words in movies
Transcribers Note: This is stuff we never saw from all of the seasons, so for all of the scene settings I will be using the current arrangements. Even though some of the out takes take place when Chandler was living with Joey and Rachel was living with Monica, when Joey and Chandler were living in Monica and Rachels, and the current arrangements.
Conan: Its a tradition here on Friends after every taping for me to hang out with you guys, (They all laugh) talk down the episode umm The point of this whole thing is what people see in America is: they see Friends, they love the show, it looks like a smooth running machine, but behind the scenes theres deceit, mistrust, and hate. And I thought, I thought wed actually take a look at uh, yknow some of these moments where you guys arethere are mistakes. You make mistakes.
Matthew: Our energy just comes way up when theres an audience here and when that happens, something happens between your brain and your mouth sometimes and it just doesnt, it just doesnt work.
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there. I think its The One With The Joke.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is speaking Italian to Joeys grandmother. Im spelling phonetically.]
Courtney: Its amazing like all week long weve-weve been saying the same lines and then the audience is here and we will mess up, and if you mess up once, then youll get nervous because youllyou know youll probably mess up again.
Courtney: Okay. You know its gonna happen.
Monica: (the hands still there) When-when you were little you slept through the Grand Canyon. (She actually itches her nose this time.)
Courtney: Oh! Okay! Im gonna try it without the coffee cup cause I think its the left hand thats messing me up.
Monica: Sorry, lets go back! Cause youve got more to say.
Lisa: Do I? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, thats your fault. I say.
(Suddenly theres a noise off stage and the camera on Joey swings around.)
[Cut the hallway, Rachel is exited from Monicas when the door closes on her skirt.]
Chandler: Hey Rach! (She breaks up and goes back into Monicas.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, first season, Monica is making a giant sub-sandwich and is talking to Rachel. I think its The One With Fake Monica.]
Monica: It was so wild! We told em we were the Gundersons in 16
Phoebe: Oh-ooh, and I brought Operation, but umm I lost the umm (It starts buzzing) Its making a noise.
(As shes saying that Joey is to pull out a chair and sit down, only Matthew comes running in from off camera and dives for the same chair.)
Conan: Matthew, you have a reputation with the rest of the cast that sometimes you like to, you like to fool around a bit. I mean like if somethings naturally going wrong you like to get in there and juice it a little bit. True or false?
[Cut to Monicas restaurant kitchen, its the episode where Joey is working as a waiter at Monicas restaurant. Joey is patting her breast from when she set it on fire.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay, see now the one with the feather boa? Thats Dr. Francis. She used to be a man. Oh look! There(Marcel (Katie) jumps away)Okay. (And runs behind her on the back of the couch for a little while.)
Jennifer: Katie. Geez! See Katie, come hereKatie! (Katie spills some popcorn.) Katie, come here Katie. (She obeys and sits where shes supposed to.) Very good.
Jennifer: Lisas laugh though TheresIts so infectious. Its one of those things just forget about it. Once it starts, its all gone.
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, its actually Joey and Rachels. Phoebe is trying to convince Rachel to switch with her and live with Monica as Joey looks on.]
Phoebe: Well at Monicas you can eat(Suddenly cracks up.)
Lisa: Okay, shh yeah. Cause its not silly.
Conan: And then it just builds on itself and theres no doing the scene after. I mean you probably wait and really get it together and do it.
(Joey hugs Rosss neck and has a look of complete contentment on his face which, after a short while, causes David and Matt to start laughing.)
Matt: Thats a good one? (They both laugh.)
[Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are giving Phoebe and Rachel the brides maid test.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, Courtney and Matthew are getting ready to do a scene where Monicas sick.]
Matthew: Thats gross.
[Cut to Carol and Susans apartment, from next weeks episode Rachel is talking to Ben.]
David: Where the story was that I was anticipating that I would be around to hear my sons first words spoken. But the scene was about that he wasnt supposed to be able to speak and, uh for some reason when we started doing the show
[Cut to Central Perk, Ross is taking Ben to visit Rachel whos working there.]
Ross: Its Ben and his Da-Da. Da-Da? Can you say Da-Da? Yknow, you might as well say it because I told your
David: Yeah, hes saying Da-Da.
Matt: And then sometimes during the show yknow but youre like, the scenes going one way but youre just tempted to say something another time. Like, do you remember that one where Monicas baking cookies in our old apartment?
Jennifer: Shes trying to intrigue us to hang out with her.
Matt: Yeah, shes trying to waft the smell across the hall to get us to come hang out in her new place, and were sitting there eating pizza and I think it was you (Points to Lisa) that said
[Cut to Monica and Ross leaving Joey and Chandlers hotel room in London. As they exit Joey and Chandler enter from the bathroom with both of their pants down around their ankles.]
Matt: (noticing the laughter) Why? Whats the matter?
Conan: I-I heard some of you guys talking about this earlier, but sometimes theres just a word that someone has to say that youll get hung up on. And itll justthe way you say the word is funny to everybody else.
Matt: Sometimes the dialogue itself is just so funny and youllwell be rehearsing during the week and you justwhatever-whatever the joke is; its so funny we cant get through it in rehearsal and just
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, its the one with the fake chocolate. Monica has baked some cookies and Phoebe is trying them.]
[Cut to Monica and Chandler's, the gang is watching Joeys debut on Days.]
Chandler: (noticing the woman on the screen) Whoa! Shes purty!
Joey: Oh yeah, and shes really nice too! She taught me about yknow, how to work with the cameras and smell-the-fart acting.
Chandler: Monicas gotta have the phone in the right place and(Frantic babbling.)
David: Hes gone. Hes
David: We enjoy watching each other. And I settle for watching each others performance, and we like each other.
[Cut to Rosss second wedding reception, Joey has just told him the band is ready with Rachel looking on.]
Ross: Oh the bands ready! And wellI-Iwe gotta do what the band says, right? I dont care about the stinkin band!!
Matthew: Well thank for coming here, its good to see you.
[Cut to Monicas work kitchen, shes on fire again and Joey is putting her out.]
(Matt grabs his plate and takes some of whats on Rosss plate.)
Joey: Whats the rush? What?
Phoebe: Well Its a date.
Phoebe: We found your test in the trash, if youre not pregnant(She sees Rachel shaking her head)Its because I am.
Phoebe: No Dr. Skeptismo! Im sure. First of all, okay, theres the feeling. (Chandler shrugs) Okay, and for another, how about the fact that she went into my guitar case which is lined with orange felt. (Rachel nods her head in unsure agreement) My Mothers favourite fish is Orange Roughy... (Joey thinks he understands, but then nods that he has no clue.) Cats....like....fish! (Ross and Rachel are totally lost) (to the cat) Hi, Mommy. (Rachel covers her mouth, in an Oh my God. gesture) Oh, I havent seen this smile in 17 years!
[Cut to Chandler and Monicas as they enter.]
Chandler: Well thats not fair, youve already had some!
Ross: Hey, yknow whats weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people youre gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." Thats weird isnt it?
Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentines Day gifts?
Monica: Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I wouldve said something like this, "Wow! My boyfriends such a wise assseven!"
Phoebe: Thats good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.
Phoebe: Thats really beautiful. What does it mean?
Rachel: Honey, honey, Im sorry, I know its our anniversary but I told you on the phone I dont have time to stop.
Robin: Why is this happening to me?! I dont know, maybe its my wound.
Monica: (looking up) Ross, whens this comet thing start?
Monica: Okay its time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year Im going to do it.
Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-lifes gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?
Terry: Im sorry Joey thats thats the way it is.
Chandler: (looking up with her) Thats a plane!
Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel: Thats a good call. Right.
Joey: Then why are you wearing Monicas jacket?
Ross: That bitch! (He gets up and they go over to ambush Frannie. Monica taps on Frannies shoulder.)
Joey: (standing up) Yknow, theres two women dude.
Rachel: Oh, heres that trench-coat that you wanted.
Monica: Shes sleeping.
Monica: Why dont you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship against the bad stuff. I mean thats what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and pauses) weighing stuff.
Chandler: Thats correct.
Phoebe: Oh! Heres Joseph Francis!
Phoebe: Hes just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
Tag: If this is your idea of sexy talk? (Shakes his head that its not working.)
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. Its just so frustrating!
Ross: Yes! Thats where we realized we were both super cool people!
Director: Whats going on over here?
Announcer: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! Hes known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!
Tag: Its my sister.
Elizabeth: So uh, Monica is Rosss sister.
Tag: Its not here.
[Scene: Chandler and Monicas, theyre getting ready to leave for the party.]
Rachel: Oh hey you. Thanks for coming out of me. (The baby cries.) I know. Oh. Yeah. Oh, shes looking at me. Hi! I know you.
Joey: Listen I uh (He takes her hand.) Its a scary world out there especially if youre a single mom. Yknow, I always felt like you and I have this-this special bond. Yknow? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will you marry me?
Tall Guy: Shes nice, huh? To think I almost brought my wife to this!
[Scene: Phoebes apartment building, in desperation she has wrapped up the smoke detector in a blanket and is going to throw it into the trash chute.]
Rachel: (interrupting) And thats Im so glad theres no problem.
Joey: Yeah? Really? No ones home?
Chandler: Well its just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was the first time I knew that you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Rachel: Well you have to because maybe its stupid.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, a locksmith has finished changing the locks on Rosss door.]
Phoebe: Thats not mine.
Joey: But Jos got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean its like a girl-girl thing? Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.
Joey: No-no! Im fine. Its just Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone that youve known for a while and then suddenly suddenly see them a different way?
Monica: Child-birth, its a natural thing! Its beautiful.
Rachel: Are you seriousReally?! Its in such good condition.
[Scene: Joeys Dressing Room, Joey and Chandler are there.]
Ross: I picked up the divorce papers. Uh, Ive already signed everything and I put little Xs where you need to sign.
Joey: Thats true.
Ross: Whats wrong with this year?
Ross: No, no, that wont be ah, that wont be necessary (leans down and looks up Roberts shorts, seeing Roberts package.)
Phoebe: Oh thats right!
Joey: Apparently, theres like a million guys out there that can play Mac, and theres only this one robot and this one guy who controls it! I didnt know he could get me fired! What am I going to do?
Woman: Uh, actually I find Marions views far to progressionist.
Phoebe Sr: Youre Erwins daughter?!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Thats the creep that youre with at the Statue of Liberty.
Ross: Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-whos cigarettes are these?
Chandler: Oh, and dont get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. Its just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, its making all the other guys jealous.
Rachel: Thats weird.
Chandler: God, its great to catch up! I cant believe how long its been!
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, its sowed on though.
Bobby: You bet I am! (To Joey) And to answer your earlier question, were straight-up gangster rap. (Joey shakes his head as if hes about to lose it.)
Phoebe: Okay, I understand why Superman is here, but why is there a porcupine at the Easter Bunnys funeral?
Rachel: Hey, hows hows the uh, miracle chair?
Guy: (walking past Earls desk) Hey guy!
Phoebe: Yeah, hes gotta go.
Monica: I dont know, my hand feels weird. I guess its because, Im engaged! (Shows off the ring.) How long before it starts getting annoying?
Joey: All right, and over there is Bradys Pub where I like to unwind after a long day of surgeoning.
Mr. Geller: Oh look, look theres your old makeup kit!
Ross: Hi. (They shake hands.) Its nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I dont anymore.
Carol: Ohh, yknow, Susans gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Phoebe: This is so cool, til Monica gets back, its like Im head chef and I get to make all the decisions. (She looks at the remaining butter, and then decides to add it to the dish.)
Phoebe Sr: Take it easy--if you want, theres cookies on the counter, or, or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria!
Joey: Thats right!
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, lets trade! The timings perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Janice: (notices Monicas engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! Im blind!
Rachel: Oh its important!
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day, and its just a crush, thats all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, "it was cuckoo!" Everythings going to be fine. Its just a crush.
Rachel: Oh, its the best! (They both exhale contemplating the joys of marriage.) So, umm hows Monica?
Monica: (opening it) Whats this?
Monica: Its your birthday!
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joeys chest.) Joey theres a girl on the phone for you.
Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that theres an age difference between us.
Joey: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Yknow? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. Its all about turnover.
Tag: Phoebe! Thats a great name.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, breakfast is finished but Rachels still down.]
Ross: Thats right! Thats right, dont you play a woman?
Joey: A woman in a mans body.
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Phoebe: (getting out) Okay, whos next?
Joey: So yknow Ross its funny cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married?
Joey: Thats great, but isnt it gonna bother that people still think youre a porn star?
Chandler: (To Joey) Would you put that back on?! Monicas gonna be here any minute!
Chandler: also I was the point person on my companys transition from the KL-5 to GR-6 system.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Everybody hide! Hide! I saw her! Shes coming!