words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
(Ross turns to look at Joey.)
Joey: Uhhh, mine too! Yeah.
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)
Joey: Yeah, I got too excited!
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."
Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!
Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!
Joey: All right! Thanks Pheebs!
Joey: Oh umm, not go.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh hey Joey! What's up?
Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?
Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?
Joey: Great! Problem solved!
Joey: Well, back to square one.
Joey: (quickly) Yes!
Joey: Peanut butter!
Joey: A swimmer!
Joey: Monica. Oh huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.
Joey: Ascot!
Joey: North route!
Joey: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!
Joey: Hey man, what's up?
Joey: Sure, what do you want to see?
Joey: Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!
Joey: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?
Joey: What do you like better action or comedy?
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?
(Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.)
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.]
Joey: Hey! You ready to go?
Joey: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!
Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.
Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: You got it!
(Joey nods to Chandler, no way!)
Joey: Bye-bye!
Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?
Joey: See ya! (Walks out.)
[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]
Joey: Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon.
Joey: Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.
Joey: You wanna eat? (Pulls out the twenty) My treat!
Joey: Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat?
Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!
Joey: Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?
Joey: Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?
Joey: Is this movie gonna be my big break?
Joey: (shocked) What?!
Joey: Dude you said, "No!"
Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?
Joey: I don't believe this!
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
Joey: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.
Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.
Joey: Not if you're gonna be like this!
Joey: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!
Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!
Joey: Get out!!
Chandler: All right!! (Gets out and Joey speeds away.) Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.
Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.
Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!
Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.
Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?
Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)
Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!
Phoebe: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering (We hear the dial tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.
[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La la la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]
Joey: Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work.
Joey: Wh-what?! Why?!
Joey: (laughs) You're kidding right?
Joey: What?!
Joey: Uh, hang out?! How long?
Joey: No!
Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)
(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)
The Grip: Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani?
Joey: Yeah.
Joey: Thanks. (The grip walks away.) (Reading the card.) Congratulations on your big break.
(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la )
Joey: (on phone from Vegas) Hey Monica, it's Joey!
Monica: Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!
Joey: Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!
Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?
Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!
[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]
Joey: (to the family) Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'.
Joey: Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me now.
JOEY: Yeah.
JOEY: Yes! Whew!
JOEY: Ahh!
JOEY: Heads.
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.]
Dina: Joey, I cant stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me. I want him to have his uncle. Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?
JOEY: Yes! There's still pie.
JOEY: Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today.
JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler
Joey: You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
Joey: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.
JOEY: Ok.
Gary: Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire. (Joey slowly moves off of Ross.) Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. You see that? You see what he did?
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh?
JOEY: Ok. He kept my dollar.
JOEY: Maybe he's. . . gay.
JOEY: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?
JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
JOEY: Do we need a cake?
JOEY: What?
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesnt know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!
Joey: I don't know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name like.... Hoyt.
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a pictureI didn't have my camera!
[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Monica: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late.
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.
Joey (to Chandler): Look, c'mon, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favour. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reels. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.
PHOE: Hey Joey.
JOEY: And?
JOEY: So, so how did it happen?
JOEY: All right Phoebs, way to go.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
JOEY: Wow.
JOEY: This man is my God.
JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
All: �Hola, Joey! (Hi, Joey!)
JOEY: Cool.
JOEY: Tongue?
Joey: Hey-hey-hey, hey thats your wife youre talking about!
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
JOEY: How come Richard looks so much cooler with one of these than me?
Joey: Wow, Ive admired your work for years. You-youve done some really amazing stuff.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Ross is telling Monica and Joey about his date with Elizabeth.]
Ross: Than I want mine, too (takes the bowl from Joey)! And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.
Rachel: Can I please be there when you tell her? (Joey nods yes.)
Joey: And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Joey are sitting at the dinner table. Chandler comes from the bedroom with his suitcase.]
Joey: I dont know! (All excited) I havent totally decided how to talk on my boat yet.
JOEY: You could say that.
JOEY: Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome.
JOEY/CHAN: Ohhh.
Joey: So Pheebs, do they know about each other?
CHAN, JOEY, ROSS: No!
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.]
Joey: Kinda have a... a thing for the Days Of Our Life's people.
Joey: Oh, thats, uh, thats Phoebes friends dog. I dont know what his real name is, but I call him Mozzarella.
JOEY: Oh, yeah, I do.
ROSS: Hey, Joey. You wanna open the window?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel enters and notices that Joey has set up a space for the baby where the couch was, complete with a crib.]
JOEY: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.
Joey: Yeah, the ah, trees that dont fulfil their Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper.
MONICA: So Joey, why didn't you grow a moustache?
JOEY: You got a better idea?
Joey: Yeah, in a poem maybe.
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?
JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: Hey I liked her, alright. Maybe, maybe too much. I don't know I guess I just got scared.
JOEY: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school yearbook.
JOEY: You gave him cookies?
JOEY: Oh my God.
JOEY: Hey, how much did you guys tip the super this year?
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is talking to Phoebe about trying to give Joey some money.]
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
Rachel/Ross: Ooh, your lips are so soft... Do that again... (and she/he moves in for another kiss. Joey, pushes her head away again...)
Joey: But no, it's not close. You said it was in escrow? I couldn't even find it on the map.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: C'mon show us what you bought. . . You know you want to.
GANG: Joey!
Joey: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, Ill do whatever you want.
Joey: Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? (Pause.) Is somebody pregnant?
JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent.
Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.
JOEY: She told us.
JOEY: Monica, pigeons learn faster that you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Joey: (entering, dancing and singing) Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie! (He dances around the dinner table and exits)
Joey: (To Chandler) Okay look, Chandler, if this (Motions back and forth indicating the arrangement.) you have got to listen! (Tugs on his ear.) (Chandler glares at him.) Youre gonna throw that juice at me, arent ya?
JOEY: Hey, here she comes.