words in movies
Monica: Okay, the reason why I asked you guys out to brunch today is because I have been doing some thinking about who should be my maid of honor.
Monica: First of all um, I love you both so much and youre both so important to me
Monica: Well umm, I was thinking that maybe we could come up with a system where we trade of being maid of honor for each other. Like hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine
Monica: If Phoebe were my maid of honor
Rachel: Well of course we will help you decide! We will do anything we can to help you! Now, I would like to make a toast, to the future Mrs. Chandler Bing (A woman at the table behind them overhears Chandlers name and starts listening closer), my best friend, and truly one of the nicest people that
Chandler: No, see the thing is I want to get out of here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody bitch.
Phoebe: Umm, when I get married will you be my maid of honor?
Rachel: Oh my God Phoebe! I mean Im justWait a minute. If Im your maid of honor that means you are Monicas.
Phoebe: Because this one is now! And-and its two of our best friends! Who knows what youre gonna marry!
Phoebe: (gasps) You wouldnt! Okay look, Rachel I know you really want to do this, but I-Ive never been maid of honor to anyone before! And I know youve done it at least twice!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Itssince youve never done it before you can be Monicas made of honor.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Die Hard has ended, only I dont think Joey and Ross know that yet. As you see, they are both asleep. And theyre on the same couch. Which means theyre sleeping together. Not like Joey is at one end and Ross is on the other, they both happen to be lying down and sleeping together. Well, there hasnt been any clothes removed so not that kind of sleeping together. Not that theres anything wrong with that. That is unless youre a Republican in which that kind of thing will bring about the downfall of Western society, especially if they should happen to want to get married. Anyway, let me recap. No, there is too much, let me sum up. Ross and Joey are taking a nap together on top of each other and both wake-up at the same time, realize what they just did, scream, and jump up.]
Rachel: Phoebe is gonna be Monicas maid of honor!
Rachel: (shocked) You have been maid of honor before?!!
Rachel: All right thats it! I am maid of honor!
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, I can help you decide who should do it! Yeah, we could have like uh, like an audition and see how youd handle maid of honor type situations.
Joey: Like when I want a job, I go to an audition and if Im the best of the people they see, they give me the part.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are laying out the ground rules for the maid of honor auditions to Rachel and Phoebe.]
Joey: Okay, all right, this is how its going to work. Were gonna give you hypothetical maid of honor situations and you will be scored on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the highest.
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Joey: No, one man for the rest of my life? I dont know if I can do it! This means Ill never get to sleep with Joey!
Rachel: Look Monica, getting cold feet is very common. Yknow, its-its just because of all the anticipation and you just have to remember that you love Chandler. And also, I ran out on a wedding. You dont get to keep the gifts.
Joey: (out of his Monica character) Very good! Drawing on your own experience, I like that!
Rachel: Wait a minute! She just made a scene in the middle of the ceremony!
Phoebe: Hey! Do you want do you want a little taste of Pheebs?!
Ross: It is time for you to give your maid of honor speech.
Rachel: Okay! Okay! Umm, Websters Dictionary defines marriage as (Ross and Joey start writing.) Okay!! Forget that! That sucks!! Okay, never mind! Forget it! Umm, umm, okay, uh I met, I-I met, I met Monica when we were just a couple of six year olds and I became friends with Chandler when he was 25, although he seemed like a six year old.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you very much. Umm, Ive known them separately and Ive known them together and-and to know them as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love. So I would like to raise my glass (Grabs a glass and holds it up) to Monica and Chandler and the beautiful adventure they are about to embark upon together. I can think of no two people better prepared for the journey.
[Scene: A random apartment building, Chandler and Monica are knocking on the door of the woman from the beginning.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the results of their election. Somewhat faster than Florida I might add.]
Joey: All right, well first of all I would like to say that you both performed very well. Okay? You should be proud of yourselves. And-and I would also like to say that in this competition there are no losers. Well, except for RachelDamnit!
Joey: Boy I tell ya, that judging stuff took a lot out of me.
Chandler: As bad as that went I actually enjoyed myself. I think that Im going to apologize for all of the stupid things I do.
Chandler: Look you have to realize I dont think of you as a thin, beautiful woman. (Monica glares at him.) See this is one of things that I can apologize for later! Look, what I mean is youre Monica! Okay? And I am in love with Monica.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, and yknow you-you deserve to win. And-and yknow I was thinking about it, if-if youre Monicas maid of honor that means I get to be yours.
Rachel: Here is a book of poetry that I know Monica loves. And-and ohh God this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride. (Shows Phoebe the picture.) And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman. Oh and heres a little purse that I found. (Hands her the purse) Yknow I just thought that maybe they could hold the rings in there.
Rachel: And umm, vintage handkerchiefs yknow cause, people cry at weddings. (Starting to cry.) Im just gonna grab a couple of these.
Phoebe: Yknow Rach, I think that, I think you should be Monicas made of honor.
Phoebe: Well, we just decided that Rachel is gonna be your maid of honor.
Monica: (gasps) Ohh, wow! Thats great! (Rachel and Monica hug.) Oh wow! We really have to start planning! I have, I have a lot of really specific ideas! We should probably get together like four times per week. You can come over to my place; well get together before work! What do you say, 6:30, my place? Im so excited! (Runs out leaving Rachel completely stunned and Phoebe laughing.)
(Suddenly Rachel clears her throat and the camera cuts to the rest of the gang staring at them. Needless to say Joey and Ross are shocked and slowly turn their heads to see the gang.)
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...
Sandy: That's great! (He gets emotional again and waves his hand in front of his face in a feminine way, like trying to dry his tears) I'm sorry. It's just... such an emotional thing when you're welcomed into a new family...
ROSS: Um-hmm. [puts them on] I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals.
Rachel: Okay, you gotta give me some of your piece.
Monica: Well, yknow its none of my business, but arent you married?
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She runs after him, but sets of the security system, which locks the stores door and brings down a set of bars behind her, caging her in.) No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! (Points the musket at them.)
Ross: (continuing) " subcategories. The first of these subcategories is "
Phoebe: Shh! Get me out of here.
Rachel: You cant, because of the new skylight!
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Tag: If this is your idea of sexy talk? (Shakes his head that its not working.)
Rachel: and then they came back from smoking and they had made all of the decisions without me!
[Scene: The slot machines, Phoebe is still feeding quarters into the one-armed bandit as the lurker peeks over the top of the machines.]
Ross: We were drunk! I wouldve married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol!
RACHEL: Why, when did you get out of the game?
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
[Scene: The beach house, its the same scene from the end of last year, with Ross in front of the two doors of Rachels and Bonnies rooms, trying to decide which door to choose. He finally chooses the one his right and goes in.]
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk. Rachel and Amy are walking on the sidewalk.]
Mrs. Green: Well, I kinda did. Me. Eight weeks of me.
[Scene: Outside of Central Perk, Phoebe is exiting and sees a woman put out her cigarette on a tree.]
Monica: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these (she gives Chandler a bowl with cranberries. Then, while she's going outside, she sees him with a bottle of soap in his hands) Not with soap!! (she leaves)
RACHEL: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it.
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Monica: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
Monica: That really was some of your best work.
Chandler: Well, close to (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.)
Rachel: Well, yknow I was thinking of moving the couch over here.
Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joeys co-workers, walks by with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesnt look very fulfilled.
Ross: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that. (everyone's interest is piqued, they all look over)
Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls.
Monica: Oh, thats okay, I cant wait to see everything again! All of the memories
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
Ross: It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff.
Charlie: Not so much, no. He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense.
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
Ross: No they dont!!! (He runs to the bedroom to check and returns with his box of condoms.) Well they should put it in huge black letters!!!!
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
Devon: Do you realise that we have not seen each other since the night of that U2 concert?
Ross: Professor Neuman, the head of the department, so .
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: And of course, crotchless panties.
MONICA: Oh I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation.� You know, like, "Hi, How do I look?"� (As Chandler) "Really sexy.� Could I BE any more turned on?"
Kristen: Well Joey doesnt like to talk about it but, hes one of the stars of Days Of Our Lives.
[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]
Phoebe: Least of all you.
Rachel: (glares at him) Get out, get out of my apartment.
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is collecting donations and ringing her bell.]
Chandler: Yeah, Ill take care of it.
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Phoebe: Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachels dessert is...[about to say bad] so good that I eat all of it. Theres none left for anybody else!
(Chandler walks over to where the rest of the gang is.)
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.
Ross: Phoebe! You're note, amazing! Not only did no one touch my sandwich, but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me mental! Mental Geller, yeah, I always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Phoebe: Well not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor who I put food out for, you know. Kinda like Santa. Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies.
Joey: Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown didnt count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose breaking.
Monica: Uh, so anyway, we thought one of you could read something during the ceremony.
Monica: Yeah, it's just we don't think of you as really being so much "with the words".
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
Chandler: Is this because of the burrito thing?
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Joey: (yelling from bathroom) Hey, does somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles.
Cecilia: Oh, just years of experience.
Monica: Well, that's different. My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking?
The Fireman: The next time you want to dump a fire alarm in a trash chute, dont wrap it in a blanket that says, "Property of Phoebe Buffay not Monica."
Rachel: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.
Monica: This bottle opener. (She grabs it off of the freezer door.)
Joey: Yeah! I made it of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
Ross: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Joey: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses are heightened, y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on another level.
Joey: (laughs) Yeah! Right! (points at Monica) People eat birds... Bird meat... Now do they just fly into your mouth or you go to... you go to a restaurant and you say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird." (laughs again) Or... or maybe just a wing or... (realises...)
Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) Im engaged!!!!!! Im engaged!!!!
Ross: Hey you leave Marcel out of this!
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)
Joey: Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?!
Joey: But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
Joey: (examining it) Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year. (Monica drops the sandwich)
Receptionist: Were actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so were not looking for applicants right now.
Monica: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on.
Chandler: I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule at it! They should change the name of it to Ms. Chandler. (Pause) Although I-I hope they dont.
Rachel: Okay, go to the left. (Joey goes starboard or sits on the right side of the boat.) The left!
Phoebe: When she comes out, you hold her nose, Ill blow in her mouth, and the kid will just (makes a popping sound) right out of her.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Monica: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.
Phoebe: Oo! You should have one of us do it!
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and its totally legal!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]
Monica: That was that girl Megan! She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said that I couldnt have them back unless I gave her the dress!
[Scene: The Freeman Building, Ross is entering his new class completely out of breath.]
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?
Joey: What about Game 1 of the Series?
Joey: Okay. I got nominated for my part on Days of Our Lives!
Monica: Yeah, you're my husband. I'm not gonna live in a different state than you for 208 days out of the year.