words in movies
Monica: (sees someone) Paul!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Paul: Okay. Ill be right back. (Gets up and heads for the kitchen.)
Joey: Come on! Itll be fun! Me, you, and Ross, and Paul probably
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Paul: (barely glancing at her) No. What ever happened to that little dude. (Pause) So full of dreams
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey. One Diet Coke with ice.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Monica: (entering, happily) All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
Rachel: Really? Okay. Okay, I-Ill go upstairs. (to Paul) If-if you get me something from the car.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is writing something as Rachel enters.]
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Paul: Why cant you get a girlfriend your own age?
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Paul: No! No! Its just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad.
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Chandler: Im a little busy here Paul.
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Paul: Diet Coke. (Hands her the glass.)
Paul: (acting manly to try and cover up his crying) Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
Paul: Oh, you dont have to do that every time.
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Rachel: Okay. (After Paul leaves Rachel drops to the floor to confront Ross.) What?! What are you doing here?!
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul ONeil.
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Paul: Hi! Hi. (Hes looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
(Paul screams like a chicken and breaks down into tears again.)
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
Paul: Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that okay?
Paul: Good. Good. Not that we dont want you to stay, obviously youre welcomeHow much more homework do you have?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Paul: Honey, we dont have any bears here.
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Paul: Dont worry about it, I just didnt realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
Paul: Yeah?
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Joey: Who's Paul?
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Paul: Two years.
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Paul: Isn't there?
Paul: It's okay...
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Monica: You know Paul?
Rachel: No Paul, I dont know anything about you! Yknow, like-like your childhood! Tell me about your childhood!
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.
Paul: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, Ive decided to accept the fact that youre going out with her.
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, continued from earlier.]
Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
Paul: Good. Bye! (Starts to leave.)
Paul: A surfer.
Paul: A part of him did yes.
Joey: Yes, its in my In in my pocket. (Paul hasnt dropped him yet.) (Chandler starts to reach for his front pocket.) My back pocket! My back pocket!
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
Rachel: Thats-thats great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Lets go. (Gets up to leave, but Paul doesnt move.)
Chandler: No. How are ya Paul? (Starts to look for his credit card.)
PHOEBE: Paul.
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
Paul: (whispering) Okay. (Starts for the car.)
Paul: Cant complain.
Paul: Ill be right back. (He goes to get the ice.)
Paul: Neither of us like Ross!
Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)