words in movies
Originally written by Jeffrey Astroff and Mike Sikowitz Transcribed by Josh Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan SIlverstein.
Mike: Yeah, you do that, and I go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding. (Mike walks away and Bitsy walks in the same direction.)
Mike: I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was. Now the thing I wanna say is... maybe we should have talked about this before. Us living together, you're not expecting a proposal, right?
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Mike: So...? What do you think? (looks at his parents, which look in disgust)
Mike: Wow! You look like... like my mom.
Helena: Im sorry? (Holds out the mike.)
Mike: My friend Manny. I asked him to keep me away from you.
Mike: Mom, dad, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, these are my parents: Theodore and Bitsy.
Mike: No, my parents are rich.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe at the mike.]
Mike: And that's how it's done! (Phoebe kisses him)
Phoebe: Oh please, these guys, we haven't even moved in yet and they have us picking out china patterns. (Mike seems to gag a little...and laughs nervously. They begin to leave. Phoebe bolts back)
Mike: Hey... Wh... What are you doing?
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this... I'm wanting them to get to know Phoebe, not (accent) Phoebe...
Mike: Well, come on...
Mike: No, no, no, you're doing fine, really... Why don't you go talk to my dad?
Mike: You do?
(There's booing around them, and Mike sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Mike: But, I mean, you have met... humans before, right? Look, why don't you go talk to my mom?
[Scene: Mike's parents house. Dining room again. Both Mike and Phoebe are not at the table, but the others still are.]
Mike: A little better.
Mike: Uhm... Did you just hit my dad?
Theodore: How could you know. Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? (Theodore walks out... Mike walks towards Phoebe)
Mike: Look Phoebe, It's not about you. I just never wanna get married again.
Mike: Awesome!
Mike: I'm not interested.
Mike: So what? I mean if even I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you. And you don't have to like her. You just have to accept the fact that I do. I mean, if you even can't be civil to the woman I love...
Mike: Wanna get out of here?
Mike: Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but..
Phoebe: So Theodore... I uhm... I can see where Mike gets his good looks from...
Mike: No, no Mike, just Crap Bag. First name Crap, last name Bag.
Mike: All right, stop! You know, all Phoebe has done tonight is trying to get you to like her. And maybe that hasn't been clear all the time, but she did her best. And yeah... She's a little different than you are...
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Rachel: Shake it! (Phoebe, Mike, Chandler, Monica and Joey step in)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you... Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Mike: No! It's my fault. I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Mike: No, no! What I mean is, I hate going back to my apartment now... and partly because I live above a known crack den but... mostly because when I'm there, It's just, I really miss you. So.. do you want to move in together?
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Mike: I am Mike.
Mike: Really?
Joey: Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
Mike: Well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike: Actually, I just gave up my practice.
Mike: No, I didn't.
Mike: What?!
Joey: MIKE!!!
Mike: Yeah?
Mike: It was nice meeting you!
Mike: (Joey holds up six fingers) Six!
Mike: There isn't a piano here.
Mike: Do you think that maybe, sometime, I could...
Mike: That's great. What kind of music do you play?
Mike: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go.
(Phoebe and Mike look at him, and he goes over to the counter.)
Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in?
Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong?
[Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.]
Mike: what's up is Phoebe ok?
Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you?
Mike: that's why she was weird.
Mike: but you did say it
Mike: Vicrum?
Mike: Oh.
[Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.]
(Monica opens the door and Mike is standing at the doorway)
Mike: Definitely
Mike: I just think there's somebody better out there for you, (pause) I mean I'm not saying me but. maybe me.
Mike: what's wrong?
Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross
Mike: uh huh
Mike: its Mike Hanagen
Ross: So, so, is Mike coming to dinner?
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Mike: Okay. Do you think maybe sometime I could take you out?
Mike: This is nice.
Phoebe: (returns) Okay, that was Mike.
Mike: Is this cool, huh?
Mike: Is it?
Phoebe: (impatient) I know Mike, why don't you keep digging?
Mike: You need both hands for that?
Mike: It's to my apartment.
Phoebe: I'm... I'm just... I'm the worst person ever. How can I not tell David that I'm seeing Mike?
Mike: So... how many guys have your key?
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. David is still there. Mike closes the door.]
Mike: Did you uhm...
Mike: Don't point your finger at me.
Mike: ...kiss him?
Ross: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered.
Mike: Well, I might.
Mike: It's never gonna happen again right?
Mike: Hey, what are you kidding me?
RACHEL: Phoebe's Mike?
Phoebe: I'm sooo sorry!! I just... I keep thinking about Mike! I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why-Why do I miss Mike? That's-that's gonna go away, right?
MIKE: Wha . . .?� Go back?� To the "land where time stands still"?
(Phoebe and Mike enter.)
MIKE: Eh, why don't we start with the beer?
RACHEL: Okay.� You too.� And I hope you score.� (to Mike) Bye.
MIKE:� So, you're a paleontologist, right?
MIKE: Ah?� (pause)� Do you have one here?