words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting coffee.]
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Chandler: Couldnt I just say, "This is Ross?"
Ross: (disappointed) Sure, do whatever you want.
(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)
Monica: (entering, carrying a newspaper) Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the uh, real estate section
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Oh, it looks like mom and dads house. Oh, it even has a tree with a broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is Oh my God!!
Ross: I cant believe they-they didnt even tell us!
(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)
Ross: (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper! (Listens) Yes were surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]
Ross: I cant believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in. Man, some-some strangers gonna be living in my room.
Ross: They kept your room for a while.
Ross: Come on, you know they love you.
Ross: I was their first born! They thought she was barren! Its not my fault.
Ross: Hey.
Ross: Whats wrong with this year?
Monica: That was me and Ross.
Ross: Hey, yknow if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of mine made good money doing telemarketing.
Phoebe: Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone job I had. Yknow, I probably wouldnt have to say spank as much. (Monica and Ross are shocked.)
Ross: What?
[Scene: Ross and Monicas parents garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]
Ross: Dad?
Ross: (entering with Monica) Hey!
Ross: Dad, we-we cant believe youre selling the house.
Ross: (To Monica) Lets grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.
Ross: Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.
Ross: Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-whos cigarettes are these?
Mr. Geller: I dont know. They-they must be your mothers, but please, please dont ask her. Ill throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: Its a clown kit! Clown kit!
Ross: What?
Ross: How are you ever going to sell this place?
Ross: Oh no. Dad! Dad! What (He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips apart.) Oh God everythings ruined! Dad, shes gonna be crushed!
Ross: No!
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still deciding what to do.]
Ross: Dad that wont matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and all her is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her think you guys love me more than you love her.
Ross: Well, can you blame her?
Ross: Dad, dad I dont want to hear about it.
Ross: Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and damnit, were gonna give her some! Okay, grab grab some empty boxes. Okay? Well-well take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers well-well put em in their.
Ross: Like uh yknow like this! This! (He picks up one of those art projects that kids make in kindergarten and first grade.) She-she couldve made this!
Ross: Right? And this! (He picks up a trophy) She-she couldve won this!
Ross: Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this?
(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monicas new boxes.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating Monicas memories as Monica enters.]
Ross: Hey.
Mr. Geller: (overacting) Thats a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three days!
Ross: (overacting as well) Yeah! Yeah! (Laughs.) Oh, this will make a great memory.
Ross: Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just created for her.)
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never went anywhere without-without that coloring book.
Ross: Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)
Monica: Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I cant believe I even fit into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)
Ross: Oh, I dont know how that got in there.
Monica: (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isnt mine. (Sets it down and looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isnt, this isnt my stuff! Ugh, Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are your boxes! Where are my boxes?
Ross: Umm, your boxes are umm
Ross: Dad?
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Monica: So wait, Rosss stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Screw it! Im having one. (Takes out and lights a cigarette.)
[Scene: The Gellers Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood heirlooms with Ross.]
Ross: All right. I think it was a mouse.
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Monica: How do you think I am?! Youve wrecked all my childhood memories. You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!
(Ross gets up to let his dad sit next to Monica.)
Mr. Geller: Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, Im sorry about everything that happened and Id probably never be able to make it up to you, but heres a start. (He hands her a small box.)
Ross: (even more shocked) What?!!!
Ross: Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid boxes get wet and she gets a Porsche?!
Ross: Well, what about me?! Im a medical marvel!!
Rachel: Oh my God!!! Ross!!
[Scene: Rachel's office, her desk is covered with stuff Ross has sent her.]
Ross: well he seemed to bum hard that you'd never been in a serious relationship.
Ross: What should I wear, now Im all nervous.
ROSS: Could you be less enthused?
Ross: Oh, come on, you know its a girl!
ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system]
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
Chandler: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.
Ross: No, but come on, were off to a great start arent we? I knew Id get you here fast, but this has got to be some kind of a record!
Monica, Ross, and Joey: (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.
Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.
(Rachel stands there for a moment, starting to cry. Then gasps and runs over and hugs him. While hugging her, Ross tries to find the Does it? part in the letter.)
Ross: (holds up a hand) Little girl misses her cat. (hold up the other hand) Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat. (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I have to go have dinner with my son, can I trust that when you see Phoebe, you will tell her.
Ross: No, God! Hey, Rach, you've been an amazing daughter, ok? Right now you just need to get some rest.
Ross: (To Phoebe) Ugh, can you believe that guy!
Ross: Is everything okay?
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
Ross: Hey, I hear she's single again, d'you think I should ask her out?
Ross: Ah, were out. I sold them all.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Joey and Ross: Go Joe!!!
(She sets down her bag and we travel back to slow motion world. She once again whips her hair around in slow motion with the love doctor Barry White singing in the background. And Id also like to take this opportunity to mention that she can also be seen in Starship Troopers and that she was born in Downers Grove, Illinois which just happens to be a few miles from where I live. Anyway Cousin Ross is now staring.)
Ross: (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.)
Ross: (entering) Hey.
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross is eagerly waiting for the others to get ready, to go to the hospital.]
Ross: Hey, whats going on?
(Ross calls Rachel)
Ross: What, do you, well umm, oh how about I come up there?
Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didnt think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here!
Ross: Whats that on the bottom?
Ross: Hey, honey.
Ross: Ok, ok! I'm gonna go hide! Oh, this is so exciting, my first mourner! (he hides in the bedroom and closes the door)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Cassie and Ross are watching a movie and Cassie is pouring Ross some more wine as Ross has his hands full with the glass and holding the bowl of popcorn in his lap.]
Ross: Look, you guys I just wanna say, I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me. Its been a pretty hard time right now, so I just wanna say thanks.
Ross: Yeah!!
Ross: You know what, its, its better this way anyway. I mean I dont know what I was thinking, going down that road again with us. Its just much easier if were just friends who have a kid.
Ross: Okay sorry, whew.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?
Ross: I can't believe you put that on my alumni page!
(Ross starts to pack up the picnic in anger, and throws a three hole punch in the basket.)
Ross: Yeah, but wait...
Rachel: Hey, Ross!!! I told you I dont!
Sophie: I love Mark. (to Ross) Do you know Mark?
Ross: Hey.
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
Ross: What? (to Sophie) Sophie, does she have ten minutes?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting at the couch.]
Ross: Yes.
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
Ms. Geller: I understand, separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset, he took off all his clothes, tucked his ??? between his legs and cried out: �Mommy, I�m a girl, take me with you.�
[Scene: Rosss apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]
Joey: Ross. I was thinking we could just go down the fire escape. (Points it out.)
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
Ross: Yeah, little change in plans. Ahh, were gonna break-up instead.
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
(Ross goes to call her.)
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Ross: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes are very important to you.
Ross: Hi! Its me.
Ross: Whos that?
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor are in the nocturnal house.]
Ross: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
PHOE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
Ross: Oh, no, no.
Ross: (to Chloe) I like this song.
Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing.
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
Ross: Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!
Ross: Is this about Mark?
Sandy: What is it...? (Ross hesitates) Please...? (he tilts his head)
Ross: All right that's, that's it!! Get off her!
Ross: (on the phone) Ive been thinking, this is crazy, I mean dont, dont you think we can work on this?
Ross: Whos that?
Ross: Yeah, why is it staring at me? I think it knows Im talking about it. (Rachel starts to peek at the file) Dont-dont youWhWhaHey!!
Ross: Yeah, but I got cous-cous!
Ross: Is that Mark?
[Scene: Rosss Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
Ross: And then, you try to make the best of a bad situation, so you float the idea of a threesome?
Ross: Yeah!!
Ross: I love you.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we cant date. Its against the rules. Its forbidden.
Ross: Yes, you can, very much.
Chandler: (entering) Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?
Ross: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do?
Ross: Well, I wanted to be thorough. I mean this-this is clearly very, very important to you, to us! And so I wanted to read every word carefully, twice!
Ross: Yeah, but dont you think....
Ross: What trail?
Ross: Phoebe, forget it, okay? Newark is - is like an hour away. There's no way we're gonna make it in time.
Ross: Oh, I-I dont think theres any trail.
Ross: (stopping grinding) Pepper?
Ross: Cause Carols a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) And, and Im not one. And apparently its not a mix and match situation.
Ross: You took my watch?
Ross: Yeah, thats the one. Listen, I dont want to hurt her.