words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: What you got?
Phoebe: Goodie! Thanks. So, how is it living with Rachel again? I mean, apart from the great food.
Phoebe: Oh my god, Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her too.
Phoebe: I don't know. They're so perfect for each other; it's crazy.
Phoebe: I just wish they'd realise they should be together.
Phoebe: I know. They should be a family. They should get married and have more children.
Phoebe: You know what? Maybe once they start dating, and they see what's out there, they'll realise how good they are for each other.
Phoebe: So, what are we gonna do? Are we just gonna go ahead and set them up with people?
Phoebe: Yeah. (BEAT) Oh, I know what we can do. We could set Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates, so that they'll realise how good they are together.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know what the best part of it is? I get to do my "plan-laugh." (A maniacal laugh follows.)
Rachel: Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is drinking coffee by the counter as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Ooh, Joey.
Phoebe: Hey. I'm so excited; I just set up Rachel with the worst guy tonight.
Phoebe: Well, it's this guy I used to massage. And by massage, I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn over and flash me.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Phoebe: A teacher?
Phoebe: Well, Ross does. What... You're - you're ruining the plan! Joey, you've - you've fixed him up with his perfect woman!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: How do you even know a woman like that?
Phoebe: Joey.
Phoebe: So now what do we do?
Phoebe: What if we don't find him somebody else? We'll just tell her the date's off, but we don't tell Ross, and he goes to the restaurant and gets stood up!
Phoebe: Ooh, so this is great! Rachel's gonna have a terrible date, Ross gets stood up, and then they'll realise how good they have it together.
Phoebe: It's not Santa's plan. No, it's... (Laughs the real "plan-laugh.")
Phoebe: No, I think we killed it.
Rachel: Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter. Hey, now wait a minute. Phoebe told me that - that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there. Phoebe's cell phone rings.]
Phoebe: Hello?
Rachel: Phoebe, it's me. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!
Phoebe: Hey, Rach!
Phoebe: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
Phoebe: Oh, right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
Phoebe: My dear, sweet Rach.
Phoebe (to Joey): Well, our plan is working. Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is just stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico. (BEAT) Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Joey are walking down the street to Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Now, wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
Phoebe: How - how do I get them to name the next one after me?
Phoebe: Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes.
(Phoebe sees Rachel and Ross through the window.)
Phoebe: Oh my god! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working.
Phoebe: Don't, don't do the plan-laugh.
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again.
(Rachel and Ross turn around and look at Phoebe and Joey with puzzled expressions on their faces.)
Phoebe: Oh, they see us! Oh, they, they look mad. Oh, they figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!
Phoebe: Mexico!
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda do. (Mike lets go of her hand) Well, how's this? (she takes Mike's hand and puts it on her breast, she tears open the sugar and puts it in her coffee. Mike thinks it over and nods appreciative. After that, they hold hands again. Joey now enters, and sees the two sitting on the couch, holding hands.)
Phoebe: Good plan.
Phoebe: Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Oh. (hugs her)
Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool.
Phoebe: How can people do that?... (All but Phoebe walk away from the window in disgust.) Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!
(Phoebe walks in wearing a fancy, revealing dress, and stands before Joey)
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
Phoebe: Good!
Phoebe: What happened?
David: Phoebe! Hi!
Phoebe: David?
Phoebe: Oh my God! (they hug)
Phoebe: Yeah. What-what are you doing here?
Phoebe: Really?
Phoebe: Well... (pause) no.
Phoebe: Mike and I broke up.
Phoebe: Ok. (they walk away together)
Phoebe: I'd love to.
Charlie: Hey, there's Phoebe! Is that Mike she's with?
(Charlie and Rachel arrive. They see David and Phoebe leave)
Rachel: (To Phoebe) In case you didnt notice, that is a scary man.
Phoebe (sees the cake): oh! Now it’s a party!
Phoebe: No! Nothing with a raccoon.
Phoebe: Mike?? Who's Mike?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Phoebe: Not Joey.
[Scene: Shop, Rachel, Charlie and Phoebe walk in]
Phoebe: What are the chances? 1 billion Chinese people and they send Mike!?
Phoebe: Oh well, all right, I got (Ross hands her a bag) (To Ross) thank you, I got uh, this yknow "I want a job sweater." (Holds up the same sweater.)
Phoebe: Yeah?
[Time lapse, Phoebe is asleep, Joeys driving and having a hard time staying awake.]
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe tonight!
Phoebe: I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.
Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!
Phoebe: Wow? Really? That's fantastic!
Phoebe: That's like the third time that lady's won on a machine I was playing.
Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! So was she! Oh, Ive got-Ive got goose bumps. (She holds out her arm.)
Chandler: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
[Scene: The slot machines, we see some guy not having any luck. Both Phoebe and the Lurker are lurking him and each stick their heads around the corner at different times This is all set to that Pink Panther song. Finally the guy gives up and walks past the lurker's position, thus giving her the advantage. She scurries in and quickly drops a coin in the slot before Phoebe gets there. Phoebe arrives slightly later and pulls the arm just after the lurker deposits the coin and wins.]
David: Are... are you kidding? You know, when you don't see someone for a long time, a-a-and you kind of build them up in your head and you start thinking about: Come on, don't be crazy. Nobody is that beautiful, but... well, you are. (Phoebe seems very charmed) Well, so, uhm... are you seeing... anyone? (Phoebe is still up on a cloud from what David just said)
Phoebe: Ooh, and treat it is. (Monica�s breasts.)
(Phoebe and David walk in)
David: Uh, Phoebe, uh, I have... something I wanna say.
Phoebe: Sure, ok, yeah.
Phoebe: Oh my God, Mike!
Phoebe: No, Mike's here.
Mike: Hi Phoebe.
Phoebe: What are you, what are you doing here?
David: Phoebe, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
Phoebe: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. (To Larry) Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show!
Phoebe: David, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Yeah, I might have said yes, but that would have been wrong.
Phoebe: Yes! (they hug)
Phoebe: I want to, but I just want you to tell me that marriage isn't really that big a deal. You know that I won't, I won't be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks!
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasnt the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. Its very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh Uhh Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
Phoebe & Mike: Yeah! (they leave)
Monica: ... Phoebe...?
Phoebe: ... and...?
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Phoebe: I have new respect for Chandler. All right everybody! Its time to open the presents!
Phoebe: (points to herself) Phoebe. (points to her) Phoebe. Phoebe, yeah. She named me after you I guess.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm out.
Chandler: (to Phoebe) Did you know this about him?
Phoebe: Mike, you don't know, you don't know what you're doing!
Phoebe: Tails!
Phoebe: (smiling proudly) He was a lawyer!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment. Mike and Phoebe seem to have finished watching a movie on television.]
(Phoebe and Mary Ellen enter.)
Phoebe: So! Ross doesnt really decorate his tree with floss, but you dont hear him complaining do you? God! (Phoebe hits her guitar which wakes up Ross with a start.)
Phoebe: (to Mike) Ok Mike, better come back Mike, better come back.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next day, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are baby-sitting the triplets. They each have one baby.]
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebes knowledge.]
Phoebe: Mike wins?
Phoebe: You can't do that!
Phoebe: It's like watching porn!
[Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is getting out linens for Cassie who is in the bathroom.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Is that Ross?
Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.
[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]
Phoebe: Sounds like he's with someone.
Phoebe: Get over here!
Phoebe: (whispering) Rachel and Joey! It's Rachel and Joey!!!
(they start to kiss again, and Phoebe turns to Chandler and Monica)
Phoebe: They are awfully boxy...
Monica: (also hugs the wall) Yeah, we had a great time, thank you! (walks to Phoebe)
Phoebe: That's the door. He's gone...
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
Phoebe: Shhh... This is the listening side of the wall.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Chandler. It's Phoebe. Uhm... I know that Monica is working today so...(back to Central Perk) ...I was wondering if you want to come to the movies with me and Rachel.
Phoebe: Now, what is this?
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff, so Mike could move in.
(Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh, she went to the salon alright...
Phoebe: Hey, have you guys seen Monica?