words in movies
Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister and they shut the drapes two and a-half-hours ago.
Joey: I cant believe Ross went out with Rachels sister! When Chandler made out with my sister I was mad at him for 10 years.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Rachel: Oh Ross, hi! Hey, how are ya? There you are!
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: (to Gunther) Ill take a coffee. (To Ross) So how was your big date last night?
Ross: Uhh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun.
Ross: I guess so.
Ross: No. No. Nothing happened. I shut the drapes to uh, show her slides of my favorite fossils.
Ross: Something couldve happened. All right? She-she really dug my slides. And-and she was definitely giving me the vibe.
Ross: Anyway, if she, if she wasnt in to me, why-why would she ask me out again?
Ross: Yeah-uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentines Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean.
Ross: (while Rachel is finishing her rant) Okay! Okay! Okay! Its okay. (Rachel stops.) Its okay. Hey, its too weird for you, I wont see her again.
Ross: I mean after tomorrow night.
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
Ross: Okay! Okay! Ooh-hey-hey-hey! Okay! Okay! Okay! Ill-Ill tell her tonight I cant see her anymore.
Rachel: Ross thanks.
Ross: You want me to call her right now?
Ross: Well umm, oh! I might be teaching another class this semester!
Jill: Youll never believe what just happened, Ross just totally blew me off and he didnt even tell me why!
Rachel: No honey, okay, okay, you wanna know why Ross canceled the date? Because I asked him to.
Rachel: Because you are my sister and Ross and I have this huge history
Jill: I dont understand, do you want to go out with Ross?
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
(Joey and Ross enter.)
Ross: Hey! Uh, Phoebes not here is she?
(Joey and Ross exchange looks.)
(They all run over to Joey and Ross, Chandler grabs the movie and reads the title.)
Ross: And-and I, and I saw that Joey was about to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to-to surprise him and, and then I pretended I didnt know he was in there. (They all kinda look at him.)
Ross: Yeah! Good for you Joe!
(Ross stands next to him for a second, then goes and watches the movie.)
Ross: You damn kids! You ring my bell one more time, I swear to (Opens the door to find Jill standing there.) Ohh, uh Jill. Umm, that-thats just a little game I play with the kids down the hall. Umm, theyve really taken a liking to me. (Quickly looks out to see if theyre watching.) Uhh whats-whats-whats the matter?
Ross: Of course, what happened? (Lets her in.)
Ross: Okay, umm
Ross: What?
Ross: Wow! Really?!
Ross: Well, Id love to! Here, you wait right here and Ill go get the projector and my notes!
Jill: Oh great! Thanks Ross, youre such a good friend!
Ross: Ohh!
Rachel: Well, is Ross home? Maybe Ill just call him to see if hes actually seen her.
(She goes to look out the window at Rosss apartment and sees Jill staring at her and closing the drapes with an evil look on her face. Rachel is stunned into silence.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is setting up for the slide show.]
Ross: Slides are almost ready.
Ross: Uh okay, well theres-theres wine in the kitchen.
Ross: (answering it) Hello?
Ross: O-okay, Rach calm-calm down, okay? She-shes really upset were just talking.
Rachel: Ross! I think she is trying to make something happen with you to get back at me!
Ross: So thats the only reason she could be here huh? It couldnt have anything to do with the fact that-that maybe Im a good listener and I uh I put on a great slide show!
Rachel: Ross, I am telling you that she is using you to get back at me!
Ross: Yknow what? I think I can take care of myself, Ill talk to you later. Good-bye. (Hangs up the phone and turns to find Jill sitting really close to him.) Whoa! Uh, that was your sister actually. She-she thinks that youre just using me.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, time lapse, Ross is entering. Chandler and Monica are at the kitchen table. Rachel is on the couch reading.]
Ross: (To Rachel) You uh, you may have been right about Jill.
Ross: Umm, she kissed me.
Ross: Look, I uh, I tried not to kiss her, okay?
Ross: Let me finish, okay? She started kissing me and-and I didnt stop it. I guess I-I just wasnt thinking
Ross: Oh waithold it! But then I started thinking and I stopped the kissing.
Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!
Ross: No, I mean, look I dont know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I dont want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.
Ross: Youre welcome. (Gently kicks her back.)
Jill: (To Ross) And you! I throw myself at you and you say no, how gay are you?
Ross: You take care Jill.
Ross: Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then yknow, then The Plaza for dinner.
[Scene: Ross' office. Ross is pacing and Benjamin enters]
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
Ross: Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)
Chandler: Id like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Ross: Yeah!!!! Yes, I made it! Im on time! (Grabs a bottle of water from a student, takes a drink, and splashes some on his face like the marathon runners do.) Okay, why dont we all uh, (Exhales loudly) open our books to page 23. Where (Exhales again) Where you will see a uh a bunch of uh red spots. Okay, (Closes his book.) umm, why dont, why dont you all start to read, while I(Passes out and collapses.)
Ross: I made fun of his accent.
(Ross quickly directs the families to their tables.)
Ross: (hysterically) I'm an eight!
Ross: From you? (He does a weird desperate laughter, like he's almost crying) Yes, please!
Rachel: Oh come on Ross, why are we wasting our time with this other stuff?! We know whats gonna work! Its doctor recommended!
Ross: (looking down) M-maybe I should hang and you can climb down me.
Ross: Well... (realizes, screaming like a little girl, trying to get rid of the spider) Whaa... aaah... aaahhh...
Ross: Joey! This is like the last commercial. You've got like (checks his watch) ten minutes left!
Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review, who was the voice of "Underdog"?
ROSS: [approaching the mover holding the parrot] Hey hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save the bird?
Ross: Oh, nothing, it’s just, it’s close to Ron. Does he.. Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?
Ross: ...a what? A what? What's the end of that sentence?
Ross: Um, see, but thats not the final draft.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
ROSS: Sure. By the way, there's a difference between being obsessive and. . .
Ross: So, what do you want to do tonight? Theres a Ukrainian film at the Angelica thats supposed to be very powerful. Interested?
Joey: (reading the card) Whoa! This guy is like the biggest commercial casting director in town! (Ross gasps) Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition!! (Ross and Carol stare at him, then Joey realizes what he just said.) I mean, way to go Ben! (Gives Ben the thumbs up, which Ben returns.) Man! I've been in that park a million times and no one offered me an audition.
Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
Ross: You told her before you told us?
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Rachel: No, its not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I dont have a lead. Okay, y'know what, Im just gonna, Im just gonna call Gunther and Im gonna tell him, Im not quitting.
Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? Its Rachels tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
Ross: Okay, okay... How exactly is a two month old supposed to appreciate puppets?
(They start shaking the chair likes its flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
ROSS: I'll make some calls. [Runs off.]
Ross: Hey Rach, can you grab me a cup of coffee?
Ross: Dude! You're not taking your Bible?
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-Im having a great time! Yknow how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but its not. I mean its not at all.
Elizabeth: Ross, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I just wanted to tell you that Im going to Florida for a couple weeks.
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is wiping down the counter as Ross rushes in.]
(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.)
Ross: What? No! No! I am not gonna hide it from PhoebeOoh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets! (Gets them.)
ROSS: Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
Ross: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.
Ross: I have to say Tupolo Honey by Van Morrison.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
Ross: Phoebe, you don't have any of the first five numbers.
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster if we cut the baby’s face off the penis, so we can put it on the bunny. (pause). That is a weird sentence!
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
[Scene: The Doctors Office, the doctor is writing something as Rachel is on the table, and Ross is standing.]
Ross: (answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. (Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not knowing what's going on.)
Ross: What's going on?! (throws the love bug at him) That's what's going on!!
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
RACH: [coldly] When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.
ROSS: Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.]
(Tank carries Pete over to the other side of the ring, and we see both Ross and Monica wince in pain.)
Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh?
Ross: Oh for cryin out loud! (He storms out.)
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Ross: Okay. All right. So lets see, lets play from the trash can, to the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, well kick off.
Ross: (mimicking Rachel) Mee mee, mee-mee mee.
MONICA: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking pleased with himself]
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
Ross: Are you kidding? I have had some very dirty dreams about this...
<Ross comes out of the bedrooms>
Ross: You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away!
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
Ross: Because it's soft... Hey, so how was your date?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are finishing watching Die Hard on video.]
Charlie: Actually I did it Ross. You remembered shockingly little of your own speech.
RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
Ross: The Divorcer, to the rescue!
(The assistant leaves and Ross goes back in the spray-on tan booth and turns his back to the spray nozzles, facing the back wall)
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch reading as Ross enters carrying a garment bag.]
Rachel: Hmm-hmm. (starts to pour herself a cup of coffee, never looking at Ross)
Ross: Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you.
Ross: Probably around gonorrhea.
Ross: Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily.
Ross: Well, I'm so excited about this.
Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's!
The Saleswoman: You wanna return this couch? (Ross nods yes.) It's cut in half!
[Scene: Rosss Apartment, Rachel is entering and Ross is making some room on the shelves for his stuff.]
Ross: Hey you guys, I need some fashion advice.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: No, you're not! Last week you thought Ross was trying to kill you!
Ross: Huh? Yeah! Yes, of course!
(Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes upstairs.)
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? (Looks at Chandler) Oh, my! (Covers the spot where Joey wants bubbles to be replaced.)
Ross: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross is there waiting for them.]
Ross: (They kiss and the phone rings and machine picks it up, its Ross putting on an accent pretending to be Vicrum) This is Vicrum.
Ross: Hey, Im not going to rush into anything!
Joey: (To Ross) I think we gotta end the freeze out.
Ross: He was roommates with John Rosoff. He went out with Andrea Tamburino. She dumped him for Michael Skloff.
Ross: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office?
Ross: (going onto the patio) Look Emily, I'm just having dinner with my friends, okay?