words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
Ross: It-its great to meet you Paul.
Paul: I usually prefer Elizabeths boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens.
Paul: So Ross, what your problem?
Paul: Why cant you get a girlfriend your own age?
Paul: I dont like you going out with my daughter Ross.
Paul: Okay.
Paul: Okay. Ill give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)
Paul: Fine! Two minutes. Go.
Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Paul: Im Irish.
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
Paul: I get that a lot.
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Paul: I had a sister.
Paul: She passed away.
Paul: Oh, you dont have to do that every time.
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Paul: A part of him did yes.
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Paul: Im already here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there alone as Paul enters.]
Paul: Hi! Hi. (Hes looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
Paul: No.
Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)
Paul: Thanks for your help. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: (chasing after him) Oh, wait! Sorry, Mr. Paul? Mr. Paul?
Paul: Just call me Paul.
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
Paul: Well, we were very young when we had her.
Paul: Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to (He taps his index fingers together.)
Paul: Im just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.
Paul: Yes I did.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
Paul: Hi Ross.
Paul: Yeah Ross its okay, its me, Mr. Stevens.
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Paul: Ill call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
Paul: I beg your pardon?
Paul: You have a son?
Paul: Dont worry about it, I just didnt realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
Paul: You two were married?!
Paul: How to make the next one even shorter?
Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?
Paul: Are you yelling at me?!
Paul: Really?! (She nods in the affirmative.)
Ross: Well if it doesnt matter to her, it doesnt matter to me! (to Paul) Still not yelling!
Paul: Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesnt make me like you any better!
Paul: Then we agree?
Paul: Neither of us like Ross!
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
(Rachel and Elizabeth go upstairs. Paul starts for the car, but notices his luggage is still out and decides to take in into the bedroom.)
Paul: Yes it does.
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
Paul: Yeah. But then I changed my mind. Im funny like that. So I told Lizzie, now Im telling you, I dont want you seeing my daughter anymore.
Paul: Hey! I have so much more to tell ya, Ive written it all down!
Paul: Im so happy that youre here.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah, I-I-I see the scare. Listen, Paul, I think this is really great that-that yknow, you shared your feelings. Its really, its beautiful, but umm, what do you say we go share some food?
Rachel: All right Paul, Im not asking for a lot here. Okay? Just give me something. Anything!
Paul: I wanted a big wheel. And instead my parents got me this little plastic chicken that you hop around on. It was embarrassing; kids made fun of me. That was a pretty tough year.
Paul: Im thinking that you are looking really fine it that dress.
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Paul: How did you know we were here?
Paul: Okay.
Rachel: I came with Paul!
Paul: So Lizzie, are-are-are you planning on staying the night?
Paul: Why are you yelling?
Paul: What do you need from the car?
Paul: No, let me explain! Fired!!
[Scene: Pauls Bedroom, Elizabeth is entering.]
Paul: Ross!
Paul: Youre next!!
Paul: Ross, let me show you where the guest room is.
Phoebe: So how are things going with Paul?
Paul: (To Ross) Hey!
Paul: Hi Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hi Paul!
Paul: (To Rachel) How are you?
Paul: Good to see you too!
Paul: Ross!
Paul: (whispering) Come on.
Paul: It was fine.
Rachel: Okay. (Gets up and starts to leave with Paul.)
Paul: Nope.
Paul: Normal.
Paul: Are you talking about having sex?
Paul: Okay.
Paul: When I was six years old.
Paul: Oh, I couldnt eat now.
Paul: It was horrible. They called me chicken boy.
Paul: Okay.
Paul: Chicken? (Pointing to himself.) Chicken boy!
Paul: Would you .Would you hug me?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is still crying as Chandler enters.]
Paul: Five more seconds.
Paul: Rachel?
Paul: Hey Chandler?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul and Rachel are getting ready to go out. Paul is entering from the bathroom.]
Paul: That was so good. (Starts crying again.)
Paul: I would really like that. (They kiss.)
Ross: Okay, please-please Paul, just let me explain
[Scene: Rachels Bedroom, Paul and Rachel are recovering.]
Ross: Okay, okay. Uh, well uh, Rachel is going to need to yell sweet nothings (Paul enters) in his ear.
Paul: I know. I like it up here.
Paul: Thats exactly what my dad used to say! (Starts to breakdown again.)
Paul: (entering) Hi honey.
Monica: (sees someone) Paul!
Paul: Whats the matter honey? Did you see a little mouse?
Paul: Nope! That never happened to me!
Rachel: Yeah thats great Paul, but yknow I wanna know what(Puts her hands on his shoulders)Wow, those are really great! I just wanna know what, what is behind this-this strong, silent exterior. Yknow they say that still waters run deep and I wanna swim in yours.
Paul: I wanted to be one with the waves, yknow?
Paul: Elizabeth, what are you doing here?! (Motions that he brought Rachel here to be alone with her.)
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Paul: What?! I cant believe youre trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me!
Paul: (panicked) What?
[Time Lapse, Paul is now weeping uncontrollably in Rachels arms.]
Paul: (jumping up) Elizabeth! Oh look, Elizabeths here! Who are you talking to?
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
Paul: Joey! (Goes over and hugs Joey and picks him off of his feet.)
Paul: Wait! Wait! Listen! Listen to this! (Flips a couple pages and points to something.) Yknow what I wanted to be when I was that age?
Paul: Okay. Ill be right back. (Gets up and heads for the kitchen.)
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Joey: Come on! Itll be fun! Me, you, and Ross, and Paul probably
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey. One Diet Coke with ice.
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Paul: (barely glancing at her) No. What ever happened to that little dude. (Pause) So full of dreams
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Monica: (entering, happily) All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is writing something as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Really? Okay. Okay, I-Ill go upstairs. (to Paul) If-if you get me something from the car.
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
Paul: No! No! Its just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad.
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Paul: Diet Coke. (Hands her the glass.)
Chandler: Im a little busy here Paul.
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Paul: (acting manly to try and cover up his crying) Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul ONeil.
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Rachel: Okay. (After Paul leaves Rachel drops to the floor to confront Ross.) What?! What are you doing here?!
(Paul screams like a chicken and breaks down into tears again.)