words in movies
ROSS: Oh, it's fine.� Actually, I, I invited Mike over.
RACHEL: Phoebe's Mike?
(Phoebe and Mike enter.)
RACHEL: Okay.� You too.� And I hope you score.� (to Mike) Bye.
MIKE: Bye.
MIKE: (Holds up a six pack of Foster's Lager) I got beer.
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: Ah?� (pause)� Do you have one here?
MIKE: Okay.� (pause)
MIKE: Yeah.� (pause)� Yeah, I'm sorry.� I don't . . . I don't really like to talk about it.
MIKE:� So, you're a paleontologist, right?
MIKE: My cousin's a paleontologist.
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is blowing a note from his beer bottle.� Ross stares off to the side.)
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
MIKE: huh.� (pause)� What's the difference between beer and lager?
MIKE: (nods) Things are about to get wild.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Ross and Mike are sitting on the sofa.� Ross is fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater while Mike blows his cheeks out.� Ross blows a piece of fuzz from his finger.)
MIKE: (releases a whoosh of air) Ya know, I'm going to take off.
MIKE: Well, yeah.
MIKE: Ah, you mean lager.
(Mike leaves.� Ross closes the door behind him.)
MIKE: (In the hall, relieved) Oh.
MIKE: Hello?
PHOEBE: (calling from the bar on her cell phone.) Hey, Mike, it's me.� Listen, is um, is Ross near you?
MIKE: Uh, no.� I just left.
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
MIKE: I can't do that!
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
PHOEBE: (knowingly chuckles) Oh, Mike.� Bye.
(Mike knocks on Ross's door.� Ross opens it.)
MIKE: Hey buddy.
MIKE: Um, can I come back in?
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Mike is reading from a book.]
MIKE: So, except for the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing.� Fascinating isn't it.
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
MIKE: I'm so glad you're back.� (He hugs Phoebe.)
ROSS: Oh, you know . . . we just drank some beer and Mike played with the boundaries of normal social conduct.
MIKE: It's true.� I did.
PHOEBE: I know.� That was fun.� (She and Mike exit.)
MIKE: No.� Just his mom.
MIKE: Yeah.
MIKE: (nods) uh-huh.
[Tag Scene: Central Perk.� Phoebe and Mike are on the sofa.� Ross enters.]
MIKE: Hey.
(Ross and Mike glance at each other then both suddenly turn to Phoebe who is gone. �They sheepishly exchange glances.)
MIKE: (finally) Stout.� That's a kind of beer.
Mike: (looks at her astonished) Alright, then I'm gonna change my name.
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I�m not t�not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! (waves to the bar) Judy! Bye.
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
Mike: I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you. Although I did just get out of a nine-year relationship, so I guess I should be open and taking some risks.
Mike: (looks strangely shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes what she did).
Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
Joey: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing". What is it?
Mike: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated.....
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.
Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)
Mike: Oh wow! Im free for her!
Mike: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did.
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
Mike: Mom, I thought I told you... Phoebe's a vegetarian.
Phoebe: Ok. I mean I know I did the right thing. You know, Mike never wants to get married and I shouldn't be in a relationship that has no future... but... pretty soon I'm gonna miss him so much. I'm gonna wanna see him again and you have to stop me from doing that.
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Mike: (sighs) No...
Mike: Phoebe you don't have to eat...
Mike: I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner. I promise.
Precious: Screw you, Mike. You're a coward and a bastard, and I hope you rot in hell.
Mike: Well I've got a book around...
Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).
Mike: Can we at least try living together? I mean you might change your mind about marriage.
Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.
Helena: Im sorry? (Holds out the mike.)
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
Mike: So...? What do you think? (looks at his parents, which look in disgust)
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
Mike: Wow! You look like... like my mom.
Mike: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.
Mike: No, my parents are rich.
Mike: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Mike: And that's how it's done! (Phoebe kisses him)
Mike: Hey... Wh... What are you doing?
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not (accent) Phoebe...
Mike: Well, come on...
Mike: No, no, no, you're doing fine, really... Why don't you go talk to my dad?
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
Mike: Uhm... Did you just hit my dad?
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Theodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? (Theodore walks out... Mike walks towards Phoebe)
Mike: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?
Mike: A little better.
Mike: Awesome!
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Mike: Wanna get out of here?
Mike: I'm not interested.
Mike: So what? I mean if even I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. And you don't have to like her. You just have to accept the fact that I do. I mean, if you even can't be civil to the woman I love...
Mike: You do?
Mike: No, no Mike, just Crap Bag. First name Crap, last name Bag.
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
Phoebe: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Joey: MIKE!!!
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Mike: I am Mike.
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Mike: Yeah?
Mike: No, I didn't.
Mike: What?!
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
Mike: That's great. What kind of music do you play?
Mike: There isn't a piano here.
Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
Mike: Really?
(Phoebe and Mike look at him, and he goes over to the counter.)
[Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.]
Mike: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go.
Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong?
Mike: what's up is Phoebe ok?
Mike: but you did say it
Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you?
Mike: Vicrum?
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
Mike: that's why she was weird.
Mike: Oh.
[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]
Mike: Definitely
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)