words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is sitting at the counter reading a magazine as the phone rings.]
Joey: (answering phone) Hello.
Chandler: (on phone) Hey, its me. I know you cant stand to be in the same room as me, so I just thought Id try and apologize over the phone. All I (Joey hangs up the phone in disgust.)
Joey: (answering phone) Hello.
Chandler: Look I never should have kissed your girlfriend, but Im (Joey hangs up the phone again.)
Joey: (answering phone) Stop callin!!
Joey: All right!
Voice: What is the name of your roommate who is very, very sorry and would do anything (Joey realizes its Chandler and hangs up the phone in anger.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey and Chandler are there getting ready for Thanksgiving.]
Rachel: So are things with you and Joey any better?
[Cut to later, the gang, minus Joey, is watching the Thanksgiving Day parade.]
Phoebe: You dont have to do that, Ross and Joey arent here, you can watch the parade if you want.
Chandler: (entering) All right! Okay! I think I am making some progress with Joey, when I went into the apartment he went straight into his bedroom but he only slammed the door once! (Ross is pleased.) I mean yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is repacking the furniture into boxes to return it.]
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Im sending back all this stuff that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Joey: No! Im putting that in my room.
Ross: Listen, Joey, I know what he did was wrong but dont you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Joey: Back when you and Rachel were together, if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
Joey: Five years.
Joey: Hey! Dont do the crime if you cant do the time.
Ross: Joey, the guys your best friend.
Joey: No, was my best friend. Anyway, I dont know why youre pushing for him so hard. With him out of the way as my best friend, theres a spot open.
Joey: Yeah!
Joey: What?
Joey: All right. But if you werent my best friend.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are sitting at a table and talking about Joey.]
Joey: (entering) Hey Gunther, have you uh, have you seen Chandler?
(Joey turns around and sees them kissing.)
Joey: (Something in Italian.) (Storms out.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is packing as Chandler rushes in.]
Chandler: Hey! Im sorry! That(sees that Joey is about to leave) where are you going?
Joey: My folks.
Joey: I dont know. I might stay there for a few days while I look for an apartment.
Joey: Yeah, yknow at first I thought we could talk about this yknow, work it out, but uh, seeing you two together I dont think I
Joey: Look, its not about her. Okay? But seeing you two together just reminds me of what you did. And I dont want to live with some one who doesnt know what it is to be a friend. So, Ill see ya. (He starts to leave, but Chandler grabs his bag and stops him.)
Joey: Yeah! You did! And thats why Im leaving.
Joey: When that guy was robbing us, and I was locked in the entertainment unit for like six hours, you know what I was doing in there all that time? I was thinking about how I let you down!
Joey: Yeah! But if wouldve know what kind of friend you were gonna turn out to be, I wouldnt have worried about it so much! See you around!
Chandler: All right, wait! Come on! Just wait one second! There has to be something that I can do! Something! If we still had that entertainment unit I would get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down. (Joey looks intrigued) What?
Joey: Weve got a box. (Motions to a large wooden box next to him.)
Joey: (coming out of the bathroom) Whats twisted?
Joey: Ewwwww!! Ew! Ew! Ew!
Joey: Hes fine!
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girls wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin in a box!! (goes to her room)
Joey: Chandler?
Chandler: The meaning of the box is three fold. One (holds a finger up through the air hole), it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two (holds up another finger), it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three (holds up a third finger), it hurts!
Monica: And Joey.
Joey: Hey!
Tim: Hi, Joey.
Joey: Hes doin some thinkin!
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Joey: You kissed my girlfriend!
Rachel: (Swears in Italian, its the same term used by Joey earlier and Joey nods his approval.)
Joey: That doesnt sound like thinking to me!
Joey: Yknow I dont think you should be talking at all in there! I think youve got to much thinking to do to be talking and making jokes!
Ross: Sure! Oh, and Joeys got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Joey: So are you gonna start taking this thing seriously?
Joey: That sounds like another word to me! Are you gonna take this seriously? (Theres no response from Chandler.) Okay.
Joey: Ill get it. (Its Kathy.)
Kathy: (sees its Joey) Oh.
Joey: Hey.
Joey: Thats okay. Chandlers the one Im mad at.
Joey: In the box.
Phoebe: Hes just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
Rachel: Joey, had reasons.
(She gets up and leaves, Chandler waves good-bye with one finger extended through the air hole. Ross glares at Joey.)
Joey: (starting to cry) Open the box!! (Runs over to do so.)
Joey: He can still catch her! Come on, get out of there! (He opens the box) Get out of there!
Joey: Yeah, were gonna be fine! Get out!
Joey: Yeah, you did some real good thinkin in there.
(Joey says something unintelligible and they hug.)
Joey: Now go! Cause you can still catch her! And Merry Christmas from youre secret Santa! (Chandler runs out and closes the door.)
Joey: All right, who got Chandler? Cause I uh, need to trade.
Joey: Uhh, thats not them. Im gonna go call the police.
Joey: Or maybe, its because youre hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday. (Everybody gets up.)
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
Phoebe: Okay, I knew I should have had this conversation with Joey.
Joey: Hey, whats up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, hes eating it with his hands.)
Joey: Oh, tell me about it. And shes been on the show forever, its gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)
Joey: Seriously? She actually said that?
Joey: Without that, you just got "lame with women".
Joey: Ooh. I-I don't know Chan. I'm not so good with remembering lines.
Joey: Nooooo! Being funny is your thing!
Joey: [It�s just] So spooky, that�s all.
Joey: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)
Chandler: Ye.... (stops because he realises what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Joey: That's like a woman wanting to be a...
Joey: (looks surprised) Really...? Guys do that...? That's... weird...
Joey: Really? Do you not know Chandler?
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: Yeah....
Joey: Not knowing when to shut up...
Chandler: Did you tell her what we talked about? (Joey starts laughing hysterically, but then gets serious again...)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Monica: Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy! (Chandler turns to Joey)
Joey: Me! I'm up for puppets!
JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
[Scene: Living room. Joey and Sandy are talking with the Snufflebumps.]
Joey: (kind of emotional) I am learning so much from you.
Joey: Allright. See you later!
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Joey: (to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?
Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more(his time runs out for real)
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Joey/Wigglemunch: What kind?
Joey: Wow! You blow my mind...
Joey: Hey uh, is it okay to come in?
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Joey: Setting the table.
Joey: Well, I'm starting to make good money on the show and I'm thinking... I should probably do something with it.
Joey: Well, when Jake did it I saw that he was wearing womens underwear!
[Scene: Mr. Zelners Office, hes in a meeting as Joey bursts in.]
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it wouldve hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.
Joey: ooh oooh..
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you!
Joey: What? Are you out of your mind? Lets throw some jello on them.
Ross: So, so now do I get Joey?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Joey: Actually its not pies, its just pie.
Joey: (entering) Ahoy!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Chandler: Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in)
Joey: Uhm... (looks down) Yeah... this uhm... raccoon came in...
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
JOEY: Okay, what have we always wanted to do together?
JOEY: Hey.� How come you're answering your own phone?� Where's your crazy assistant?
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
CHANDLER: I know.� You're right.� I want to see you too.� I've just got to figure out a way to tell Joey, you know?� He's really looking forward to this.
Joey: Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues?
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
Joey: I know! Thats why they trashed me!
JOEY: Oh, I thought I heard a man's voice before.
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
JOEY: (outside the apartment door) I just heard him!
JOEY: COME . . .� HOME.
JOEY: Dude, come home!
CHANDLER: It's Joey.� (He answers it, holding it out so that Monica can hear too.)� Hey Joe.
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
JOEY: I heard him again!
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
(Cut to Chandlers room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isnt, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
Joey: (taking Chandler aside) Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?
[The next flashback is from The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.]
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[The next one is from Episode 401: The One With The Jellyfish, where Monica, Joey, and Chandler are relating that tragic day they spent on the beach.]
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
(Joey gives him and odd look.� Monica gives a similar look.)
JOEY: (spots the suitcase just inside the door where Chandler left it) Whoa, whoa.� Wait a minute.� Wait a minute.� If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
JOEY: Yeah, right Monica.� I'm so sorry.
MONICA: (sniffing Joey) I think that's you.
JOEY: I guess not.
MONICA: I can't believe you thought I was cheating.� (pointing at Joey) You own me an apology.
MONICA: Joey?
JOEY: What's going on?
(Monica turns to get the wine.� Chandler peeps through the peephole.� Joey, seeing something, peeps back.� Chandler ducks.� Monica returns with two glasses of wine.� She gives one to Joey.)
JOEY: All right.
JOEY: Yeah?� (His eyes bug out.)
JOEY: Thanks.� (Joey and Chandler exit to the hall.� Joey pulls out the tickets and hands one to Chandler.)� Here's your ticket.
JOEY: Thanks man.