words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]
Phoebe: Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, what?
Phoebe: Oh!
Phoebe: Well, that would be great but then what do we do about Denise?
Phoebe: My roommate.
Phoebe: Yes, Denise. Denise!
Joey: Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is she cute?
Phoebe: Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her all the time! DENISE!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Phoebe: So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her?
Phoebe: You didnt tell her did you?
Phoebe: Of course not, because youre in love with her.
Phoebe: What do you mean, comforted her?
Phoebe: Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!
Phoebe: Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson. (Tries to take a bite out of Rosss cookie.)
Phoebe: Okay, just tell me this, did you or did you not smell her hair?
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a womens pheromones come out the top of her head! Thats why, thats why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, youre a scientist.
Ross: I was hugging her as a friend. Its not my fault her-her hair got in my face, shes got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh coconutty. (Phoebe raises her eyebrows.) What?! Oh, that doesnt mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe it means I have feelings for coconuts!
Phoebe: (taking his coffee) Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all right? Rachels not in the same place you are.
Phoebe: Okay, I didnt understand that, but yknow, maybe thats cause you were speaking the secret language of love!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch staring off into space as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Shhhhhh! Im swamped right now.
Phoebe: Umm, Im trying to move that pencil. (Theres a pencil lying on the table.)
Phoebe: It worked!
Phoebe: Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom, two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay " Oh, yeah, but its on the ground floor.
(She hugs him and he starts to hug her back but notices the look Phoebe is giving him and pushes her away.)
Phoebe: I saw it.
Phoebe: Umm, Im talking about that which you already know but wont admit. You love her again; you re-love her!
Phoebe: I cant believe you wont just admit it! (Pause) Okay, just promise me that you wont do anything stupid.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Uh-huh. (Phoebe grunts.)
Phoebe: Wow! Im-Im so happy for you guys. (To Ross) This is so-so, not stupid.
Ross: Oh please! (He sits down.) (To Phoebe) Youre gonna say things now, arent ya?
Phoebe: No. No, I wont. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her and he said he didnt love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And thats how she ended up living with me! (Ross looks at her.) (Pause) Okay, thats a lie.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song. Yep, the first new Phoebe song of season six, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are also there.]
Phoebe: (singing) I found you in my bed! Howd you whined up there? You are a mystery! Little black curly hair! Little black curly hair! Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly hair
Phoebe: Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
Phoebe: (on the microphone, accidentally) Yes.
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Okay.
Phoebe: She sells drugs to kids. (The guard looks at the lurker.)
Phoebe: Huh?
Phoebe: Joey! Those are my maternity pants!
Phoebe: Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and waters fine.
Phoebe: What?
Phoebe: Look, why dont you just pay for it yourself?
Phoebe: Well Its a date.
Phoebe: God Joey, this is taking forever!
Phoebe: She was?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Phoebe: Hey!
Phoebe: Yeah! (She exits.)
Chandler: I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!
Phoebe: Come on Joey, dont make me feel badly about this.
Joey: is because they were friends first. Y'know? So I asked myself, "Who are my friends?" You and Phoebe, and I saw you first. So
Phoebe: Oh, I wouldnt miss this.
Phoebe: Écoutez, je vais vous dire la vérité. C'est mon petit frère. Il est un peu retardé. (Translation: Listen, I will tell you the truth. He's my little bother. He's a bit retarded.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering without touching anything with his hands. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Monica: Phoebe, hes gotta be in the room for that to work.
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
Phoebe: (returning) Hey you guys, Hums While He Pees just asked me out!
Phoebe: Thats good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.
Phoebe: Youre right! Youre right. Dont say it.
Phoebe: Thats really beautiful. What does it mean?
Phoebe: I do too. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah?
Phoebe: Yeah, Ill do that. So who gets to be yours?
Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract him and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Monica and Phoebe sitting on the floor next to Clunkers basket.]
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]
Phoebe: Will you get us better gifts?
Phoebe: The donation we made earlier, we k…, we w…, we want it back.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Phoebe: Hey! So Chandler, wanna go to the coffeehouse?
Phoebe: Shh! Get me out of here.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are making some sandwiches.]
Phoebe: No you cant quit college! No! Youre in college? Really?
Eric: Well, I guess Ill see you at the wedding. (Exits and Phoebe follows him into the hall.)
Phoebe: Dont interrupt me!!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey, you guys. Listen, Im sorry that I was hogging the game before(Sees the top ten list)Oh my God! Your friends have some unfortunate initials!
Phoebe: (looking up) There it is! Oh, look at that! Isnt Mother Nature amazing?
Phoebe: Yeah, swing music is so out.
Phoebe: Hes just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she shouldve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)
Phoebe: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica pointing at her chest) uh, boobs.
Chandler: Well, close to (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.)
Phoebe: Okay, so after this audition, who decides who gets it?
Phoebe: Oh my God! How did you get back here?!
Phoebe: Thats not mine.
Phoebe: How do you know?
(The security guard from before approaches and Phoebe tries to turn her back on him.)
Phoebe: Yeah! What have you got to lose? Yknow you might even end up with someone really special (whispers) if you pick my guy.
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Phoebe: Thats a good idea for a business!
Phoebe: Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunnys funeral?
Phoebe: Because my psychic is dead! She mustve read the cards wrong!
Phoebe: Yes, thank you. You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Phoebe: What? What happened to the window in the attic?!
Phoebe: Hey there, you handsome thing. (Rachel and Phoebe exit.)
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Phoebe: Oh no! (She runs to see.) (Running back, excitedly) Oh! Wow!!!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
Phoebe: Oh, anyway, they say, if we want, we can see it tonight.
Phoebe: Oh thats right!
Phoebe: Ugh, I hate this year!
Phoebe: Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.
Phoebe: Oh.
Phoebe: But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant.
Phoebe: Although, dont feel like you cant visit.
Phoebe: May I ask why?
Phoebe: Chandler?
Phoebe: Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?
Phoebe: Weee!!! (Ross pushes her and lets go.)
Phoebe: IWe gotta get Monica. (She starts to leave.)
Chandler: Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.
Phoebe: (excited) John Glenn is here?!
Phoebe: Oh sorry, boyfriend!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes gotta go.
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Phoebe: Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.
Phoebe: No, whatever! Anything!
(Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear.) Monica and Rachel: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible).
Phoebe: No! No! I-I meant for the baby!
Phoebe: Uh-huh, great story! I'm going!
Earl: Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?
Phoebe: Yes.
Phoebe: Umm, look it, you-you cant kill yourself.
Phoebe: No-no I cant! I cant let you do it!
Phoebe: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
Phoebe: Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?
Phoebe: Okay, well maybe not on those levels.
Phoebe: No, its fate!
Phoebe: No! I definitely don't wanna get married. No I just wanted to make sure you didn't want to too. Whew! Coz you know when we move in and you start changing your mind there's gonna be hell to pay mister!
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)