words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board and hitting the timer at random.]
Phoebe: I like our way. Oh! (Grabs a piece and jumps a bunch of Joeys like in Checkers.) Chess!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey oh, Rach wait! Do you want to go to a movie tonight?
Phoebe: What is this? Whats going on?
Phoebe: Joeys!
Phoebe: (laughs) Yeah, Im sure that happened.
Phoebe: Sure!
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.
Phoebe: Okay! I justI didnt know that you are a lesbian. (Joey smiles and nods lewdly.)
Phoebe: Okay, it just seems pretty wild and youre soyknow so vanilla.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: To Ross.
Phoebe: Okay! All right! Yeah! Cause I just cant picture it.
[Scene: A restaurant, Melissa, Rachel, and Phoebe are talking.]
Melissa: anyway, his name is Allan and weve been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. (Rachel and Phoebe politely laugh) And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
Melissa: Hmm Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority?
Phoebe: Of course! Yeah, I was uh, umm Thigh Mega Tampon.
Phoebe: Yeah! Yknow, we were really huge too, but then they had to shut us down when Regina Philange died of alcohol poisoning.
Melissa: Oh, isnt a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? (Phoebe agrees by grunting.)
Rachel: (changing the subject) Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out.
Phoebe: Really?!
Phoebe: Oh, somewhere Joeys head is exploding.
Rachel: Yeahbut come onListen, Im sorry I dont want to make you uncomfortable, but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesnt believe me.
Phoebe: Rachel, its okay. You dont have to do this. I believe you. All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa.
Rachel: Thank you Phoebe.
Phoebe: I know.
[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]
Melissa: Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I dont think Ill be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, yknow youve gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin together I (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didnt want to tell you cause I didnt think that youd return my love, and now that you have (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
Melissa: (laughs) Oh you dont have to be (Laughs again) sorry. Im Im obviously kidding. Im not in love with you. (To Phoebe) Im not in love with her. I dont hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I dont picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh kiss good-bye? (Rachel stares at her stunned.) No? Okay. (Hurries into the cab and drives off.)
(Suddenly, Phoebe leans in and kisses her on the lips!)
Phoebe: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Phoebe: Ive had better.
Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mother's funeral was?
Phoebe: Well, just... let's try it again.
Phoebe: Oh!
Phoebe: Hi!
Phoebe: It does, really?
Phoebe: Uh. It's not... quite what I'm saying.
Monica: I want you to meet someone really special. Phoebe, this is Erica. And this is the baby!
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Ross: Okay, well here we are. Now were in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? (sits down next to her) Look, I, (on the verge of tears) I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing. Okay? And Im sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I cant. (We see Monica and Phoebe are almost in tears.) I just cant see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much.
Phoebe: Je m'appelle Claude.
Phoebe: pelle
Phoebe: pelle
Phoebe: Je m'appelle!
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
(Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: Hey Joey.
Phoebe: Well, you're not, (she tries to smile and contain her anger, but loses it) You're not... you're not... again, you're not SPEAKING FRENCH!
Phoebe: Really, can I hear some of it.
Phoebe: I think David would probably wanna hear a few lectures.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, Ive-Ive been dating both of you, and its been really horrible. Cause y'know its been a lot of fun, for me. Umm, but I-I like you both, and I, and I didnt know how to chose, so... Im sorry, Im just, Im terrible, Im a terrible person. Im terrible.
Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
Phoebe: How could you possibly think that?
Phoebe: How old is your phonebook?
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.
Phoebe: Ooh, this is it! (Looks in the window.) Oh, thats him! Thats him!
Joey: (to Phoebe) Oh-hoh! Ha-hah! See!
Phoebe: Umm, I lost one of your earrings. I'm sorry! I am so, so sorry!
Phoebe: Horseback riding?
Phoebe: Ready... GO!
Phoebe: Archery?
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah, this is fun, couples night.
Phoebe: (checking her watch) You did it!
Phoebe: Wow!
Phoebe: Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment.
Phoebe: Thanks! Honey, would you want me to take your name?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Monica and Chandler on their couch.]
Phoebe: Where did you go to do it?
Mike: (walks to the couch with coffee for Phoebe) Here you go.
Phoebe: Okay!
(Phoebe tries to throw some quarters out the window, but she has forgotten to open the window, and she and Ross scream.)
Phoebe: Good for you. That was really mature.
Phoebe: Why? The only person my playing is bothering is you!
Monica: (pause) (to Phoebe) Chandler gets pedicures!
Phoebe: (genuinely excited about it) Yeah, yeah! And you can get rid of that French poster.
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: Uh-huh!
Phoebe: Well, not anything, I mean...
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Uh! Princess Consuela.
Phoebe: Oh, this could take a while.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Monica are there when Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
Phoebe: Ross...
Phoebe: Can you?
Phoebe: Oh God!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, happy needless-turkey-murder day.
Phoebe: (hopping off the bike) Wait! This seat is really uncomfortable! Yeah, maybe before we start we should just get another one. Perhaps, like an airplane seator a beanbag chair!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Rachel enters carrying a shopping bag.]
Phoebe: (slowly) Je m'appelle Claude.
Phoebe: Oh, me too!
Phoebe: Yep.
Phoebe: Welcome back!
Phoebe: Nope.
Mike: Hey (He kisses Phoebe)
Rachel: That-that is your make out buddy. Dont you recognize him? (Holding up the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.
Phoebe: You're not serious, right?
Phoebe:(not amused) Mike Crap Bag?
Phoebe: Great, okay, what are you gonna change it to?
Phoebe: And I love Crap.
Phoebe: Okay (walks out and closes the door behind her, looks up and whispers) If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. I love you.
Chandler: Uh-huh, and I got all the top ten scores, I erased Phoebe off the board! High five! (Holds up his hand to give Monica a high five, only he cant straighten his fingers.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel at the Spa. Phoebe is still massaging Rachel]
Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing!
Phoebe: Shhh! Shhhh! Joeys asleep.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Phoebe: Thank you, mister Bag.
(a woman enters and recognizes Phoebe)
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are leaving.]
Phoebe: How about uhm... How about Buffay-Hannigan?
Phoebe: ...Oh crap!
Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: It's a funny word.
Ross: Phoebe, I had no idea you were so conventional.
Phoebe: Im sorry, Im justIm Im just not ready for a relationship right now.
Phoebe: Good for you!
Phoebe: Ooh, what's going on?
Phoebe: Talking to Ross.
Phoebe: You okay with this?
Phoebe: She died.
Phoebe: (to Monica) Here, now I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup. And there's no chicken in the broth either, so it's really just... noodle water.
Phoebe: Yeah, she was just an agent.
Phoebe: Well, not for a little while. Let's just give him a few days to get used to everything else.
Phoebe: Is it okay if I leave this stuff here 'til Rachel's birthday party?
Phoebe: Well its justits one of those situations that I just hate. Yknow? A massage client gave me three tickets to the Helmet-Pelts exhibit at the Morgan Chase museum.
Joey: Hey Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey. Everything ok?
Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!
Phoebe: Because a promise between friends means never having to give a reason. (she leaves)
Monica: Damnit Phoebe! How did you even call him?