words in movies
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is watching Days of Our Lives. Of course its a Dr. Drake Remoray scene. Its set in a hospital room, and Dr. Wesley and a nurse are talking about a female patient with a bandage around her head.]
Nurse: Youve done all you can Dr. Wesley. You have got to let her go.
Nurse: Okay Rachel, are you comfortable?
Nurse: Why dont we try massaging the breast to stimulate the flow. (Does so.)
Joey: Yeah. Listen to the slutty nurse.
Rachel: Okay. (The nurse exits.) Oh man, I swear if they sold these at Pottery Barn
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)
Nurse: Hi!
Nurse #1: This poor guys been in a coma for five years. Its hopeless.
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Nurse: This is a hospital.
Nurse: Would you like to see a semi-private room?
Ross: The nurse said theyre bringing in another woman.
Nurse: I think I know who youre talking about.
Nurse: I dont think the next patient is very far along.
Nurse: Hes in room 816.
Nurse: Dr. Drake who?
Nurse: A doctor at this hospital?
(Another woman with a nurse and doctor enter, the woman is screaming.)
Nurse: (calling to the woman) This rooms available.
Monica: Okay. Lets hurryOh wait! Do we have a condom? (He looks at her.) Oh right! (Laughs and they resume making out when a nurse catches them in the act.)
Ross: Yeah. Shes putting her down now, thats her. (Points to the nurse putting Emma now.)
(Theres a knock on the door and the Nurse enters carrying Emma.)
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
(a nurse walks in)
Ross: Thank you. (The nurse exits.)
Nurse: (To Ross) Rossy, we're ready for you.
Nurse: Ill come back for her later.
(The doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another part of the room with him.)
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Nurse: Hey, she just woke up! Shes hungry. Why dont we give this another try?
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).
Nurse: Absolutely.
Nurse: He's under sedation, so he's pretty much out.
Nurse: We'll just get him cleaned up a bit.
Nurse: We're going to take Erica to recovery now.
(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard.)
Ross: Oh. Yeah. (Sarcastically) Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandlers really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse! (Waddles over to Mona.)
(A nurse shows another couple into the room.)
(The nurse comes out of Nana's room.)
Nurse: Mr. Bing? (Chandler jumps up) Here you are! You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)
Mona: Umm, actually Im just a nurse.
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]
Nurse: Hey! Are you ready to try nursing again?
Nurse: Just so you know, Dr. Long cant be here today, she was called to the hospital, so Dr. Schiff will be seeing you.
Joey: Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists.
Nurse: Right! We have a semi-private labor room waiting for you. So in just a minute
Chandler: (To the nurse at the nurses' station) My specimen is in the room and I just want to thank whoever knocked on the door while I was in there. Really helped speed the process along! (walks towards the common area and sees Janice is still there) Janice! You're not... gone?
Nurse: Its all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but dont worry. Itll happen.
Nurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions?
(Another nurse wheels the next pregnant woman in.)
Ross: Oh my God! Im sorry, I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot.
Nurse: Dr. Richard Burke is out of town. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)
Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me.
Joey: Well hey-hey if she needs any idea for costumes, she could be a bikini model, or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader huhOoh-ooh, Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw MassacreNo-no-no! Slutty Leatherface.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
[Scene: Rachels Doctors Office, she is waiting for her doctor as a nurse enters.]
Nurse: Im sorry, that information is restricted to hospital staff
Nurse: Im sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.
(Theres a knock on the door and a nurse enters carrying Emma.)
Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?
Nurse: Why?
Nurse: Mrs. Geller?
Nurse: You're that stupid.
Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe...
Nurse: (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm.
Nurse: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.
Nurse: Out!
Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.
Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?
(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.)
Nurse: This almost never happens!
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
Nurse: (angrily) You go get that animal outta here.
Nurse: Excuse me... This hospital is for people!
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?
Nurse: Yes, I see that here. Unfortunately we cant guarantee a private room and currently theyre all unavailable.
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Chandler: Joeys gonna be thrilled! He was hoping youd come by as a slutty nurse.
[Scene: The Western front during World War I, Phoebe, in yet another past life, is once again a nurse tending to yet another dying soldier. But this time she's doing it with a French accent.]
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was justyeah, right. Push! Push!
Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!
Doctor: Ill be right with you. Okay? (to the nurse) Thanks, Wendy.
Ross (he buzzes for the nurse) Let's see if we can get that Rachel back here.
(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room.)
Chandler: (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night?
Nurse: Dr. Burke will see you know.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)
Nurse: Well
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
Delivery Room Nurse: No.
Nurse: Hi.
Nurse: (not sure what to do with that) Okay
Male Nurse: Rachel.
Male Nurse: Hey!
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
(A male nurse enters.)
Nurse: Miss Green, your father's doctor is on the phone if you'd like to speak to him.
Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.