words in movies
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are having a diner party with Phoebe and Mike.]
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, this is fun, couples night.
Phoebe: Wow!
Phoebe: I do, he's been working on that all day! (looking at Joey)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler on their couch.]
Phoebe: Hey Mon? Was it weird changing your name to Geller-Bing?
Phoebe: Where did you go to do it?
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
Phoebe: Thanks! Honey, would you want me to take your name?
Phoebe: All right, let's see, call me mrs Hannigan.
Phoebe: What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Ooh, I like it.
Phoebe: Okay!
Phoebe: Good for you. That was really mature.
Phoebe: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's... he's just...
Phoebe: All right, prude... Look, Monica and Chandler really love this house. You are not gonna talk them into staying here.
(Phoebe whispers something in Joey's ear, but after hearing it he jumps up, shocked)
Phoebe: (to the woman behind her) This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. (she turns around and the clerk behind the counter heard her.) But you obviously haven't.
Phoebe: I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm-I'm hiding from the law. (the clerk shows no change in expression whatsoever) You're fun.
Phoebe: Okay, well, I just don't, I don't know how it works exactly. See, my name is Buffay and my husband's name is Hannigan, so is it supposed to be Buffay-Hannigan or Hannigan-Buffay?
Phoebe: Well, not anything, I mean...
Phoebe: Oh, this could take a while.
Phoebe: Okay.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Monica are there when Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, not anymore. I changed it today.
Phoebe: Wrong again! Apparently you can change it to anything you want. So I thought, all right, here's an opportunity to be creative. So meet Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Uh! Princess Consuela.
Phoebe: Uh-huh!
Phoebe: Uhm, no. I'm gonna have my friends call me Valerie.
Phoebe: What are you, what are you talking about? How did this happen?
Phoebe: Ross...
Phoebe: Can you?
Phoebe: And to knowing that your career doesn't mean everything. (Rachel mouths "aah")
Phoebe: Oh God!
[Scene: Phoebe is at Central Perk. Mike enters.]
Mike: Hey (He kisses Phoebe)
Phoebe: Welcome back!
Phoebe: Oh, me too!
Phoebe: Well, I'm no longer Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: Yes I did! Meet: Princess Consuela Banana Hammock! (She smiles from ear to ear)
Phoebe: Nope.
Phoebe: Yep.
Phoebe: Why? It's fun, it's different, no-one else has a name like it.
Phoebe: Great, okay, what are you gonna change it to?
Phoebe:(not amused) Mike Crap Bag?
Phoebe: You're not serious, right?
Phoebe: Uhu, uhu, well, then, great. If you love it, I love it.
Phoebe: And I love Crap.
Joey: (frustrated) Ahh! There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rach, you know what I mean?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are leaving.]
Phoebe: Thank you, mister Bag.
(a woman enters and recognizes Phoebe)
Phoebe: Oh hi Rita! Good! (to Mike) Oh, Rita's a massage client.
Phoebe: (shrugs) Er, Rita, this is my husband.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: (without moving her lips, wearing a fake smile) Okay, I will. (to Rita) This is my husband Crap Bag.
Phoebe: Yeah... Ogh... Okay, fine. You made your point. Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again?
Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: How about uhm... How about Buffay-Hannigan?
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan Banana Hammock.
Phoebe: It's a funny word.
Phoebe: ...Oh crap!
Phoebe: Oh, Im flaky. Ill say anything.
Phoebe: Nobody wins!
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler runs to the computer) No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler walks slowly into the kitchen)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is complaining to Ross and Monica about the bucket.]
Phoebe: Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people!
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?
Phoebe: Okay, this is what Im talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Phoebe: What, he's not still following her. Do you think he is still following her?
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Phoebe: Yeah! So--ooh, I gotta ask you though. How did you know where to find me?
Phoebe: Really?! Oh thats so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again Ill have to pound on you for a little bit.
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Phoebe: See? Im doing it. I am totally doing it. (Suddenly it stops working.) I lost it.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Monica: Oh, you can't show Phoebe this! She hates those corporate massage chains.
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Phoebe: Umm, do you know, umm Sipowicz?
Phoebe: (laughs and picks up another lure) And this?
[Scene: Phoebes apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
Phoebe: (Clears Throat) Rach, so, that guy there. Straight or gay?
Phoebe: Do you have my birth certificate?
Monica: Phoebe is going to say "Yes" to David. See, that's what happens when you meddle in people's lives!
Phoebe: .and I said Vicrum you can't just call every time you get lonely you know, you, you gave up that right when you slept with Rachel.
Bitsy: Phoebe, why don't you come in the living room and meet our friends?
Phoebe: Just pretend they're not even here! It's OK Monica, when that spotlight hits you it so bright you won't see anyoneanyway.
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
Phoebe: Oh we can't, we already have plans.
Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the money) But I think you should know that this money is cursed.
Phoebe: Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, Ill kill myself!
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Monica and Phoebe: (sympathetic) Ohh!
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
[Scene: The Girls apartment. Phoebe is dialing the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]
Phoebe: What? (He leans in to kiss her.) Oh. (They kiss and Phoebe pauses.) Ooh. (Pause) Whoa! That one kept going. (Exits.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, maybe she shouldve spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
Phoebe: Well, no, no, wait, wait, wait. All right, I gotta go. Just listen. Promise me, that you will wait a minute before you call her.
Phoebe: No reason! That would just be a really big surprise, right?
Phoebe: Oh, my first massage today is this incredibly gorgeous guy, and every time I see him I just want to do things to him that Im not allowed to charge for.
Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Phoebe: Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!
Phoebe: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachels sisters cabin. (Chandler goes back to the window to smoke again.)
Gary: (To Phoebe) Hi sweetie. (Kisses her.) Hi, can I talk to you for a second?
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Phoebe: My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon.
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler cant do it, these guys kissed (Points to Ross and Rachel.)
Phoebe: I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Phoebe: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I actually it's any baby animals: kittens, fish babies... You know... especially veal... and this, this nice vein of fat running through it... (she cuts the meat, picks it up with her fork and holds it in front of her mouth, which she keeps closed, trying to overcome her vegetarian thoughts... and... puts it in her mouth... Clearly not enjoying the meat...) Hmmm... yummy (everybody seems okay with it, except Mike. He's making a hmmmm.... face... Then Phoebe swallows it) Hmmm... (at first she likes it, but then, in an instant puts her hand in front of her mouth and runs from the table. You hear a door slamming.)
Phoebe: It was the end of the party, you were probably ironing wrapping paper.
Phoebe: (interrupting him) No listen to me! She is crazy!
(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)
Phoebe: (to the person that answered the door) Hi, Ursula.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
Phoebe: Oh thats good, I guess shell have a choice between my guy and your weirdo.
Ross: Thank you, thanks. (Sits down next to the girls) Yeah, I lost it. Yknow, Im not gonna play anymore, (to Phoebe) would you, can you finish my set?
(Phoebe starts to listen at the other wall, where Rachel's room is. There, Joey and Rachel are kissing.)
Phoebe: Okay, good. There you go. Doesnt anyone feel better?
Rachel: (fake disappointment) All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big!
Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.
PHOEBE: I know.� (sighs)�� So, what's going on with you and Ross?
Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.
Monica: Phoebe, yknow why dont we just go upstairs and have some birthday cake?
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and hes saying goodbye to Phoebe.]
Ross: Phoebe, she doesnt know that you sneak out every night, she doesnt know that you sneak back every morning, and she doesnt know that youve been living with your Grandmothers for a week now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the phone, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Ross is in the kitchen as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
(Phoebe puts the globe right up next to her eye to try and find the country.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is looking around the shop as Phoebe returns from getting some more coffee.]
Chandler: Monica, you have got to stop this competitive thing! Okay? It's crazy. {Finally! The voice of reason.} I mean, just impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this, why? Get your coat.
Phoebe: Well, yknow Im wearing layers and its warm.
Phoebe: (gritting her teeth) Okay, Ill be out in a second.
Phoebe: Mike? Okay! What's his last name?
Ross: (to Phoebe) Tell my son that I love him. (Emily returns with the water.) Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!
Phoebe: (smells at him) Chandler, you stink of cigarettes.
Phoebe: That is brand new information!!
Phoebe: You! An actor?! Thats madness!
Phoebe Sr: (on phone) Ah, oh, hang on a second. (to Phoebe) Come in, come in. (on phone) All right, so think about it, and call me back. (hangs up)
Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
Monica: I can't believe you tried to cut me out. Why Phoebe, why?
Phoebe: Hey Monica, what about your extra tickets?
Monica: Phoebe moved out.
Phoebe: Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart. What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Phoebe: No, we're late!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah try that. (He finishes and looks at her.) So, is that better?
Phoebe: I just lost a whole year of my life.
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom...
Phoebe: (knocks on the door) Jason?
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes.