words in movies
Monica: Whats the matter?
Phoebe: Oh Willies still alive!
Monica: Thats not true, there are great pictures of us!
Chandler: No, there are great pictures of you standing next to a guy whos going like this (Makes what can only be described as a toothy frown. Henceforth, this shall be known as The Face.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Thats the creep that youre with at the Statue of Liberty.
Monica: (looking at one) Oh, heres a great one.
Monica: Thats a good idea! I bet they have one of those wind machines! Yknow (Does the whole hair blowing in the wind model type poses.)
Phoebe: Yeah thats great! Next to that, Chandler wont look so stupid.
Rachel: Hey look-look, Phoebes talking to uh, Cute Coffeehouse Guy.
Phoebe: He is! But hes getting divorcedRoss! Maybe you know him.
Ross: Its not a club.
Rachel: Phoebe, if this guys going through a divorce, is it such a good idea to start going out with him?
Rachel: Why? Is he? He is! Isnt he? Hes dating that slut in marketing!
Ross: Maybe I should open a divorced mens club.
[Scene: Rachels Outer Office, shes returning from lunch to see Tag not doing his sit-ups.]
Rachel: (startled) Ahh, hi! Hi! Melissa, whats up? Im just uh, about to umm, go out to the store to get some stuff to put in my backpack. Yknow, like dried fruit and granola and stuff. Whats up? (She has put on the backpack.)
Melissa: Hey! Isnt that Tags backpack.
The Photographer: (taking pictures) Great! Thats great Monica! Great! Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
Monica: Yeah! (They turn to the camera, and Chandler does The Face again.) All right, maybe you dont have to smile. Lets try something else. Lets try umm, try looking sexy.
[Scene: Rachels Office, Joey is knocking on the door holding a hand over a spot on his shirt.]
Joey: Great. (He doesnt like it.) You got anything thats not Ralph Lauren?
Joey: Huh, Rach I got to say its gonna take a lot of money for me to go out on a date with a dude.
Rachel: Joey, just-just he-hes new in town and I know he doesnt have any guy friends. Just take him to like a ball game or something. Ill really appreciate it.
Monica: I know. Lets try a look of far off wonderment. Okay, well-well gaze into our future and well think about our marriage and the days to come. (Chandler is still not getting it.) Chandler! What is the matter with your face?! I mean this picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron!" (The photographer laughs.) Hey! Dont laugh at him! Hes my drowning moron!
Monica: Thats it! Take it! Take it! Take it!
Ross: I like this one. (Points to it.) It seems to say, "I love you and thats why I have to kill you."
Phoebe: Ohh. No thats okay, hes a friend.
Hums While He Pees: I know its really lame, but I got these tickets from my boss andOh no! No! No! My God!
Hums While He Pees: No its Uh, my ex-wife Whitney is out there. I cannot deal with her right now. That woman is crazy!
Phoebe: Yeah, umm thats Whitney (Points), Kyles ex-wife out there, now do you think that you can yknow divert her so that we can slip out?
Ross: Its right there! (Points to her hand.)
Phoebe: All right, well I just wanted to say thank you though for diverting Kyles ex.
Phoebe: (To Ross) Kyles ex-wife? You were supposed to divert her not date her!
Ross: Yes! Thats where we realized we were both super cool people!
Phoebe: Like shes really mean, and shes over critical, and-andNo! She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you!
Ross: Pheebs come on! I mean, consider the source! Of course her ex-husbands gonna say that stuff. Now, if youll excuse me
[Scene: Rachels Office, Tag is arriving as Rachel is standing there.]
Rachel: Ohh thats nice.
Rachel: Thats great! Wow man, so Joey mustve really taught you some stuff huh?
Joey: See? Thats a great smile! Easy. Natural. Now, pretend I have a camera. (Chandler immediately does The Face.) Youre changing it!
Joey: Yeah! That guys all right!
Joey: Hey well, you cant teach someone to be good with women. Yknow, thats why I never had any luck with Chandler.
Rachel: All right, would-would you mind just not going out with him again? Okay, just the idea of you and he and all these women, its justAnd I know hes my assistant and I cant date himbut it just bothers me, all right?!
Rachel: I just dont want him to meet anybody until I am over my crushAnd I will get over it. Its-its not like I love him, its just physical! ButI mean I get crushes like this all the time! I mean hell, I had a crush on you when I first met ya!
Joey: Ten. Okay. Now Tag theres such a thing as to many women.
Ross: Listen, you are hearing one side of the story, okayand F.Y.I she mustve shown Kyle over 30 paint samples before she painted that room! And his response to each one was, "I dont give a tiny rats ass."
Ross: Well, I dont think we are gonna have that problem, but maybe thats just because I am not emotionally unavailable!
Phoebe: You think hes emotionally unavailable?
Phoebe: Yeah well, she certainly knew what she was doing New Years Eve 1997.
[Scene: Rachels Office, Tag is entering.]
Tag: Its just not really who I am. Y'know, Ive always been happier when Why am I telling you this? You dont care about this stuff.
Tag: All right then, its settled.
Phoebe: Oh, Im sorry. Is that annoying? And speaking about being selfish in bed, hows Whitney?
Ross: Wh-whats up?
Whitney: Well, I went over to Kyles last night to pick up a few things and we got to reminiscing
Ross: Thats all right, we-we dont need you. In fact, hey Im over it already.
Phoebe: Yeah, and yknow what? I dont give a tiny rats ass.
Phoebe: And yknow, even if they break up again, youd better not let him in your sad mens club!
Ross: Divorced mens club.
Phoebe: Potato, Potaato. (Shes pronounces potato with the both the short and long As.)
Phoebe: Ooh, lets see it!
Joey: Dont worry! Dont worry. I just told him, very nicely, "You dont go buying peoples babies, so back off!!"
Richard: Hes gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.
Rachel: Ross, shes gonna start getting ready soon!
Joey: Morning! Hey, hows my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)
Rachel: Now, you do realize that shes a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Phoebe: Well its just like youre trying too hard. Always making jokes, yknow, you justYou come off a little needy.
Rachel: Ross, um, don’t forget to get a shot of Emma’s cake. It’s in a box in the fridge.
Ross: Oh wow! I mean, wow! I mean, I-I-I think shes cute but I-I would never have thought of going out with her, never!
Monica: Please, don't listen to Joey, okay. Would you look at him? He-hes obviously depressed. He's away from his family; he's spending Thanksgiving with strangers. What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Guy: Oh, its you. I see you everywhere. Im Jim, Jim Nelson.
David: That reminds me of you so much, I mean umm, it-its actually of Lenin. But, yknow at certain angles
Phoebe: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parents anniversary party?
Phoebe: Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals!
Rachel: Wait, but theres no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!
Phoebe: (turns around and hits Frank) So thats what you thought I did!! God! Thats not what I do!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there as someones cell phone starts to ring with one of those fancy ring tones.]
Rachel: Oh, I have to pee. If I dont come out in five minutes its because Ive choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)
Monica: He was in Rosss class marching band kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend.
Joey: Thats right, its all ruined! You guys ruined everything! You ruined it! (Steps into the apartment and Chandler closes the door.) (Joey struts over to the candy and starts eating it.)
Rachel: Ok, let’s keep talking.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Joey enters the room]
Phoebe: Oh, it’s the worst way to propose!
Chandler: See, honey, theres(puts his hand on her leg)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzlebeer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebes massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]
Janices Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart!
Joey: Ah, look who’s back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH, WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Joey: And its not fake, its totally brutal.
Joey: 'Cause we will appreciate it more when she’s gone?
Rachel: Amy, that’s what I was supposed to wear today, that’s why I hung it on the door.
[Scene: Monica’s Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there, Phoebe enters the room]
Rachel: Phoebe, that’s huge!
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I dont know if you can hear this but (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) Im gonna talk anyway, uh, Im in the States with you sister and your friends and its all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell youYes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.
Chandler: (laughs) Isnt she cute? (On Monicas death stare) No!
Joey: Look, look lets pretend its a real bachelor party. Okay? Yknow? Before your wedding. Come on, itll be fun.
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, Ive never been able to cry as an actor, so if Im in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, lets say I wanna convey that Ive just done something evil. That would be the basic I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, lets say Ive just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And thats how its done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that�s true.
Ross: (in his head) Shes your cousin. Shes your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head shed think you were sick! (She grabs some popcorn.) Or would she? Lets back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logans Run, the sexiest movie ever. (She grabs the blanket from behind him and looks at him.) Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. Im going in.
Rachel: No, Im just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, its trifle time!
Phoebe: You guys were right. Hes just too excited about everything. I mean Im all for living life, but this is the Gellers 35th anniversary. Okay? Lets call a spade a spade this party stinks.
Monica: Yeah, I dont hear Chandlers and he doesnt hear mine.
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: All right. (She does so and it brings the cooler closer together.) Hey-hey-hey!! (Sees whats in the cooler.) Sandwiches!
Jill: Fine, then lets just say hes not my type.
Joshua: (getting up and backing away from they.) Is there ah, is there some way they can not be here. Its just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!
Monica: Yknow what? It really creeps me out choosing other peoples sex clothes.
Phoebe: I cant say because hes famous.
Rachel: Did I say I was done guessing? Okay, thank you for that. Oh wow! Whats this?
Monica: But still, its a big change. The end of an era, you might say!
[Scene: Rachels bedroom, shes pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: How come its always us left in the field holding the ball?
Rachel: Because its Richards son! Its like inviting Greek tragedy over for dinner!
Rachel: No! It didnt! Thats what I want to talk to you about. (starts to break up) Now, just to brief you (starts to cry) I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.
(They disappear into the bedroom leaving Ross standing in the living room holding Susans coat.)
Joey: How about those fries though, huh? (Holds the plate between Sarah’s fingers and his plate, thus blocking her from reaching his)
Joey: Thats a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that!
Ross: No I left the diapers at the hospital! Theres some in the bag but Ill run out and get some more.
[Scene: The Mr. Bowmont (Joeys boat), shes shown to be in one of the waterways around New York, but in reality shes in a sound stage on the Warner Bros. lot and we see New York from the water in some rather poor green screen shots. Rachel and Joey are on board.]
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, its all Joeys fault, cause he left his nose open!
Monica: Well, Im never gonna listen to you again, thats for sure! (Mimicking her.) "Yknow, harm can it do if you go and put your name down?"
Monica: Rachel! Im never gonna think its okay for you to cheat on your husband!
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandlers.]
Joey: There’s a part in a TV movie that I would be perfect for and I didn’t even be put up for it! She’d better have a good reason.
Phoebe: No-no, thats not, thats not me Phoebe, thats her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.
Ross: Oh. Oh, thats right. So-so you did see me that day because it seemed like you didnt.
Jill: (gasps) Thats the best one! Oh my God, (hugs him) thank you so much!
Chandler: No, the babys out! Look, look!
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Ross: Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isnt about the room, this is about what the room represents! And unfortunately, this room (Points to Rachels room) could destroy you!!
The Interviewer: So, thats it. I guess thats all I need. Thank you so much. I think they will be running this in the beginning of next month.
Joey: Listen that�s a pretty girly hour we just spent, we should add some manly make up for it.
[Scene: Monica’s apartment. Somebody knocks the door]
Phoebe: (in her head) Say something! Say anything! Ask her out! Shes not your cousin!
Rachel: and I know Chandler is kidding but it happens every time he touches my stomach. I mean Im really worried the babys not going to like him. (Joey is staring at the table.) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Hey, buddy. Hows my favorite dog, huh? Hows my favorite dog? (the dog doesnt move) Youre subdued. (to Joey) Did you give him a beer?
Monica: Listen umm, Ive been thinking, its not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.
Woman: Hi, were the Rostins. Err, Im J.C., and hes Michael, and were having a boy, and a girl.
Chandler: Young! Youre a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybodys ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) Theres no Anderson.
Monica: Sounds like shes got the ah, whole package.
Nurse: Hey, she just woke up! Shes hungry. Why dont we give this another try?
Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris Holy cow, thats a big word. Trisc Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?
Monica: Its okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
Chandler: No! No! I dont want him to know were yet! Im not sure Im ready for that. And besides hes not gonna be too happy to see me either.
Phoebe: Please, dont play the music. Just uh one more. LIVE FROM NEW YORK! ITS SATURDAY NIGHT!!
Monica: Its almost 8 oclock, its almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he?
Chandler: They were just giving those away at the store (off Monicas look) in exchange for money.
Phoebe: And I have your name and the fact that youre a drifter, so the balls pretty much in your court.
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandlers, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Rachel: Whats-whats going on? Phils really pissed!
(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Rosss sweater to clean them.)
Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I dont know, I feel like lately, I feel like youre slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and youve got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know its dumb, but I hate that Im not a part of it.
Ross: Uh thats an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta.
Monica: Its not like, I havent any opportunities. I mean, yknow, Im just waiting for the perfect guy. Im seeing this guy Roger, all right? Hes not perfect, but umm, I think maybe I should just get it over with. Yknow, give him my flower.
Joey: No-no, I cant! I cant! Not after the other night, its just its too weird, okay? Dont tell her Im here! (Turns to run to the bathroom and his bagel falls off the plate onto the floor.) Dont eat that! (Runs to the bathroom as Rachel enters.)
(Sarah picks up some fries from Joey’s plate and Joey looks very angry. Then we’re back to Central Perk and Joey does a you-see-what-I-mean look to Phoebe)
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as its a compliment.
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
Monica: Come on Phoebe, lets go! Come on, its time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.