words in movies
ROSS: Oh, it's fine.� Actually, I, I invited Mike over.
RACHEL: Phoebe's Mike?
(Phoebe and Mike enter.)
RACHEL: Okay.� You too.� And I hope you score.� (to Mike) Bye.
MIKE: Bye.
MIKE: (Holds up a six pack of Foster's Lager) I got beer.
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: Ah?� (pause)� Do you have one here?
MIKE: Okay.� (pause)
MIKE: Yeah.� (pause)� Yeah, I'm sorry.� I don't . . . I don't really like to talk about it.
MIKE:� So, you're a paleontologist, right?
MIKE: My cousin's a paleontologist.
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
MIKE: (nods) Things are about to get wild.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
MIKE: (releases a whoosh of air) Ya know, I'm going to take off.
MIKE: Well, yeah.
MIKE: Ah, you mean lager.
(Mike leaves.� Ross closes the door behind him.)
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
MIKE: Hello?
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
MIKE: Uh, no.� I just left.
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
MIKE: I can't do that!
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
PHOEBE: (knowingly chuckles) Oh, Mike.� Bye.
(Mike knocks on Ross's door.� Ross opens it.)
MIKE: Hey buddy.
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is reading from a book.]
MIKE: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing.� Fascinating isn't it.
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
MIKE: I'm so glad you're back.� (He hugs Phoebe.)
ROSS: Oh, you know . . . we just drank some beer and Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
MIKE: It's true.� I did.
PHOEBE: I know.� That was fun.� (She and Mike exit.)
MIKE: No.� Just his mom.
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: (nods) uh-huh.
[Tag Scene: Central Perk.� Phoebe and Mike are on the sofa.� Ross enters.]
MIKE: Hey.
(Ross and Mike glance at each other then both suddenly turn to Phoebe who is gone. �They sheepishly exchange glances.)
MIKE: (finally) Stout.� That's a kind of beer.
(Mike puts the ring on her finger)
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
Mike: Oh, it's just... It's up to you. It's your name. You've got to live with it.
Mike: You're a strange kind of grown-up.
Mike: Well... hey, the key works...! (he looks as if he doesn't want to believe what's happening)
Mike: So, what's new?
Mike: You really did that?
Mike: Ah! I missed you
Mike: Hey (He kisses Phoebe)
Mike: (afraid) You're kidding right?
[Scene: Phoebe is at Central Perk. Mike enters.]
Mike: Crap Bag.
Mike: Yeah, but you can't do that.
Phoebe:(not amused) Mike Crap Bag?
Mike: I'm not blowing her off, I actually just got off the phone with her, were going out tomorrow night, I mean I hope that's ok with you stranger from the coffee house.
Mike: Why don't you tell her my name?
Mike: Really?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are leaving.]
Mike: Oh! Why don't you introduce me?
Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
Mike: The woman I love... (he walks to Phoebe) I love you... Which is probably something I shouldn't say for the first time in front of my parents... and Tom and Sue...Who are by the way the most sinfully boring I've ever met in my life...
Mike: Oh, figuring out our wedding plans.
Monica: Hey! Where's Mike?
David: Allright... But... if I ever do come back from Minsk... (points at Mike) well, you just better watch out.
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be?
Mike: Hey!
(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)
Joey: You know, the baby can't read, Mike!
Mike: (To Phoebe) I want one.
Mike: Seriously. Wanna make one of those?
Mike: Really?
Mike: I do love it, and I love your name. I love Princess Consuela.
Phoebe: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa (starts crying)
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Mike: Hey, what's going on?
Mike: You know, kinda think of it, the capital of Peru IS "vtox". (opens the kitchen cabinet) Oh god! Oh!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Ross is helping with the packing, Phoebe and Mike are also there.]
Phoebe: (To Mike) Oh, you just caught me off guard! Yeah, that would be nice.
Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.
Mike: Oh! Sorry, I guess I was thrown off by the mention of my name!
Monica: (to Mike) Serve the ball, chump!
Mike: Woo-wo-hey-hey-hey... Can we not talk about that right now?
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you.
Mike: After you, miss Banana Hammock.
Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out.
Mike: So you forfeit?
Phoebe: Well no, when I get to the point where... you know... I'm ready to hear cruel mocking jokes about Mike... I'm gonna come to you.
Mike: Mom, dad, thanks for dinner.
Mike: I heard that weddings are like a 40 billion dollar a year industry.
(Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.)
Mike: It's a Speedo.
Mike: But please, let's just forget the whole thing.
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Originally written by Michael Borkow, Mike Sikowitz & Jeffrey Astrof Transcribed by Joshua Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.
(David produces the ring. At the same time, Mike walks in, behind David)
Mike: (raising his glass) Thank you guys for having us over.
Mike: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of...
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out!
Mike: 'Days of Our Lives'! That's why you look so familiar!
Mike: (to Chandler and Ross) You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle.
Monica: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
Mike: Why do you keep looking at the screen?
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here...
Mike: To see who goes first, you got a quarter?
Ross: (yelling in pain) I know nothing! Mike’s a great guy, it was hypothetical!
Mike: That's great! You changed you name?
Mike: Well, if I ever goto Minsk, you'd better watch out.
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
[Scene: Phoebe's at her apartment waiting for Mike Ross comes over.]
Chandler/Joey/Rachel/Monica: Bye bye Mike!/Cya mike!/Bye mike!/Bye bye now!
David: Right-o, right-o... (to Mike) Take good care of her. (and he leaves)
Mike: All right, that was Kenneth with his much too literal rendition of "I touch myself". Coming up next we've got Monicasinging "Delta Dawn".
Phoebe: OK fine! Please come and support Mike. You don't have to sing.
Mike: Oh, thank God. (he laughs nervously, and Phoebe gets her keychain from her bag.)
Mike: Stop! (The butler serves dinner)
Mike: I can't believe this is gonna end. I guess I'll have my stuff packed up.
Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do it! Let's live together! (They embrace and Mike kisses Phoebe) Oh god, we're really going to move in together!
Helena: I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and (She holds the mike out to the audience.)
Mike: It's just my first marriage was, you know such a disaster. I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.
Monica: Absolutely! Yes, you say to him "I'm sorry Mike I can't live without her, she means too much to me!"
Phoebe: Mike, let me ask you something. How many sisters does Joey have?
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz. .
Phoebe: That woman at the game didn't know what she was talking about. Mike, obviously you have balls.
Mike: (takes the check from Phoebe) Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. (thinking) Now... what do you think we should do?
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Mike: and you don't have to worry about glue sniffing with me. although I do smell the occasional magic marker, yeah ah anyway I just think I can make you happy.
Joey: Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike! Why couldn't I have said... (Looks through his address book) There's no guy in there!
Ross: YAY! (He continues the happiness with her by dancing around) quick thing, I went to talk to Mike.
Joey: Oh, you said it Mike. (Rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Mike: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure (they hear cracking voice from somewhere else in the kitchen, probably a rat caught in a trap) ...
(We see the screen where it says: "Mike will you marry me?" and then we see Phoebe and Mike on the screen. Phoebe stands up and kneels in front of Mike.)
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.