words in movies
Story by: Adam Chase Teleplay by: Michael Curtis & Gregory S. Malins Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Monica: Chandler, thats like your fourth cup of coffee!
Monica: Hes in a different room! Hes really that loud?
Chandler: Its not something to be proud of, okay? You have to go to a sleep clinic!
Monica: Ugh, shes upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! Im not doing them this time! I dont care if those dishes sit in the sink until theyre all covered withIll do them when I get home!
Ross: Yeah, but it didnt fit. Well, luckily theres a store here that has one left in her size, but Im the groom, Im not supposed to see the dress
Chandler: Oh, shes got you running errands, yknow, picking up wedding dresses (Laughs and makes like Indiana Jones and his whip) Wah-pah!
Ross: Whats wah-pah?
Joey: Thats not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!
Chandler: Thats what I did. Wah-pah!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like shes actually doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Oh! Its you. (She stops doing the dishes.) Hi.
Rachel: Oh, thats sweet.
Ross: Wow, thats-thats-thats incredible.
Rachel: I know isnt it? Its like Im right there with Joshua.
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And its yknow, its kinda like . its a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
Rachel: Oh yeah, no, whats that?
Ross: If like the four of us could all yknow, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emilys coming into town this weekend, why dont you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Ross: Yeah, all right, its a date. (He leaves)
[Scene: Beatrice Bridal Shop, Monica and Phoebe are there to pick up Emilys dress.]
Monica: Oh my God! Ohh! Look at this one! Its so beautiful!
The Saleslady: Yes, whats the name, please?
[Scene: Joeys bedroom, hes snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (Theres a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Chandler: Its 6:00.
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think thats, I think thats really cool.
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? Theres nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasnt for me and Joshua. Yknow, theyre not gonna get married anyway!
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast its ridiculous! I mean, theyre gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what theyve done and theyre call the whole thing off. Im telling ya, youre gonna be dancing at my wedding before youre dancing at theres.
Rachel: Well, thats great.
Ross: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but its going to be torn down, so I mean, I-I know its crazy, but everything up til now has been so crazy, and I dont know, this just feels right. Yknow?
Joey: (still looking in date book) Hey! Thats the day after I stop menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isnt mine.
Joshua: Whats up? Youre voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, its-its so, its so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" Yknow, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Dont you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, dont you think?
Phoebe: Im not gonna right to you! Thats not real!
Monica: Look at me! My big concern is whats real?! (Finally realises) Oh my God. Were really sad, arent we?
Phoebe: Well, at least you didnt rent yours from a store called, "Its Not Too Late."
Chandler: Well shes, shes the kinda girlJoey was unconscious.
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Hey you guys! Whats happening?
Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and its gonna help me not to snore.
Monica: Ohh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that hes gonna call you again.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe, but I dont think I even care. I dont think hes the one Im sad about. Yknow, I know that I said that I am totally okay with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I dont think Im handling it all that well.
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emilys wedding dress into Rachels room.)
Ross: So, I got us some reservations for Sunday night, okay? How about, Ernies at 9 oclock?
Rachel: Three people. Joshuas not gonna be there.
Rachel: Its okay. Sometimes, things dont work out the way youd thought they would.
Rachel: Ugh. (She goes over and lays her head on Phoebes lap.)
(Theres a knock on the door.)
Monica: Oh God! Hes gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date!
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that its Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. Theres a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandlers door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Dude! I am trying to sleep! (Shrugs to say, "Whats up with that?")
Chandler: Oh my God! Whos gonna watch that?!
Jennifer: Lisas laugh though TheresIts so infectious. Its one of those things just forget about it. Once it starts, its all gone.
(She slaps Rachels side and Rachel screams in pain.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachels, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
Monica: Thats Bill Clinton.
Monica: Okay. Heres the thing.
Joey: Maybe, my rulers wrong.
Pete: Wait, wait, wait, wait, thats-thats what youre worried about? If thats the problem, weve got no problem.
Joey: Whats not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Goooooood.
Joey: Hows she doing?
Joey: Well yeah, dont-dont you think its a she?
Joey: Thats not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow Im not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Phoebe: Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham. I need to speak with ether one of the best men, or Rosss sister Monica.
Phoebe: Listen, Roberts gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?
Joey: Thats not what I said. Okay, I just meant...
Rachel: Chandler, thats not enough. I mean what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little presents? And youve just gotten her one great present? I mean thats just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Joey: Correct! Theres a possible backwards bonus!
Parker: Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.) Im going to find the mens room, be right back.
Joey: Its the chick! Shes going through some changes.
Monica: Hes not boring! Hes just-hes just low key.
(Yep, its a little gold loop.)
Chandler: (frustrated) Okay, for the last time. Its not named for each individual man.
Mark: Um, y'know, before we go ah, theres something I need to say.
Phoebe: Dont be so corny Ross, its not an after-school special. (She rides off and the camera pans down to reveal two shiny, silver training wheels firmly attached.)
Joey: Hey! (starts to laugh.) Hows it going?
Dr. Green: Ross? Whats with the neck?
Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God that’s awful! What did you think of the house?
[cut to inside Monica and Rachels]
Joey: Yeah, whats that about?
Joey: Uhhh, yeah. Yeah. But uh, I dont think its the kind youre gonna like.
Mr. Thompson: And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot gentlemans day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey suddenly gets excited.)
Ross: Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? Its-its gotten great reviews! Yknow the uh
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Itssince youve never done it before you can be Monicas made of honor.
Joey: Yeah, just a crush! Thats all this is! Its a crush! Im Joey; I dont get deep feelings.
Joey: You bet! Whats the part?
[Scene: Monicas, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Monica: Theres our star!
[Scene: Chandlers office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]
Chandler: So thats the girl you like.
(Onstage theres a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We dont see whats going on, only hear it.)
Monica: Really? Whos number two?
Monica: Hey, the mans dog just died.
Chandler: Y'know what, hes right. Theres something like uh, ammonia in that, that like kills the pain.
Mr. Geller: So its just your mother then.
Ross: (to the girls) Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl’s breast?
Ross: Okay, its coffee.
Ross: Its-its hot
Rachel: No! Theres no orange juice in there! We win!!
Ken: That�s right. Is it true, that the reason you are here in Tulsa is that you fell asleep in a meeting and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to?
Monica: Oh, its so beautiful. Ohh! Yknow, I-I dont know if I feel right about this.
Phoebe: Youre the cook! With out you its just me driving up to peoples houses with empty trays and asking for money!
Ross: No, but its-its-its hot!
(Helens buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Monica: Phoebe, its been two days.
Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal thats hes going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
Joanna: Oh yes, well theres the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!
Chandler: Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh! (Whispers something in Joeys ear.)
Joey: Yknow what? I think thats enough for now. Yeah. I dont want to be over rehearsed.
Ross: Oh, no, no, no, I will! I just want to butter her up, first! You know, Im going to take her to an amazing Valentines dinner. Do all this romantic stuff, and then, just when she thinks Im the best boyfriend in the world, then Im going to tell her that my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.
Rachel: Ross! Phoebes gonna be here any second, she cannot see this!
Ross: I mean look, that-that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate, but dont you think its better if we just stayed friends?
Chandler: Oh, the duck seems to think that Monica got me garbage! Hmm, I wonder what I could get Monica thats as good as garbage?
Ross: Because! Because, it-it-its Itd be like you having this guitar (Points to hers) and-and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played! And-and this bike wants to be ridden and-and if you dont ride it you-youre-youre killing its spirit! (Pause) The bike is dying.
Monica: Thats better. 90 seconds is a long time not to think about it except all I did was think about it.
Ross: Oh-oh, okay, okay! (He quickly takes off his sweater in order to put on the T-shirt. Its an old Frankie says relax T-shirt, that barely fits him. Rachel nods her head in approval of the new look.) If you dont mind Im gonna the rest of my stuff, and relax, in my favourite shirt. (Starts to leave) You have a pleasant evening. (He exits and leaves the door open.)
Joey: Shes mad because I know todays her laundry day and that means shes wearing her old lady underpants.
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You wont believe what Monicas older brother just said to me!
Joey: Hey uh, whats a matter?
Vince: So, whats up?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, hes at Flimbys.
Ross: And hes, hes a total stranger?
Ross: Oh sure, "Ross will do it!" Its not like he has a job, or a child, or a life of his own.
Robin: No-no, its ooozing, oozing. (to Rachel) Could you pass me the cream? Is there anyOh, theres the cream.
Joey: No way! Kay look, if I have to go to the doctor for anything its gonna be for this thing sticking out of my stomach! (Rolls over and shows Chandler.) Why did I have to start working out again? (Looks at the weights he was using.) Damn you 15s!
Joey: Well whats fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game thats just people standing around answering questions?
Ross: I guess its worth a try.
Ross: What?! Hows that?
Monica: Whats that?
Phoebe: Like shes really mean, and shes over critical, and-andNo! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Joey: Great! Thanks! Youre gonna love her so much. AndOh, shes the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, yknow the S.A.Ts?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebes singing, Vince is also there.]
[Scene: Guru Sajs office: Joey and Chandler have taken the duck to see the guru.]
Joey: All right, well finish your coffee; lets go.
Billy: Whats the matter?
Robin: Why? Why?! Whats wrong with me?!
Rachel: Whats Flimbys?
Phoebe: No! Because hes in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, youre just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Yknow, its too late! You missed youre chance! Im sorry, I know this must be really hard, its over.
Phoebe: All right, so, so you went to Petes...
Frank: Well, okay, so whats nowgo get, go get the eggs, put em in there.
Robin: Thats the one.
Phoebe: Yeah, umm thats Whitney (Points), Kyles ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can yknow divert her so that we can slip out?
Chandler: I can blow dry it. I can put gel on it. It doesnt matter, I still wind up with this little (pats the flat spot on the back of his head) cowlicky thing on the middle part of my head. Its so annoying. Does it bug you?
Chandler: Well I think its safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined.
Doug: (to Chandler) You! Chuckles! Whats your name?
Eric: No wait! Theres only a problem when I look at you. (Sits down on the couch.) Oh I got it! I got it. (Puts his hands to his eyes.)
Ross: So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it wasnt a mistake. Ahh, theres-theres limited seating in the hall.
Rachel: Oh! (laughs) Thats fine.
Joey: Whats goin on?
Phoebe: No its not great. No, shes coming to tell Ross that she loves him.