words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: What you got?
Phoebe: Goodie! Thanks. So, how is it living with Rachel again? I mean, apart from the great food.
Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
Phoebe: I don't know. They're so perfect for each other; it's crazy.
Phoebe: I just wish they'd realise they should be together.
Phoebe: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.
Phoebe: You know what? Maybe once they start dating, and they see what's out there, they'll realise how good they are for each other.
Phoebe: So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna go ahead and set them up with people?
Phoebe: Yeah. (BEAT) Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realise how good they are together.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my "plan-laugh." (A maniacal laugh follows.)
Rachel: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Phoebe: Hey. I'm so excited; I just set up Rachel with the worst guy tonight.
Phoebe: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Phoebe: A teacher?
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that?
Phoebe: Joey.
Phoebe: So now what do we do?
Phoebe: What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off, but we don't tell Ross, and he goes to the restaurant and gets stood up!
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
Phoebe: It's not Santa's plan. No, it's... (Laughs the real "plan-laugh.")
Phoebe: No, I think we killed it.
Rachel: Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter. Hey, now wait a minute. Phoebe told me that - that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there. Phoebe's cell phone rings.]
Phoebe: Hello?
Rachel: Phoebe, it's me. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!
Phoebe: Hey, Rach!
Phoebe: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
Phoebe: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
Phoebe: My dear, sweet Rach.
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Phoebe: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?
Phoebe: Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes.
(Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.)
Phoebe: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.
Phoebe: Don't, don't do the plan-laugh.
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again.
(Rachel and Ross turn around and look at Phoebe and Joey with puzzled expressions on their faces.)
Phoebe: Oh, they see us! Oh, they, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!
Phoebe: Mexico!
Phoebe: Ameri-can.
Phoebe: Uh huh! If its a girl, Phoebe, and if its a boy, Phoebo!
Phoebe: Well thats great! Congratulations!! (She hugs Rachel.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, in America you're just an "ass".
Phoebe: No kind. He just makes it up.
Phoebe: You don't like ice cream?
Phoebe: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
(Phoebe mocks what Monica just said. Ross pulls Chandler aside.)
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.]
Phoebe: Listen, Roberts gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
[Pan to Monica and Phoebe having the same conversation.]
Phoebe: Uh, I dont think so!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!
Jack: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Jack!! Hey!
Phoebe: You guys!! Come on!
Phoebe: Bread, so you never go hungry.
Phoebe: Surprise! Look whos back!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Hey! (Chandler looks up, startled) Why isnt it Spiderman? Yknow like Goldman, Silverman...
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
Phoebe: (singing)
Phoebe: (entering, carrying her massage table) Hi!
Phoebe: Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, y'know, Franks always late.
Phoebe: So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross?
Phoebe: No.
Phoebe: Oh, you're no ordinary roommate are you?
Phoebe: What is that?
Phoebe: You guys!
Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined.
(they go into Monica and Rachels, and see Phoebe hopping around.)
Phoebe: Ross!!!
Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says ) Oh no.
Phoebe: Ohh, youre a freak!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isnt perfect? Everything isnt magical? Everything isnt a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker!
Jill: No! They did! (Points to Phoebe and Ross)
Phoebe: Fine. The reason that I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you is just that youre just kinda high maintenanceOkay lets go to lunch!
Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer lets see what you got. All right ya, put em up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)
Phoebe: Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are returning.]
(Phoebe takes one step after him and stops.)
Phoebe: Alex Trebek?
Phoebe: Say we are unagi!
Phoebe: Now (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)Ohoh! All right, Ill pound on him in the morning.
Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) Hello. (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well cant someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Yeah, no look, thats all right Ill come in. (hangs up phone) Um, Frank, Im really sorry but I have to go to work. Its-its one of my regulars and hes insisting that I do um.
Phoebe: Oh no, no, no, no... That's okay, that's okay... I mean, I'm... I am a vegetarian... except for veal... Yeah no, veal I love...
Rachel: (She enters and hands Phoebe the earring) Here you go. Thank you!
Phoebe: Okay then I dont have a choice! I have to buy that lamp!
(Another man walks up with a drink in his hand, Phoebe stops him too.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there, waiting to tell Frank and Alice the news.]
Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?
Phoebe: We should help him!
Phoebe: Fine! Here! Take a hike toots! (Gives back her quarter.)
Phoebe: Whats a Movement class?
Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.)
Phoebe: Im really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up.
Phoebe: Oh!
(Phoebe and Rachel return)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is holding a football helmet; and apparently, in a rather disgusting scene, Joey wants Phoebe to beat him senseless. (Luckily it isnt a long trip.) Because hes made a miraculous recovery from his hernia and wants to take advantage of all those free surgeries he can get now since hes re-established his health insurance.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh!! Thats my new thing. I figure bodies at peace, make peace.
Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating)
Phoebe: Whats that smell?
Phoebe: Oh, nobody's judging you. (They all turn and look at Ross.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: No, but hes always late.
Phoebe: So did you sleep well last night?
(Phoebe looks at Rachel.)
Phoebe: What the smell from Joeys? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
PHOEBE: I think it went into me.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Thanks Monica!
Phoebe: Yknow, I bet it would actually make my grandmother very happy to know that were trying to figure out her recipe. I bet shes l-l-lookin up at us and smiling right now.
Phoebe: Oh! (Takes the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Yeah this is Phoebe. (Listens) Really?!
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Walks to the window) Go away! (Gesturing.) Stop looking in here!
Phoebe: Okay. (Reaches for one.)
Phoebe: Now, its you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachels face and they both laugh.)
Phoebe Sr: Oh, thats okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Hi!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Listen umm, yeah okay, I need to talk to you!
Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
The Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.)
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'
Monica: Phoebe, what, what happened here?!
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)
Phoebe: Are there anymore from the good batch? Cause we could just work off of those.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Oh yeah?
Phoebe: Have you seen your guys body?
Phoebe: Cause thats just your taste.
Phoebe: Oh, Chandler funny?
Phoebe: I know. (Laughs.)