words in movies
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
Monica: (sees someone) Paul!
Paul: I had a sister.
Paul: Ill call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Paul: (panicked) What?
Paul: I beg your pardon?
Paul: What?! I cant believe youre trying to stifle me! When just 14 hours ago we figured out that that is exactly what my mother was trying to do to me!
[Time Lapse, Paul is now weeping uncontrollably in Rachels arms.]
Paul: (jumping up) Elizabeth! Oh look, Elizabeths here! Who are you talking to?
Ross: Okay umm, why dont we all take a seat, yknow? And uh, and Ill get us all some uh some coffees(He goes to pull out Elizabeths chair, but Paul steps in)Yeah, why dont you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Yknow? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Paul: Yeah Ross its okay, its me, Mr. Stevens.
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Paul: Wait! Wait! Listen! Listen to this! (Flips a couple pages and points to something.) Yknow what I wanted to be when I was that age?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Paul: Okay. Ill be right back. (Gets up and heads for the kitchen.)
Joey: Come on! Itll be fun! Me, you, and Ross, and Paul probably
Paul: Joey! (Goes over and hugs Joey and picks him off of his feet.)
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Paul: (barely glancing at her) No. What ever happened to that little dude. (Pause) So full of dreams
Monica: (entering, happily) All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey. One Diet Coke with ice.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Rachel: Really? Okay. Okay, I-Ill go upstairs. (to Paul) If-if you get me something from the car.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is writing something as Rachel enters.]
Paul: No! No! Its just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad.
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Paul: Why cant you get a girlfriend your own age?
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Paul: Diet Coke. (Hands her the glass.)
Chandler: Im a little busy here Paul.
Paul: (acting manly to try and cover up his crying) Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
Paul: Oh, you dont have to do that every time.
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Rachel: Okay. (After Paul leaves Rachel drops to the floor to confront Ross.) What?! What are you doing here?!
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul ONeil.
(Paul screams like a chicken and breaks down into tears again.)
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Paul: Hi! Hi. (Hes looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
Paul: Honey, we dont have any bears here.
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
Paul: Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that okay?
Paul: Good. Good. Not that we dont want you to stay, obviously youre welcomeHow much more homework do you have?
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
Paul: Dont worry about it, I just didnt realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Paul: Yeah?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Paul: Two years.
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Paul: Isn't there?
Paul: It's okay...
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Monica: You know Paul?
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Rachel: No Paul, I dont know anything about you! Yknow, like-like your childhood! Tell me about your childhood!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, continued from earlier.]
Paul: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, Ive decided to accept the fact that youre going out with her.
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
Joey: Yes, its in my In in my pocket. (Paul hasnt dropped him yet.) (Chandler starts to reach for his front pocket.) My back pocket! My back pocket!
Paul: Good. Bye! (Starts to leave.)
Paul: A surfer.
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.