words in movies
[Scene: The Wedding Chapel, continued from last season. Chandler and Monica are about to get married.]
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
(Suddenly the doors burst open, and ROSS AND RACHEL COME OUT ARM-IN-ARM!!!!! And Rachel's carrying a bouquet!!! THEY GOT MARRIED!!!!)
Chandler: Oh my God!! Is everybody getting married?!!
Joey: Ross and Rachel left us a message saying they were getting married! Isnt that why you guys are here?
Phoebe: Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, youre only married in Vegas.
Monica: What are you talking about? If you get married in Vegas youre married everywhere.
{Transcibers note: In case you havent heard, Courteney Cox got married to David Arquette during hiatus and changed her name to Courteney Cox Arquette. But David was a busy boy during the off season for not only did he marry but everyone else as well. For theyre all listed as Jennifer Aniston Arquette, Lisa Kudrow Arquette, in an interesting twist Matt LeBlanc Arquette, Matthew Perry Arquette, David Schwimmer Arquette, and even the creators of the show are now David Crane Arquette and Marta Kauffman Arquette. I just wonder what the new sleeping arrangements are }
Ross: (getting up) Tell me about it. (He sits up on the edge of the bed and has "Just Married" written on his back.)
Chandler: Monica and I almost got married last night.
Chandler: Look, I just dont think Monica and I are ready to get married yet! Yknow? I mean, I love her and everything but seeing Ross and Rachel coming out of that chapel was like a, like a wake-up call that Monica and I are moving so fast. Yknow? And, how do I tell her without crushing her?
Monica: Rach! We werent gonna miss our friends getting married!
Rachel: (gasps) Who got married?! (Ross is as surprised to hear this as she is.)
Ross: What?! Hello! We didnt get married.
Rachel: No, we didnt get married! Thats ridiculous!
(They turn to look at each other and suddenly remember that they did in fact get married.)
Ross: IThey would not let us get married when we were that drunk!
Joey: They let you get married when youre drunk! Most people who get married in Vegas are drunk!
Chandler: Yes, we dont get married unless theres a sign! Okay, so say uh, say you roll another eight (motions to the craps table) then theres a definite sign that we should get married.
Monica: All right, eight we get married, but 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12 we dont get married.
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Monica: Ohh, of course we are! (They walk up to the elevators.) We left it up to fate. (Pushes the elevator button.) If we were supposed to get married there would be a clear-cut sign. (The elevator door opens to a priest reading from a bible with Chandler and Monica standing side-by-side holding each others hands.)
Rachel: Okay! So, well just stay married.
Rachel: What-wh-what so well just stay married forever?!
Rachel: Ohh, okay, Im sorry. Youre right. Yknow what? We absolutely can stay married, because I was under the impression that the boxes were far away from each other. All right, look, just please, take a moment here and think about what youre asking of me.
Ross: Listen, I know you wanted to talk to me, but I have an idea that may make you want to stay married. (Rachel shakes her head.) We register, and you get to keep all the presents!
Rachel: (thinks about it for a second) No! Ross, come on! No! Listen, look I thought a lot about how to tell you this and the bottom line, Ross, is we can not stay married.
Chandler: All right, should we just, should we just get married? Yknow? I mean should we just do it? All the signs are telling us to do it.
Ross: Were still married! Dont tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)
Emily: Its not the pants. Its you that is backwards. And if, and if you dont understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldnt get married at all! (She storms out.)
Monica: (interrupting) The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? Look umm, Rachel Im sorry! I have to start getting ready! Im getting married today!
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Ross: Oh! I thought you guys got married in uh, January?
Rachel: (gasps) Oh my God! Listen to you talkin about having kids. Oh my Joey. (She goes over and hugs him.) Oh, please dont get married before I do.
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)
Monica: Yep, we wanna get married!
Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig.
Rachel: Oh... sit down, sit down. Oh, honey, you know, I once also almost married somebody that I didn’t love. Do you remember Barry?
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Stephanie: Well the divorces dont bother me, Id date him. But, not while hes still married.
Phoebe: So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her?
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, yknow you and Ross are still married.
Russell: You got married again.
Phoebe: That shes gonna move in with you and maybe then shell fall in love with you and then when she finds out youre already married, shell just be happy. Yknow? Youre just, youre very sad.
Rachel: I cannot believe that you didnt tell me that we are still married!!
Rachel: Well, yes, we got married in Vegas and uh, and the names I think.
Phoebe: All right, Ive never been engaged and Ive never really been married, but I can only tell you what my mother told me. Whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship, do not communicate them to your husband.
Ross: Yknow, okay. Youre right. It is huge. So why dont we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? Theres nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasnt for me and Joshua. Yknow, theyre not gonna get married anyway!
Ross: Hey, I've been married 3 times
Rachel: Phoebe, I mean, you do know hes married?
Rachel: (to the judge) Okay, do you see, do you see what youre keeping me married too?!
Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.
Rachel: Well, remember how we were too drunk to remember anything the night we were married?
Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!!
Monica: I dont know! I dontmaybe youre feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought youd get married first! Maybe you cant stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you!
Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) Im getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I dont care because todays my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)
Chandler: Okay! (Stands up) This is it! (Claps his hands) We're gonna get married!
Monica: Let me think. Oh, when I was younger I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese, and on our wedding night I ate his head.
Rachel: Good day for married people huh?
Ross: Good-good, Im-Im married. (Shows her his ring.)
Joey: You got married to fast.
Ross: Now you guys just got married, why is she so depressed?
Monica: Yeah! So-so when are you getting married?
Paul: You two were married?!
Monica: What?! Are you crazy?! Im not getting married! Im not even engaged.
Rachel: Im just kidding too. (Laughs) Im getting married in December. (Turns away not happy with herself.)
Megan: Im just kidding. Im getting married July 25th.
Rachel: Oh please, what do you know! You married a lesbian!
Phoebe: Really? So this is... this is my big send off in the married life? Rachel this is the only bachelorette party I'm ever gonna have! I've got a big wad of ones in my purse! Really? I mean, really? It's just tea?
Rachel: Hey, do you believe this? Do you believe they are actually getting married?
Ross: (sits down at the table) Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow. (Joey panics.)
RACHEL: Ya know, in crazy world, that means you're married.
Megan: (To Monica) So when are you getting married?
Monica: Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may never want to get married?
Ross: How do you know? I mean we thought Carol was straight before I married her!
Mr. Bing: Our little boy is getting married.
Rachel: Hey, I thought that guy was married.
Chandler: I had too okay?! Were getting married! Married couples cant keep secrets from one another!
Joey/Drake: I can't believe you married him.
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
Ross: We were drunk! I wouldve married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol!
Ross: Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how Ive been married and how I have a son.
Joey: So youve just married the one time then?
Kristen: Youve been married twice?
Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.
Monica: Well, yknow its none of my business, but arent you married?
Chandler: No, I mean, come on, seriously think about it, we get married, were up at the altar and Im like this. (Makes a bored face.)
Joey: So yknow Ross its funny cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married?
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
Rachel: Well, yeah, right, yknow what? Yeah, youre right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively) I mean, I mean like craaaazy! Yknow? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound yknow, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?
Monica: Phoebe, were getting married, married; not sixth grade married.
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh my god. Now I've seen everything! [Phoebe's voice] Whoa, she's gone. She's gone. She's gone! Go ahead, get married. Go, go.
Phoebe: Umm, when I get married will you be my maid of honor?
Rachel: Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next?
Monica: Do you realize that four weeks from today were getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!!
Ross: When I got married you slept with my sister.
Chandler: See, now, why would you assume that? Just because we're married? I will have you know that we are very hip, happening people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to reading the obituaries.
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Ross: Were still married! Dont tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)
Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when were getting married.
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Rachel: Wh So If neither of you are married by the time youre 40, youre gonna marry Joey.
Ross: (Screaming) Im getting married today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.)
"Whenever I get married, guess who wont get to sing? Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!"
Rachel: And uh, yeah, I didnt really, I didnt want to say anything, but it kinda it just, it kinda kept coming back to me, and umm, remember we were in the casino and for some reason thought it would be funny to eat a lot of grapes. And uh, and I thought it would be funnier if we got married. So as a, as a compromise we decided first to get married, and then (Ross joins in) to eat a lot of grapes. So umm, sorry I got us into this mess.
Rachel: Umm Im never gonna getting married!
Ross: Well yeah, I think we should get married.
Rachel: What married?
Emily: Oh no, no, right I shouldnt have said married. Uh, please dont go freaky on me. I didnt mean it. Well, I didnt say it; I take it back!
Erica: You're kidding me? I mean, it's enough that you are a doctor. But on top of it, you're married to a reverend?
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, Im getting married next week.
Ross: No, I mean its okay, I mean, theyre-theyre my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
Ross: Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you.
Joey: Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?!
Chandler: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. (Laughs.) Will you be my wife?
Joey: So you uh, nervous about getting married?
Chandler: Well yknow, things are different. Im Im married now.
Will: Are ya getting married?
Monica: Thats true! (Happily) I knew I married you for a reason!
PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.
Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a yknow Its just a little thing. Well we think its absolutely marvelous that youre having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why weve told them all that youre married.
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Ross: No, us having to lie about being married.