words in movies
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is knocking on Rachels door, whose door frame is decorated with balloons. The rest of the gang is there as well. Rachel opens the door and the gang blow on noisemakers.]
Monica: Its your birthday!
Chandler: (To Monica) Shes not as pretty as she was when she was 29.
[Flashback to Joeys thirtieth birthday party. It is being held in Monica and Chandlers apartment.]
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
[Cut back to Rachels party, everyone is now eating breakfast, except Rachel.]
Chandler: No Rach, its not just you. My thirtieth birthday certainly wasnt that much fun.
[Flashback to Chandlers thirtieth birthday party. It is also being held in Monica and his apartment. He is about to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, breakfast is finished but Rachels still down.]
Rachel: Look, yknow I know my lifes going pretty well, but I look around and I just see so many people whove accomplished so many other goals by the time theyre thirty.
Phoebe: I did it! One mile on a hippity-hop! Thats it!! Thats everything I wanted to do before I was thirty. Oh, except I wanted to patch things up with my sister. But oh well. Yay!! (They all cheer again.) And-and girls this thing is a Godsend if you know what I mean. (Rachel and Monica look intrigued and as they all head into Central Perk, Rachel picks up the hippity-hop that Phoebe left behind.)
Tag: Come on, lets have some fun. Huh? (To Rachel) What do you want to do today?
Ross: Thats not what this is about okay? I-I am a sports car enthusiast. I have always been into cars.
Joey: Hey, whats the horsepower on this thing?
Rachel: Really! God Ross, what were you thinking? (To Phoebe, quietly) I know its really shallow, but a part of me wants him again.
(He starts the car and surprisingly in fires right up and comes to a nice idle. (Both can be rarities with British sports cars with their lovely Lucas ignition systems, which tend not to work especially in the rain.) Anyway, this being New York he is parallel parked on a street with the car in front of him only inches ahead of his bumper, likewise with the car behind him. Hes completely boxed in and cant move more than two inches. He tries to get out several times by bumping the bumpers of both cars to no avail.)
Phoebe: (getting out) Okay, whos next?
Monica: All right Rach, for what its worth, I think that youre doing great. I mean yknow lets face it, no one handles this well.
[Flashback to Monica and Chandlers apartment. Chandler has a bunch of people over in formal wear to give Monica a surprise birthday party. Joey is coming out of the bathroom and removing his tie.]
Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monicas gonna be here any minute!
Joey: But it hurts my Joeys Apple.
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. Its not named for each individual man.
Chandler: Oh well, not as lovely as you. I mean, I cant believe that you would have a thirty-year-old daughter! (To Mr. Geller) And you! I cant believe that you would have a tux thats thirty years old! (Puts his hand on Mr. Gellers shoulder.)
Mr. Geller: Its older than that. Ross was actually conceived right near this tuxedo.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Everybody hide! Hide! I saw her! Shes coming!
Chandler: (getting up to investigate) Okay, everybody stay here. I will find out whats going on.
(He goes out into the hall and finds a very drunk Monica lying up against Joey and Rachels door.)
Monica: Nooo! (Giggles) Okay. (She tries to pull herself up by Rachel and Joeys doorknob, but the door opens and she almost falls into the their apartment. She manages to catch herself.) Whoa! (Stands up, unsteadily) Okay. See I was, I was a little nervous about turning (whispering) thirty. (Giggles.) So the bus boys took me out for some drinks. (Pause) I wanna puke on you later!
Chandler: Okay, heres the thing. Were gonna get you some coffee and they will never know that youre drunk.
Chandler: Thats still yours. Okay, now remember its a surprise party. So, when you go in, act surprised.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, Joey is now trying to get his car out while Ross is directing him.]
Monica: Ross, just forget about it. This guys got you totally wedged in.
Ross: No-no-no! Its mine! Its-its mine. (The woman walks away.)
Phoebe: (running up) Okay. Okay, heres what were gonna do. Okay, Im gonna break into this mini-van and put it in neutral. You guys push it forward so Ross can drive out of his spot. Okay? All right, here we go. (She opens her coat and reveals that thing car thieves use to break into cars as Ross jumps in behind the wheel. She inserts the device, unlocks the door, opens it, and the alarm goes off.) Haul ass!!!! (Runs off.)
(The rest of the gang runs away, except for Ross whos tramped inside his car. To hide he puts the top up as Monica, Rachel, and Joey come running past.)
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes taking the hippity-hop to Ursulas apartment as a gift. She knocks on the door and Ursula answers it.]
Phoebe: Happy thirtieth birthday! Here! (Hands her the hippity-hop.) Its for the child in you, and the woman. Happy thirtieth!
Phoebe: Because its our thirtieth birthday.
Ursula: Oh, its you.
Ursula: Yea-huh! Thats what is says on my birth certificate.
Phoebe: Thats my first name.
[Scene: Monicas birthday, its just after the surprise.]
Chandler: See? (Does his laugh.) Here we go. (Starts walking her to their room, and has to pass in front of Mr. Geller whos sitting at the table and Mrs. Geller whos standing next to him.)
Phoebe: Hey, whats going on?
Chandler: Monicas a little drunk.
Chandler: (To Monica) Go change! (To Phoebe) She doesnt want her parents to know shes drunk.
Phoebe: Ohh! All right! All right. Heres what well do, Ill get twice as drunk as Monica and then no ones will even notice her.
Rachel: Whats-whats going on? Phils really pissed!
Chandler: Monicas wasted.
Joey: Yep. (Starts for Monicas room, but Chandler stops him.)
[Scene: Rachels birthday, everyone is presenting their presents to Rachel.]
Tag: (handing his to her) This ones from me.
Tag: It wasnt on your list, but hopefully youll think its really fun.
Rachel: (opening it) A scooter! (Shes not happy.)
Rachel: Okay. (Opens the card and reads it.) Happy birthday Grandma! Its better to be over the hill (starting to cry) then buried under it. (Breaks down as everyone glares at them.) All our love Monica and Chandler. (Crying) Thats funny, yeah!
Rachel: (crying) No, I know! I get it! Its funny!
Rachel: No I know, because to be a grandmother you have to be married and have children and I dont have any of those things. Thats why its so funny. (Runs into her room crying.)
[Scene: Rachels birthday, a time lapse has occurred. Rachel is coming back into the living room carrying a notepad.]
Ross: Hey! Look whos back! Its the birthday girl! Hows the birthday girl feeling?
Monica: Really! That long?! (Chandler slowly turns and looks at her.) (To Chandler) Look all you want, its happening!
Rachel: No, so I dont have to get married until Im 33! Thats three years, thats three whole yearsOh, wait a minute though. Ill need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and Id like to know the guy for a year, year and a half before we get engaged Which means I need to meet the guy by the time Im thirty.
[Scene: Monicas birthday, Monica is now dressed and is being helped out by Chandler and Rachel.]
Rachel: (To Chandler) Im telling you its like watching Bambi learn how to walk.
Chandler: (to a waiter) Oh thats great! Right there! Can we get some of that over here please? (The waiter comes over) There we go.
Phoebe: (clinking two glasses together) Speech! Speech! Lets hear from the birthday girl! Huh?
Phoebe: Dont you see? Everyones looking at me! The plans working! I didnt even have to take off my top yet!
Mrs. Geller: Oh-ho, I think its nice.
Chandler: I think its necessary. (Backs away anyhow.)
Monica: I really like to say that Im-um (Pause) Yknow what Id really like to say? Im drunk!! (Mrs. Geller pulls the camera down.) Thats right mom and dad your little Harmonica is hammered!! (Ross grabs the camera out of his dads hands.) And guess what! Ive been drunk before! And Ive smoked a cigarette! And I got a box of Ding-Dongs hidden in my underwear drawer! Its all okay. Its okay because I turned thirty today. And, and I can do anything I want! Because I am a grown up. (Falls over sideways with Ross filming the fall.)
[Scene: Phoebes birthday, shes telling everyone what she found out at Ursulas while sitting in Central Perk.]
Joey: Thats not gonna happen. No. (Looks up) Because we have a new deal!
Phoebe: Like okay I-I-I, I havent met any Portuguese people! I, I havent had the perfect kiss! And I havent been to snipers school!
Monica: Hes gonna eat the cake!
Joey: Pheebs! Wait up! (She stops.) Listen uh, close your eyes. (She does so and Joey passionately kisses her.) Maybe thats one thing you can cross off your list.
[Scene: Rosss birthday, his car is still trapped in its spot. Now Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are at the front of the car with Monica, Rachel, and Chandler at the rear of the car.]
[Scene: Rachels birthday, she is coming into the hallway where Joey and Tag are playing with the scooter.]
Rachel: Yeah, Im doing okay. Im um lets talk.
Tag: Whats up?
Joey: (crying) Why God?! Why are you doing this to us?! (He buries his head in Rosss shoulder.)
[Scene: Rosss birthday, night has fallen and Joey and Ross are walking by where his car is parked to find that both cars blocking him in have left.]
Ross: Yes! My babys finally free!
Joey: All-all right! (They run and jump in the car.) Start it up! Lets go!
{Transcribers Note: There was no credits scene with this episode.}
Chandler: Lie!!! How hard is that?! The checks in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! I cant wait to read your book Ross!!
Joey: (thinking) Hey, its your girlfriend, Rachel!
Chandler: (laughs) Oh thats great, my friend Joeys in the movie business.
[Two guys walk over and interrupt her. Theyre both names youve already heard. Ones Billy Crystal. Yes, that Billy Crystal from City Slickers. The other one is Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams from Mrs. Doubtfire.]
Joey: Its not on my head.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters and walks quickly over to the window to watch Rosss apartment. We see that Rosss apartment is empty.]
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody noseI mean I-Im not proud of it but, I really am. And its all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Eric: I think well be okay. Besides its so perfect and (whispering) shes been saving herself for me.
Ross: Nothing! Theres nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-shed have to uh, move here. She should move here!
Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy! (Starts singing) Mornings here! Morning is here
Monica: Im fine! I just, Im thinking how much its an end of era.
Director: Whats the matter with you? Get out of here!
Joey: So I guess its Joey then!
Rachel: (sympathetic) Oh. (Starts rubbing his wrist with her fingers.) Its gotta be rough.
[Scene: Monicas Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is cooking as a waitress enters carrying a plate of food that has been sent back.]
Monica: I gotta tell ya, I think its okay to be that guy.
Chandler: Santa pants. (Phoebe still doesnt get it.) Santa Clauss pants.
Phoebe Sr.: Well, I dont know. I mean its not like we dont have anything in common. I mean I like uh, pizza.
Ross: No, no, that-that, thats all right. Umm, Im just glad you called.
Chandler: To her face? Look its the end of the date, Im standing there, I know all shes waiting for is for me to say Ill call her and its just y'know, comes out. I cant help it, its a compulsion.
Monica: Yeah, two hours, a lifetime thats the same.
Monica: Excuse me? He doesnt even know what hes doing!
Monica: How did you know that?! (Runs to yell at Joeys apartment.) Joey! Chandler!! Its time!
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simons been waiting for(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!
Phoebe: W-wI justits thatI haveyknow I have-I have an appointment. And its very important.
Joey: Weekend at Bernie’s.
Phoebe: No..umm, could I talk to one of them? Its very very important.
Rachel: Oh, its gonna be fine.
Monica: All right, lets be practical, if Ross isnt willing to do it, hes not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow ChandlerChandler is good!
Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie its hopeless, okay, Im just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Chandler: That was so unlikely. Well, lets get married! I guess.
Ross: Well, Chandlers my oldest friend, but Joeys myNo! Ah! (points at Rachel)
Ross: (handing Mona the present) Happy Valentines Day! Or something to remember me by.
Jester: Look, its like I told you, theres nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, its late at night, Rachel is sitting on the couch in the dark wide-awake as Ross walks to the bathroom.]
Older Scientist: Dr. Geller, theres a seat over here. (Motions to an empty chair at the white table.)
Chandler: Yeah, Im gonna stick with the ring. (Goes to another display counter.) Oh, this ones nice! (Pointing to another ring.) I like this one! Sir? Uh, kind sir? Can I see this one?
Dr. Long: No-no. Contractions can be unnerving if you dont know what they are, but shes fine.
Joey: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jos manuscript. I dont see how he could ever forgive her.
Phoebe: Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! (Answering the phone.) Go!! Whos this? (Listens) Oh okay, youre gonna like working for me. Whats your name? (Listens) What kind of name is Brendy? I Whatever Stop talking! All right, from now on your name is Joan. You can pick your own last name.
Susan: Oh, hes fine. Hes fine. Its just that us getting along is difficult for him, because he doesnt like me.
Joey: What-whats wrong with Monica and Chandler?
Ross: Its worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Yknow what, you know what? Its not.
Chandler: No. All right, yknow what, shes (Points to Janice) gonna think that Im handing you a credit card, but what Im really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ross: No, Im serious. You-you need to find out where she is, because if shes not where you are, then you can start to move past this.
Phoebe Sr: I really dont think its a very good idea, Phoebe.
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emilys wedding dress into Rachels room.)
Monica: Very good, (getting up and sliding a One into the dancers hot pants) so good.
Chandler: Whats wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? (Everyone stares at him.) On a barbecue chicken pizza? (Still theres staring.) No?
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, theres none of that in here.
Chandler: Well, either that or uh (Motions towards Joeys door.)
Ross: Thats, thats, thats a big candy bar. (Shes holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
Fran: Think she got fired at Riffs?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because its a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Phoebe: No-no, oh, Im fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking its tongue down my little brothers throat!
Phoebe: Eww! Oh, its all dirty. You should throw this out.
(Basically Chandlers face looks like hes not all there and is staring off into the distance )
The Vendor: Hes just jealous. Youll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!
Joey: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parkers a nice guy and Id like to get to know him.
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things! I want to be with the woman I love on Valentines Day! And I want her to love me back! And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that thats never going to happen!
Ross: Yknow, its interesting! Most people think thats made with seawater, when in fact
[Scene: The rest stop, Phoebes pulling in.]
Monica: We are going to Dick Clarks New Years Rocking Eve!
Jill: All right, Im leaving! Because Im not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. Thats you Rachel!
Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "Hes obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)
Joey: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! Theres a lot of theories that didnt pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
Monica: How are we gonna do that? Theres no way.
(Theres a knock on the door. The gang is stunned and Phoebe counts to make sure that everyone is there. Out of curiosity Chandler goes and answers the door.)
Joey: No! Forget it! OkayI mean thanks, but Im done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, whats next? Come on.
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Ninas shapely departure) Shes still here.
Monica: Oh, thats great! I mean Im-Im sorry, but Im so happy for you. And now I can work for you!
Joey: Oh well, hey, Joeys loveable too! But the thing about Joey is, if you need him, hell be there.
(Theres a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)
Monica: I know its last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party.
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
Joey: Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, its just not my character thats not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
Rachel: Oh Im sorry mummys so sorry go back to sleep go back to sleep. Shh. Shhh! Go back to sleep
(Joeys shocked and everyone else looks at Rachel.)
Phoebe: They give you away! Theres just-theres just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
[Scene: Rachel and Barrys bedroom, Rachel is returning from her disastrous attempt at an affair to find that Barry was much, much more successful with his.]
Joey: Yeah-yeah, its down to me and two other guys.
[The next one is from Episode 322: The One With The Screamer, its the end of Joeys play.]
Hooker: Whats taking you boys so long?
Phoebe: No! Its nice!
Male Jeweler: This ring is from the 1920s, its a one and a half carat diamond with sapphires on either side.
Phoebe: Its me. Its Phoebe. Listen theres something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?
Joey: Thats it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge!
Ross: Well, yeah. I cant-I cant stay here all night, and if I go in there shes-shes gonna wanna... do stuff.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels, theyre returning from the party.]
Chandler: Well, look its been a really emotional time yknow, and youve had a lot to drink. And youve just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful in the room tonight!
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean youre [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-its just not the time for us. Im sorry.
Joey: (trying to act like hes not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
Joey: Oh thats okay. Hey, actually in a way its kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours!
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) Were gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Bens head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
Rachel: (ecstatic) Oh my God! Its Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!
[The next one is from Episode 224: The One With Barry And Mindys Wedding, Joey has to kiss a guy in an audition and has been trying to find one to practice with.]
(Chandler leans over to fall asleep on the mans shoulder next to him, only the man catches his attempt.)
Rachel: Yeah, but Mon thats totally different. He was youre health teacher.