words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]
Joey: Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?
Ross: Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten Island.
Ross: (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an island.
Ross: (looks at his watch) 2:17.
Ross: Are you serious?!
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!
Joey and Ross: No.
Ross: You bought Shawn Cassidy!
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
Rachel: Okay! (She goes and gets her surprise and when she returns with it, Ross stares in shock.) Check it out!
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Ross: What-what is it?!
Ross: Why is it inside out?!
Ross: How much did you pay for that?
Ross: Yeah? How much?
Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?
Ross: Yeah?
Joey: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!
Ross: Uhh, yeah it would! Let's do it!
Ross: What?
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]
Ross: I know! (Looks at the ball in his hands.) Don't switch hands, okay?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]
Ross: now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
Ross: How do you know? You don't have a watch.
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
Ross: Monica, whatever you do, do not drop that ball!
Joey: Yeah, we haven't dropped it in (Looks to Ross.)
Ross: 2 hours, 27 minutes.
Ross: Hey Rach!
Ross: Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it!
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Ross: (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!
Ross: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Ross: Baking it didn't help, huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Ross: I'm starving!
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!
Ross: I'm still hungry!
Ross: I am!
Ross: Oh, thank God!
Gunther: (To Ross) Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Ross: I know. My arm is killing me.
Ross: Hey...! Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with Rachel.]
ROSS: Well, Monica keeps changin' the channel.
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
ROSS: Really?
ROSS: And that wasn't fun for you?
ROSS: I can do that.
ROSS: What?
ROSS: So you wanna watch uh, Entertainment Tonight?
(She looks at Ross, a bit ashamed. Chandler mimes "big breasts" to Ross and lip syncs "Wow". Ross looks at him, astonished and then Monica looks at Chandler again. A little too late he changes the "big breasts" mime into "rocking a baby". When he realizes Monica might have seen it he also strokes his imaginary baby's head.)
ROSS: What woman?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is working on her holiday song, Chandler is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, and Ross is sleeping on the couch.]
Ross: Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today. Umm, Mark, Mark saying Ill see you Saturday.
[Ross enters]
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
ROSS: No, that, that was, I mean, as opposed to uh, the uh, ok. Is this over yet Rach?
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
Ross: See but, Pheebs that-that is the exact opposite intent of my music. Yknow my music is-is meant to inspire, and if it bothers you this much, then I I wont play anymore.
Ross: Look, dont worry. Okay? Youre gonna be fine.
(He walks over behind Ross, thinks about it for a moment, and gives him a big hug.)
JOEY: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
(We see Ross through the window and he acts like a swimmer that gets attacked by a shark, picture one of the many, many, many Jaws movies they made and you get the idea.)
Ross: Yknow, its interesting! Most people think thats made with seawater, when in fact
ROSS: Well, we should probably get going.
Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
Joey: Ross good, I'm uh glad you're here. I wanna talk to you about something.
Ross: Its called the Bapstein-King comet, okay? (Joey starts to groan.) Hey! Hey! Bapstein was a very well respected astronomer!
Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]
Ross: Alright, I'm gonna go find them... (twitches a bit, looks down) I just need a... need a before I can... you know. (gestures standing up... they sit and wait for a while) Grandma... grandma... grandma... (he tries to concentrate...) Okay, I see you later.
Ross: Oh thank you. Thanks very much. (Leans up against the board and on a thumbtack.) Ow! (He pulls away.)
ROSS: Really?
Ross: Yes, yes it is. Its uh (Aunt Millie uses this opportunity to grab Ross and kiss him on the lips. After she leaves Ross quickly wipes his mouth with a napkin.) Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?!
Ross: Wh-haa-haa! Look what cha did! (Rachel has her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.)
Ross: Yeah but still, I mean it shouldve been me. Im the dad.
Ross: (entering, angrily) Joey!
Joey: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What?
Ross: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "Im gay! Im gay!" Can I bring her in?
ROSS: Knock-knock.
Ross: It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen) (to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means you are, Y-O-U-R means your!
Ross: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?
Ross: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.
ROSS: G'night.
ROSS: Oh. And what do you call that?
Ross: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered.
Ross: Getting it away from me would be job one.
ROSS: Yeah.
ROSS: Yeah.
ROSS: Open up. We want to talk to you.
ROSS: C'mon.
Ross: (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...?
ROSS: How could you not tell us?
(They fall to the couch and start to make out, but Ross stops suddenly.)
Phoebe: You bought your sheets at a flea market? Ross come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.
ROSS: Hey.
ROSS: Hey.
ROSS: Oh man.
ROSS: You got it.
Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?
ROSS: Hey you guys.
ROSS: Excuse me, your, your, your wind?
ROSS: No?
ROSS: Uh, sweetie we've gotta go.
ROSS: What, what's that?
ROSS: Open it, open in.
ROSS: Woah.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, a locksmith has finished changing the locks on Rosss door.]
ROSS: Look, I'm not being any of those things, ok, I'm just being realistic.
ROSS: That audition.
Rachel: Oh no, I know I couldnt see it either at first, but its right umm (Starts to cry) Ross, I lost it again.
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
ROSS: Toilet paper?
Ross: I found a note on my door, "Come to Monicas quick, bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar."
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready, (Gives Monica the fist thing.) for my date tonight, so ah, I'll just_ head.
Rachel: Look, this is not that big of a deal! You just dont date Ross! Theres a million other guys out there, you just
Ross: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'.
(She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.)
JOEY: Thanks Ross.
ROSS: Good for you.
ROSS: What?
ROSS: Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean, you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.
ROSS: Huh.
Ross: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
Ross: (puzzled) Ok!... All right, thanks! Thank you so much, you guys! (to Phoebe) Oh, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here!
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
ROSS: Huh, I'm just saying...
Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
Ross: Im just trying to help you, move on.
ROSS: What're you talkin' about?
CHANDLER: Hey look, are we gonna have to bring this out every time Ross comes over?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Chandler: Ross, it's just a sandwich!
ROSS: Yeah but Phoebs, what about the end?
Ross: I mean youre not gonna give me a-a ticket for driving too slow are ya?
ROSS: Wha, what?
ROSS: What, the word hi?
JOEY: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.