words in movies
[Scene: Joey's place. Rachel and Joey are talking]
Joey: All right, all right, all right, let's play one more time, ok? And remember, if I win you do not move to Paris.
Joey: Just flip!
Joey: Damnit!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler (to Joey): At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport?
Ross: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey?
Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room.
[Scene: Guest room. Joey has his head wrapped in bubbled wrap and Chandler is punching him. Ross enters the room.]
Joey: Try it, I can't feel a thing! (Ross starts punching him too)
Chandler: No, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey you pack 'em and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs.
(Joey takes the bubble wrap off his head)
Joey: You guys hear a ringing?
Joey: Hey! Handcuffs! And fur line, nice! I didn't know you guys had it in ya!
Joey: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard!
Joey: (entering the room) Hey.
Joey: Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second.
Joey: Now it just hit her that she's leaving and she's kind of emotional so no one say anything to set her off, ok?
Joey: What did I just say?
Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. (Ross and Joey looks puzzled) I mean... oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place!
Joey (to Ross): You know, I had a chance to stop her too!
Joey: Who loses fifty seven coin tosses in a row? Head she wins, tails I lose. (he stops and starts realizing something) Wait a minute...
Joey: I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!
Joey: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching.
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
Joey: I really made you think about that thing uh?
[Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.]
Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well.
(Rachel and Joey hug, and Rachel turns to enter the apartment through the side window again. At that moment Joey tries to climb over the edge of the balcony.)
(Rachel rushes back and pulls Joey back onto the balcony, and takes him inside.)
Joey: (still very emotional) Lucky bastard!
[Scene: Monica's apartment continued... Phoebe, Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting down and Ross is pacing up and down.]
Joey: All right, let's think about this. I mean, there's got to be an explanation. Uh... did you do anything to make her mad?
Ross: (annoyed) O-kay... I mean, don't I deserve anything? I mean, a few tears, a cursory hug? (Joey gives Ross a hug) NOT FROM YOU! (Joey lets go)
(Ross takes big steps leaving for Joey and Rachel's apartment, where Rachel is going through her papers.)
Joey: I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am.
Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist)
Chandler: (to Joey) You couldn't be cool. (he goes to the guest bedroom)
Phoebe and Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Who's that dirty old lady?
Joey: Come on here, have a seat.
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
Joey: Chandler, wait, wait, wait...
Joey: If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger.
Joey: A little more.
Joey: A little more, a little more. (she stuffs some more down his pants and Joey's assesses the how many there already are in there.) A little more... All right. Okay, all right, let's do this.
Joey: Yeah. All right, now give me your best shot.
Joey: (in pain) Doesn't work... (he falls down on on his knees with his head on the floor)
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
Joey: I know! Thats why they trashed me!
JOEY: Oh, I thought I heard a man's voice before.
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
JOEY: (outside the apartment door) I just heard him!
JOEY: COME . . .� HOME.
JOEY: Dude, come home!
CHANDLER: It's Joey.� (He answers it, holding it out so that Monica can hear too.)� Hey Joe.
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
JOEY: I heard him again!
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
(Cut to Chandlers room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isnt, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
Joey: (taking Chandler aside) Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?
[The next flashback is from The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.]
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[The next one is from Episode 401: The One With The Jellyfish, where Monica, Joey, and Chandler are relating that tragic day they spent on the beach.]
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
(Joey gives him and odd look.� Monica gives a similar look.)
JOEY: (spots the suitcase just inside the door where Chandler left it) Whoa, whoa.� Wait a minute.� Wait a minute.� If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
JOEY: Yeah, right Monica.� I'm so sorry.
MONICA: (sniffing Joey) I think that's you.
JOEY: I guess not.
MONICA: I can't believe you thought I was cheating.� (pointing at Joey) You own me an apology.
MONICA: Joey?
JOEY: What's going on?
(Monica turns to get the wine.� Chandler peeps through the peephole.� Joey, seeing something, peeps back.� Chandler ducks.� Monica returns with two glasses of wine.� She gives one to Joey.)
JOEY: All right.
JOEY: Yeah?� (His eyes bug out.)
JOEY: Thanks.� (Joey and Chandler exit to the hall.� Joey pulls out the tickets and hands one to Chandler.)� Here's your ticket.
JOEY: Thanks man.
Joey: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. Hows it going?
JOEY: Where are you going?
Director: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, (very quickly, Joey watches stunned) up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands!
Fergie: Joey says you dont really like his hat, but I think its kinda dashing.
Joey: (impressed) Wow, that was great! You really wrote that?
Joey: I *love* my job.
Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
Joey: (deadpan) Ooh! Yeah. So yeah, so you know exactly what Im talking about.
Ross: What, now youre not even taking to me? (moves over to the coffee table) Look Rachel, I-Im sorry, okay, Im sorry, I was out of my mind. I thought Id lost you, I didnt know what to do. Come on! Come on, how insane must I have been to do something like this? Huh? I-I dont cheat right, I, thats not me, Im not Joey!
Joey: (smiling) Not likely. 'Cause you see that body bag right there
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
[Scene: Ross's building, Joey is knocking on a door again. It's again answered by Ross.]
Joey: Rach, these are for you.
Joey: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.
Joey: Uh-huh.
Joey: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
(Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.)
Phoebe: Dont be so negative! Good God! Isnt it possible that Sorry is sitting in there (Joey and Rachels apartment) right now?!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]
Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?
Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until youre ready to answer the question.
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Joey: No! No, I quit a long time ago. (Pause) Did I forget to you that one? Im sorry.
Joey: Hey, you know, some of those are pretty hard! Like why would there be a ghost in my fridge? (pause). Yeah!
Joey: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most?
[Scene: Coffee place, Joey is there, Chandler is entering]
[Another set of flashbacks begin with Episode 521: The One With The Ball, Joey and Ross are throwing a ball around.]
Rachel: Joey. Joey, something feels weird and not good weird. I dontWhoa!! (Winces in pain.)
Joey: Hey! Sleeping beauty!
Joey: Hey. So where's Mon?
Joey and Chandler: Hi.
Joey: And you're not helping?
Joey: Yeah, you too.
Molly: Nice to meet you guys (to Chandler and Joey).
Rachel: And Joey?
Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives dont mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica arent amused.)
Joey: How do you think she's doing?
Joey: (reacting first by jumping up) Dude! What the hell are you doing?! God! (Heads for his room leaving Ross.)
(Treeger leaves, and Joeys dances off.)
Joey: Sure.
[Scene: Coffee place, Molly holding Emma and talking to Joey]
Joey: Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.
Chandler: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.
Joey: Why not?
Rachel: Well of course I do! But yknow, favorite returning character is a tough category Joey. I mean youre up against the guy who survived his own cremation.
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Oh, man, why did have to go and say that for? Now that you told me I can't have it makes me want her even more!
Joey: Well, I didnt realize until I got home. I wasnt gonna walk all the way back down here with one shoe! Yknow what? Im gonna go find that guys car and leave a note on the windshield. (Goes to do so.)
Joey: For a walk.
(Joey falls on floor and gets up)
Joey: So you uh, have a big work problem?
(Joey comes over)
Joey: Oh ... (Starts to sing) Happy birth ... (sees Molly leaving) oh, see you later (runs after Molly)
Joey: Hey Rach, so can I sing happy birthday to you now?
Ross: Where the hell are Joey and Molly? I asked you to watch them.
Joey: Molly ... people don't study acting ...
[Scene: Ross's place, Molly and Joey are talking on the couch]
Joey: Oh, I didn't go to college.
Joey: Ok (admits)
(Ross and Chandler walk in, Joey looks disappointed)
Joey: I wanna be mr. Wigglemunch. (and makes a "there" nod to Ross)
Ross: Ok ... (they leave the room, long pause) Well, uh, Joey, I guess we have no problem.
Joey: Well Id be scared of them, but all right.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe enters.]
Joey: Boy I tell ya, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.