know, short for museum, and avoid all the confusion!
Phoebe: Well, if you're leaving, I'm definitely gonna go.
Joey: Hey, if you need a tour guide... (point to himself)
Joey: Okay, if Ross and Rachel ask, I've been here the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME!
Monica: Hey Rach, the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation and we were wondering if you would write one for us.
Charlie: So, you know... I have a little time. If you... if you want to...
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Could be Rachel asking if someone could baby-sit again.
Chandler: I dont know if Ive told you this, but hes kinda tried to get in contact with me a lot over the last few years
Chandler: I'm telling you, he's great! I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I'd think he'd be the way to go!
Amy: Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn't have been surprise, now would it?
Rachel: (shouting) Babies don't care if they're slim.
ROSS: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Amy: Not that great. It's almost if people don't want to hear that their babies are ugly.
Chandler: So if you want people to see them, then by definition you're not having them taken out... say, at the break of dawn?
Ross: Well, if you think it would help.
Phoebe: Ok, I'll fight for her. Ok! Oh, wait, oh I just realized... if I do that, that means you don't get her.
Joey: Just watch it, and if you don't like it, you don't pass it on to your bosses!
Joey: (angrily) Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!
Benjamin: If you say yes then I'm serious, if you say no then I'm joking!
Rachel: Well, it was, and you would have seen it if you didn't showed up at (looks at his watch) ... 9:30?? God! Oh, this party was lame ...
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all right.
Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
Monica: Chandler, there is nothing in there that concerns you! If you love me you-youll let it go.
Phoebe: Isnt it funny how we kept running into each other? Its as if someone really wants us to be together.
Rachel: If you hold a spider.
Rachel: IF you hold a spider.
Ross: Oh. Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better. I happen to like 8-year-old boys.
Chandler: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die <knocks on table> she'd have to give her up.
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
Rachel: Ill be watching TV if anybody needs me. (exits to her room)
Ross: Do you mind if I sit here for a sec.?
Rachel: Yeah! If you don't I will! Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger, your ass is gonna get bigger, you're gonna lose bladder control. (she starts sobbing) God! It's just such a magical time!
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, Dirk was wondering about the woman that you brought and if you guys were together, or...
Rachel: You know, Ross, just keep making your jokes. How are you gonna feel if we actually do win?
Phoebe: All right. Im gonna go to the fertility doctor and um, see if Im ready to have Frank and Alices embryo transferred into my uterus.
MONICA: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.
Joey: But just think, ok? What if everything goes right? What if this woman does pick you guys?
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Phoebe: Congratulations! I didnt want to say anything in front of Joey cause I didnt know if he knew yet.
Rachel: I think, if it was a little colder in here I could see your nipples through that sweater.
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
Monica:: what means if he gets like a disease or kills someone. not if he gets his jollys to jaws!
Ross: Fine! Its your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last time.) I just dont want to see you guys break up! Which you will do if you move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but thats what you want, theres nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) DONT DO IT!!!!! (Finally leaves.)
Chandler: Phoebe thinks you and Don are soul mates, and I dont believe in that kind of stuff. But then you two totally get along. So look, I wont stand in your way if you want to run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.
Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you dont know what they are, but shes fine.
Ross: So, you’re saying, uh, if I wear these pants I might be getting into hers?
Phoebe: Well, if that's what they do in Minsk... (They kiss 2 on each cheek... and then they pause... David turns to the door) In New York... it's... (and then David grabs her by her neck and kisses her full on the lips... They kiss passionately and cannot seem to stop.)
Chandler: O-kay. I'll see if I can find Ross. (Goes off to find Ross.)
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Monica: Well, you don't have to decide right now, but if you could just look at our file...
Roy: Now if you just pay me my three hundred dollars, I'll be on my way!
Ross: (on the phone) No Mum, I'm not dead. I know it's not something to kid about. It was just a practical joke between Chandler and me, but it's over, ok? (pause) Actually no, even if I had died, you would not be left childless. (pause) Monica?
Chandler: I could perform an operation on you and prove it if you'd like.
Chandler: (angrily) Look, if you did...
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
Rachel: Oh my god Chandler! If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital? With the blood and the screaming and the little present that's shooting out of her!?
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it...
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldnt have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.
Chandler: Oh come on! Hello! Hi! My name is Chandler, here's my friend Ross right here, and we were wondering you know if you're up for it. We only need six more people for a human pyramid...Swoop!! Swoop!!
Chandler: Well maybe if you go to school here next year we can totally hang out.
Chandler: You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would ya?
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Monica: Phoebe I think he would notice if you didnt have a baby in nine months!
Ross: Nah, I don't know if I should. I don't wanna be drunk when I go home alone.
Phoebe: Noooo! Ok, maybe if we just break it down. Ok, let's try at one syllable at a time. Ok? So repeat after me. "je".
Rachel: Ok. If you really need to.
Joey: Look I dont know this baby. I dont know if shes a famous artist or not. You know, and I dont want to be a jerk but youre changing too much around here.
JOEY: What happens if you flick it?
Ross: (interrupting her) Okay. Okay. If uh, if youre gonna do this, then Im gonna do that. (Points to the bathroom.) So (Starts for the bathroom.)
Chandler: Oh, uhm, okay, uhm, do you mind if we ask you some questions about the father?
Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
Monica: No, not if their room has two beds!
Ross: Even if we want it really bad.
Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is if she maybe kinda wanted ah start things up again.
Mr Campbell: Well, if you don't want to leave, why are we having this lunch?
Monica: What if he reads it in the paper?
Richard: I still love you. And I know I probably shouldnt even be here telling you this, I mean youre with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say hes straight Ill believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I didnt tell ya Id regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the stupidest thing I ever did.
Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said"No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will"
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Mike: Well... hey, the key works...! (he looks as if he doesn't want to believe what's happening)
Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
Monica: But what if it is better than ours? Should we at least look?