words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to move Joeys chair and not having much luck at it as Joey enters.]
Rachel: Joey, its just a chair! Whats the big deal?
Joey: The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to the kitchen and its at the perfect angle so you dont get any glare coming of off Stevie.
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Joey: I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to move you mom, and you said dont, and I did it anyway and her head fell off?
Monica: Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you, its time the velvet ropes came down.
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! Its not my fault.
Phoebe: Well okay, its already February and Ive only given two massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Supervisor: Theyre always going to tell you they dont need toner, but thats okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this script.
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
Mr. Geller: Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to watch me work.
Mr. Geller: Well, its time for a new family to start their memories here and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the asbestos in the ceiling.
Monica: Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a light bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: Its a clown kit! Clown kit!
Mr. Geller: Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Mr. Geller: So its just your mother then.
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
Earl: Its just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!
Rachel: You will like it!
Joey: Because, I know what I like and what I dont like! Its not the same thing!
Joey: Well, I guess youre right. Maybe, maybe Ill take her down to the incinerator. Its gonna be so said, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back, but it doesnt come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and looks back at it.) Shes heeled!
Joey: No its not weird, its a miracle!
Rachel: Its not a miracle Joey! Im sure theres some explanation.
Rachel: No, yknow what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or something!
Mr. Geller: Well, shell understand right? Its not like I did it on purpose.
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting the now heeled Rosita as Rachel is sitting in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from La-Z-Boy that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. Its got a small refrigerator under one armrest it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular phone, and so much more.]
Rachel: Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV and you get radio!
Monica: Okay. (Starting to go through them) Oh! A coloring book! (Holding it up.)
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Monica: (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble staying inside the lines.
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Mr. Geller: Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You never went any place without that glove.
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Mr. Geller: Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your boxes. Im sorry.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
Rachel: Well what if I told you, you can do it in my apartment?
Chandler: Thats awesome! Thats great! What made you do it?!
Rachel: Well, its a long story, but umm I broke Joeys chair
Chandler: I thought I broke Joeys chair! Thats why I replaced it with mine!
Rachel: Ohhhhh. Thats how it got fixed!
Chandler: Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?
Joey: Well, it looks like it wasnt heeled after all! Yeah! So, I guess this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: Because it was fate that made me call you today!
Earl: I thought it was toner.
Phoebe: No! Think about it okay? This isnt even my regular job! Okay? And my first day on the job, youre my first call! And-and somebody else mightve hung up on you, but I wouldnt do that because I know about this stuff. My mom killed herself.
Earl: Couldnt it just be a coincidence?
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Earl: It doesnt really seem like enough to be fate.
Earl: (inspecting it) Really?
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: Yknow, I dont-I dont think its you. This is a freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, its you.
Monica: Oh, this terrible! Everything is destroyed! Look at this. (She picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I dont even know what it is! Ohh, its still soft. (She rubs it against her cheek.) What do you think this is?
Ross: All right. I think it was a mouse.
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Monica: (opening it) Whats this?
Mr. Geller: Its the key to my Porsche. Well, the key to your Porsche.
Mr. Geller: Ive been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mothers right, I do look like an ass.
Mr. Geller: (To Monica) Why dont we take it for a spin?
Rachel: Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
Ross: Its not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I
Joey: Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it, for like an hour?
Joey: Here it is! Our last pizzas together as roommates.
Ross: Its okay, Im ready.
Phoebe: Yeah I know. Isnt it great? One less person we have to make small talk with.
Ross: Its possible, they have really sharp edges.
Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldnt have, but it did. I mean I like her, I dont want to stop seeing her, but every so often its like Hey, y'know what, wheres your leg? I mean Im the smallest person in the world arent I? Im the smallest person in the world.
Chandler: Either, it makes no difference.
Rachel: Please, make sure she comes. Its really important to me, I mean its my mom!
Joey: I dont know, but it smells good. (He gets up and heads for the door only to stop short and start laughing.)
Woman: No! Its where you put the dirty ones!
Woman: Its actually a bassinet.
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
Chandler: Tell it to the Time Turtle!
Monica: Yeah, can we go call them? Is it too soon to call? I wanna call.
Monica: Child-birth, its a natural thing! Its beautiful.
[Cut to Rachels bedroom, Phoebe and her are entering. And its obvious that shes not packed.]
Ross: Wow! It looks like we got a lot of good stuff.
Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk!
Joey: (announcer voice) Its a pleasure to meet you Ray.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me!
Ray: Yeah all thats gone. Its basically just a simple question and answer game now.
Ross: No, I ran. It was really far, and when did people stop understanding the phrase, "Get the hell out of my way!"
Ray: Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didnt follow it.
Monica: Its frightening.
Phoebe: Yeah! Its not like it spits out a Clark bar after every game.
Mrs. Green: Oh no-no-no-no sweetheart, you stay put. Ill let myself out. Its like Im not here, which I almost wasnt.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up
Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) Its winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.)
Phoebe: You got it!
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
Rachel: Oh its umm, its tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)
(Chandler glares at her and she shrugs her shoulders. Monica serves again; and Kara returns it.)
Joey: Its just a game Mon. (makes a Can-you-believe-her face to the rest of the gang.) Rach, how about you?
Rachel: I didnt write it.
Monica: Yeah! I mean it was really funny, I-I just don't think you got it. You see Kara's coffee is-is-is weak tasting, okay? But-but what Doug was-was imply that it was weak physically. You get it now honey?
Ross: Its funny you should mention diapers.
Joey: What is it?
Monica: Okay its time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year Im going to do it.
Ross: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.
Monica: No-no, I-I really dont want to talk about it! I dont! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.)
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
Chandler: Ross! Its got your wavy black lines!
Chandler: What about it?
Chandler: What is it that I do?
Joey: Either eat it, or be in it.
Monica: Spoon? (Hands him one and he tastes it.) So, what do you think?
Woman: Its a diaper genie.
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background. It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
Ross: Ah, mustve been fairly obvious since it was the only thing left in your store.
Rachel: Uh, put your elbow in it.
Katie: Okay. It was nice to see you.
Ross: Well, it was loong. I didnt even realise how late it was, until I noticed the 5 oclock shadow on her head. (They both start to laugh, then stop themselves quickly.) Anyway, she didnt want to stay. I called a cab; she just left.
[Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe, who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But, Malcom sees her.]
Phoebe: How could it not be? I mean pretty soon theyre gonna be having kids, and then theyre just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids. And then maybe theyre gonna have to leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership.
Phoebe: Oh! Its okay, you calm down after a while and then people can see how really sweet and wonderful you really are.
Rachel: Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was really wonderful! Did you just make that up?
Monica: I didnt think you could keep it a secret.
Monica: Is this the video of the baby being born? Sweetie, this is Phoebes. Why were you even watching it?
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, if my friend says its time to go, its time to go. (Starts to leave, but comes back for his cookies.)
Ross: Okay, so it wasnt uh, a traditional massage. But I did give him accu-pressure with a pair of chopsticks. And, and I gently exfoliated him with, with a mop.
Monica: Its the salts.
Monica: Yes, thank you so much. And again, were so sorry. We could not feel worse about it.
Joey: I guess it couldve been, I didnt really look at it. Yknow, I just wiped it on Chandlers coat and got the hell out of there.
Rachel: No! Its just that, Kate bothered me.
Chandler: Well its very unsettling.
Rachel: I can do that. I certainly did it when we were going out.
Ross: Yeah? Wow! It looks really violent!
Joey: (starts to imagine it) I cant. I keep seeing it the good way.
Phoebe: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.
Phoebe: No! Its not a cigarette! The smoke is coming out of me!
Rachel: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. (imitating) "Was it good for you?"
Rachel: Well thats gross, why dont you just take it outside and throw it in a dumpster?
Rachel: Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? Cause Ill do it.
(Joeys cell phone rings and he answers it.)
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: Oh my God. So thats it?! I only get to bring one guest?
Joey: (finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (Starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, its already generating Oscar buzz.
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! Its like a fairyland.
Monica: Shes over a week late! She gotta have it today, right?
Rachel: (thinking) Youre going to have a baby, and you need to be prepared. Now, youre going to make yourself watch the whole thing. Just do it! (Rachel puts the tape in the VCR)
Rachel: (calling from the bathroom) All right, whos turn is it to help me get up!
Monica: Now stop it! Double or nothing that she has it by tomorrow!
Monica: All right, look, I hate this as much as you, but if it makes you feel better, its all your fault.
Cassie: Ill always remember that summer, because its when I got all of these freckles. (She pulls her blouse open to show him her shoulder and bra strap.)
Monica: Oh my God! A friend hes looking at differently, but its wrong. Its Rachel!
Rachel: Well then you just must have a natural talent for it.
Joey: You liked it? You really liked it?
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up Chandler.]
Monica: (seeing the stack of newspapers) Oh my God! Look at all the newspapers! It must be a good review! Is it great?!
Phoebe: Good God man dont anger it.
Monica: Do it!
Ross: Maybe. But it wouldnt hurt to have a backup, you know? Uh, Rach-Rach, what were you thinking? (Gives her a look)
Ross: Its sex.
Chandler: What honey, its like fifteen blocks to the subway. Lets go.
Ross: It was the chair again! Okay? Im not doing it! It whatlook, I dontyknow whateh-eh (He walks away and goes over to Mona.) Hi.
Rachel: Well, Im miserable here! I might as well make some money out it!