words in movies
Phoebe: That’s right, I've prepared a song for Emma. From my heart to hers. For there’s no greater gift, than the gift of music. (she starts singing) Emma! Your name poses a dilemma. 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma! Maybe the actor Richard Crenna, he played the commanding officer in Rambo. Happy birthday Emma!
Richard: Yeah! Youre saying, you need to be with someone more mature. Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Richard are there]
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Richard: Its so great seeing you guys again. Id like to make a toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, hes smoking a cigar and reading a book as there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal ]
Monica: What? Wait! Why? (He turns and heads for the door and she chases after him.) Chandler! Chandler! Wait! Im sorry, I was just playing for one second! I was trying to find you to tell you that, look if you don't want me to see Richard again, I won't! He means nothing to me!
Richard: Noo! I came down here to tell you something else. I came here to tell you I still love you.
Joey: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard!
Monica: Okay, I umm, I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did. The only reason I didn't tell you is because I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
RICHARD: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All right, I'll see you guys later.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
Chandler: What?! Im Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler turns and looks) Oh, thats Richard!
Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they?
Phoebe: Really, it doesn't mean anything. I mean, you know, Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time!
Richard: Oh youre awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very nice, I assume you werent sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would be something. (Leaves)
Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.
Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, its just like everyone elses apartment. Its got rooms, walls, and ceilings.
Ross: Hey, y'know, Mon, if things wrong out between you and Richards son, youd be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
Richard: Yeah hes no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause) non-eye doctor way?
Chandler: (to Richards date) And uh, you dont have a mustache which is good. (She just smiles.) Im Chandler; I make jokes when Im uncomfortable.
Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.
Richard: So Monica let me ask you a question. Yknow, since we broke up do you ever, think about me?
Chandler: Why would Monica be keeping Richard in here?
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
Monica: Noo! My ex-boyfriend Richard! Y'know the tall guy, moustache?
Phoebe: Monica had lunch with Richard.
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
[Scene: Richards bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]
(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.)
Richard: Well, apparently Im willing to offer her things that you are not.
Phoebe: That is so weird! I had a dream that you'd have lunch with Richard.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi! Yeah, Im calling on behalf of Monica Gellers eye, and is um, is Richard Burke in today. (Listens) (to Monica) Hes out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
Richard: No its not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.
Richard: Okay thats fine, Ill walk away. And Ill never bother you again, but only if you tell me Chandlers willing to give you everything I am.
Richard: (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!
Matire'd: (to Richard) Youre tables ready sir.
Chandler: Well, its not your fault. What are you gonna do? Not take her to the hospital? Yknow? Youre doing nothing wrong. (Pause) Except for harboring an all consuming love for the woman whose carrying his baby. (He loses his card behind the door.) Richard? If-if youre in there, could you pass me my credit card?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
Richard: Shes not here and please come in.
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.]
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
Richard: Thats what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard. Y'... I can grow a moustache!
Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I wont grope you. I promise.
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
Chip: Ehh, y'know after high school, you just kinda lose touch. Oh yeah! I ran into Richard Dorfman.
Richard: Actually, Im not here to complement the chef.
Ross: What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh thats right thats right. Thats Richards favorite place too.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
Richard: Ill just throw them out.
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
Richard: Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even twenty minutes if you need it. Ill be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
Richard: You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.)
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack!
Chandler: Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at him.) See I, did it again.
[Scene: Richards Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask hanging on the wall.]
Richard: Oh, thank you. Youre welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.)
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
Monica: I mean, my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
Paul: And in fifth grade I got into a fight. Well, it wasnt really a fight. Richard Darinvel bit me on the nose and, and I feel down. I still have a little scare right here (points to it) you can see it.
Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
Richard: Im wearing two belts.
Richard: I didnt ask. You wanna come in?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
Story by Mark J. Kunerth Teleplay by Richard Goodman Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
Richards Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.
Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!
Richard: I know this is crazy but am I too late?
Phoebe: (sitting down) Oh good! All right, so you decided to tell him about the Richard thing.
Monica: This is crazy! I mean, it's such a stupid argument. I don't even wanna see Richard again.
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
Richard: And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?! Oh my God!
RICHARD: Charlotte who?
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.