words in movies
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Joey: Yeah?
(Joey sticks his head out of the shower curtain.)
Joey: Is it the shampoo? Its guava.
Joey: Oh! Wait-wait! (Reaches inside the shower.) Is it my bologna sandwich?
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe its a pickle?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]
Joey: Hey, what have you guys been up too?
Joey: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.
Joey: Hey thats what all my relationships are like.
Joey: Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.
Joey: Yeah, what going on?
Joey: Awwww!
Chandler and Joey: Surprise!!
Joey: What-what-what is so funny?
Joey: Now thats a thinker.
[Cut to Joey and Phoebe in the kitchen. Phoebe is watching Joey make a sandwich.]
Joey: A little salami.
Joey: Pastrami.
Joey: Yeah. (He goes over to her.)
(Joey starts wiping lint off of her back, but goes at little too far and Rachel just glares at him. He stops, gives her the okay symbol and walks away.)
Joey: Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.
Joey: There was a seen in Footloose...
Joey: Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)
Joey: Welcome to America. (They both kiss.)
(Joey spins the bottle and it lands on Emily.)
(Emily spins the bottle and once again, it lands on Joey.)
Joey: If you didnt want to play, why did you come to the party?
Joey: Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!
Joey: All right look, yknow how-yknow how when youre dating someone and you dont want to cheat on them, unless its with someone really hot?
Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If youre going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!
Joey: Feel better now?
Joey: Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.
Joey: Well, I eat a lot of meat right?
Joey: Well, suppose until the babys born I laid off it. No extra animals would die, you-youd just be eating my animals.
Phoebe: Joey, I cant believe you would do that for me.
Joey: Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. Theres no meat in beer, right?
Rachel: What do you get? (She throws her pom-poms to Joey and Phoebe and performs a cartwheel.) Emily!! (Tries to do another one.) EmilWhoa!! (She falls in Chandlers room.) Okay! So thats me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum! (Gunthers the only one that claps.)
(Joey and Monica rush over to her.)
Joey and Monica: Are you all right?
Rachel: Im fine! Im fine! Im just losing a tooth, its no big deal. I have a dentist! Yknow. Im gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me. (She goes over to the ice and Joey and Monica follow her.) What do I do now? What do I do now?
Joey: Okay, time to take off the bra. (She glares at him.)
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
Joey: Oooh, what you got there?
Joey: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Yknow what goes good with that?
Joey: Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but thats much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?
Joey: (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?
Joey: Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?
Joey: Hey, did you get to the part where theyre trapped in the car and Cujos throwin himself at the windshield?
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time!
JOEY: Here it is, here it is. [reading from newspaper] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king.
Joey: When you say used, do you mean eat as a pre-cooking snack?
Rachel: (smiling) Joey, why don't you just tell her what happened? It's not your fault.
Joey: (to her) Youre a weird lady.
JOEY: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?
Joey: (still with his door wedged in the door gap, now opens his eyes wide and stares at Monica and Chandler as he did with Ross earlier in the hall) Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Joey: (to a guy) Bijan for men? (to a guy) Bijan for men? (To a woman) Bijan for... (Sees it's a woman and stops.) (To Annabelle who walks up.) Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.
Joey: I thought you paid. (Rachel does not answer and seems puzzled) Ha, guess we won’t be going back there!
Joey: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.
[The next flashback is from The One With The Butt. The gang is watching Joey in Freud!]
Phoebe: Forget her! You enjoy this!! (Pulls him back up and starts applauding again. Joey waves and does a salute.]
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Joey: (leaving Central Perk and seeing Monica laying on top of Rachel who is moaning in pain.) Oh my.
Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.)
Joey: Joey Tribbiani! From the wall! (The dry cleaner doesnt remember) Okay, maybe this will jog your memory, huh? (Holds his picture up in front of his face.) Huh? Okay eh-ah-anyway, Im ready to go back up on the wall Im the star of a new TV show.
Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that.
Joey: No-no, stay right there. (Monica stops and Joey flips her a pancake, which flies over her head and lands in the living room.) Gettin closer.
Joey: So thats why I feed my dog Purina One! Pick up a bag today! (He turns, looks at the bag and realizes he wont be able to pick it up.)
Joey: Yeah! Yeah yknow, like warm up the crowd. Ask em where theyre from. Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. Im a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no one better! There is no one greater!
Joey: Hey! How is New England not a state? Huh? They have a sports-team!
Joey: If you want some privacy you can use my hole.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Quincy M.E. as Chandler is walking into the living room from his bedroom.]
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Joey: Uhh, look, your eyes still popping out a little, Im gonna go get some ice.
[Scene: Joey is in Monica and Chandler's future house, sitting in a child's bedroom, looking at a quiz card which has "5+10=" printed on one side.]
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Receptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and theyre not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.)
Joey: Je de coup Clow.
Joey: Uh-huh! I know. Im coming soon to a theater near you! Im in THX! Im unsuitable for children!
Joey: Oh, want a good name, go with Joey. Joeys your pal. Joeys your buddy. "Where is everybody?" "Well, theyre hanging out with Joey."
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers (He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Joey: Naa, no. This is the part I'm actually good at.
(Joey looks down and his look turns from shock to satisfaction.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, is practicing his slipknots as Monica enters.]
Joey: Yeah, she tops out at 130.
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
(Enter Joey)
Rachel: Come on! We will be there for you the whole time! Just remember gal pal Rachel Green. (Excited) Ha-ha! Im gonna be in Soap Opera Digest! And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle. (Looks at Joey.) Seriously, proud of you.
Ross: Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and lets see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.
(Joey places the toliet brush and holder over the hole, which is in the middle of the floor.)
Phoebe: Oh Joey, weve heard the specials three times! Okay? Theres prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli. (She grabs his menu and hands it to the waiter.)
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
Joey (checks the refrigerator): Okay, let's see, we got strained peas, strained carrots... Ooh! Strained plums. We haven't tried that yet.
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Joey: Okay Rach, that muffin and espresso, $4.50. Ross, double latte, $2.75. Chandler, coffee and a scone, $4.25. And Pheebs, herbal tea, $1.25. So, all together thats (pauses to figure the total) $12.75.
Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
Mackenzie: This is what my mom was talking about. Whiners are wieners. (Joey glares at her angrily) Look, you want your friends to be happy, right?
Joey: Come on man! (To Gary) Listen so uh, are you gonna squeeze the perps shoes a little bit before he lawyers up?
Ross: Yeah, tell me about it. (He stands up, turns his back to Joey, and enjoys another sip.)
Joey: (looking a little agitated now) Looks like someone IS the ladies!!
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, hes happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
Joey: Chandler, look theyre actors. Theyre there to do a job, just cause they work together, doesnt mean theyre gonna get together. I mean just cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesnt mean its gonna happen with them.
Joey: Uh, why, it’s a... (he picks a book up) one of her favorites, uh, (he reads the title of the book) “Riding the Storm Out. Coping with post-partum depression” eesh! (he puts the book back and picks up another) “Love you forever”. Love you forever. By Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly books. Printed (he pauses and changes the tone to a dramatic one) in Mexico. A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she held him she sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”. (the picture fades and Joey is now finishing the book). And while he rocked her, he sang “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you’ll be”.
JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].
Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and " And then I cant think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.)
Joey: Look, when everyone eats that...that...Banana-Meat thing, theyre all gonna make fun of her, do you want that?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is entering to find Chandler waiting patiently for him.]
Joey: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said theyre gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders.
(As they approach the kitchen, the door opens and in walks in a Joey look-a-like.)
Joey: Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
Joey: Okay! Okay, look! You-you-you got Harrison Ford up there!
Joey: H-h-h-hows the duck?
Chandler: I dont know! Joey hasnt had this much trouble getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth!
Joey: Girls say it to me all the time! And believe me, if shes anything like me, shes just gonna be relieved.
Ross: Joey comeI cant believeI bring you here to see the Bapstein-King comet, one of natures most spectacular phenomenon, and all you care about are bugs stuck in tar and-and some woman!
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!
[Cut to Chandler and Joeys, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
(Chandler acts disgusted, but is happy that Joey has stopped snoring. However, just as he is about to leave, Joey starts snoring again. So to get him to stop, he slams the door shut, waking Joey.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are seated at couches. Rachel is working behind the counter.]
Joey: Power saw kinda got away from me there.
Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.) Hello. (He begins to escort her down the aisle.)
Rachel: But Joey the baby is going to be crying, its going to be loud.
Joey: I can give it a shot.
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.
(Joey picks up and turns on a hair dryer.)
Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu� pose, at least for primetime TV.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time has lapsed, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are sitting at the kitchen table.]
Joey: Ooh. (Notices the pizza, grabs a slice, and takes a bite.) So umm, I was talkin to Ross and he said you were looking for a new place.
Joey: So, did you err... did you tell Ross?
Joey: Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? (Phoebe pinches him again.) Ow!! He's not even here!!!
Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in-
Joey: Judge rules, no violation.
Joey: All right, so. How did it go at the fertility clinic?
Joey: We were gonna go see the Jets!
Rachel: Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually move Rosita out of here. Yknow, start the heeling process?
Joey: And whats cool is, the character is from Naples, right?
Joey: Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella.
Joey: Ascot!
Joey: Well, were fashioning a very long poking device.
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?
Joey: Yeah! And you have so many more choices than you do with mens underwear!
Joey: I know, but Im a neurologist. And just to be on the safe side, Dr. Wells wanted a more comprehensive overview of you status so he sent me.
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.)