words in movies
Ross: Oh, I love that guy! (Laughs.)
Chandler: Oh come on guys, its not like I moved to Europe! I just moved across the hall! And we would have you over all the time if it werent for (struggles to get this out) Monicas allergies. (The duck quacks.) Youre right, I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs, then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joeys not here right now. Can I take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30? (Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the way.)
[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandlers mistakes starts. The first flashback is from The One With The Prom Video. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought him. They're both at Central Perk.]
Ross: (laughs) You dont-you dont want to hear about my dream Officer Pretty?
Chip: ...and then Zana, just let one rip!! (laughs histerically)
Ross: (laughs) Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? (Ross realizes something.) Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? Its not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!!
Doug: Well, I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home, Tapanzi Bridge never looked smaller. (laughs) Thats okay, youre still my number one guy! (slaps him on the butt) Bing!
Joey: (laughs) Yeah I knew what you were talkin about.
Chandler: (laughs) Well, don�t believe everything you hear, Ken. (both turning away to files) But yeah, that�s true. Alright, let�s get started, by take a look at last quarter�s figures. (The female next to Chandler starts smoking, towards her:) Ah, Claudia, aren�t you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses� ass?
Rachel: But yknow what, if you think its gonna be okay well just work out a system. Yknow, itll be like college, Ill hang a hanger on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, Im gettin lucky." (Laughs.)
Chandler: Well uh, Archie needs money to fix his jalopy (Joey laughs), uh but he doesnt want Reggie to just give him the money. So Reggie hires him as his assistas his butler. And then makes him do all these crazy things like bring him milkshakes that cant have lumps in them.
Janice: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously)
Rachel: All right, yknowFine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.)
Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, Im gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Matt: (everyone laughs) And then it was like four takes later before we could get through it with a straight face.
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
Ross: ... And you called him Alby!? (laughs) I mean that's like... like calling Albert Einstein... er... Alby...
(Gunther looks at the joke and laughs.)
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? PITY LAUGHS? (Joey and Ross walk away from the kitchen)
Rachel: Im just kidding too. (Laughs) Im getting married in December. (Turns away not happy with herself.)
Monica: Honey, umm I-I love you, (laughs) but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited. Okay? (Laughs) Listen, we could always earn more money, okay? But uh, were only gonna get married once.
Joey: Who's your friend? He's hot! (Ross laughs and Rachel smacks him with her purse.)
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
(Joey laughs, Ross glares at him, and Joey stops.)
Monica: I have no moves. (He moves in to kiss her and she laughs and backs away.) Okay, whatcha doin there?! (Giggles.) Oh yknow what? Im sorry, this is just too weird.
Joey: (laughs) No. But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler.
Frank Jr.: What's green and says "hey, I'm a frog"? A talking frog! (Laughs.) Oh, no, you can't have him, he's too funny.
Janice: Oh, (laughs) I wish. No, you know he was just trying Ross's Hug and Roll thing.
Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.
Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say?
Joey: Ah, yes, The Plan! (Laughs loudly again, but he sounds more like Santa Claus.)
Joey: Yes, but in Drake Remorays body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist!
Monica: (laughs) Well thats the best part. Umm, you guys get to decide!
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
(Everyone laughs.)
(Monica laughs and snorts.)
Rachel: Yeah, I did, but y'know what? I am really, really trying to cut back, y'know? (Laughs) Good luck, Rach.
Rachel: (laughs) Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get.
(Chandler laughs)
Ross: No, but, it's, you know, it's just a funny image, you know, the two of you, in this restaurant, with... (laughs nervously)tzz-zzz, mmm.
Rachel: Uh well, I guess Im not gonna miss the fact that youre never allowed to move the phone pen. (Laughs. Monica lags behind the laugh a little bit.)
Ross: Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did that.
Monica: I can't believe we are at a real college party! (Rachel laughs excitedly) I have to pee so bad!
Monica: Just go up to her and ask her out. (Chandler laughs) Oh, what's the worst thing that could happen?
(Everybody laughs.)
Chandler: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship. (Monica laughs.) Look, for me the rush is knowing that we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
(Joey and Ross laughs)
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again)
Rachel: (laughs) You know what?
(Ross and Chandler laughs)
RACHEL: Oh well, well thank you.� (She laughs.� He stares for a moment.)� Okay, stop.� Stop looking at me like that.� The last time that happened, (points to Ross) that happened.� (points to Emma.)
(Joey and Ross laughs)
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
(Rachel laughs.)
Monica: Now you think I wouldn't enjoy that, because it is so fake, (Laughs) but I still do.
Earl: (To All) Did you hear that?! I dont need you guys to care about me! Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To Phoebe) I really wished theyd care just a little bit though.
Chandler: Okay, well Im gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. Youre 32! (Exits)
Rachel: (reading the note) "Pheebs, cant make it, got a date. Talk to you later. Big Daddy." (Laughs) Big Daddy?
(Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it)
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Joey: I know, yeah. I feel like we're all growing up. Person named Wiener, God that kills me. (Laughs)
JOEY: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off. [laughs hysterically]
[Everyone laughs]
Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, youre a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.)
Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that aint a pretty picture in the morning, yknow what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know.
Ross: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten. (Chandler laughs.)
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)
Mona: Huh, could you imagine. I go away for a few days, and come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant! (Mona laughs yes again!)
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Ross: Okay. (He leans in to kiss her again, but she leans back preventing him from making contact.) Wow, its-its 5:30 in the morning. (Rachel laughs) So, Id better get cracking on this baby.
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Ross: Its a good thing I didnt do it, because it sounds like it wouldve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Phoebe: Oh well y'know. (laughs)
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
Chandler: Oh, shes got you running errands, yknow, picking up wedding dresses (Laughs and makes like Indiana Jones and his whip) Wah-pah!
Phoebe: Okay, oh and you know, if she gets upset, just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snout. (laughs and hangs up the phone)
Rachel: (laughs and pushes the chair back in) Yeah, well, y'know umm No honey, listen I think it's a great idea to become friends with someone before you date them, but I think the way you do it is y'know you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then you ask them out on a date. Don't hit on your existing friends!
Mrs. Geller: (laughs) Im not freaking out.
Monica: Oh. (she laughs)
Chandler: (laughs) No. No!
Rachel: Oh! (laughs) Thats fine.
Rachel: (laughs) You ah, you didnt say Yes to that did you?
The Salesman: (laughs) You need these books.
Chandler: so then the farmer says, "Thats not a cow and youre not milking it." (Everyone laughs.)
Phoebe: (laughs) Okay, quit down. (they start to kiss again)
Kathy: (laughs) Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Chandler: (laughs) Right in there!
Emily: (laughs) Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now.
[Scene: Rosss bedroom, Rachel getting into bed while Ross is reading and laughs.]
Monica: (laughs) Please, its a relief is what it is, is what it is.
(Chandler laughs without opening his mouth.)
Kathy: (laughs) What about the duck?
Chandler: Gotcha! (laughs)
Chandler: Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. (No one laughs.) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.
Emily: (laughs) Ross play rugby? I dont think so.
Chandler: (laughs) No you cant.
(Rachel laughs hysterically for no reason.)