words in movies
Joey: Hey! Let me ask you guys something. I have a new headshot taken tomorrow right and the photographer said she thinks Ishould have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird for a guy?
Joey: On...?
Joey: Ok! Stop it you guys! Stop staring! You're freaking me out!
Joey: Oh man! I have to get those done too?!
Joey: Hey hey! You dye your hair!
Joey: Arghhh! Double standards!
Joey: Hey. I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.
Joey: Chandler Bing.
Joey: OK Thanks.(Joey touches the hot wax). I touched the stuff
Joey: Thanks. Do you get a lot of guys in here?
Joey: Oh good...
Joey: All right let's just do this.
Joey: Please I have an extremely high threshold...Holly Mother Of God! My face! My face!! I'm all right! I'm all right!Just a little bit of shock that's all but I'll be fine you can go again. I'm OK(He tries to avoid the tweezers) Dammit! Woman!! How Hoooow!
Joey: Hey, I need your help.
Joey: Look, I'll get new headshot taken, all right, so I want to get my eyebrows shaped
Joey: You may be a sissy but I'll still (pound you out on ground). All right, it hurts so bad, I could only let her do oneeyebrow and now... they don�t match!
Joey: All right, look, you got to help me out, ok? Look, I have the magic marker, I want you to fill in the skinny one soI don�t look stupid for my pictures.
Joey: What the hell am I supposed to do!
Joey: What, what.
Joey: Oh my God!
Joey: Ok all right, no, no, no, no, I do, I do, I do, I need your help, but Chandler I don�t know if I can take anymoreplucking. It hurts so bad!
Joey: Oh my God! I didn�t feel a thing ! Hey, are you still looking for a job because you can tweeze circles aroundthat sadistic bitch at the saloon
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Hey, they totally match! They look great! They look great! How you doing!
Joey: Thank you so much.
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
Joey: Comb my eyelashes.
Chandler: I am sorry I am late. You�ll understand when you�ll see Joey.
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Ha, oh, of course.
Joey: Your eyebrows look weird.
Joey: Or maybe, its because youre hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday. (Everybody gets up.)
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
Phoebe: Okay, I knew I should have had this conversation with Joey.
Joey: Hey, whats up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, hes eating it with his hands.)
Joey: Oh, tell me about it. And shes been on the show forever, its gonna be really hard to fill her shoes.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)
Joey: Seriously? She actually said that?
Joey: Without that, you just got "lame with women".
Joey: Ooh. I-I don't know Chan. I'm not so good with remembering lines.
Joey: Nooooo! Being funny is your thing!
Joey: [It�s just] So spooky, that�s all.
Joey: Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)
Chandler: Ye.... (stops because he realises what Joey just said, and stares at him. At this moment Monica enters)
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girls apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
Joey: Hey!
Joey: Uhm... A penis model. (Monica can't believe what's she's hearing and Ross pats Joey on the back.) Anyway, hey... Did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you've ever met?
Monica: Hey, Joey, I dont think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean its only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Joey: That's like a woman wanting to be a...
Joey: (looks surprised) Really...? Guys do that...? That's... weird...
Joey: Really? Do you not know Chandler?
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler enters to find Joey lying in the fetus position on the floor.]
Joey: Yeah....
Joey: Not knowing when to shut up...
Chandler: Did you tell her what we talked about? (Joey starts laughing hysterically, but then gets serious again...)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is standing at the counter as Monica enters carrying a tray.]
Monica: Well, I don't know... I-It's... just the way you say it... I mean, you're funny... You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy! (Chandler turns to Joey)
Joey: Me! I'm up for puppets!
JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
Rachel: Joey! The baby is kicking for the first time! Will you please come feel this?!
[Scene: Living room. Joey and Sandy are talking with the Snufflebumps.]
Joey: (kind of emotional) I am learning so much from you.
Joey: Allright. See you later!
Joey: Ok! All right, well... I'm gonna see if I can get a room for the night and I'll... I'll see you later!
Joey: (to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?
Joey: Me too, but I guess I do have a couple of more(his time runs out for real)
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. (Chandler and Ross stare at him) What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency.
Joey/Wigglemunch: What kind?
Joey: Wow! You blow my mind...
Joey: Hey uh, is it okay to come in?
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Joey: Setting the table.
Joey: Well, I'm starting to make good money on the show and I'm thinking... I should probably do something with it.
Joey: Well, when Jake did it I saw that he was wearing womens underwear!
[Scene: Mr. Zelners Office, hes in a meeting as Joey bursts in.]
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Joey: Well it hit me anyway! And it wouldve hurt a lot less if I had finished that last beer.
Joey: ooh oooh..
Joey: Thats right I stepped up! Shes my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, Id pee on anyone of you!
Joey: What? Are you out of your mind? Lets throw some jello on them.
Ross: So, so now do I get Joey?
[Scene: Joeys sisters house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Joey: Actually its not pies, its just pie.
Joey: (entering) Ahoy!
Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! Youre so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, cause you guys are perfect for each other. Yknow, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just it-it fits. Yknow? And you just know its gonna last forever.
Chandler: Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in)
Joey: Uhm... (looks down) Yeah... this uhm... raccoon came in...
Phoebe: Youre just saying that because youre my biggest fan. (The fan leaves and Joey approaches.) (To Joey) Joey listen, take good care of that guy, okay? (Points) Hes a fan. (To the fan as shes leaving) Bye! (Exits)
JOEY: Okay, what have we always wanted to do together?
JOEY: Hey.� How come you're answering your own phone?� Where's your crazy assistant?
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
CHANDLER: I know.� You're right.� I want to see you too.� I've just got to figure out a way to tell Joey, you know?� He's really looking forward to this.
Joey: Oh really? So, 33 and still single, would you say you have commitment issues?
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
JOEY: Hey!� Open the door.� What's going on?� (He knocks.)
Joey: I know! Thats why they trashed me!
JOEY: Oh, I thought I heard a man's voice before.
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
JOEY: (outside the apartment door) I just heard him!
JOEY: COME . . .� HOME.
JOEY: Dude, come home!
CHANDLER: It's Joey.� (He answers it, holding it out so that Monica can hear too.)� Hey Joe.
Joey: Is to have a long, long talk. Yknow? Get Joey out on the open road and really open him up.
JOEY: I heard him again!
JOEY: (listens at the door.)� No.� (pause) All right, I'm going in.
(Cut to Chandlers room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isnt, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)
Joey: So, between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross, it just isnt going to happen. It would be like you falling in love with a cat.
MONICA: Chandler, you have to tell Joey that you're not in Tulsa.
Joey: (taking Chandler aside) Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?
[The next flashback is from The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.]
{Transcribers note: This is where the opening credits are, but theyre not the usual opening credits. Oh no! These credits are based on the world that would have been created had all of the above actually happened. It starts out with all of them at the fountain sitting on the couch as Fat Monica runs up and sits on the arm of the couch, tilting the whole thing towards her. It then goes on to show Rachels still a shop-aholic and with Barry. Fat Monica is sweating while cooking and dancing while eating a donut. Phoebe as the Wall Street shark smoking while on two cell phones. Then theyre dancing in the fountain. Joey entering as Dr. Drake Remoray and meeting a groupie. Chandler trying to write as a bird does its business on his shoulder and falling asleep while typing. Ross doing some kara-tay and trying to get Carol into bed. And finally, some more dancing in the fountain, them all flexing, and the turning out the lamp and shutting off all the lights bit from the first season. Just remember one thing, this is an alternate universe. Everything from every other episode doesnt apply, for instance, Ross and Rachel have no history. And in fact have not seen each other in years in this world.}
[The next one is from Episode 401: The One With The Jellyfish, where Monica, Joey, and Chandler are relating that tragic day they spent on the beach.]
CHANDLER: Joey said that you're in here with another man.
(Joey thinks a moment. Then, he nods.� Joey follows Chandler into the apartment.)
(Joey gives him and odd look.� Monica gives a similar look.)
JOEY: (spots the suitcase just inside the door where Chandler left it) Whoa, whoa.� Wait a minute.� Wait a minute.� If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
JOEY: Yeah, right Monica.� I'm so sorry.
MONICA: (sniffing Joey) I think that's you.
JOEY: I guess not.
MONICA: I can't believe you thought I was cheating.� (pointing at Joey) You own me an apology.
MONICA: Joey?
JOEY: What's going on?
(Monica turns to get the wine.� Chandler peeps through the peephole.� Joey, seeing something, peeps back.� Chandler ducks.� Monica returns with two glasses of wine.� She gives one to Joey.)
JOEY: All right.
JOEY: Yeah?� (His eyes bug out.)
JOEY: Thanks.� (Joey and Chandler exit to the hall.� Joey pulls out the tickets and hands one to Chandler.)� Here's your ticket.
JOEY: Thanks man.