words in movies
PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.
[They dance; Carol looks on lovingly.]
Ross: Yeah? Wow! It looks really violent!
Phoebe: No ones here! (Monica looks at her.) Oh damnit!
Joey: Thats not gonna happen. No. (Looks up) Because we have a new deal!
(Rachel turns and looks at Ross.)
Phoebe looks down: You are a terrific actor.
Rachel: Yeah well it looks great!
(The dog returns with a ball that looks exactly like the same one Joey has.)
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Phoebe: Does a dog's lips move when he reads? (Joey makes an `I don't know' face, and looks to Chandler and Rachel, who're also stumped) Okay, no they don't.
Ross: Hi roomie! (Hugs her and looks at Rachel.)
(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel sadly looks away...)
Ross: Ugh. Well, were just gonna have to jump. (Joey looks at him.) Yeah. Now, were gonna have to make sure to land to the right of that patch of ice, okay? Not hit the dumpster on the other side and uh, and try to avoid that-that weird brownish red stuff in the middle. So, when you get down there you go up to the roof and you let me in.
Monica: (looks at it more closely) Oh that's an eye removal machine.
Ross: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the- (looks up, realises, and points) -the bus stop... I'm fine.
Monica: (angrily) That is exactly why I do not lend you stuff!! (Rachel looks over at Phoebe in resignation.) Okay?! I mean, first it's my jewelry! And if it's not my jewelry, it's-it's my blue sweater! And if it's not my sweater, it's my sunglasses!
Joey: (He looks around the room) This isnt the right room, sorry folks. (leaves)
Joey: (watching) Yowsa! (Looks away.)
Joey: (looks in the window) Hes not really my type.
(Ross looks away, not bothering)
Phoebe: I am shocked! Shocked!! (She storms off leaving Ross to defend himself from the angry looks from onlookers.)
Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachel looks at her) But I won't.
(Monica goes to the back and Joey looks at the girl)
Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you?
Ross looks down: No, that that is not what we're saying.
<Joey looks to Phoebe and she nods in agreement>
(Monica just looks at him, and Rachel wants to laugh)
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)
(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away. Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)
Phoebe: (Looks around) It's alright. Look kiddo, I gotta go. Good luck with the career. You're gonna be huge.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, Monica would freak. (Doug looks at him.) But to hell with that bitch.
Rachel: Yeah. So yknow, I have all of these feelings and I dont know what to do about them, because I cant date like a normal person, which is fine because I dont need a relationship, I mean all I really want is one great night. Just sex, yknow? No strings attached, no relationship, just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what hes doing. For just one great night, I mean is that really so hard to find. (Looks at Joey.) So how was your day?
Joey: Uhm... (looks down) Yeah... this uhm... raccoon came in...
Joey: Well.. hey, you know what else I could use? There's a scene where Drake sneaks into Olivia's bedroom, and she doesn't know he's there - which never happened with us! And he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her... you know? (In a romantic voice) And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your make-up, when I would think to myself, my God, she...is... beautiful... (Rachel looks very moved) and it hurts so much, cuz I knew I could never tell you (pauses, while looking at her with sentiment) but it was worth it just to be there looking at you.
JOEY: Okay.� (pause.� He looks over her shoulder at the table with the wine.)� Whoa, whoa.� Why are there two glasses of wine out?
Dr. Long: Okay, everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. (We see Ross and Rachel looking at the screen.) Here is your uterus. And right here is your baby.
(Chandler's cell phone rings.� He looks at it.)
(Rachel turns and looks at the group on the couch and they move over. Chandler measures the room theyve made with his arm and decides its not enough and they all move over again.)
Phoebe: Aw. (Phoebe gets a bad taste in her mouth when he looks away) Im justIm in a place in my life right now where I I
(Phoebe looks under the couch)
Jim: Yeah, (looks at his crotch) a Pretty Huge
Monica: Why dont you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean thats what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.
(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks at him. Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)
(Phoebe starts to leave, Rachel slowly follows, shocked about how good Bonnie looks now.)
(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.)
Chandler: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.
(Ross and Chandler walk in, Joey looks disappointed)
Chandler: Thanks. You wanna see what it looks like?
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, later that night, there is someone knocking on the door and Chandler stumbles out into the living room, turns on the light, looks through the peephole, and opens the door.]
(Monica looks at him.)
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, hes the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
(Monica hangs up, and Rachel looks at her phone.)
Ross: About about sex? (Joey looks at him confused) That I hadnt had sex in months?
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Chandler: (looks around) I'll take this one too (to Ross) Uh ... Mommy?
Chandler: Hmm, lets see if it comes up this time. (He looks at his cards and shrugs.)
Chandler: (awakens) Yeah! (Looks up and does The Face.)
Chandler: (looks around) Here just...take this. (Hands her the sweater.)
Joey: (looks at her for a moment) What the hell are you talking about??
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks about it, and goes in the one on his right.]
Chandler: Well I was I was exactly expecting company after (He looks at his watch.) 9:15.
Rachel: (looks puzzled) How...how...?
Ross: uhu uhu, check this out. (Chandler sits down and looks at laptop screen)
(Joey and Charlie enter. Ross looks at her)
Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you are married. Where is Chandler anyway? (Looks around)
Rachel: Who (looks around)?
Phoebe: Its Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths I love you to him.)
Rachel: (Looks ashamed) I try...
Joey: So you need someone who knows fashion, to tell you what looks good.
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.)
Joey: Phonetically? (Looks confused)
Earl: Well I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his office that reads, "Todays Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it back.
(Everyone looks at her)
[Time lapse: Ross looks likes he's been trying to fix his computer but just closes it as if giving up]
Ross: (looks) Oh yeah! You'rehey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, (reading ad) two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!
Monica: What? (looks very shocked) Why?
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachels reaction.) I think its great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, Im so happy for you!
(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down, Rachel pretends shes knocking a bug off his leg.)
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Hey! (Chandler looks up, startled) Why isnt it Spiderman? Yknow like Goldman, Silverman...
Rachel: No! No! No! No its not! No its not! Come on! Phoebe, ours is totally different! I mean we dont have the (Looks desperately for something different.) We dont have the that lamp! And-and that screen is yknow, on the other side.
Monica: (laughs nervously as well, Laura looks confused) (To Laura) Some people don't get him, but I think he's really funny! (She takes Laura to their own bedroom).
Susan: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. (Ross looks at her.) Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
(He looks at his bedroom door, but he can't remember the name of the girl.)
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)
Rachel: ...I really don't... (looks around again)
Phoebe: Well alright, looks like you guys have got it under control so Im just gonna go. (She gets up and Rachel looks at her, upset, and Monica just stares.) No! Really? Misery really does love company. All right! (She sits back down.)
Ross: Oh, it's all over everything. Why? Why me? (looks up)
Phoebe: Okay, dime! (Donates that.) You guys should probably keep talking; this could take a while. (Finds something else.) Oh no, wait! Look it! Whoa! (Looks at it.) Oh my God, this is a police badge!
(Ross looks shocked and says nothing.)
(Rachel looks at him.)
Chandler: No!! Okay!! Whats with the third degree?! Why dont you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
Phoebe: Theres a reset button?! Ugh, thank you! Thank you! (He exits and she goes to shut it off.) Theres a reset button! My God! Why didnt I see that! (She takes off the plastic cover and looks for the button.) Reset button, reset button, where is there a reset button? (Finds it.) Oh here it is! (Picks it up off of the floor.) Oh! (She presses it hard, but of course it would help if the button was still attached to the detector. In frustration she presses it so hard it causes pain in her thumb.) Ohh, God!
(Monica looks at him.)
Rachel: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. (She puts her arm in his and checks how they would look as a couple.) Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. (Pause) Umm, so you like it?
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
(Monica looks shocked)
Chandler: (smiles) Pull my finger(Looks at his hand)My hand is messed up.
Ross: (looks back at the cake) Hey!
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.