words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Ross: (waves) Hello!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah
(Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected)
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
(Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach)
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
(Ross enters, carrying lasagna)
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is...
Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh....?
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?
Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend Tanya. (looks up frightenedly)
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
Susan: Oh, hello Ross!
Ross: Susan...
Ross: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK!
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Ross: (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here!
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Ross: Waitohheyhuh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Ross: Hi Pheebs!
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
Ross: My God.
Ross: The actress!
Ross: Thanks Rach.
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Ross:(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica admiring their new table.]
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck!
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Ross: (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts.
Ross: Come on, two on one.
Ross: What, now?
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
Ross: (entering) How's it going?
(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
Ross: Hey.
Ross: You all right?
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...
Ross: What?
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great!
Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.
Ross: (astonished) What?
Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
Ross: I'm having a son. Um...
(Ross looks scared)
Ross: (fakes a laugh) Please start drinking! (exits)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Ross: Its okay, Im ready.
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
Ross: Yknow what? Youre just upset because youre losing.
Joey: This one right here. (Ross whines.)
Ross: What?!
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!
[Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dancekarate lessons.
Ross: How much did you pay for that?
Ross: You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her!
Ross: Id like to spin the wheel!
Ross: Shut up! I Dream of Genie!
Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?
Ross: Yeah!!
Ross: Queen Victoria.
Ross: Noooo!!! Every time!!!
Ross: Ben Franklin.
Rachel: Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups!
Ross: (entering, out of breath) Hey!
Ross: Uh, what?
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yes! Yes, youre gonna be so missed.
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
Ross: Im telling you.
Ross: Okay lets put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Ross: Well, yeah, of-of course Im okay! What? Im just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and (notices something) what-what is uh, whats this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)
Ross: You sure?
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey youre with me.
Phoebe: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we dont know where we are, so we cant get a tow truck.
(Ross runs over and tackles him.)
Ross: Umm
Ross: Yeah, they all know.
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: What are you doing up?
Ross: Are ya?
Ross: Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyesDo-do you want to make out?
Ross: What?! Look, were trying to rebuild a relationship here, right. How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?
Ross: (stunned) (thinks) Well uh
Ross: (annoyed) Yeah!
Ross: But I-I was going to see if yknow, maybe you uh, start dating again but thatI mean that-that was all, Rach.
Rachel: (stopping him) Oh, wait Ross! Im sorry, one more thing!
Ross: Let me see that! (Grabs the invitation and reads it.) Oh man!
Ross: Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
Ross: Oh.
Monica to Ross: Hi.
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
Ross: Oh, okay.
Ross to Monica: Hi.
Ross: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.
Ross: Thats my gym.
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
Ross: Oh y'know what, girls don't like it when I start talking about science.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, continued from before.]
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Mona are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game.
Ross: Its funny you should mention diapers.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
(Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)
(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Rossa figment of Rachel's imagination shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.)
Ross: Hey.
Ross: How are you?
Ross: Why? What was wrong with her?
Ross: Okay, so whats the matter?
Ross: I liked her.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his date.]
Ross: (laughs) Why? What, what are you jealous?
Ross: Okay.
Ross: Do you feel better?
Ross: Uh Rach?
Ross: Just one thing umm
Rachel: (starting to cry) Oh Ross, thank you. Thank you. (They hug.)
Ross: that you actually
Ross: Rach?
Ross: (pause) Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you
Ross: The bathroom?
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
Ross: Hey! What are you guys looking at?
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Rachel: Okay, whos next?! (She looks around the room, and stops when she comes to Ross.)
Ross: (entering with a pizza and beer) Hey!
Ross: Oh sure. (He sits on the apothecary table and touches her hand.)
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Ross: Rach, we gotta go.
Ross: Fine! Fine! Yknow what? Whatever you want. Okay? Youre the mommy.
Rachel: Ross.
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Uh-huh.
Ross: Wow!
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
Ross: Mmm?
Rachel: (silently) Okay. (Pause) Seriously, breathe louder Ross! Thats great!