words in movies
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat.
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Ross: Yeah, well, this guy at work gave me "Sex for Dummies" as a joke.
Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thoughtit wasnt that funny. So Im still torn.
Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so Id call him.
Chandler: (jumping up from his chair) Hey, Joey, Playboy printed my joke.
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Dr. Leedbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.
Ross: (realizing his joke wasn't so good, but still giggling) Look, I took it too far!
Guru Saj: I dont know, whats a koondis with you? (starts laughing as if that joke was funny, Ross only looks at him, and he stops) Please, lie down! Ive got a sav that oughta shrink that right up.
Chandler: Hey! (Joey doesn't look up, but gestures 'wait a minute' with his finger while he finishes reading the article. Chandler waits for Joey to finish.) I need you to set me up for a joke. Later, when Monica is around, I need you to ask me about fire trucks.
(Susan just glares back, as Rosss inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and its offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys! You shouldnt be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world! Now let it go! The joke sucks!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
Mr. Zelner: Its kind of a risky joke Tag, and what is-what is this drawing I cant figure out what this is?
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Chandler: (nervous) My duties? (Trying not to crack a joke) All right.
Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it.
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
Monica: But that's clearly a joke. This could easily be true. (Phone rings)
Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny. Joke! Joke! Joke!
Vince: (dead serious) Fire safety is not a joke, son.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Zack: Ok. I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny...
Chandler: Yes, I distinctly remember cause I thought it was a joke. Now just give her a chance, okay?
Chandler: (visibly upset) He took my joke, he took it.
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Joey: (laughs) Monica, look... I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore... (Monica keeps looking at Joey) Not ready to joke about it yet, okay, I see you later. (Joey walks out)
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Monica: And youve never been funnier. Joke, joke, joke, you were a hoot!
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Monica: You made a joke right? So I laughed.
[Flashback to: A street, Ross is sitting in his newly purchased MGB. Which is one of the better British sports cars ever made. Of course, better is a relative term. Which reminds me of a joke. Why dont the British make computers? Because they couldnt figure out how to make them leak oil. Anyway, the gang is all staring at his new purchase.]
CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
Mike: Well hey, I wanna ask you about Monica's little "groomy" joke.
Ross: Yeah, if youre really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
Monica: Ha ha, a joke thats funny in all countries.
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
(Chandler starts laughing at his joke.)
Chandler: Yes, I did. I told it to Dan at work, and he said it was the funniest joke hed ever heard.
Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!
Chandler: Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)
Ross: Open with a joke? Its a university, not a comedy club!
Chandler: Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right?
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) Its a joke. (They all laugh.)
Chandler: I made that joke up.
Mr. Geller: My joke wasnt funny.
Chandler: Why dont you open with a joke?
Ross: Its my joke.
Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: So, you stole my joke, and you stole my money.
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Its my joke.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Chandler: Okay, I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve.
Ross: Its your joke.
Joey: All right, look! If this is just a big joke to you, then forget about it, all right?! This means something to me! And if it doesnt mean anything to you, then you should get out of there, otherwise youre just an idiot in a box!
(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
Chandler: (picks up the phone) All right, you want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch the show at his place?
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! Its a museum! What, youre the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I dont know to the waiter.)
Ross: And the Irish guy wins the joke!
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Rachel: (looking around) Who are you talking too? Oh, youre kidding! Oh, its a joke! (Laughs.) Its funny. Its funny. I dont get it. (Joey doesnt say any thing and Rachel realizes its not a joke.) Oh. (Pause) Okay. Umm I-I uh, wow. Are you uh How did umm When?
Chandler: Give him money? It was a joke!
Chandler: Its my joke.
Rachel: (worried) Okay please, youre kidding right?! I wrote that one as a joke for you!
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Chandler: Well, she is going to know that you stole the joke.
Chandler: No-no-no-no! That was the joke!
Tag: A joke they would appreciate?
Monica: (not amused by Chandlers joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Monica: Are you funny? Tell us a joke!
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
RICHARD: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor joke) See, we're having fun.
Monica: Oh, Im sorry. Was that another joke?
Monica: (rolling her head from side to side) Joke. Joke. Blah! Blah! (Joey and Phoebe laugh.)
Rachel: Oh no, I know that. I know that. Although, we made a joke that we spend so much time together he should call me his work wife.
Joey: Maybe Monicas playing a joke on ya. Yknow? Getting her own husband a hooker, thats pretty funny.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didnt think of it. Why didnt I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
[Scene: The Hallway between the apartments, Joey, Janine, Chandler, and Monica are returning from a double date. Chandler is telling a joke.]
Ross: Laugh it up, but the jokes on you. Because we dont need to get divorced, okay? We were just gonna get an annulment.
Monica: Don�t joke (?) with me, okay? I�m very, very upset right now.
Joey: (to Monica) Did that guy really make that joke?
Chandler: What is so funny about that? (they realise it wasn't a joke)
Ross: Hey... I made up that joke and told it to you! (He points at Chandler. Joey gestures to Ross "What are you doing?)
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?