words in movies
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are there. Ross walks in with a magazine in his hand.]
Ross: Hey, youre not going to believe this. I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. They printed it!
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. Its not just about the pictures.
Ross: (showing them the page) Here, check it out. Its the first one, too.
Ross: What?
Ross: Uh, oh-oh, no you didnt. I did.
Ross: Hey, tell Dan, Thanks.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Im sorry, I was just reading the joke below it. Man, that one is funny. (Ross grabs the magazine away from her.)
Ross: Look, Chandler, its my joke. But, hey, if it makes you feel any better they dont print the name, so it doesnt really matter who gets credit, right?
Ross: No, its my joke, its mine. You can call them, theyll tell you.
Ross: Its my joke.
Joey: I know! Yeah, but, look I can handle it. All right? Look, I can listen to the radio, huh? And Ross gave me this great book (holds up the Playboy magazine).
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: You know, Barracuda was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard.
Ross: What, you didnt get it? The doctor is a monkey.
(He and Ross crack up again. Joey just sits there)
Chandler: (stops laughing, to Ross) You are not allowed to laugh at my joke.
Ross: Your joke? Well, I think the Hef would disagree, which is why he sent me a check for one hundred ah-dollars.
Ross: Well, I was going to stick it in the ATM, but now I think Ill show the sexy teller that I am a published writer.
Ross: Oh, what are you going to do, follow me down there?
Ross: Well, Im not going to go now anyway (he goes to sit down).
(Ross leaps out of his chair and runs out the door, with Chandler in hot pursuit.)
Chandler: You know who else picked Rachel? Ross, and you know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. You know what? Im going to get a joke journal. Yknow? And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes.
Chandler: Maybe its the sound of Ross climbing into my brain and stealing my thoughts.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are there as Ross enters and sees Gunther.]
Ross: (showing the Playboy magazine to Gunther) Oh, hey, Gunther, check this out.
(Ross begins to say something, realizes what Gunther just said, turns, and glares at Chandler. Chandler just shrugs it off.)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you want anything to drink, cause Im heading up there.
Ross: Uh, yeah, Ill take a coffee. Thanks, man.
Ross: Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey, can I get some coffee?
Ross: Seriously, I-I asked you before and you still havent gotten it.
Chandler: I think its great that you work here. Youre going to make a lot of money, and heres your first tip: Dont eat yellow snow. (He laughs, then picks up a pen, glares at Ross, and writes in his journal). Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
Joey: Oh, Im sorry, Ross. Ill get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, Ill toss in a free muffin.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Ross are both pouting and sitting on the couch.]
Ross: Its my joke.
Ross and Chandler: Its my joke.
Ross: Yknow, I dont think were going to settle this.
Ross: Yeah!
Ross: Hey Mon.
Ross: Monica! (She appears, not sure why she was summoned.)
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, but Im your brother. Were family. Thats the most important thing in the world.
Chandler: (to Ross) Dont try to sway her. (To Monica) (Softly) Im your only chance to have a baby. Okay, lets go.
Ross: Well each tell you how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truthme.
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
Ross: Are you kidding? Okay, look. I-I studied evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, Im a doctor, and I had a monkey. Im Doctor Monkey!
(Both Chandler and Ross are eager to hear her decision.)
Ross: Its your joke.
(Joey, Chandler and Ross enter.)
Ross: No way.
Ross: (fakes a laugh) Please start drinking! (exits)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are napping together again and both wake up at the same time.]
Ross: Its okay, Im ready.
Ross: Oh great! That means Im stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin right here! Whoa!"
Ross: Yknow what? Youre just upset because youre losing.
Joey: This one right here. (Ross whines.)
Ross: What?!
Ross: (To Chandler) You dont think its a little crazy that you get all my points just cause you
Ross: (on the phone) Yes, hello. I have a question. Umm, I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. (Listens) A beard and a moustache. (Listens and laughs) Thank you. (Rachel turns around and glares at him.) No, she didn't think so. (Listens) I know it's like (turns and sees Rachel staring at him and quickly changes the subject) anyway, umm well make-up didn't cover it and we've tried everything to get it off and nothing's worked. What-what do we do? (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Yeah. (Listens) Oh! Okay. (Listens) Okay, thank you! (Rachel gets excited at his tone.) (Hangs up the phone) Yeah, it's not coming off.
Rachel: Hey Ross! Check it out! I learned a new trick!
[Cut to Ross and Monica, who are finally on a platform!]
Ross: My nana used to do it. That's how she paid for all my dancekarate lessons.
Ross: How much did you pay for that?
Ross: You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her!
Ross: Id like to spin the wheel!
Ross: Shut up! I Dream of Genie!
Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?
Ross: Yeah!!
Ross: Queen Victoria.
Ross: Noooo!!! Every time!!!
Ross: Ben Franklin.
Rachel: Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups!
Ross: (entering, out of breath) Hey!
Ross: Uh, what?
Ross: Well uh, yknow what? Even if she doesnt know anything, I do! I have a son. And his mother and I didnt live together, and whenever he was with me I took care of him all the time, by myself.
Ross: Yeah.
Ross: Yes! Yes, youre gonna be so missed.
Ross: Wow! That is a good one! Wow, it looks like a, like a holiday card yknow, with the tree in the middle and the skaters and the snow.
Ross: Oh. (Rachel and he start to stand up.)
Ross: Im telling you.
Ross: Okay lets put aside that you (Makes quote marks with his fingers.) "accidentally" picked up my grandmothers ring and you (Does it again) "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
Ross: Well, yeah, of-of course Im okay! What? Im just being supportive. Supportive of you and this whole trip, and-and (notices something) what-what is uh, whats this? (He holds up a rather skimpy bathing suit.)
Ross: You sure?
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey youre with me.
Phoebe: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we dont know where we are, so we cant get a tow truck.
(Ross runs over and tackles him.)
Ross: Umm
Ross: Yeah, they all know.
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: What are you doing up?
Ross: Are ya?
Ross: Wow! The only thing I got from my Grandmother was her eyes. I mean not-not her actual eyeballs, but, but people say that my eyesDo-do you want to make out?
Ross: What?! Look, were trying to rebuild a relationship here, right. How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?
Ross: (stunned) (thinks) Well uh
Ross: (annoyed) Yeah!
Ross: But I-I was going to see if yknow, maybe you uh, start dating again but thatI mean that-that was all, Rach.
Rachel: (stopping him) Oh, wait Ross! Im sorry, one more thing!
Ross: Let me see that! (Grabs the invitation and reads it.) Oh man!
Ross: Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
Ross: Oh.
Monica to Ross: Hi.
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
Ross: Oh, okay.
Ross to Monica: Hi.
Ross: Yeah! I-I teach it in my class.
Ross: Thats my gym.
Ross: Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades) Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym (He puts it away and finds something else.) Oooh, my rock polisher!
Ross: God, you're amazing... I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
Ross: Oh y'know what, girls don't like it when I start talking about science.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, continued from before.]
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Mona are sitting on the couch.]
Ross: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game.
Ross: Its funny you should mention diapers.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
(Someone knocks the door, Joey goes to open it and Ross is on the other side)
(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Rossa figment of Rachel's imagination shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.)
Ross: Hey.
Ross: How are you?
Ross: Why? What was wrong with her?
Ross: Okay, so whats the matter?
Ross: I liked her.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his date.]
Ross: (laughs) Why? What, what are you jealous?
Ross: Okay.
Ross: Do you feel better?
Ross: Uh Rach?
Ross: Just one thing umm
Rachel: (starting to cry) Oh Ross, thank you. Thank you. (They hug.)
Ross: that you actually
Ross: Rach?
Ross: (pause) Okay. Okay. Because for a minute you said you
Ross: The bathroom?
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
Ross: Hey! What are you guys looking at?
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Yknow? Say-say theyre coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, theyre laughing, yknow, someone innocently touches someone else Theres electricity, its new. Its exciting. Are you telling me there isnt even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Rachel: Okay, whos next?! (She looks around the room, and stops when she comes to Ross.)
Ross: (entering with a pizza and beer) Hey!
Ross: Oh sure. (He sits on the apothecary table and touches her hand.)
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I cant date you or have a hot plate in my office. I cant believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Ross: Rach, we gotta go.
Ross: Fine! Fine! Yknow what? Whatever you want. Okay? Youre the mommy.
Rachel: Ross.
Ross: Yeah?
Ross: Uh-huh.
Ross: Wow!
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?
Ross: Mmm?
Rachel: (silently) Okay. (Pause) Seriously, breathe louder Ross! Thats great!