words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.]
Ross: Hey, remember when I had a monkey?
Ross: Yeah, what, what was I thinking?
Ross: Whats up with the greed Joe?
Ross: Well isnt there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, cant-cant you pick up, I dont know, an extra shift here?
Ross: Oh, wait! Wait! Dont you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe youll get that job!
Joey: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Lets see uh, well I dont want to donate sperm again. (To Ross) I really prefer doing that at the home office yknow? (Ross nods his head.) Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter wearing workout clothes.]
Ross: Hi!
Ross: Hey, what have you guys been up to?
Ross: Wow!
Ross: After one class? I dont think so.
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, thats not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and theres a concept you should really be familiar with. Its what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.
Ross: No, its a concept!
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too
Ross: Yknow what? Fine! Get attacked! I dont even care!
Phoebe: (deadpan) Come on Ross. Were sorry. Please tell us what it is.
Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!
(Rachel laughs and Ross mocks her.)
Ross: (moves closer) All Im saying is, its one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I dont know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachels and screams) surprise!!
Ross: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesnt mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.)
Ross: Yknow what (Moves away as Chandler enters, panicked.)
Ross: No.
Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I cant do that we promised wed make each other gifts this year.
Ross: So what are you gonna do?
[Scene: The Hallway between the Apartments, Ross is hiding behind that bump out on Monicas side waiting for Phoebe and Rachel. As they come up the stairs, he jumps out and yells ]
Ross: DANGER!!! DANGER!!!!!
Phoebe: Ross!!!
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)
Ross: Perhaps. Now Im curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Ross: Im sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but Ilook, I just want you guys to be safe. (Monica comes out to throw out the garbage and Ross screams ) DANGER!!!!! (She completely ignores him and keeps walking.) Ahhh, huh? Unagi.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Ross: (not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you.
Ross: Unagi. Im always aware.
Ross: Whats up?
Ross: Oh, why dont you make her one of your little jokes.
Ross: Yknow what? Shed-shed love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, thats the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, its an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didnt actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.)
Ross: Why not?
Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom.
Ross: Oh.
(Ross screams like a little girl.)
(They start to walk into the living room and notice someones head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see its Ross.)
[Time lapse. The girls have Ross pinned face down. Phoebe is sitting on his back and arms while holding his head down and facing Rachel. Rachel is sitting on his knees and holding his lower legs vertically, causing Ross pain.]
Ross: Its not something you are! Its something you have!
Ross: Yknow what? I can easily get out of this, but there is a chance you can get very, very hurt!
(The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.)
Ross: Its a great class.
Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next?
Ross: No. No-no. No. What would you do next?
Ross: Yes thats right.
Ross: I tired attacking two women, did not work.
Ross: No, I mean its okay, I mean, theyre-theyre my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them.
Ross: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldnt. Thats why Im here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-thats a no.
[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]
Ross: Ah-ha, nowhere to run! (He starts to run towards them.)
(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)
Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?
Ross: DANGER!!!!
(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
Ross: Thank you so much for that gift!
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
Ross: Yknow this is actually not a great time for me.
Ross: Sure.
(Ross, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen area)
Phoebe: So! Ross doesnt really decorate his tree with floss, but you dont hear him complaining do you? God! (Phoebe hits her guitar which wakes up Ross with a start.)
(The phone rings, Ross picks up)
Ross: Joey! You're in charge, ok? You make sure nobody leaves! (leaves)
Ross (stops recording): Ok, cut! Great. That was... that was just... yeah!
Ross: Look at you two, bonding, making us late for the airport so
Chandler: (aside, to Ross) What!? They are totally ripping us off!
Ross: You're right. There isn't a decent outlet.
Ross: Yeah, well... I think I know how to dazzle him.
Ross: Oh wow! I mean, wow! I mean, I-I-I think shes cute but I-I would never have thought of going out with her, never!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
Ross: RACHEL!
Ross: Yeah?
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. Ill be in the closet.
Ross: (sarcastically) I can't believe they gave you a ticket. You're such a good driver.
Ross: Rach, she's not going to remember this.
Ross: Mississippilesly? (pause) Well, how bad is it?
Ross: (looks back at the cake) Hey!
Joey: So, did you bring a little something for Ross?
Ross: It's not bad.
Rachel: Well, there is one thing that we havent tried, but someone thinks that, (mimicking Ross) "That will open up a can of worms."
Ross: (recognizing her) Oh my God! Rachel Green?
Phoebe: Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?
Ross: (To Phoebe) Im sorry. Ugh, Pheebs, you were, you were right about her. Yknow, she did try to use sex as a weapon! Yeah, I hurt my back a little.
Joey: (to Ross and Rachel) I've been here the whole time!
(Ross and Rachel enter.)
Ross: What's wrong? Are you okay?
Ross: Okay, you ready?
[Scene: Professor Sherman's office, Ross is relating to Professor Sherman]
[Scene: Ross, Charlie and Professor Spafford are sitting at the table in a restaurant]
Ross: (surprised) Oh... (he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love to but I really have to grade these papers.
Ross: Damnit!
Ross: (Writing on the papers) B, B, B, B, B!
Ross: Hey...
Ross: (he opens the door) Hi Amy!
(Ross enters the apartment with Amy)
Ross: Well, it had some good ideas, take off your shirt.
Ross: (gives up) Yes, yes, you did.
Ross: Ehm... Her name is Emma.
Joey: What? No! No Ross! No-no! Stop! Im not jumping! Okay, look I have an audition tomorrow and I cant go if I break my leg.
Ross: (to Joey) Oh my God!
Ross: Why don't you use your Thesaurus?
Ross: What... what you working on?
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Ross: Uhh, yes I did but there isn't. Okay, here we go.
Ross: Oh nice tan!
[Scene: Joey’s Apartment. Ross is filming his parents ]
Monica: He was in Rosss class marching band kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend.
Ross: (in his head) Say something clever! (Pause.) Okay, doesnt have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. (Pause) Any words will do. (Pause) Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! (Pause) There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! (Pause.) (To her) I-I, I uh havent had sex in a very long time. (She leaves.) (In his head) Yeah, you really shouldnt have said anything.
RACHEL: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Ross: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?
Ross: (embarassed) Me neither.
Ross: Look, this is hard enough! I really need you guys right now.
Ross: Seriously?
Joey: Fine, I'll rent a car and drive...! Ross, you have to get that job!
Ross: Well, do you wanna marry him?
Ross: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi.
Ross: Um, I do not want her baby-sitting our child.
Ross: I don't think that's what this is.
Ross: I... I don't know..
Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.
(Ross enters)
Ross: (sees how strangely Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
Ross: Hey guys. Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross.
Joey: But Ross, Ross. What do you, what do you think she's going to say?
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a take that! look.]
[Scene: Outside the Nursery, Ross is looking at Emma as Phoebe walks up.]
Ross: Why not?
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Ross: That's not a thing!
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Ross: Hey Mon, that was really nice of you to loan Rachel your car so she could go and get the cake.
(Amy looks at Ross, angrily. Rachel clearly doesn't understand what he meant and looks at Ross who gestures "later".)
Ross: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.
Ross: Pheebs, what's wrong?
Ross: Hey! (she turns to him) Well...? (in expectation)
Ross: Of course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!! (Rachel nods) Man, I can't compete with the guys she goes out with, they are so out of my league! oh my God!
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Ross: (to Charlie) Hey!
Ross: Yeah. Why?
Ross: Your ex-boyfriend?
Ross: Well, if you think it would help.
Ross: Ok, now, is there anything I can do to... you know, butter him up? Anything he really likes?
Ross: We'll see how dinner goes.
Ross: (taping Joey with the cam) Hey, there is uncle Joey!
Ross: How come its always us left in the field holding the ball?
[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.]
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Ross: I'm ok.
Ross: Perhaps I can persuade you. What if you can give your son this (Takes a huge egg out of his back) genuine pterodactyl egg (whispers) replica.
Benjamin (to Ross): You weren't there!
Ross: What?
Ross: Did you just say "break up with Charlie"?