words in movies
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isnt happy.) Youre roommate in college died didnt he?
Joey: Come on! Itll be fun! Me, you, and Ross, and Paul probably
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, Paul and Rachel are sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking.]
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean Ive been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a studentI mean I notnot it! I mean, I mean I dontWe havent done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, weve-weve-weve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a jokelighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey. One Diet Coke with ice.
Monica: (entering, happily) All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Paul: (barely glancing at her) No. What ever happened to that little dude. (Pause) So full of dreams
Joey: Whoa-whoa-hey-hey! (Motions to Chandler, "Whats going on?") Hi, Paul is it? (Paul nods yes and still hugging Joey.)
(Paul reveals his presence by laughing, thus concluding standard sitcom joke 2B. Paul then pulls Ross aside to have a little chat with him and tells the rest of the group that hell just be one second.)
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Paul: And anyhow, Im sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like shes a twelve-year-old girl.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Paul is writing something as Rachel enters.]
Paul: Let me just see if I got this straight. I tell you to stay away from my daughter or Ill have you fired. What you heard was, "Take my daughter, come up to my country house, and ruin my weekend with Rachel!"
Rachel: Really? Okay. Okay, I-Ill go upstairs. (to Paul) If-if you get me something from the car.
Paul: No! No! Its just that, my dad never did. I miss my dad.
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Paul: Why cant you get a girlfriend your own age?
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Ross: All right, fine! Fine! Have me fired! But uh, I want you to know that you and I are not all that different. I mean, I too am a neat guy. (Paul just looks at him.)
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Chandler: Im a little busy here Paul.
Paul: Oh, you dont have to do that every time.
Paul: Diet Coke. (Hands her the glass.)
Chandler: Its not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybodys! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And Ive met me; I am not Paul Newman. I dont race cars! I dont make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity.
Rachel: Uh, Pauls Caf�. They got great food and its really romantic.
Rachel: Okay. (After Paul leaves Rachel drops to the floor to confront Ross.) What?! What are you doing here?!
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul ONeil.
Paul: (acting manly to try and cover up his crying) Okay. Chandler, did your dad ever hug you?
[Cut to his bedroom, Ross is listening at the door as Paul opens the door, trapping Ross behind it. With Pauls back turned Ross coils up like a snake and slitters underneath the bed.]
Paul: (To Rachel) Thank you, its my moms. So this is the kitchen.
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasnt as bad as-as
Paul: Hi! Hi. (Hes looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
Paul: Honey I made a reservation at China Garden, is that okay?
(Paul screams like a chicken and breaks down into tears again.)
Chandler: Okay, a quick one. Come on hug it out. (Paul rushes over and hugs Chandler tightly.) Oh hey! There you go. (The hug continues.) Okay. (The hug continues.)
Paul: Honey, we dont have any bears here.
Paul: Good. Good. Not that we dont want you to stay, obviously youre welcomeHow much more homework do you have?
(Ross turns his back on Paul and makes a I hate that guy face. Paul does the same thing.)
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Joey: Who's Paul?
Paul: Dont worry about it, I just didnt realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
Paul: Yeah?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Paul: Isn't there?
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Paul: Two years.
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Monica: You know Paul?
Paul: It's okay...
(Ross frantically starts to open the window as Paul enters and traps him halfway out the window.)
Rachel: No Paul, I dont know anything about you! Yknow, like-like your childhood! Tell me about your childhood!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
Ross: And I too am just a love machine. (Hums a little bit and mimics Pauls flexing.)
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Paul: Okay look, Ross, just so you know that since Lizzie likes you so much, Ive decided to accept the fact that youre going out with her.
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
[Scene: Pauls Cabin, continued from earlier.]
Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
Paul: A surfer.
Paul: Good. Bye! (Starts to leave.)
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzies mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
Paul: A part of him did yes.
Joey: Yes, its in my In in my pocket. (Paul hasnt dropped him yet.) (Chandler starts to reach for his front pocket.) My back pocket! My back pocket!
Rachel: Oh, wait yes, but I cant eat too much. Paul is taking me out to dinner tonight, he said he has a big surprise planned.
Rachel: Thats-thats great! See? I already feel like I know you a little better! Thank you. Okay, come on. Now we can go eat. Lets go. (Gets up to leave, but Paul doesnt move.)
Paul: Ross. You and I are going to have to have a little talk.
Paul: Ill call the university and tell them about your relationship and have you fired.
PHOEBE: Paul.
Paul: (whispering) Okay. (Starts for the car.)
Paul: Ill be right back. (He goes to get the ice.)
Chandler: No. How are ya Paul? (Starts to look for his credit card.)
Paul: Neither of us like Ross!
Paul: (standing in front of a mirror and to himself) Just relax. Just relax Paul, youre doing great. (Ross moves a piece of luggage over so he can watch Paul.) She likes you. She Maybe, she likes you. She likes you. Yknow why? Because youre a (pause) neat guy. (Ross cant believe what hes hearing.) You are the man. You are (pause) the man! (He opens his shirt and looks at his chest.) I still got it. Nice and sexy. Youre just a love machine. (Starts singing) Im just a love machine and I wont work for nobody but you! Hey bab-y! (Flexes and grunts loudly.) Showtime. (Starts to leave and starts singing.) Im just a love machine, yeah ba-by! (Grunts again and Ross is stunned.)
Paul: Cant complain.
Paul: (entering) Here you go honey! (Rachel kicks Ross back under the couch.)
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Paul: Oh Rachel, Im so sorry. I didnt mean to overwhelm you. Its just that, when those gates open, you (Starts to breakdown.) Hard to close em. But they are closed now. Believe me.