words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, its the same scene from the end of last weeks show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: Okay. (Sits down next to Phoebe.) You uh, you wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Were still married! Dont tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)
Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?
Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, were gonna be late for the movie.
Phoebe: Oh, theres a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)
Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cabs roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didnt get the annulment?!!
Phoebe: Ross?!
Phoebe: Dont be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Yknow? Mines gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.
Phoebe: So okay what? Youre gonna be married to a girl who doesnt even know about it?!Op, woman! Sorry.
Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!
Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!
Phoebe: Hey Rach!
Phoebe: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?
Phoebe: Well then youd better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: No, why?
Phoebe: (gasps) Youre pregnant!
Phoebe: Ooh! Thats good! Wow! But now if you were pregnant, what would you name it? Hint: Phoebe.
Phoebe: Guys, Im happy too.
Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)
Phoebe: Wow! Big day huh? People moving in, people getting annulled (Winks at Ross.)
Phoebe: Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!
Phoebe: Ross, its not that big a deal! So youll been divorced three times, youll still have a life, youll go on dates
Phoebe: Ross, youre being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!
Phoebe: Yknow thats really fair. Yknow? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, Ill show you! Come here.
Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldnt you date him?
Ross: And if you wait right here, Ill go get Ross. (Phoebe grabs his arm and prevents him from escaping.)
Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and shes the only one left!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is hosting an impromptu roundtable discussion with Stephanie, Karin, and Meg about Rosss three divorces.]
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you think ladies? Who wouldnt be interested? Who wouldnt want to date him?
Phoebe: Okay, what about you? (Points to Karin) Wouldnt you want a date?
Phoebe: (interrupting) Whatever! What about you Meg?
Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "Hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)
Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?
Phoebe: Well, I thought you loved her when you-when you married her.
Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!!
Phoebe: Yes, and now hes using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!
Phoebe: So? Did you get the annulment?
Phoebe: I knew it! Because you love Rachel.
Phoebe: Yeah, complicated cause of the love.
Phoebe: Ive never been more convinced of your love for her.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are talking.]
Phoebe: Oh we do, but not just yet.
Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it wont work out.
Phoebe: I know. Then, Im gonna marry Chandler for the money and youll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.
Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and thats when we get married. Well have Chandlers money and Rachels kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachels drinking problem.
Phoebe: I dont want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.
Monica: Oh honey, were close now but you-you wouldnt believe the years of-of nugies, and wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies, and....(Phoebe shakes her head like she doesnt understand) Thats where the waistband actually goes over your head.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
Monica: Sure! If you're just gonna hang out as friends, then maybe I'll join ya. You know, I'm your friend (to Phoebe) and Mike's friend (Mike is sceptical).
Rachel: Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter. Hey, now wait a minute. Phoebe told me that - that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.
Phoebe: He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." (They stare at her, dumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?
Phoebe: Ohh thats so sweet! (Her cell phone rings.) Oh! Hang on! (Quickly grabs a cigarette and starts to light it as her phone rings.) Hang onnnnnn!!! (Gets the cigarette lighted and answers the phone.) (On phone.) Go!! No! No-no! I said sell when it hits 50! 5-0, its a number! It comes after 4-9!! No, its okay. Its okay, youre allowed one mistake. Just kidding, you are of course fired.
Phoebe: How can you compare yourself to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way. You have a relationship with her, you slept together last night.
Phoebe while cutting a sweet potatoe in the air: No you're all about the fun.
Phoebe: We're just... we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! (Others start to agree but she continues) OR... or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Phoebe: Well, at least you didnt rent yours from a store called, "Its Not Too Late."
Phoebe: Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins Monica.)
Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.
Phoebe Sr: I mean, I know what Im talking about. I gave up two babies, and I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy again, and not listening) I really shouldnt have given you the puppy first.
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall?
Chandler: (To Phoebe) Yknow, its been a while since weve screamed something. Maybe we should.
Phoebe Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.
PHOEBE: Yes that's right. But still, I-, look at your purse, look at your sweater, look at yourselves.
Phoebe: Not great, but we can work on it at lunch. Okay, I can be at your apartment in two hours.
Phoebe: If I havent said it before: shes a lucky, lucky lady! So, where are you going towhat the mother of crap is up with this stuff? (Referring to the taffy, which shes been chewing this whole time.) Oh, God. Is it gum, is it food? Whats the deal? (she swallows it, finally) Oh, its nice! May I try a pink one?
Phoebe: Yknow she might not even notice hes gone.
Rachel: You know what, Im gonna do that, Im gonna call him up, and Im gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? Its Rachel Green from Bloomingdales. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, lets see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. Ill see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) Youve done that a thousand times?
Singer: Okay, my next songs called: Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldnt Have Left You That Way.
Phoebe: (grabs and shakes Rachel) Just calm down woman!
Phoebe: Okay, bye. Alright, so Mike's on his way over. See, you thought you guys were meeting here, and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so you know... Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. Point is... I'm gonna take off.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Rachel, Phoebe, and Julio are consoling Joey and Chandler.]
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?
Phoebe: Really?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and yknow you can die. And, you would die!
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
Phoebe: There is a speakerphone on the base unit...
Phoebe: Well look-look, okay Ross, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her.
PHOEBE: 'Cause my, my grandmother's never had chicken pox. Please, please tell me you have, 'cause oh my God, I forgot how cute you are.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Shhh! Im on a call! (On phone) Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. Its umm, its umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe yknow after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. (Listens) Okay, well okay Ill see you then. (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up.)
Phoebe: (seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!
[Scene: Ursulas apartment, Phoebe is going to confront her twin about her new porn career.]
Phoebe: Okay, I asked for the news, not the weather.
Chandler: (singing) Ill hold you close in my arms. (Phoebe enters) I cant resist your charms. And love....
Phoebe: But I don't think I can! it was ok to move in when I didn't know what was gonna happen, but I can't move in knowing that nothing is ever gonna happen.
Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig.
[This starts another series of flashbacks about Joeys hobbies. The first one is from Episode 703: The One With Phoebes Cookies, Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail his boat, the Mr. Bowmont.]
Phoebe: Oh, Im flaky. Ill say anything.
Phoebe: Nobody wins!
(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. Hes just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell hes doing.)
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler runs to the computer) No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler walks slowly into the kitchen)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is complaining to Ross and Monica about the bucket.]
Phoebe: Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people!
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
(Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey all scooch over to let them sit down.)
Phoebe: Oh! No problem! I (Cassie emerges from the bathroom and we once again visit slow motion Barry White background music land with the sexy hair-flipping thing going on, only this time Phoebe is entranced. For more information on Denise Richards you can visit your local library or look her up on the Internet at her official website at www.deniserichards.com.)
Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) Im sorry?
Phoebe: Okay, this is what Im talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Phoebe: What, he's not still following her. Do you think he is still following her?
Chandler: Listen Phoebe, hes right. People are not supposed to have heart attacks at 31.
Phoebe: Yeah! So--ooh, I gotta ask you though. How did you know where to find me?
Phoebe: Really?! Oh thats so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again Ill have to pound on you for a little bit.
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Phoebe: Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field.
Phoebe: See? Im doing it. I am totally doing it. (Suddenly it stops working.) I lost it.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Monica: Oh, you can't show Phoebe this! She hates those corporate massage chains.
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
Phoebe: Umm, do you know, umm Sipowicz?
Phoebe: (laughs and picks up another lure) And this?
[Scene: Phoebes apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]
(Chandler and Phoebe look bored to death. Monica scores and laughs)
Phoebe: (Clears Throat) Rach, so, that guy there. Straight or gay?
Phoebe: Do you have my birth certificate?
Monica: Phoebe is going to say "Yes" to David. See, that's what happens when you meddle in people's lives!
Phoebe: .and I said Vicrum you can't just call every time you get lonely you know, you, you gave up that right when you slept with Rachel.
Bitsy: Phoebe, why don't you come in the living room and meet our friends?
Phoebe: Just pretend they're not even here! It's OK Monica, when that spotlight hits you it so bright you won't see anyoneanyway.
Chandler: Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac. Issacs sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that message place with Phoebe. And Phoebes friends with Rachel. And thats the trail, I did it!
Phoebe: Oh we can't, we already have plans.
Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the money) But I think you should know that this money is cursed.
Phoebe: Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, Ill kill myself!
Phoebe: No! No! Its-its uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff!
Monica and Phoebe: (sympathetic) Ohh!
Phoebe: You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monicas guest towels?
[Scene: The Girls apartment. Phoebe is dialing the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]
Phoebe: What? (He leans in to kiss her.) Oh. (They kiss and Phoebe pauses.) Ooh. (Pause) Whoa! That one kept going. (Exits.)
Phoebe: Yeah well, maybe she shouldve spent a little less time decorating and a little more time in the bedroom.
Phoebe: Well, no, no, wait, wait, wait. All right, I gotta go. Just listen. Promise me, that you will wait a minute before you call her.
Phoebe: No reason! That would just be a really big surprise, right?
Phoebe: Oh, my first massage today is this incredibly gorgeous guy, and every time I see him I just want to do things to him that Im not allowed to charge for.
Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Phoebe: Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!
Phoebe: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachels sisters cabin. (Chandler goes back to the window to smoke again.)
Gary: (To Phoebe) Hi sweetie. (Kisses her.) Hi, can I talk to you for a second?
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Phoebe: My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon.
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler cant do it, these guys kissed (Points to Ross and Rachel.)
Phoebe: I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, (although its really just Monicas now with Matthew Perry in rehab) Monica is folding her laundry with Ross reading the paper and Phoebe standing in the kitchen.]
Phoebe: I know! But if I didnt work there, what else would I do?
Phoebe: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I actually it's any baby animals: kittens, fish babies... You know... especially veal... and this, this nice vein of fat running through it... (she cuts the meat, picks it up with her fork and holds it in front of her mouth, which she keeps closed, trying to overcome her vegetarian thoughts... and... puts it in her mouth... Clearly not enjoying the meat...) Hmmm... yummy (everybody seems okay with it, except Mike. He's making a hmmmm.... face... Then Phoebe swallows it) Hmmm... (at first she likes it, but then, in an instant puts her hand in front of her mouth and runs from the table. You hear a door slamming.)
Phoebe: It was the end of the party, you were probably ironing wrapping paper.
Phoebe: (interrupting him) No listen to me! She is crazy!