words in movies
ROSS: Oh, it's fine.� Actually, I, I invited Mike over.
RACHEL: Phoebe's Mike?
(Phoebe and Mike enter.)
RACHEL: Okay.� You too.� And I hope you score.� (to Mike) Bye.
MIKE: Bye.
MIKE: (Holds up a six pack of Foster's Lager) I got beer.
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: Ah?� (pause)� Do you have one here?
MIKE: Okay.� (pause)
MIKE: Yeah.� (pause)� Yeah, I'm sorry.� I don't . . . I don't really like to talk about it.
MIKE:� So, you're a paleontologist, right?
MIKE: My cousin's a paleontologist.
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
MIKE: (nods) Things are about to get wild.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
MIKE: (releases a whoosh of air) Ya know, I'm going to take off.
MIKE: Well, yeah.
MIKE: Ah, you mean lager.
(Mike leaves.� Ross closes the door behind him.)
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
MIKE: Hello?
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
MIKE: Uh, no.� I just left.
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
MIKE: I can't do that!
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
PHOEBE: (knowingly chuckles) Oh, Mike.� Bye.
(Mike knocks on Ross's door.� Ross opens it.)
MIKE: Hey buddy.
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is reading from a book.]
MIKE: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing.� Fascinating isn't it.
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
MIKE: I'm so glad you're back.� (He hugs Phoebe.)
ROSS: Oh, you know . . . we just drank some beer and Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
MIKE: It's true.� I did.
PHOEBE: I know.� That was fun.� (She and Mike exit.)
MIKE: No.� Just his mom.
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: (nods) uh-huh.
[Tag Scene: Central Perk.� Phoebe and Mike are on the sofa.� Ross enters.]
MIKE: Hey.
(Ross and Mike glance at each other then both suddenly turn to Phoebe who is gone. �They sheepishly exchange glances.)
MIKE: (finally) Stout.� That's a kind of beer.
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
Mike: Well... I'll... just show you what I'm gonna do about it... (he hits David's finger with his finger and they start to finger-fight using their fingers as swords saying all kinds of macho crap)
[Scene: game room, Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]
Mike: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?
Phoebe: No, no, it's not that. (they go sit on the couch) Uhm... Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? Well, uhm... I am. His ... his name is Mike.
Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
Phoebe: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's... he's just...
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Mike: Hey, Chandler, why dont we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow?
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, ok? Not everyone can afford help. (she and Mike leave)
Mike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel?
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?
Mike: (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?
Mike: I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
Mike: (looks at her astonished) Alright, then I'm gonna change my name.
Mike: Yeah. We have rat babies now.
Mike: I want to stay too but I've gone as bad as much use out of these boxers as I can..
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
Phoebe: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I�m not t�not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! (waves to the bar) Judy! Bye.
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?
Joey: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing". What is it?
Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!
Mike: I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you. Although I did just get out of a nine-year relationship, so I guess I should be open and taking some risks.
Mike: (looks strangely shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes what she did).
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Mike: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated.....
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.
Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)
Mike: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did.
Mike: Oh wow! Im free for her!
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
Mike: (sighs) No...
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Mike: Well I've got a book around...
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.
Mike: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.
Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).
Mike: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
Mike: Phoebe you don't have to eat...
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not (accent) Phoebe...
Mike: So...? What do you think? (looks at his parents, which look in disgust)
Mike: Wow! You look like... like my mom.
Mike: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.
Mike: Hey... Wh... What are you doing?
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Helena: Im sorry? (Holds out the mike.)
Mike: No, my parents are rich.
Mike: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.
Mike: And that's how it's done! (Phoebe kisses him)
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Mike: Well, come on...
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
Mike: No, no, no, you're doing fine, really... Why don't you go talk to my dad?
Theodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? (Theodore walks out... Mike walks towards Phoebe)
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Mike: Uhm... Did you just hit my dad?
Mike: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?
Mike: So what? I mean if even I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. And you don't have to like her. You just have to accept the fact that I do. I mean, if you even can't be civil to the woman I love...
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Mike: Awesome!
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Mike: I'm not interested.
Mike: A little better.
Phoebe: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...
Mike: You do?
Mike: Wanna get out of here?
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Mike: No, no Mike, just Crap Bag. First name Crap, last name Bag.
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Joey: MIKE!!!
Mike: Yeah?
Mike: Really?
Mike: I am Mike.
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Mike: No, I didn't.
Mike: What?!