words in movies
Joey: (entering) Hey Ross! Listen, do you want to go see that new Imax movie on tide pools?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
Chandler: Did that movie ever get made?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.]
[Scene: Caesar's Palace Casino, Joey is approaching one of the blackjack tables on his quest to make enough money for his movie.]
Ross: I'm sorry, man. Hey, y'know what you should do? You should make something happen for yourself. Y'know, like-like write a play. Write a movie! Huh? I mean, what about those Good Will Hunting guys?
Monica: Mhm, helpful brother - creepy loner at teen movie.
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) Thats all right. Hey you guys, you know whats going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, Im doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
Joey: Hey Chandler! Yknow that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Joey: Oh well listen, anyway shes directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!
Joey: I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt. Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God. Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big! Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business. Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me! Ross: You're right, you're right, it is.
Joey: Oh great! Yknow I wouldve been perfect for this part, but whatever! Yknow, thanks for making a bad decision and ruining your movie! Good day! (Starts to leave.)
Chandler: Hang up, hang up. And that was a great movie! (Monica hangs up) I'm so gonna get back at Ross... oh yeah, this will show him, here we go (starts typing something).
Monica: No! No you should! A lot of major actors do nude scenes! I mean the chance to star in a movie? Come on!
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
(Joey has made a little home movie that's his big scene. He braces himself against the door to his apartment and while holding a plastic gun and wearing the same sweater says )
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Rachel: Hey Mon, what are you doing now? Wanna come see a movie with us?
(The movie starts, its a vampires lair and Buffay, The Vampire Layer enters dressed in leather and carrying a wooden stake. Suddenly, the vampire opens his coffin and sits up.
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up Chandler.]
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is reporting for work.]
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. (He puts on his headset, picks up the controller, and wheels C.H.E.E.S.E. in. C.H.E.E.S.E. is just a plain old robot on tracks; he kinda looks like No. 5 in the movie Short Circuit.)
Joey: Well, the movie got shutdown because they ran out of money, so I'm working here 'til it starts up again, if it ever does.
Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married.
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? We talked about catching a movie.
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.]
[Scene: Inside Joeys Premiere, he is intently watching the movie.]
Ross: No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts to leave.) Hey! My sweater! Ive been looking for this for like a month!
Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.
Joey: Are you kidding me? I never rent a movie without it! (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Uh, okay uh let me call you back. (Hangs up.)
Joey: You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets) Okay? Ive got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey!
Ross: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.
Joey: So what movie do you want to seeAnd not another one I have to read. Okay? I get enough of that from books.
Rachel: Ooh, Phoebes here! Okay, lets turn out all the lights and well just watch the movie!
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?
Janice: Oh! Youre right. Oh God. But, before I can say good-bye, theres something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, its like, I finally understand what Lionel Richies been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, its like movie love, youre my soulmate, and I cant believe were not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie
Ross: Oh when you beeped me I was on line at the concession stand at the movie theater.
Phoebe: Maybe we can like go to a movie or something.
Chandler: Well, I suppose Id have to say you!! But, what if were watching a movie in here?
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie…
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
Monica: Hey! What did you decide to do about the movie?
Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would have said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. "Those are our men in there, we have to get them out! Even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life; my time-machine."
Joey: Mornin Pheebs. (Sits down.) Well, my movie has officially been canceled.
Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) the movie star.
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Monica: (noticing the bag Joeys carrying) Oh great! Did you get a movie?
Gunther: (In his head) Say Rachel, I was wondering if youd like to go to a movie with me sometime. As my lover! Nnnsch, to out there. Maybe youd just like to ah, get something to eat with me sometime? As my lover.
Joey: Wait a minute! Why don't I do what that guy did? I'll take this $100 and turn it into $5,000! And then I'll turn that into enough money to get my movie going again!
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
[Scene: The next time at the movie set.]
PHOEBE: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.
Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
Phoebe-Estelle: It’s a little coincidental, but believable. (Joey nods in agreement). Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t get you an audition for that TV movie.
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
Mike: (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie?
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
MONICA: Jean-Claude Van Damme. I didn't know he was in this movie, he is so hot.
Erica: Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to this place that had... Ooh... (she looks likes she is in pain, holding her belly) Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, whos boss.
Julie: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?
Ross: (sarcastic) And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie!
Phoebe: (the waiter puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it. Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the cake.
CHANDLER: [to guys wering yellow isolation suits] So, are you guys in the movie, or are you just really paranoid.
Dana: Apparently Howies editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Yknow I-I-I havent spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks theyre supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks its at seven.
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
Ross: Well, I tell you what. Why dont we uh, why dont we just stay here? Lets not see a movie, well just hang.
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude]
Joey: I dont know! Its not like its porn! This is a serious, legitimate movie. Yknow? And the nudity is really important to the story.
Chip: The movie theatre, you used to come in all the time.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and theres nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
Phoebe: Yeah. (She notices some guy putting a coat on his girlfriend is trying to remember where hes seen her before.) (To him) Youre trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, Ill give you a hint. From porn! Okay? (He tries to rush his girlfriend out.) Yeah your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! (To Joey) See?
Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie.
Phoebe: Well, same thing we did all day, hang out at Gary's apartment. He is so amazing, we never left the bedroom. But have fun at the movie.
Monica: (That annoying competitiveness thing kicks in again, what the heck is that with her and why must the writers show it every flippin' episode?!) Oh, we're not seeing a movie!
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says ) Oh no.