words in movies
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, lets plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Yknow what, I want you to take the chef job.
Phoebe: What? (He leans in to kiss her.) Oh. (They kiss and Phoebe pauses.) Ooh. (Pause) Whoa! That one kept going. (Exits.)
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
Ross: I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it'd be a really really bad idea. (pause) Or-or not! (they kiss passionately)
Chandler: I dont know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. Shes saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood.
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
Ross: I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. (pause) I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.
Phoebe: Uh huh yeah (stands up) there's just something umm, there's something you should know (Pause) Vicrum just called.
Ross: Yeah. The bartender said that they split up into two search parties, the herbivores and the carnivores. (pause) You know, we as a group are not the coolest.
Rachel: (pause) He is, isnt he? I dont know, I dont know, I mean maybe its just being here at the beach together or, I dont know. But its like something... (shes interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!
Joey: No ... the leather sticks to my ass. You know, this isn't fair. What makes you think that I'm just gonna sleep with her and then blow her off? Huh? Can't you guys open your minds to the possibility that I actally like her, and might want something real? (pause) Look, the truth is, I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel, ok? I didn't think I could ever love again.
Ross: Yeah? Me too. (Pause) Gettin a little tired though.
Joey: I don't know uhh (Pause as he thinks about it.) Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
Ross: Oh, man, I'm not going to be able to handle this. (pause) Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations.
Rachel: Ohh! Yeah! (Pause) Yeah that-that wouldve been a much simpler problem.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up.)
Kyle: we talked through most of the night and we realized that the reason we were so angry at each other was because there are still feelings there. So (Pause)
Chandler: Well you should meet my uncle, Bada. (Pause) Ill let myself out.
Joey: No! Never! Never! (Pause, then Joey wants to shake Rosss hand.) Bye.
Ross: Linda Clickclocken. (Pause) So what uh, what-what table are you at? (She shows him.) Oh, uh me too.
Chandler: (starts to recite a rehearsed speech) Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. (Pause.) Being with her has been like being on a vacation. And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to detail and(He falters and Monica prompts him.)generosity of spirit.
Phoebe: (hides her mouth behind the cup and speaks in the "pigeon voice" from before) Coo, again. Don't blame the pretty lady. It was not her fault. It was me, the pigeon, coo! (pause) Seriously, stop staring at her.
Chandler: Does that room have a closet I can lock him in? (pause) We'll take it.
(Chandler takes Monica's hand, and gets serious) Look, before we sign anything we really have to talk...(pause) We're not who you think we are.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
MIKE: (looking at his watch) Eleven minutes.� (long pause)� And now twelve.� So, do you like the beer?
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? (Pause) (Realizes) Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
Rachel: No, it's just that uhm... it feels so good... Ikea... (pause) Yeah, say hey, you'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
Chandler: Yeah, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt, (Pause) and I think my testacles may be in here too.
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of stylewhat did you throw away?
Phoebe: Hi. Listen, Im sorry about that whole thing with Roger. It really wasnt right, and I, and I want to make it up to you, so umm, I brought you something that I think youll really enjoy. (Goes into the hallway and returns carrying the Evander Holyfield cutout.) Now, this is just a loan. Okay? Im gonna, Im gonna want him back. So (Looks at him longingly) Im gonna go now. (Exits.) (Pause) (Entering) Im sorry, I thought I could do it and I cant! (She grabs the cutout and exits for good.)
ROSS: Ah?� (Mike nods.� Another pause.)� Well, he and I would probably have a lot to talk about.
Ross: She brought them up! (pause) I didn't realize you were coming back so soon!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
Ross: Yes. I mean, its what we always planned. And if you have a plan, you should stick to it. Thats why they call them plans. Hello? (Pause) Im fine.
Rachel: Yeah but how do I start? I mean, whats-whats the first thing that I say? (They all pause to think.) Okay great! Thanks. (She starts to leave.)
Paul: Ross, look, I know Ive been giving you a lot of jabs and its partly because Im very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) youre not (pause) all bad.
Chandler: Yeah I even (pause) got a ring. (Puts in on the center cushion.) Did you get a ring?
Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced classes! (Pause) Why didnt I get head of the department? (Goes and gets some coffee.)
Chandler: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of porn
Chandler: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (pause) Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!
Chandler: (pause) No, were still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.
Joey: Well because you didn't give me advice! No! You gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to y'know, build a foundation and be friends first. I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! (Pause) And her roommate!
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Joey: (to Gene) I know it could be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities but... relax, I'm just like you! (pause) Only better looking and richer.
Phoebe: (after a short pause) I didn't even think about that! (pause) Aaargh, sexual politics!!
Phoebe Sr: But umm, youre right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, (pause) ahh, (pause) okay. Im your mother.
Monica: Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I cant let(pause), actually I kinda want to see what happens.
Ross: (speaking without pause, agitated) Oh yeah? Yeah? I wonder why? What could that smarmy letch possibly want?
Ross: So then if-ifI mean if you think about it, this is all (Pause.) your fault.
Chandler: Batman has Robin! (Pause) We get ESPN right?
Chandler: Okay. (pause) And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say... chanberries!
Chandler: Oh yeah! I mean at first I hated it, but why wouldn't I, because as a man I've been trained (bitter woman's tone) not to listen! (pause) But after chapter 16: "fat, single and ready to mingle", I was uplifted.
Joey: (pause) Because Vincent, we were lovers. (Pause) For two years!
Phoebe (watching the food on the table): Wow, this is quite a spread! (pause) What is all this stuff?
Rachel: I mean, look-look today you escaped (Pause) (Not believing it) death, y'know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily?
Monica: No, no, no. Honey, I'm ok. Shake it off! (she shakes the wrist and it's more painful) Oh, no! No shaking, no shaking! Ooh! Ooh! (pause) Oh my God! I can't play!
Chandler: Joey? Got you a Joey Special, two pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joeys not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) Hes still got a chance for the part?! Oh, thats great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, thats great. I will give Joey the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the Magna-Doodle.) Yes! (Reading what hes writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked. (Pause) By dog not flowers.
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. Theres a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandlers door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
Chandler: (after a long pause) "The Firm"?
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
Chandler: Im sorry. Im-Im-Im sorry that I said I was going to when Im not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isnt Rachels fault. Its me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And Im really sorry, its just that this is not, this isnt going to work out.
Ross: (on the phone) Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. It seems you forgot a couple of things. Could you have some complimentary toiletries sent up to my room? (pause) Thank you! Ok. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss, band aids, shaving cream, after shave... and I feel like I am forgetting something... Is there anything else you have that I haven't asked for already? (pause) Yeah, go ahead, send up some tampons.
JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept with her.
Phoebe: Yes you do! This is your third divorce! You love divorce so much youre probably gonna marry it! Then it wont work out and youre gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy. (Pause) Im so drunk.
Joey: (after a long pause he starts miming again) I'm cold!
MIKE: I'll get it.� (He lunges across Ross's lap on the sofa to reach the phone.� Ross stares at him with wide eyes.)� Hello?� Ross's place.� Mike speaking.� (pause.� Hands phone to Ross)� It's for you.
Phoebe: I dont know. (Pause) Me neither.
(Joey gets up and heads for the door. After a pause Ross decides to join him.)
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!
Rachel: Oh we were, but that was just a (pause as the audience reacts), I mean that was just a big drunken mistake.
Phoebe: Yeah, I like Vince a lot, y'know? But, its just Jasons so sensitive, y'know? And in the long run, I think sensitive its just better than having just like a really, really, really nice (pause) butt. (Her eyes glaze over thinking about the butt.) (pause) Jason! Definitely Jason! Okay, wish me luck!
Phoebe: Okay, my turn. My turn. (Joey hands her to Phoebe.) Oh! Youre so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! (Pause) I wont.
Monica: You're right. (Pause) Maybe I shouldn't go.
(They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.)
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. (Pause.) I'm sorry. (Runs to the bathroom.)
Phoebe: She untied his G-string with her teeth. (Pause) Somebody stop me!
Joanna: No-ho-ho! (pause) Yeah. (pause) I mean, no-no-no-no-no, dont you worry, Im sure with your qualifications you wont need to sleep with some guy to get that job. Although, I might need some convincing.
Chandler: Joey! (Pause as they all stare at him.) No way. Im not answering that.
CHANDLER: (pause) Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
Ross: (pause) Youre right, thanks for keeping me honest dad.
Monica: Have I read it? (pause) No, are you enjoying it?
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachels reaction.) I think its great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, Im so happy for you!
Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.
Chandler: (grabbing the phone) Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. (Listens.) Well, who doesn't love dogs? (Thinks.) Ah, he's a tap dancer! (Listens.) Yes, some would say that is a lost art. (Thinks.) He's a pimp! (Listens.) There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! (Pause.) Hello?
Mr. Thompson: Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, Im quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didnt even buy it! (Pause) Im telling you Im quitting! Thats it! Im talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
Monica: No! (Pause) But, theyre callin out to me! I mean this little guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldnt mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
Joey's Date: Totally! Wow! (Pause) Would you excuse me for a sec?
Richard: Just your dad. (pause) Although thats actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sisters neighbour next Tuesday.