words in movies
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is at the sink and Chandler is looking at a ring brochure.]
Phoebe: Now, have you told anyone else?
Phoebe: You told me.
Phoebe: Yeah well, once again not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadnt been on the toilet.
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
Phoebe: Yeah, coffeehouse.
(Joey returns with a piece of pizza as Chandler and Phoebe exit.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: So how are things going with Paul?
Phoebe: Thats easy! You just have to think of him as a-as a jar of pickles that wont open.
Phoebe: No thats what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Watch this.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Okay.
Phoebe: Hi Paul!
Paul: Hi Phoebe.
Phoebe: So how are things going with you?
(Phoebe turns to Rachel and mimes remove a lid of a jar. Ross enters and Paul motions for Rachel to leave with him now.)
Phoebe: Yeah! That was so weird, huh?
Ross: Phoebe, whyd you do it?
Phoebe: I didnt do it! It was Chandler! Hes Hes mad at you!
Phoebe: Please, I think you know why.
Phoebe: Come on Ross, youre a paleontologist, dig a little deeper.
Phoebe: Do you think thats something that hed be mad at you for?
Phoebe: Well then I think thats it.
Phoebe: Oh, if thats what you want you then you really should run his head under hot water and bang his head against a table.
[Scene: A Jewelry Shop, Chandler and Phoebe are looking at engagement rings.]
Phoebe: Okay, so maybe you dont get her a ring. Maybe you-maybe you do something different. Yknow? Maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, yknow? Or an engagement tiara? Orooh! An engagement Revolutionary War musket! (Picks one up from the display in the corner.
Phoebe: Huh? Can you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
Phoebe: (coming over after returning the musket) Wait a minute, no, this is, this is the reason you brought me. Okay? I know how to haggle. So let me handle this from here on out.
Phoebe: Or not, whatever.
Phoebe: Chandler, I-I will handle this! (To the jeweler) How much is it?
Phoebe: We will give you $10.
Phoebe: We stand firm at $10.
Chandler: Uh, credit card. (Reaches for it then realizes) Oh no! No-no, but I left my credit card with Joey. (To Phoebe) Okay, Ill go get it. You guard the ring.
Phoebe: Okay. (To the jeweler) Listen, Im sorry about before. Do you have anything her for $10.
Phoebe: Ill give you $1 for them.
Ross: Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Phoebe is busy trying on virtually everything in the store. Shes got earrings, rings, bracelets, and enough necklaces to put Mr. T to shame on.]
Phoebe: Okay umm, Id also like to try on the tiara. (The male jeweler hands it to her.) Oh yeah. Okay. (Puts it on.) (To the jeweler) What do you think, too much?
Phoebe: Okay. Then, take the tiara back and let me hold the musket again. (He hands it to her and Phoebe poses in front of one of those small mirrors.) Somethings missing. Its not Okay oh, let me see the ring my friend picked out.
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She runs after him, but sets of the security system, which locks the stores door and brings down a set of bars behind her, caging her in.) No! What?! Help me! Let me out! Now! (Points the musket at them.)
[Scene: The Jewelry Store, Chandler is entering with his credit card and Phoebe is holding out another ring for him.]
Phoebe: Chandler, I found the perfect ring. (Holding it out for her.)
Phoebe: Oh my God Chandler, the one you picked is gone. Its over!
Phoebe: Some guy bought it. Im sorry. I tired to stop it but they (points to the jeweler) put me in jail!
Phoebe: The little jail between the doors!
Chandler: Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring!
Phoebe: I know, Im sorry! But yknow, this ring is better! Monica never even saw the other ring.
Phoebe: Maybe it was the guy.
Phoebe: (entering from her room) Hey.
Phoebe: Its not a stupid gumball machine looking ring! Its a beautiful ring!
Phoebe: Okay. There may be a way that we can get the other ring back. Cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler where he was going to propose. So maybe we can get him to trade rings or something.
Phoebe: Well you certainly cant give her that stupid gumball ring.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler and Phoebe are entering. This is the place where the guy who bought Chandlers ring is going to propose.]
Phoebe: There he is! (Points.)
Phoebe: Wow! Youre good! After this, we should solve crimes.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. (Walks over to him.) Excuse me sir? Could you come with me please? You have a phone call.
Phoebe: It is your office.
Phoebe: John?
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Here he is.
Phoebe: Wow! I would trade.
Chandler: No-no! This is my fiancee (Phoebe) and her heart was set on that ring. You dont want to break her heart now do you?
Phoebe: Yeah, do you want to break a dying womans heart?
(Phoebe coughs.)
Phoebe: Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring. See, if Im not buried with that ring then my spirit is going to wander the nether world for all eternity
Phoebe: (entering) Hi.
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Oh I know, I helped pick out the ring.
Phoebe Sr: The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened, that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.
Rachel: Phoebe, dont you think youve had enough to drink?
Phoebe: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, cause Im pregnant.
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
(He opens his present to find Phoebes sock bunny from earlier.)
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.
Phoebe: Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Phoebe: Okay! All right, let's start with the handshake. Hi.
Phoebe: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums.
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
Rachel: (stopping at Phoebes entrance) Ha!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Phoebe: Wow. Where is your luggage? (David thinks for a while)
Monica: (gasps) Ohh, wow! Thats great! (Rachel and Monica hug.) Oh wow! We really have to start planning! I have, I have a lot of really specific ideas! We should probably get together like four times per week. You can come over to my place; well get together before work! What do you say, 6:30, my place? Im so excited! (Runs out leaving Rachel completely stunned and Phoebe laughing.)
(The old lady at Phoebe's machine wins. Phoebe turns around in shock.)
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin together I (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didnt want to tell you cause I didnt think that youd return my love, and now that you have (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.)
Phoebe: (saddened) It's okay. What the hell took you so long?
Phoebe: You keep the old ones in the back, that is so ageist.
[Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.]
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan Banana Hammock.
Phoebe: But, I need your germs! I want my cold back! I miss my sexy voice.
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but Im a little more than a pretty blond girl with an ass that wont quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I believe this belongs to the father of your baby.
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Excuse me? Could you help me with something? The patient Im looking for has a broken leg and is in a wheelchair. And umm, hes like early to mid-thirties, very attractive.
Phoebe: What are people having, the garlic Martini?
Phoebe: Hey! I brought you some house warming gifts.
Chandler: No-no-no-no. (Waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other.) Hey! (Monica shushes him.)
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is finishing with her haircut and Monica is whincing.]
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling Chandler and Monica how she fought crime in her own way with the badge she found.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is recovering from her false labour.]
Phoebe: I-I cant find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! Im telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cakeooh! Cake! (Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.
Phoebe: I didnt know Playboy prints jokes.
[Cut to Rachels bedroom, Phoebe and her are entering. And its obvious that shes not packed.]
Phoebe: My mom never gave birth. Oh! But my birth mom did.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna waste it! It would be like throwing away a hundred bucks!
Monica: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did.
Phoebe: Okay, whatever. Yknow what? I dont have time have time to convince you because hes only here for four hours, and Im gonna go see him! (Gets up and leaves.)
PHOEBE: Yeah, um, she was 82 years old. Her name was um, Mrs. Adelman.
Phoebe: Okay, then I must be disoriented.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are there waiting for Chandler's cyberchick to arrive]
Phoebe: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.
Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Phoebe: No, I know! I-Im sorry, but the moment I touch him, I just wanna throw out my old oath and take a new, dirty one.
Phoebe: Because she exchanges every gift she ever gets, its like impossible to get her something she likes. Come on, lets trade!
Phoebe: Yeah, no, Im fairly intuitive and psychic. Its a substantial gift.
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
Monica: So whenever youre ready to apologize to me, I will forgive you. Good day! (Monica and Phoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs. Green.) I cant feel my legs!
Phoebe: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.
(Phoebe turns to leave but notices an attractive man.)
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldnt sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
Phoebe: So, we realize thatOh no (She resets herself) Im telling it! Im telling it (She loses it.)
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done.
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Phoebe: HEY! Mike called were going out again! YAY! YAY! (She dances around with happiness)
Phoebe: Ok, well, who identified the tone of this restaurant as pretentious comma garlicky?
Phoebe Sr: Take it easy--if you want, theres cookies on the counter, or, or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria!
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Monica: My God, Rachel, I cant believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren. Ohh, Im so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)
Phoebe: Hey, you guys, listen, this weekend we're all gonna go to Las Vegas to surprise Joey! Including me!! You wanna go?!
PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home.
Phoebe: Speaking of Christmas, umm since Monica and I are starting a new business and have like no money, umm, this year maybe we could do secret Santa, and then we each only buy one gift. And-and theres the added mystery of who gets who.
Phoebe: That is nice and were done. TADA!
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybodys ass!
(She walks down the aisle with the groomsman. We cut to inside Central Perk, where Phoebe and Chandler are waiting.)
Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail?
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
Phoebe: Peace Corps, really? (Ursula motions, "I dont know.")
Phoebe: Yeah, me too. Not in the shaky angry way you are though.
Phoebe: ThatIts not the same thing! This is totally different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, hes very special to me.
Phoebe: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you (Points to Chandler) about, cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me.
Phoebe: Okay, my turn. My turn. (Joey hands her to Phoebe.) Oh! Youre so cute! Oh, I could squeeze your little head! (Pause) I wont.
Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Phoebe: Cups? You're giving me cups?
[Scene: Chandler's new window office, he is showing Phoebe around.]
Phoebe: Id better go. (She goes and sits down in the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at her.) Just over here: I dont want to miss the fight.
Phoebe: Hello, tiny embryos. Well, Im-Im Phoebe Buffay, hi! Im-Im-Im hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know, that were doing this for Frank and Alice, who you know, youve been there! Umm, yknow they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on. Okay, and-and I promise that Ill keep you safe and warm until youre ready to have them take you home, so Oh! And also, umm next time you see me, Im screaming, dont worry, thats whats supposed to happen.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]
Phoebe: Ha-ha, its not my baby, ha-ha-ha! (He leaves.)
Phoebe: Okay, scarfs done. (Its not really a scarf, its just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandlers.)
Phoebe: I know! Robin is so gay!
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Phoebe: You dont know him. Its not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby. (She sits down like shes pregnant.)
Phoebe: (to her) Hey! Dont you give me any of yourHey! (Sees Chandler and Monica standing there.)
Phoebe: She untied his G-string with her teeth. (Pause) Somebody stop me!
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!
Phoebe: Yeah I know, it was my candle. My candle!
Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;and away they all flew like the down of a thistle; but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"
Phoebe: That's right! Oh, yeah... Well, I've totally forgotten about im! AH! That's-That's... a blast from the past!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, well! But umm, still Im-Im mad at you.
Phoebe: You know, I'm always right about these things.
[Scene: The Charity Event, theyre holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]
Phoebe: Relax, its not like were forking.
Phoebe: (to Ross) Im telling you, if you want to take care of that thing, you should go to my herbal guy.