words in movies
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Ross: (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
Mr. Zelner: Its kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I cant figure out what this is?
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!
Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it.
Chandler: (nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?
Monica: And youve never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot!
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Mike: Well hey, I wanna ask you about Monica's little "groomy" joke.
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
Monica: You made a joke right? So I laughed.
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Chandler: I made that joke up.
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Mr. Geller: My joke wasnt funny.
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) Its a joke. (They all laugh.)
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Ross: Its your joke.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
Ross: And the Irish guy wins the joke!
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, youre kidding! Oh, its a joke! (Laughs.) Its funny. Its funny. I dont get it. (Joey doesnt say any thing and Rachel realizes its not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm I-I uh, wow. Are you uh How did umm When?
Chandler: Its my joke.
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Rachel: (worried) Okay please, youre kidding right?! I wrote that one as a joke for you!
Chandler: Give him money? It was a joke!
Monica: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Tag: A joke they would appreciate?
Chandler: No-no-no-no! That was the joke!
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Monica: Oh, Im sorry. Was that another joke?
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Monica: (rolling her head from side to side) Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah! (Joey and Phoebe laugh.)
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
RICHARD: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor joke) See, we're having fun.
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didnt think of it. Why didnt I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
Monica: Don�t joke (?) with me, okay? I�m very, very upset right now.
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
Monica: Honey, you can relax. Last night at work, Geoffrey told this really sexist joke. After that, not so funny anymore.
Monica: Y'know what, this is obviously some kind of twisted joke she's trying to play on him.
Joey: (to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Joey: Yes, 'cause we live together, that's a joke!
Chandler: How can she be great if shes from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke wouldve killed in Albany.
Frank Jr.: Oh, you'd be getting a really good one. I mean, you know, he's really funny. Like, the other day he made up this joke.
Joey: Oh, you guys, with this joke. I gotta say, I know I cracked up, but Im not even sure I got it.
Mike: I put that tube top on as a joke.
Ross: Eh..actually no, I don't need to because your little "Ross is dead" joke didn't work, ok, there were no responses. Nobody posted anything on the website, nobody called my parents, so the joke my friend is on you. Nobody called, nobody wrote anything, nobody cares that I'm dead. (silence) Oh my God! Nobody cares that I'm dead!?
Chandler: Okay, okay. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
Monica: Honey, you know I think you're hilarious! Come on, you know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye...? (he laughs) That slayed me.
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)