words in movies
Chandler: No. No. Were not gonna do that, yknow why? Because its not an even trade.
Joey: Oh, well we watch it a second time and its Die Hard 2!
Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.
Rachel: (gasps) Its still there! (The cheesecake they returned to Mrs. Braverman is still lying in front of her door.)
Ross: Oh well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh, rediscover its Scottish roots.
Man: (laughs) Its Jake.
Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.)
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Monica: Some people have been saying its yknow little drops of heaven, but whatever.
Joey: Hey! (stands up) As soon as it stops raining we have got to go snorkeling! Some kid told me about the sea turtle and, if you blow bubbles in its face, it chases ya! (smiles ecstatic)
Chandler: I wasnt trying to open your closet! I wasnt trying to open your closet! I swear! (Running into the kitchen and sees its Joey.)
(The ball rolls into one of the goals, and Chandler and Joey listen in horror as the ball makes its way inside the table. Finally, they can hear the birds again.)
Joey: We know its Ross!
Joey: Well it's okay, its like... its just a football game.
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Chandler: It�s like a baby caterpillar chasing its mama!
Rachel: But Ross, its you and me!
Phoebe: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying.
Amy: Its a girl?
Parker: I must say this apartment, its, its, There are no words
Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.
Rachel: Uh.... its Emma.
Ross: well.. its just. its just in that case, then um. Emma would go to my parents.
(He hands Joey the bag and he quickly counts its contents.)
Rachel: Um look I was thinking.. If its ok with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.
Monica: Okay! It's time for dinner. Everyone we're using our fancy china.. um and its very expensive so please be careful.
Chandler: Actually Pheebs its more of a husband and wife kinda thing
Monica: No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins.
Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me.
Rachel: No its really okay Monica!
Joey: Actually its not pies, its just pie.
Mike: its Mike Hanagen
Monica: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean its not like their so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom.
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having sex on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
Chandler: Look, we have no time okay? We must focus. We gotta get everything back into its original place.
Ross: No, you both are equally capable. Its just.. you're strongest when.. when you're together.
Joey: (whispering) Who do you think its from?
Ross: Well, we-we havent said that to each other yet, but I guess its okay to say it to other people.
Mr. Zelner: If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby I am sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not mean that I felt that I was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.
Phoebe: Well lets just say its shes lucky she has a sweet ass, cause shes not so good at the writing.
Rachel: Oh (happy) oh no just stopped to throw up a little bit. (Emma starts crying again.) Oh come on, what am I gonna do, its been hours and it wont stop crying.
Tag: I feel great. (Rachel laughs) In fact! (Walks over to her desk, sweeps its contents onto the floor and Rachel just glares at him.) What?
The Interviewer: (To Joey) Yknow I think its great you wanted to meet here. Yknow when most people hear the magazine is paying for it they want to go to a big fancy restaurant.
Ross: Really? Its not just frowned upon?
(The duck flaps its wings frantically.)
The Salesman: Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know about vulcanised rubber?
WEDDING PLANNER: All rightie, everybody look at me. Good. All right, its time. Bridesmaids and ushers let's see two lines, thank you.
Rachel: Gone! I mean its amazing Pheebs. I feel so free and so graceful. (Turns and bumps into a mounted policeman and falls) Hey! Look out for the horse! Sorry! (Runs off.)
Phoebe: It's just my knitting that's all! (A dog sticks its head out of Phoebe's bag. Everyone looks puzzled.) Yes! I knit this. I'm very good.
Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang.
Rachel: (yelling) Joey, there is a reason that Emma loves that stupid penguin so much (Joey covers Hugsy's ears) Oh don't cover its ears! (stops yelling) It's because it reminds her of her uncle Joey!
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. Im buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
Ross: now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy grab tab and pull it off in one quick pain free motion.
Phoebe: Eeeee-(She opens the box and removes its contents and sees that it's a fur coat.)-ohh!! God! (She throws it at Joey.)
Monica:: Hey Rach its me ok I just got the Chandler's room and I caught him molesting himself.
Phoebe: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.
Monica: Oops! (Covers its eyes.) Yknow, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?
Amy: My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean.. I I finally find a real relationship. I mean, someone that I can spend this day with and then his wife comes back into town. I swear, its almost not worth dating married guys.
Chandler: Oh, just hanging out, talkin about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.) Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.
Rachel: No! Come on its late, were not gonna go down to the office.
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Ross: Hmm? (Turns around and sees that its Elizabeth) Oh, a student I dont know.
Joey: All right, dont waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
[Scene, Monica and Chandlers, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning.]
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler runs to the computer) No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler walks slowly into the kitchen)
Phoebe: Its fine. I mean, this is something that youve been thinking about since you were what, 14? (Shes referring to the Halloween picture.)
Eric: Cause the sweats getting in my eyes and its burning.
Rachel: Oh hell, hes done this three times! He knows what its about!
Joey: God, its gonna so weird like when I come home and youre not here. Yknow? No more Joey and Chans. No more J and Cs. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandlers?" "Cant, its not there."
Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont, its Joeys second lesson with Rachel as the resident sailing expert.]
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Ross: Because! Because, it-it-its Itd be like you having this guitar (Points to hers) and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you dont ride it you-youre-youre killing its spirit! (Pause) The bike is dying.
Rachel: (she's finished reliving the fridge of its entire alcohol content.) Macadamia nut?
Rachel: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
Bob: I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks Im not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler?
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
Phoebe: Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town. Wait. (She bends down, picks up the dog, and waves with one of its paws) Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?
Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry (He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)
Kristen: I think its Tibidabo.
Ursula: Right, yeah, cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, Im sorry, I didnt.... I dont mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
Joey: Pizza, heh, its not like I never had that before...ba dum bum cheshhh.
Monica: uh huh.. I mean these things happen. Its' just a plate. Its not like somebody died.
Chandler: It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.
Chandler: Well, I got a job interview. Its kinda a big deal too. Its a lot more money and Id be doing data reconfiguration and statistical factoring.
[Monica answers the door. Its Fun Bobby.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, another showdown is occuring, only this time its between Ross, a plate of cookies, and the breast milk. They've been eyeing each other for a while now, and Chandler and Joey are getting bored. He checks his Ross and in frustration, shoves his watch in front of Ross's eyes as if saying, "Hurry it up already!" Finally, Ross scratches his head, does that again, itches his nose, scratches his head, grabs the bottle, takes a big swig, and piles several cookies into his mouth.]
Amy: Seriously? Its.. its just these rooms? <moves hands around motioning 'just these rooms'> <To Ross> I thought you were a doctor.
Ross: (They kiss and the phone rings and machine picks it up, its Ross putting on an accent pretending to be Vicrum) This is Vicrum.
Phoebe: Yeah, all right. Meanwhile, Im gonna do whatever I can to help this so, Im just gonna yknow, lie it your chair, (She climbs into the chair and drapes her feet over the back of the chair.) Y'know? Yeah, good, Im let gravity yknow, do its jobs.