words in movies
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]
Joey: Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?
Ross: Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten Island.
Ross: (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an island.
Ross: (looks at his watch) 2:17.
Ross: Are you serious?!
Ross: Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!
Joey and Ross: No.
Ross: You bought Shawn Cassidy!
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
Rachel: Okay! (She goes and gets her surprise and when she returns with it, Ross stares in shock.) Check it out!
(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and Ross start to get sick.)
Ross: What-what is it?!
Ross: Why is it inside out?!
Ross: How much did you pay for that?
Ross: Yeah? How much?
Ross: ON A CAT??!!!!
Ross: Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are not the place to buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.}
Ross: (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?
Ross: Yeah?
Joey: Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without dropping it?!
Ross: Uhh, yeah it would! Let's do it!
Ross: What?
[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom, presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]
Ross: I know! (Looks at the ball in his hands.) Don't switch hands, okay?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]
Ross: now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they discovered what appeared to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws! How did it get there?!
Ross: How do you know? You don't have a watch.
(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in horror.)
Ross: Monica, whatever you do, do not drop that ball!
Joey: Yeah, we haven't dropped it in (Looks to Ross.)
Ross: 2 hours, 27 minutes.
Ross: Hey Rach!
Ross: Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it!
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]
Ross: (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same team!
Ross: It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?
Ross: All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)
Ross: Baking it didn't help, huh?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!! Must we see all the time?!}]
Ross: I'm starving!
Joey: I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented this game!
Ross: I'm still hungry!
Ross: I am!
Ross: Oh, thank God!
Gunther: (To Ross) Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally exhausted and virtually asleep.]
Ross: I know. My arm is killing me.
Ross: OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.
Ross: No, of course, Um Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say on behalf of my new bride, Rachel (She turns around and smiles), and myself. Umm, that if if in 35 years, were half as happy as you guys are, well count ourselves the luckiest people in the world.
Ross: (entering) Hey! Okay! I got my passport, fresh socks, and a snake bite kit!
Ross: Oh! Man I dont think Ive seen you since uh, Lance Davis graduation party.
Ross: There's no seatbelt!
Ross: Oh my God, he just said your name, thats great! Good job Ben.
Ross: Fine! Yknow what? It doesnt matter, because, if I remember correctly, there is a comb on the floor of the bathroom.
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Monica is throwing a party. Joey is talking to Ross about the bad audition he just had while pouring booze onto a snow cone.]
Joey: Name? (Ross looks at him.) I know Ross but whats it short for? You know like, like Rossel or Rosstepher.
Charlie: I'm sorry... (introduces them to each other) Ross Geller... Benjamin Hobart.
Ross: Right, no, I understand.
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Ross: Really? Its not just frowned upon?
Ross: Oh! (Recoils in horror.)
Ross: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi?
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Ross: Okay, stop it! I cant deal with this right now. I have to go have a baby.
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are sitting at one of the high tables.]
Ross: Your ex-boyfriend is insane.
Ross: I know! It's like, if you knew, why didn't you tell me, you know? I mean, call, or leave a note: "Hi, I just dropped by to say your wife's gay"
Ross: JFK.
[Scene: a NYU lecture hall, Rachel and Monica are arriving to talk to Ross after the lecture, but are there early.]
Ross: And that's bad because..., you hate chicken piccata?
ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?
Ross: (even more shocked) Wha..? I need 6 graduate students.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor herebut do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Ross: (getting upset) Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?
Ross: Fine, we'll call the next one Ella.
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here. (Exits)
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so... (laughs stupidly)
Ross: (stares at him angrily) Ok. (determined to spell it correctly) B - O - S ...
[Scene: The Auditorium, Ross and Rachel are about to... you know.]
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.)
Ross: Im gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in! (Squeals like a madman.)
Ross: Calm down. Theres no reason to get testy.
Ross: What? I cant cancel on Joan!
Ross: (to the class) Right! So when Rigby got his samples back from the laboratory he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous, was in fact sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when(sees Monica and Rachel.) Oh bloody hell.
Ross: Really? You dont think thats a little inappropriate. (Shes wearing a tank top and has her belly sticking out.)
Ross: Yeah the dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it.
Ross: And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores, their heads are already too big. Which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.
Ross: Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?
[Time lapse, after dinner. Ross stands up from his self-made map.]
Phoebe: (to Chandler and Monica) You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and were then gonna go skiing?
Ross: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now lets take a look at (Phoebe rushes in.)
Ross: Well, Im a spud
Tommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! (They start to leave.) Here! (He throws him back his ticket.) (to Ross, calmly) Hey man, you want the aisle?
Ross: In the hospital.
Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you’ll see the look on Emma’s face, I swear you won’t regret it.
Ross: (childish) Huh-huh, they already know it.
(Ross with his pants around his ankles tries to run, but Dr. Geller forgets that he has his pants around his ankles and falls down trying to flee.)
Ross: Oh! That is so thoughtful. (To Joey.) She's a keeper. And what did you bring me? (Grabs the bag that Charlie brought for Joey.)
[cut to later, Joey, Rachel, Ross, and Tim are watching the football game, and they all cheer loudly.]
Ross: Oh my God, she's great! I mean, we-we have so much in common and she's just cool, and funny...
Ross: Cause otherwise theyd have to call it the room room.
Rachel: (in a tearful voice) Oh... Oh boy... (she turns around and sees Ross) Hi...
Ross: Well, yeah, kinda. Um, but thats okay, see we have an understanding, um, see we each have this list of five famous people, (gets his out) so Im allowed to sleep with you. No, no, no, its flattery.
(And walks up right behind Ross, and standard sitcom joke 2B follows with the person being insulted standing right behind the person doing the insulting while the rest of the people become frightened and try to warn the insulter about the insultees presence.)
Ross: I'm meeting with professor Sherman about my being the keynote speaker...
Ross: It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff like this.
(At this point a stream of obscenities burst forth from Phoebes mouth just in time for Ben and Ross to enter and hear most of it, and in slow motion Ross tries to shield his innocent son from Phoebes vulgarity.)
Ross: (to Chandler) Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.
Rachel: Ross! We broke up two years ago; you've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people.
Ross: Le Poo's still alive?!
[Scene: Joeys Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Ross: I mean, you just went out with my best friend, and I just think it'd be a really really bad idea. (pause) Or-or not! (they kiss passionately)
Ross: (loudly) Why?! Are there like bears or something?! (Looks around and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no and realizes what Elizabeth meant.) Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.
Ross: Oh oh oh! I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE!!
Phoebe: Well, maybe it wont work out. Maybe Ross wont like her personality.
Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.
(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but theres a knock on the door that awakens him.)
Ross: Argh!
Ross: W-oa � Mommy! (gestures to his not understanding mother)
Ross: You entered Emma into a Beauty Pageant?
Ross: Ooh, we'll say that we were mugged! You can't get mad at someone who's been mugged!
Ross: (exhales sarcastically) Not two years in a row.
(Ross opens the door and steps into the living room. He has fully removed his pants and holds them wrapped into a ball in front of his crotch. His legs are covered in the powder and lotion paste. He looks terrible.)
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
Ross: I was gonna make us some dinner but all I found in your dad's fridge was bacon and heavy cream. (pause) I think we solved the mystery of the heart attack.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Santa (Chandler), Superman (Joey), Ben, and Monica are listening to the Holiday Armadillo (Ross) finish telling the story of Hanukkah.]
Ross: S-s-smell her hair? What if I did?
Ross: Elizabeth! (He opens one of the bed stands that he has curled himself up into.) Okay. Okay. (She helps him out.) Im gonna go out this window. (Points to the window next to him.) Ill meet you at the front door. Just tell them youre going home, okay?
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Phoebe: Yeah no, Im telling you Rachel has such a great eye for this stuff. Ross, yknow if you ever decide you need to redecorateAnd I think that you should. You should, you should ask Rachel to help.
Ross: (whines "No.") Thats not true!
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
Ross: Hi Rachel! Here's your sister Amy! She thinks I need pec implants!
Ross: Look, I didn't lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.
Ross: What do I know? I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart!
Ross: I thought I heard voices! Hi Charlie! (Kisses her.) Hi Joey. (Hugs him.) And.. Oh! You're gonna have to introduce me to your new girlfriend. (Laughs.) I'm just kidding, I know Rachel, I know. (He squeezes her hand.) Come, please come in. Come in.
Ross: Eh, cause I knew that if I told you, youd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on.
Ross: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but its going to be torn down, so I mean, I-I know its crazy, but everything up til now has been so crazy, and I dont know, this just feels right. Yknow?
ROSS: Neil Sedaka wears them.
Ross: Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! (He grabs the ring, kisses it, and then does a double-take realising where its been.)