words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone's sitting on the couch. Monica and Joey enter.]
Monica: Hey, let me tell them!
Monica: Joey is gonna be a celebrity guest on a game show!
Monica: (stopping Joey from answering) Ohh! Fish, seaweed, a sunken ship.
Monica: Oh, that was our favourite game show ever!
Monica: Or "Win, Lose or Draw".
Monica: Oh, I can't. We're throwing Phoebe a bachelorette party.
Monica: Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie.
Monica: Yeah, we used to perform for our family and friends.
Monica: (singing) "I'm a little bit country"...
Chandler: (to Monica) I'm leaving you.
Rachel: Nooo! Phoebe, of course there is more! I mean, I'll just go and talk to Monica and get an ETA on the pee-pee's!
Monica: (to Rachel) Hey, where is this guy, it's been over an hour!
Monica: Who is it?
Monica: What's the matter, officer? Has someone been bad? (looks over to Phoebe and she opens the door, and to their dismay, the stripper is an old, short, fat guy who looks exhausted)
Monica: Are you gonna be ok, officer, uhm,...
Monica: ...If-you-say-so.
Roy: So where's the young lady who I'm supposed to take (he shakes his hips) downtown! (Monica points Phoebe)
Monica: Oh my God, this man is gonna get naked in my apartment!
Monica: Oh, no! I mean, obviously we want to see you take your clothes off! You big piece of eye candy!
Phoebe: Oh yeah, okay. I'm uptight. Yeah, that's why I don't want to watch a middle aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child halloween costume! (turns to look at Monica and Rachel who look like they feel very sorry for the stripper)
Monica: (walks towards Phoebe and the stripper) Uh, look, officer... uhm Sir...
(An 80's Rachel and fat Monica walk into the party room. Both with funny hair-do's and clothes)
Monica: I can't believe we are at a real college party! (Rachel laughs excitedly) I have to pee so bad!
Monica: Hey, you've got a boyfriend!
Monica: Look, there's Chandler. You knew, that stupid friend of Ross'. Said I'm fat. You know I've already lost 4 pounds!
Monica: I KNOW!
Rachel: Yeah, Rachel. And this (points to Monica) is Ross' sister, Monica. We met at Thanksgiving. (looks around the room as if searching for something more interesting to do).
Chandler: (smiling at Monica) Right. (to Rachel) So how're you doing?
Chandler: Hi Monica.
Monica: Hi Chandler. It's really nice to see you (rolls her eyes) NOT. (she and Rachel giggle a little and Chandler looks unimpressed)
Monica: Oh my God Rach. Bean bag chairs.
Monica: Do NOT let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.
[Flashback scene: We cut back to the 80's party. Rachel and Monica are "dancing".]
Monica: That's weird. I've had the same number of beers as you and I don't feel anything at all. (Chandler approaches)
Monica: For your information, ass munch, I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing. (A guy enters holding a pizza box)
Monica: Oh THATS ME! (she runs to the pizza guy)
[Scene: Monica's apartment. The stripper is sitting at the kitchen table. Monica, Rachel and Phoebe are standing around him]
(they sit down and Roy plays "You Make Me Feel" by Sylvester on his boom box, and starts... With his back towards the girls, he starts waving his hands, then backs towards the girls slapping his butt, then swings it around, and makes thrusting pelvic movements in front of Phoebe. He dances around the tables in between all the girls, and gets back into the kitchen part of the room. He then tears off one of his sleeves and throws it towards Monica and Rachel, who fight over who gets it. He then tears off his other sleeve and moves it back and forth between his legs, getting closer to Phoebe.)
Monica: She and Phoebe took the stripper to the hospital.
Monica: What? When was this?
Monica: Oh my God! That's wild!
Monica: Two guys in one night? Wow, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.
Monica: (screeching) OH! Oh, oh! (holding her hand in front of her mouth)
Monica: YES! (Chandler gets an "oh no!" look on his face)
Monica: I was the pile of coats!
Monica: You were my Midnight Mystery Kisser?
Monica: You were my first kiss ever?
(Monica is dancing. At first she seems insecure and moves slowly, but then gets into the groove and swings her hips from side to side while holding her hands up. She then eats the last piece of pizza she was holding and again moves her hips from side to side, pushing her hands in the air in beat with the music. Her moves get more wildly while she's snapping her fingers. She loses balance and falls back onto a pink bean bag.)
Monica: Oh, crap!
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler and Monica are there with Phoebe as Ross enters.]
Monica: Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case?
CHANDLER: Don't you think it's better for him to think that you're cheating on me, than for him to think that I'm cheating on him?� (Monica tips her head slightly as if asking "Did you hear yourself?")� I heard it.
Monica: He was in Rosss class marching band kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend.
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Monica: Okay! Okay! We can take a hint! (They start to leave but run into Phoebe with her guy in tow.) (To Phoebe) What are you doing here?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Ross: We had such a great time! Shes-shes incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasnt. It wasnt at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Monica: Oh, whatd ya bring me?! (She opens the gift) Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee?
Agency guy: (he enters with Erica) Monica, Chandler. I'd like you to meet Erica.
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
Monica: Hey, its Phoebe and Rachel. Um, why dont you tell them what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?
Monica: Because I don't work at the Szechwan Dragon.
Monica: (rolling towards the office) Im quitting!! Woo-hoo! (She rolls through a doorway and out of sight. We then hear a big crash, and see Monica roll past the door the other way.) Im okay!! Im all right!!
Monica: Oh, look! Acting for Beginners! Want to feel good about yourself?
Monica: So I made snacks. Please, just hang out okay? Im just gonna rest my eyes just a little bit.
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Monica: Ugh, I knew giving you that book was gonna come back and bite me in the ass!
Monica: Well, Ive tried everything. I give up. I guess Im not gonna be the mom who makes the worlds best chocolate cookies. I do make the best duck confit with broccoli rabe. Kids love that right.
Monica: Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's giving you away.
Monica: Im gonna go tell Joey that (laughs) that youre back. I was really worried about you. (Exits.)
Monica: Wait a minute! Now Im betting against all three of you?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.]
Monica: Im making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldnt be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monicas older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? Im-Im-Im serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) ComeHey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? Im-Im not kidding here!
Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I’m just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"
Monica: Thanks. Like, check out my new catering stuff. (Picks up two frying pans) Look at this! I'm an omelet station! Omelet? Made to order!
Monica: Oh, please, stop! Look, we're supposed to be honest with each other. I-I just wish you could tell mejust say, "I don't like your massages."
Joey: (jumping up in a hole that he is digging, he is shoulder deep) Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! (Chandler and Monica jump up and go over to the hole.) Check this baby out, dug me a hole!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandlers bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.]
Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it wont work out.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything. MONICA: No, I will not cave. RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon. ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas. [Gives him the cash.]
Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)
Monica: Youre right, youre right I shouldnt freak out. Cause this is what will happen when you and I have babies! When will that be?!
Monica: Tea gives Phoebe the trots.
Monica and Phoebe: No-wait-no-no!!!!!!!
Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me.
Monica: (In am uneasy voice.) Nope. (She chuckles uneasily.)
MONICA: My stock, MEG, it went up 2 points. Hey guys, do you realize that if I had invested my $127 in myself yesterday that I'd like have...a lot more than that today. Ya know what, I'm gonna do it.
Monica: (Reading) 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'.
Monica: (having the same problem) You're the best friend I ever had.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: Aww, sweetie, but its not like youre not gonna have anything. Youre gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways thats even better.
Chandler: Eh, theyre both good. I generally just go with, Monicas drunk again. (Monica glares at him.)
[Scene: A Bridal Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for Monica who is trying on her wedding dress.]
Phoebe: There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and its positive. Monicas pregnant. (Rachel covers her mouth.) So I guess she wont be totally alone.
Monica: Y'know those are a delicacy in India.
Monica: Thats right! Maybe its time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady old lady lady!
[Phoebe waves Monica in. Monica sneaks in with the bag with Clunkers in it and heads for Phoebe's room.]
Monica: Wait a minute, you got Ross Gellar and guest?! I wasnt invited and you got "and guest?!"
Monica: Yeah I do rock that one.
Monica: But what kind of a sick bastard wants to do it in front of a deer?
Monica: Okay. Oh but Joey, come over later because Im going to teach you to make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter.
Monica: I know, and she's always bragging about all the famous people she's met.
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
Monica: She's the actress that was in Disclosure, Indecent Proposal, Ghost!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. All but Joey are present.]
Monica: (on phone) Hi!
Monica: Hey! Where ya headin in those pants? 1982?
Ross: (in a 5 year olds tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
Ross: Monica said that did she? (He squeezes Monicas knee really hardly and Monica winces in pain.)
Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.
Monica: Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.
Monica: Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags! (Throws them into his chest.)
Monica: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)
Monica: All right, so I havent cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music.
Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer thanOhhh! (They both realize something there.)
Monica: Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day.
Ross: Uh-huh. (Steps to a random kid nearby and hands him his money.) Hey, here you go buddy. Sorry, no porn for you. (To Rachel) Okay, lets go see Monica!
Monica: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Rach, a guy from Ralph Lauren called, you got a second interview!
Rachel: Well yknow what? I hope Monica forgives you after you throw her, her vegetarian, voodoo, goddess circley shower! (Runs out.)
Monica: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like its snowballing, yknow?
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
Monica: (to Chandler) Anything but stew.
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
(Rachel sticks a marshmallow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Joey: Just being friendly. (He gives Monica a whats wrong with you? look and proceeds to walk behind the counter.)
Monica: (entering from her room) Phoebe! (Motions for the earrings. Phoebe gives her the one-minute sign.)
Rachel: You know the book says that whenever shes sleeping I should be sleeping so (She gives Monica thumbs and goes to lay down)
Joey: What?! Thats not fair! Its not my fault! I was off with my brides maid! And whos to say I wouldve even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I wouldve said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way to big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay!
Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!!
[He distracts her from catching Monica and Monica slams into her, knocking her down. Monica then falls on top of her.]
Monica: Just double checking (does so)...no, no, no...(takes off a shoe and takes a ticket out of it) No!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys are watching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.]
CHAN: OK, let's do it. [Monica looks at him funny] What?
Monica: No I'm not sure that it's the best way to hear everything. Someone get me a glass!
Monica: It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people, so technically I didn't lose.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
Monica: That place in Vermont? You can take a hint!
Joey: It's my house-warming present for Monica and Chandler.
Monica: (continuing) Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.
ROSS: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is still doing the hairball thing as Monica and Phoebe are watching the babies. I cant describe it, youll have to see it when it comes on in your area.]
Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Joey: That's right Ross, I can see you in your new apartment! And you can see me! Same as yesterday, (To Monica) same as the day before.
Monica: It meant nothing! Okay? After all this time, how can you not trust me?