words in movies
(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joeys bedroom.)
Rachel: Oh! Good thing Chandlers not here, he always wins at this game.
Joanna: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello, Rachel. (She goes into Chandlers bedroom)
Chandler: Oh, come on! Its not like this is an everyday occurrence for me! I mean usually Im pretty much just in there by myself.
Chandler: I hope you know what Im giving up for ya, because shes not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs. Gellers party.]
Mrs. Geller: (entering) Hows the hired help?
Mrs. Geller: Whats this? Blue nail polish?
Mrs. Geller: Ahh, thats what your Grandmothers hands looked like when we found her.
Phoebe: Wow! And hey, its cool if youre a lesbian! (Gives her a thumbs up)
Joey: Uhhhh. (Hes not sure)
[Cut to Monica and Rachels apartment, all are there.]
Ross: Im telling you its totally unconstituional.
[Cut to Monica and Rachels, theyre all there playing cards.]
[Scene: The Gellers Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]
Phoebe: Thats weird.
Phoebe: Oh, no, I meant that its weird that you only have nine now.
Monica: (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them put (realises) Oh my God! Its in the quiche! Oh My God!
Phoebe: Okay, dont panic. Im gonna go to the store, Im gonna get you another set of nails, no ones gonna know, and youre gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, its cause theyre gonna eatthats the problem.
Monica: Okay ah, please dont freak out. Umm, but ah, theres a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and theres no way to know which one.
Mrs. Geller: Its nothing, its just that now your Father owes me five dollars.
Monica: (laughs) Thats right. My Mom doesnt have any faith in me! Oh, thats hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Scene: Joannas office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler isnt wearing any pants.]
Joanna: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (Shes holding a pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.
Joanna: Knowing youre here, waiting for me I think its kinda exciting.
Chandler: Okay. But if you dont come back soon, (She leaves and closes the door) theres pretty much nothing I can do about it!
[Cut to Joannas outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming back from lunch.]
Rachel: Thats weird, she locked the door.
Sophie: Yknow why? Shes got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning.
Rachel: Okay, swear you wont tell, but when Mark left he gave me a key to Joannas office. Do you wanna see the list?
[Scene: Joannas office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and Chandler answers it with his nose.]
Chandler: Hello, Joanna (Realises he doesnt know her last name) s office.
Joanna: Im in my bosss car!
[Cut to Rachels office as her intercom buzzes.]
Chandler: Okay, heres the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I cant get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and Im cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a statue behind Joannas desk.)
Rachel: When she sees that youre gone, shes gonna know that I let you out, and that I was in here, and Im gonna get fired!
Rachel: No, theres nothing to make up, shes gonna know that I have a key to her office, Ive got to get you locked up back the way you were! (She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)
The Salesman: So, heres somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh?
Joey: Wow! Thats pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear cause he sucked. What else you got in there?
The Salesman: Lets see, ahhh Where does the Pope live?
Joey: In the woods. No wait-wait, thats the joke answer.
Joey: Spocks birth control.
[Scene: Monicas childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]
Monica: Oh good, Im glad thats catching on.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight As, his parents would say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go, "Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer says, "Yeah, that ones outta here." Though some things dont change.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with his pants.]
Rachel: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, shes very private about her office. Now I know why.
Chandler: Hey, look, youre in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, shes gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go.
Joey: Wow! Theres a lot I didnt know about vomit. (The duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck goes back into the bathroom.)
Joey: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? Im home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess theres a few things you dont get from book learnin.
Joey: And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be Chandlers pants.
[Scene: Joannas office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]
Rachel: I have so got it. Theres gonna be rumours about this, theres no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.
Rachel: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generations Milton Berle.
[Scene: The Gellers kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]
Phoebe: Its hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients.
Joey: Wh-whats going on?
Joey: Well, its good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius.
[Scene: Rachels office, Rachel is coming in for the day.]
Joanna: (from her office) Whos out there?
Rachel: Its me! Good morning!
Rachel: Yeah, sure. Umm, they didnt have poppy seed bagels, so I (Enters Joannas office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing but a slip) Oh my word!
Phoebe: Oh, so this is all about money! Yknow its bad enough thatOw! Oh, you have got to be kidding!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes, shes a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joeys. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
Ross and Joey: Oh! Thats nice.
Monica: Y'know if its any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)
Joey: He said that he wasnt gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what hes gonna do is have you evictedIll see you later.
Monica: Its pretty clear.
Julie: Thats why you broke up with me?
Announcer: And his opponent, from Hunnington Beach, California! Hes a 300 pound street fighter, Tank Abbottttttt!!!!
Rachel: Why? Is he? He is! Isnt he? Hes dating that slut in marketing!
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didnt have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, whats the name the girl youre dating?
Rachel: Hmm. Do you thinkCould you tell me if shes hanging in, in a one bedroom or a two?
[Scene: Rachels Office, Tag is arriving as Rachel is standing there.]
Phoebe: Oh thats so sweet thanks.
Ross: Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When shes gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler cant pick it up.)
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Phoebes cell phone rings and she goes through her little routine of lighting a cigarette before answering the phone.]
Monica: (entering) Hey, whats going on?
Joey: (checks in the window to make sure it has them) Its got em!
Elizabeth: Oh. Well, so we have to hide our relationship from one more person. Big deal. Besides, its kinda fun hiding.
Kathy: Cute assistant! Whats his story? Is he
[cut back to Rachels bedroom with both of them hurriedly getting dressed]
Ross: What is Monicas biggest pet peeve?
Monica: I know!! (calls him) (on phone) Chip? Hi! Its Monica. (listens) Kay. (listens) Kay. (listens) Okay. (listens) Okay, good-bye. (hangs up) Oh my God, we just had the best conversation!! (goes into her room as Rachel enters)
Joeys Date: Hi!
Joeys Date: You must be Rachel, Im Erin.
Chandler: Wow thats actually pretty cool.
Joey: Why? (In Drakes voice.) Why cant the world stop turning, just for a moment? Just for us?
Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you dont want to talk about it, thats fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...
The Colonel: OH MY GAWD!!!! (Yep, its Janice.)
Janice: So, whos the lucky guy?
Ross: Well, if hes angry, he really shouldnt just cover it up. I-I wish he would just tell me the truth.
Ross: What?! What is with everybody? Its Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!
Mrs. Geller: (pointing to herself and Jack) Well we left ours in Monicas bedroom.
Joey: Hey! Whats up?
Chandler: Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and theres nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Chandler: You cant just call Monicas room.
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, theres a big selling calendar, eh?
Rachel: Well now whats the rush?
Joey: Whos birthday party?
Erin: Whats wrong?
Rachel: Well look whos here!
Joey: Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go? (The lamp hes holding.)
Joey: Hey! Its my fashion girls! (They dont react.) Whats wrong?
Monica: Its actually going to be just family.
Erin: Yeah, lets go.
Joey: Thats right, all the ladies want to stay at Joeys.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Ross lays a lot off small papers, shaped like the U.S. states onto the floor making a map with the states. Phoebe enters]
Chandler: Its my joke.
Paul: Thats exactly what my dad used to say! (Starts to breakdown again.)
[Cut to Monica and Chandlers, Rachel is entering.]
Ross: Well sorry, thats what I do on dates.
[Scene: A judges chambers, Rachel and Ross are filing their annulment papers.]
Phoebe: I cant believe that! Now the only thing left of my grandmothers legacy is this crumb. (She picks it up with her finger and holds it out to Monica.) I wish you a long and happy marriage.
Phoebe: Thats right, you just enjoy.
Ross: (To Katie) Yeah, Im just gonna grab my coat. And uh, and my whip. (Katie looks worried.) Yknow because of the Indiana Jones? (Katie laughs) Not-not because Im-Im into S&M. (Katies worried again.) Im not-Im not into anything weird. Yknow? Just-just normal sex. (Katie is uncomfortable.) So, Im gonna grab my coat. (Does so, leaving Katie and Rachel alone.)
Doug: Bing! (Chandler stands bolt upright and turns around to face him.) Read your Computech proposal, a real homerun. (He goes to slap his butt, but Chandler slides over making him miss.) Ooh. Barely got ya that time, get over here. Come on. (Chandler goes over) Wham! (slaps him on the butt) Good one. That was a good one. (to a couple of Chandlers co-workers) Keep at it team. (goes into his office)
Joey: Well, maybe thats because youre closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
Rachel: YeahNo wait! Joey no wait it is. Its something. Its-its umm its my boss.
Elizabeth: No, its a water balloon fight! We started it!
Rachel: So hows it goin with Joey?
Joey: Yeah, lifes pretty great isnt it?
Monica: Yeah! Shes right in there! (Points to Phoebes room.)
Joey: I went back to Riffs. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna meltt and four plates of curly fries.
Ross: No thats not what I want. Uh, Im glad you guys were bonding but I
Kate: No, thats not it. So, youre a soap actor? Well this must be pretty exciting for you to be in a real play, hmm?
Monica: Oh yeah, whats the plan?
Waitress: Hey Monica, theres a customer who wants to complement the chef, should I let him in?
Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) Hes a good kisser isnt he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) Im going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
Phoebe: (looking in the window) Right, oh yeah. Wow, oh, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Uff, I hope he lets her down easy. Lets go.
Monica: Joey, whats going on. What didnt you tell us you work here?
Ross: By the way, the week before your wedding you may not see a lot of me. (She glares at him and he quickly makes his way to Phoebes room.)
Melissa: Hey! Isnt that Tags backpack.
Joey and Chandler: Yeah, thats her.
Ross: Thats it, your doing great.
Tag: Thats kinda sad.
Rachel: Lets roll!
Ross: Hey, theres uh, some people outside, askin about candy.
[Scene: Phoebes, Phoebe is opening the door.]
Joey: Whats up buddy?
Monica: All right, all right! Lets just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) Youre single. (To Tim) Youre single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) Shell be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) Ill give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Ross: Hey! Whats up?
Chandler: Then free as a bird. Whats up?
Joey: Wow, thats in like 20 minutes. Youd better get dressed.
Ross: Its a great class.
Rachel: (stopping at Phoebes entrance) Ha!
Phoebe: So hes probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.
[Scene: N.Y.Us University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]
Monica: Absolutely! (He goes to kiss her, but she stops him and rubs his head and says...) Now get out of here you!! (Pete leaves) (to the gang) Okay, Im running out of places I can touch him! Look, is there something wrong with me? I mean why am I only attracted to guys where theres no future? Either theyre too old, or theyre too young, and then theres Pete whos-whos crazy about me, and whos absolutely perfect for me, and theres like zip going on! I mean, seriously, does it sound like somethings wrong with me?!
Monica: Joey, youre this guys teacher. I mean how could you do this?
Joey: (entering, wearing the maternity pants from earlier) All right wheres that turkey!
Ross: Because its the highest. (Joey shrugs his shoulders) Okay, Rachel youre up first. (Rachel stands up and gets ready.) Situation No. 1: Youre with Monica, the wedding is about to start when Monica gets cold feet. Go! (Joey is playing the part of Monica.)
Chandler: Its a sock bunny.
Rachel: Oh sorry didnt mean to interrupt. Its just such a beautiful space; do you do a lot of weddings here?
Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh I thI thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Yknow? Hes uh, hes a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)
Chandler: Well, I could make it seem like hes here. (Imitates him.) "Heres some little known facts about cous-cous. They didnt add the second cous until 1979." (Mumbles something further.)
Doug: So thanks for the warm welcome. Its good to have you guys on my team, and I come to play. I hope you do too. Now, lets go out there and get em! Huh? And remember, there is no I in team.
Ross: Thats right.
Joey: (thinking) All right. Its a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you dont feel that now. It was crazy! Youre fine. Youre better than fine! You are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everythings normal! Shes just your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel.
Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. Thats the limit. Youre screwed!
Chandler: Well, its like that old saying, have some sex, eat some cake.