words in movies
Phoebe: Oh, I should go, too. Oh, now... tomorrow do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport or should Mike and I just meet you there.
Phoebe: Mike?? Who's Mike?
David: Mike is your ex... uh... boyfriend!
Phoebe: I'm sooo sorry!! I just... I keep thinking about Mike! I'm crazy about David, and we're having so much fun together. Why-Why do I miss Mike? That's-that's gonna go away, right?
David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Monica: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Monica: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
Monica: What are you serious? You wanna marry him? Wha... What about Mike?
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you want me to marry Mike? Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him and force him down the aisle. I can just see it: "Mike, do you take Phoebe..." (gestures with her hand as if someone is covering her mouth and tries to shout "No! No!") You know, it's every girl's dream!
Phoebe: Sure! Look, ok, bottom line: I love Mike... David! David. I love David. Don't look at me that way, Roseanne Rosannadanna!
Mike: Hello?
Monica: Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole "I never want to get married" thing and step up!
Mike: Who is this?
Mike: (sounds shocked and sits down) He... he's gonna propose?
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
Monica: No it's not, b'cause she's still in love with Mike!
Monica: I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David. She's clearly in love with Mike.
(David produces the ring. At the same time, Mike walks in, behind David)
Phoebe: Oh my God, Mike!
David: (turns around) Hi Mike!
Mike: Hi David. Chandler. Monica... (Looks at Monica, checking her big hair, aghast) Oh!
Mike: Hi Phoebe.
Mike: I have a question I need to ask you.
Mike: Yeah, I understand, but before you do, she really needs to hear this.
Mike: Actually yeah, that'll be great.
David: That's fair, you've had a long trip. (he leaves his seat to Mike, and stands there looking for a chair. He finally goes to Monica and Chandler's table)
Mike: Phoebe, I love you. I mean, I missed you so much these last few months and I thought we were apart for a good reason, but then I suddenly realized that there was no reason good enough to keep me from spending the rest of my life with you.
Mike: Sorry David, but she really has to know this.
Mike: We can have any future you want.
Mike: Is it ok if I hug you now?
Mike: (popping by, smiling) You're kidding, we wouldn't have missed it!
(Ross is dumbfounded to see Mike instead of David)
Mike: Oh... I'm back!
Phoebe & Mike: Yeah! (they leave)
[Scene: the hotel lobby. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in from the outside.]
(Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk away, sipping their drinks)
Mike: They have a game room downstairs! Ping pong and stuff.
(Chandler turns to Mike and gives him a "See what I mean?" look)
[Scene: the hotel game room. There is a ping pong table in the middle of the room. Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Mike walk in]
Mike: I'll play ya!
Phoebe: Mike, you don't know, you don't know what you're doing!
Mike: (disbelieving) I think I will be all right! (to Monica) You wanna volley a bit for a serve?
(Monica and Mike start to play ping pong. Mike scores)
Mike: Oh, by the way... I'm awesome!!
Mike: You're ready to play?
Mike: Wanna make it more interesting?
Mike: Ten bucks a game?
Mike: I'll make it a hundred!
Mike: To see who goes first, you got a quarter?
Mike: Oh, no! I don't think so! You know, according to standard table tennis rules if at any time a player uses his non racket bearing hand to touch the playing surface he or she forfeits the point.
[Scene: the hotel game room. Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]
Mike: Do you?
Mike: Do you?
Mike: DO YOU?
Phoebe: (looking at Mike) Oh, yeah! (turning to Chandler) Are you telling me you... you're not even... a little turned on by Monica, right now?
Phoebe: C'mon Mike, you can beat her! Knock that dog off her head!
(Mike scores)
Phoebe: (pointing at Mike and shouting) I sleep with him!
Mike: (boasting) Game, point!
Mike: You know, you should really look in a mirror before you call yourself that.
(they continue to play ping pong and then Mike scores, winning the game)
Mike: And that's how it's done! (Phoebe kisses him)
Mike: That's what I'm thinking.
Monica: (to Mike) Serve the ball, chump!
Mike: (doing Monica and mumbling): Serve the ball, chump.
Phoebe: (to Mike) Ok Mike, better come back Mike, better come back.
[Scene: game room, Monica and Mike are still playing ping pong]
Mike: Ok, so it's a tie again, 41 to 41.
Mike: So you forfeit?
Phoebe: Mike wins?
Mike: Oh, that's ok. I don't care which of them I beat.
Chandler: All right Mike, let's get this over with. Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
Mike: Ok!
Monica: (to Chandler) Oh my God. That was so amazing! When did you (pause) Hold on! I almost forgot (she turns to Mike) loser! (back to Chandler) When did you stop sucking?
MIKE: Yeah.� (pause)� Yeah, I'm sorry.� I don't . . . I don't really like to talk about it.
(Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.)
Mike: Yes. Yeah and thanks for all the wedding night advice. (walks away) That didn't make me uncomfortable at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Phoebe and Mike are watching the game. There's cheering, but Phoebe seems distracted.]
Phoebe: All right, we'll se you and Mike at the restaurant in a couple hours.
Announcer: Get a load of this... She's proposing to him. Guess we know who wears the pants in that family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems bewildered)
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship?
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up)
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof, Mike Sikowitz, Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider Transcribed by: Jim & Tracy Lambers With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!
Rachel: (angrily) No! All right?! I did not see the bird! I did not see the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam that was shaped like Mike Tyson! I did not, because I was trying to teach you how to sail a boat! Which obviously is an impossible thing to do!
David: I-I... Oh I...I just wanna say uhm... if you do ever come to Minsk, that's my number (gives Mike a business card) We'll uhm... we'll party up Vladnik style. (He leaves again)
Phoebe: Oh hi Rita! Good! (to Mike) Oh, Rita's a massage client.
Phoebe: (Mike now enters and stands behind Phoebe) Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. No, he's not in like a sissy way. No, no, no... when he gets going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave...
Mike: I know. This has been the best year... (the crowd starts cheering so he starts yelling) THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!
Mike: I'm gonna go. (He kisses Phoebe on the cheek)
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Phoebe: Well, that’s what I said, but it turns out, Mike was planning on proposing to me that same way last night!
Mike: (Plays 'air piano')
Mike: Do you even know what a banana hammock is?
Mike: Excuse me, hi. I was hoping I would run into you. Can we talk?
Joey: Everything is gonna be fine. Just follow my lead, okay? All you have to do is pretend to be Mike.
Mike: Yeah well, that's the thing. For me it's as far as it can ever go.
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof & Mike Sikowitz Transcribed by: guineapig
Written by: Jeff Astroff & Mike Sikowitz
Mike: Uhm, did you guys know that there is a giant ice sculpture in the hall?
Mike: Anyway, I just wanna give you a heads up.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's apartment.� Three pizza crusts, two bottle caps and the plastic tripod are left in the otherwise empty pizza box.� Mike is making hollow popping noises with his mouth.� He begins to speak, but stops and pops his lips a few more times and takes a drink.� Ross smiles as if he has thought of something to say, but then he stops and sinks back in a slump on the sofa.]
MIKE: All right.� I'll do it.� (Phoebe gives the thumbs-up sign to Rachel.)� But really, how much dirtier can it get?
Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait! (she takes off a ring that was already on her left ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again, but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these off.)
Phoebe: Wow, Mike Hannigan...You sure know how to make a girl say "Hell yeah!"
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
Mike: Great! Come on in! (Mike kisses her on the cheek. A butler walks in and takes Phoebe's coat.)
Mike: I intend to marry her.
(Joey walks in and looks around. He's trying to find a Mike for Phoebe)
Mike: Not possible! (they kiss, and then Mike says proudly...) She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.
Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
RACHEL: Oh give me , , ,� (Phoebe gives Rachel the phone.)� Hi, Mike?� Hi.� Listen.� I know this is a lot to ask, but you know what?� If you do this I . . . Phoebe will . . . do anything you want.� Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
Mike: Yeah, I'm serious. (sarcastic) It's fun, it's different and no-one else has a name like that!
ROSS: (takes the phone, but speaks to Mike) I don't understand what just happened here.
Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth)
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake.
Mike: I haven't been home in a couple of days and I need to get some more clothes.
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
Mike: Oh, sorry. (He digs in again and finally finds what he's been looking for. A key.)
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Mike enters.]
Mike: (puts on a fake smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it? (he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with a napkin)
[Scene: Mike's parents house, the dining room. Mike, Phoebe, Mike's parents and the Angles are there.]
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this.
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Originally written by Jeffrey Astroff and Mike Sikowitz Transcribed by Josh Hodge. Minor additions and adjustments by Dan SIlverstein.
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
Mike: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Mike and Phoebe are walking to their seats.]
Mike: I'm sorry. Are you ok with that? Cause if not...maybe us moving in together isn't the best idea.
Monica: Wow, isn't it ironic that David would show up on the same day that you and Mike exchange keys?
Mike: Maybe, before the game we could enjoy some eight year old some small batch Basel Hadens.
Joey: That's okay Mike, I have forgiven you. And now we're friends again everything's great!
Phoebe: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's... he's just...
Phoebe: So weird, you think he's so gross and you're willing to eat his crackers. (Mike throws out everything in his mouth)
Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?
Phoebe: Mike knows I'm coming, and if I don't show up he'll think it's because of him! And I don't want to lose face! That's a very serious thing in my culture.
Mike: Well... I'll... just show you what I'm gonna do about it... (he hits David's finger with his finger and they start to finger-fight using their fingers as swords saying all kinds of macho crap)
Mike: You don't have to go home tonight, do you?
Phoebe: No, no, it's not that. (they go sit on the couch) Uhm... Remember when you asked me if I was seeing someone and I said no? Well, uhm... I am. His ... his name is Mike.
Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident?
Phoebe: Monica slow down! Ok? I'm just excited to be living with him. You know I mean, I don't know, Can I see someday being married to Mike? Sure! Yeah. Y'know..I can picture myself walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that highlights my breasts in an obvious yet classy way. But do I want that house in Connecticut...you know..near the good schools where Mike and I can send Sophie and Mike Junior.. Oh my god I do.
Mike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel?
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, ok? Not everyone can afford help. (she and Mike leave)
Mike: Hey, Chandler, why dont we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow?
Mike: I'm sorry too. And just to be clear, I didn't hit his mother with a car.
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want?
Mike: (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?
Mike: (looks at her astonished) Alright, then I'm gonna change my name.
Mike: I want to stay too but I've gone as bad as much use out of these boxers as I can..
Mike: Yeah. We have rat babies now.
Mike: I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you. Although I did just get out of a nine-year relationship, so I guess I should be open and taking some risks.
(she slaps him in the face, Mike looks like he doesn't believe what just happened. Precious leaves, and he turns to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh, I love you guys too, but Mike got off work early. Wait. Wait, I�m not t�not that kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am. Bye guys! (waves to the bar) Judy! Bye.
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?
Mike: How do I and Joey know each other? Wow, if I had a nickel for every time somebody has asked me that.
Joey: (Laughs) Of course we do! Mike is playing a game that we used to play in high school. Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other. We played all kinds of games. (To Mike) Hey, remember the one where I punch you in the face for not being cool?!
Joey: Well, hey! Well... (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) Here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and... (a bit uncertain) I wanna say Mike? (pause) To Phoebe and Mike!
Mike: (looks strangely shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes what she did).
Joey: Hey, hey... I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing". What is it?
Mike: At one point near the end she deliberately defecated.....
Mike: Because I was told I'd get a free dinner, which I didn't. And that I'd meet a pretty girl. Which I did.
Mike: Okay, when I got divorced, I didn't think I'd feel this way about someone for a really long time... Then again, I didn't think I'd meet someone like you... and... this may be crazy soon, but... I want you to have this... (He tries to get something from his pocket, but it's not that easy... Phoebe looks in a "what's happening" face to him. He finally has found something) No, not... that's gum. (He digs in a little more.) Ooh, five bucks... I love it when that happens, you know... Think no note's there...
Mike: I always wanted to play piano professionally, and I figured if I don't do this now, I never will.
Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door)
Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you?
(They turn back around to see the baby Monica's carrying, but then they realise what the surprise is. Ross, Mike, Phoebe and Rachel gasp and stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)
Mike: Phoebe writes lots of great songs. Wha... What was that one you sang the other night that everybody just loved?
MIKE: (Entering the apartment) I, I was just thinking about how much more we have to talk about.
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Mike: Oh wow! Im free for her!