words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
Ross: It-its great to meet you Paul.
Paul: I usually prefer Elizabeths boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens.
Paul: So Ross, what your problem?
Paul: Why cant you get a girlfriend your own age?
Paul: I dont like you going out with my daughter Ross.
Paul: Okay.
Paul: Okay. Ill give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)
Paul: Fine! Two minutes. Go.
Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Paul: Im Irish.
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
Paul: I get that a lot.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Paul: I had a sister.
Paul: She passed away.
Paul: Oh, you dont have to do that every time.
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Paul: A part of him did yes.
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Paul: Im already here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there alone as Paul enters.]
Paul: Hi! Hi. (Hes looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
Paul: No.
Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)
Paul: Thanks for your help. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: (chasing after him) Oh, wait! Sorry, Mr. Paul? Mr. Paul?
Paul: Just call me Paul.
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
Paul: Well, we were very young when we had her.
Paul: Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to (He taps his index fingers together.)
Paul: Im just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.
Paul: Yes I did.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
Paul: Hi Ross.
Paul: Yeah Ross its okay, its me, Mr. Stevens.
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Paul: Ill call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
Paul: I beg your pardon?
Paul: You have a son?
Paul: Dont worry about it, I just didnt realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
Paul: You two were married?!
Paul: How to make the next one even shorter?
Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?
Paul: Are you yelling at me?!
Paul: Really?! (She nods in the affirmative.)
Ross: Well if it doesnt matter to her, it doesnt matter to me! (to Paul) Still not yelling!
Paul: Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesnt make me like you any better!
Paul: Then we agree?
Paul: Neither of us like Ross!
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Paul: Yeah?
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Paul: Isn't there?
Paul: It's okay...
Paul: Two years.
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Monica: You know Paul?
Rachel: No Paul, I dont know anything about you! Yknow, like-like your childhood! Tell me about your childhood!
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Paul: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, Ive decided to accept the fact that youre going out with her.
Paul: Good. Bye! (Starts to leave.)
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
Paul: A surfer.
PHOEBE: Paul.
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.
Joey: Yes, its in my In in my pocket. (Paul hasnt dropped him yet.) (Chandler starts to reach for his front pocket.) My back pocket! My back pocket!
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Rachel: Thats-thats great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Lets go. (Gets up to leave, but Paul doesnt move.)
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
Paul: Cant complain.
Paul: (whispering) Okay. (Starts for the car.)
Chandler: No. How are ya Paul? (Starts to look for his credit card.)
Paul: Ill be right back. (He goes to get the ice.)
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Paul: Oh Rachel, Im so sorry. I didnt mean to overwhelm you. Its just that, when those gates open, you (Starts to breakdown.) Hard to close em. But they are closed now. Believe me.
(Rachel and Elizabeth go upstairs. Paul starts for the car, but notices his luggage is still out and decides to take in into the bedroom.)
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
Paul: Im thinking that you are looking really fine it that dress.
Rachel: All right Paul, Im not asking for a lot here. Okay? Just give me something. Anything!
Paul: I wanted a big wheel. And instead my parents got me this little plastic chicken that you hop around on. It was embarrassing; kids made fun of me. That was a pretty tough year.
Paul: Yeah. But then I changed my mind. Im funny like that. So I told Lizzie, now Im telling you, I dont want you seeing my daughter anymore.
Paul: Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, Ive written it all down!
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Paul: Im so happy that youre here.
Paul: Yes it does.
Paul: How did you know we were here?
Paul: Why are you yelling?
Paul: No, let me explain! Fired!!
Phoebe: So how are things going with Paul?
Paul: (To Ross) Hey!
Paul: (whispering) Come on.
Rachel: Okay. (Gets up and starts to leave with Paul.)
Paul: It was fine.
Paul: Nope.
Paul: Normal.
Paul: Okay.
Paul: When I was six years old.
Paul: Oh, I couldnt eat now.
Paul: Chicken? (Pointing to himself.) Chicken boy!
Paul: Okay.
Rachel: I came with Paul!
Paul: What do you need from the car?
Paul: So Lizzie, are-are-are you planning on staying the night?
[Scene: Pauls Bedroom, Elizabeth is entering.]
Paul: Ross!
Paul: Youre next!!
Paul: Ross, let me show you where the guest room is.
Paul: Hi Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hi Paul!
Paul: (To Rachel) How are you?
Paul: Good to see you too!
Paul: Ross!
Paul: Are you talking about having sex?
Paul: Okay.
Paul: It was horrible. They called me chicken boy.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is still crying as Chandler enters.]
Paul: Rachel?
Paul: Hey Chandler?
Paul: Would you .Would you hug me?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Paul is entering from the bathroom.]
Paul: Five more seconds.
Paul: That was so good. (Starts crying again.)
Paul: I would really like that. (They kiss.)
Paul: Thats exactly what my dad used to say! (Starts to breakdown again.)
Ross: Okay, okay. Uh, well uh, Rachel is going to need to yell sweet nothings (Paul enters) in his ear.
[Scene: Rachels Bedroom, Paul and Rachel are recovering.]
Ross: Okay, please-please Paul, just let me explain