words in movies
Story by: Adam Chase Teleplay by: Michael Curtis & Gregory S. Malins Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Monica: Chandler, thats like your fourth cup of coffee!
Monica: Hes in a different room! Hes really that loud?
Chandler: Its not something to be proud of, okay? You have to go to a sleep clinic!
Monica: Ugh, shes upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! Im not doing them this time! I dont care if those dishes sit in the sink until theyre all covered withIll do them when I get home!
Ross: Yeah, but it didnt fit. Well, luckily theres a store here that has one left in her size, but Im the groom, Im not supposed to see the dress
Chandler: Oh, shes got you running errands, yknow, picking up wedding dresses (Laughs and makes like Indiana Jones and his whip) Wah-pah!
Ross: Whats wah-pah?
Joey: Thats not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!
Chandler: Thats what I did. Wah-pah!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like shes actually doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Oh! Its you. (She stops doing the dishes.) Hi.
Rachel: Oh, thats sweet.
Ross: Wow, thats-thats-thats incredible.
Rachel: I know isnt it? Its like Im right there with Joshua.
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
Rachel: Oh yeah, no, whats that?
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Ross: Yeah, all right, its a date. (He leaves)
[Scene: Beatrice Bridal Shop, Monica and Phoebe are there to pick up Emilys dress.]
Monica: Oh my God! Ohh! Look at this one! Its so beautiful!
The Saleslady: Yes, whats the name, please?
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, hes snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Chandler: Its 6:00.
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? Theres nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasnt for me and Joshua. Yknow, theyre not gonna get married anyway!
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
Rachel: Well, thats great.
Ross: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but its going to be torn down, so I mean, I-I know its crazy, but everything up til now has been so crazy, and I dont know, this just feels right. Yknow?
Joey: (still looking in date book) Hey! Thats the day after I stop menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isnt mine.
Joshua: Whats up? Youre voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, its-its so, its so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" Yknow, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Dont you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, dont you think?
Phoebe: Im not gonna right to you! Thats not real!
Monica: Look at me! My big concern is whats real?! (Finally realises) Oh my God. Were really sad, arent we?
Phoebe: Well, at least you didnt rent yours from a store called, "Its Not Too Late."
Chandler: Well shes, shes the kinda girlJoey was unconscious.
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Hey you guys! Whats happening?
Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and its gonna help me not to snore.
Monica: Ohh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that hes gonna call you again.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe, but I dont think I even care. I dont think hes the one Im sad about. Yknow, I know that I said that I am totally okay with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I dont think Im handling it all that well.
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emilys wedding dress into Rachels room.)
Ross: So, I got us some reservations for Sunday night, okay? How about, Ernies at 9 oclock?
Rachel: Three people. Joshuas not gonna be there.
Rachel: Its okay. Sometimes, things dont work out the way youd thought they would.
Rachel: Ugh. (She goes over and lays her head on Phoebes lap.)
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Monica: Oh God! Hes gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date!
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. Theres a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandlers door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Dude! I am trying to sleep! (Shrugs to say, "Whats up with that?")
Rachel: Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, whos ass I cannot kick.
Chandler: Hmmm, thats very cool.
Phoebe: Thats what I said.
Phoebe: Excuse me, I dont want Greg and Jennys rejects.
(Ross just stands in the doorway, for like a minute Ahh! Whats going to happen next??!!! I cant make it all the way through the Olympics!!!)
Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, Im not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it werent for us, cheap little man. (Emilys stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
Ross: Oh, come on, you know its a girl!
The Casting Director: Terrific! Well uh, theres one more thing. Uhh, uh its really important to the director that everything in this movie is authentic. Yeah and so in your love scene with Sarah she talks about how shes never seen a naked man who wasnt Jewish. So (Laughs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is on the couch reading as Rachel enters. Its the next day.]
Leslie: Wow, thats great.
Tim: Actually shes my-my boss. Sous is French for under.
Monica: Its 9:30 in the morning!
Tim: I I-I dont know, but I would say its pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.)
Ginger: Whats that?
Phoebe: (to Rachel, whos staying in the cab.) Arent you gonna go?
Gunther: They already do. Thats why they call it the tray spot.
Monica: Wheres that?
Joey: So Pheebs whats this guy like?
Melissa: Oh no, thats-thats an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
Monica: Wow! Its small.
Ross: Hey, whats going on?
Ross: Whats that on the bottom?
Chandler: Well, lets just say its ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.
Phoebe: Then thats not breaking the law! Im there!
Ross: Hey, I think Elizabeth is a little more serious than, "Spring break!" (Imitates the party noise.) All right? I mean shes taken my class!
Rachel: Oh thats right! Im sorry! I-I am early! Finish! Please!!
[Scene: Pauls Bedroom, Elizabeth is entering.]
[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachels new job.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because its, its, its not gonna be easy.
Ross: Wow! Happy Monicas night!
Joey: Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Rosss behalf. I-I think the rule applies here yknow, since she has a chance to get on broad back
Ross: First of all its Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didnt fly.
Joey: Jos there, but I dont think theres anything she could do.
Joey: Whats going on?
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
Girl: Im not gonna tell you! Youre the bad man who broke Sarahs leg.
Monica: Of course theres another guy!! This is even more perfect! Now you have to prove your love!
Mark: Its for me.
[Scene: The hospital, Ross and Monica are in Phoebes room. Phoebe is in the bathroom and Monica notices smoke coming out from underneath the door.]
Ross: Hi! Its me.
Ross: Whos that?
Ross: Ah, thats okay, thanks.
[Scene: Monicas bedroom, shes in bed with Richard.]
Ross: What was Monica’s nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Phoebe: Well, hes very charming.
(She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and Its That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.)
Monica: Sorry. So hows it going with Joey?
Ross: Okay, its not, its not.
[Scene: Ross and Rachels apartment, Rachel is unpacking as the phone rings.]
Ross: Whos that?
Rachel: Oh Pheebs thats so sweet(Grabs a pair of pants)Ooh, those are so cute!
Ross: Thats crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
[Scene: Rosss Kitchen, Ross is taking some aspirin and checking his messages.]
Monica: I know! I mean its like me and your dad, thats a totally separate thing.
Chandler: Joeys gonna be thrilled! He was hoping youd come by as a slutty nurse.
Chloe: Wait! Wheres my shoes?
Chloe: Thats so great for you guys!
Ross: Well then a small one!! Listen, lets, we kinda have to get going!
Joey: Yeah, I mean its never taken me a week to get over a relationship.
Chandler: Thats-thats my nubbin.
Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? Its freezing out here. Would you come back inside?
Chandler: Well, thats the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually Ill be in Cuba.
Ross: Oh, I-I dont think theres any trail.
Joey: Its all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls apartment.)
Monica: Its okay, its okay.
Monica: Thats right.
Rachel: Really its nothing. Im just
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking about? (she sees the cake) oh! Oh my God! They put my baby’s face on a penis!
Chandler: (on machine) Youve reached Monica and Chandlers, if youre listening to this message, were probably screening. (to himself) Yeah we are.
Rachel: What, whats it, whats going on?
Ross: Wheres Ben?
Carol: Hes sleeping.
Ross: Its a good thing I didnt do it, because it sounds like it wouldve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night
Monica: So why-why wasnt Rosss stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say the words medical marvel Im going to Easy Bake your head!
Joey: (screaming) Why God?!! Why?!! We had a deal!! Let the others grow old! Not me!! (He buries his head in Phoebes lap for comfort.)
Monica: YeahOh thats right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I see you got your mustache back.
Joey: Im the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sisters teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts his pants on backwards.) This isnt right.
Chandler: Thats a bad duck!!! (to Ross) Howd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Rachel: Nooo! Its not okay! I cant believe you would want to after what he did to me!
Rachel: All right, lets go!
Ross: No, Monicas restaurant got a horrible review in the Post. (They all gasp.) I didnt want her to see it, so I ran around the neighborhood and bought all the copies I could find. (He hands the paper to Phoebe and they all read it.)
Rachel: You guys, theres a little girl in Soho looking for this cat. I mean, you know what that means?!
Monica: (to Joey) Whats so funny?
Joey: What-whats so funny?
Chandler: (to Rachel, whos entering) Hey! Howd the interview go?
Rachel: (to Ross) Whats your problem?
Joey: Well. I guess you think youre pretty special huh? Sittin up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well yknow what? (Throws the script away) This is one star whos hoop This is a star that the hoopthis hoopI was Dr. Drake Remoray!
Phoebe: Ugh, its so exhausting waiting for death. Ohh, by the way, do you think you could(Groans, hacks, and then freezes with her eyes open and her tongue hanging out.)
Frank: Yeah, so we just thought wed stop by and let you know theres still no pressure.
[Scene: Outside Chandlers Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
Phoebe: What, hes 18.
Monica: It was okay. Shes still kind of depressed because she broke up with her boyfriend.
Chandler: Okay, thats like the least fun game ever.
Monica: Youre right, Im sorry. Its not like youre yknow, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
Joey: No, not really. They give you all the information, its uh, its like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.
Ross: Yeah, thats the one. Listen, I dont want to hurt her.
Chandler: Its the semi-finals of her botchy ball tournament.
Rachel: This bench, its hollow! I cant believe I never knew that! (She pushes all the pillows off it and opens it up) Oh, the presents!!!
Phoebe: Thankfully you dont need me at all (gets up and to leave) so Okay Super aunt see you later! Rachel lets give it six to eight months (she leaves).