words in movies
Rachel: No-no-no! No-no-no! Please Ross, I cant! I cant do it! (Starts to freak out.) Its just gonna freak me out!!!
(Chandler starts paging through the album.)
Jill: Cant have?! Excuse me, the only thing I cant have is dairy! (Starts to storm out.)
(The movie starts, its a vampires lair and Buffay, The Vampire Layer enters dressed in leather and carrying a wooden stake. Suddenly, the vampire opens his coffin and sits up.
(Chandler starts crying.)
Chandler: (starts crying) I-I cant believe Jills gone. (They all look at him.) I cant help it, I opened a gate.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Joey: Check out the rack on this chick! (Turns around to point it out to Ross and finds that Ross is glaring at him. So he quickly puts his binoculars to his eyes and starts looking for the comet.)
Joey: Oh! Hey right! Not a problem. (He starts taking off his clothes.) I totally understand. You need to yknow make sure I dont have any horrible scars or tattoos. Dont you worry; I have nothing to hide. (He drops his pants and stands back up and looks down.) So there you go, thats me. (We cut to a camera angle looking at the casting director and movie director through Joeys legs.) One hundred percent natural! (Suddenly, theres a thud as something falls off.) (Everyone is shocked.) I tell ya, that has never happened before.
Monica: I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod Yes.)
Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying ow with laughing.)
Rachel: Oh (happy) oh no just stopped to throw up a little bit. (Emma starts crying again.) Oh come on, what am I gonna do, its been hours and it wont stop crying.
Rachel: Oh. Look at you making up crap for me. Oh God! (Starts another contraction as Dr. Long enters.)
(She starts to run out but is stopped by a figure looming out of the darkness carrying a pick axe.)
Rachel: Yeah! If you don't I will! Of course your body's gonna change. Your breasts are gonna get bigger, your ass is gonna get bigger, you're gonna lose bladder control. (she starts sobbing) God! It's just such a magical time!
Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW!
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, Im talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
(Joey climbs up on the counter and starts looking at the top of the cabinets.)
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monicas bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
Girl: Me too! (starts to take her coat off)
The Director: Kate Millers awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, youve ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mothers crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
The Director: Cut!!!!!!!!!! (Joey starts screaming again.)
Joey: Try it, I can't feel a thing! (Ross starts punching him too)
Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?
Ross: (He freaks out and starts jumping around brushing his sweater) WHAT? WHERE? WHERE?
(She runs to the bathroom, while Chandler starts acting like a chicken in front of Emma. Emma is silent, however.)
Monica: Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, youll be fine. (She starts to walk towards the floor.)
(She starts to play her song, but is stopped by Monica.)
Joey: Dont start doing that. You cant do that Rach, cause then youre gonna make me do that. (Starts to cry.) Oh, here we go! (Sits down next to her.)
Rachel starts messing up Amy's hair: Frizzy frizzy frizzy frizzy!!
Mrs. Green: No. Sweetie, youre gonna be fine. (Starts to get up.)
(She starts looking through her purse, but she can't find it.)
Phoebe: (no accent) Uhm... Okay, well, allright, uhm... Originally I'm from upstate, but uhm... then my mom killed herself and my stepdad went to prison, so... I just moved to the city where uhm... I actually lived in a burned out Buick LeSabre for a while... (frowns are received) which was okay, that was okay, until uhm... I got hepatitis, you know, 'cause this pimp spit in my mouth and... but I... I got over it and uhm... anyway, now I'm uhm... a freelance massage therapist, uhm... which, you know, isn't always steady money but at least I don't pay taxes, huh... (everyone in the room finds it a bit surreal, which Phoebe realises and starts to talk in the accent again) So... where does everyone summer?
Dr. Rhodes: Take your shirt off, and let's see what we're dealing with here. (Ross starts to take off his pants) What are you doing?
Rachel: Yknow, like the thing when you put the phone in your pants? (He starts laughing.) Tag! Im serious! This isnt funny! Those contracts absolutely had to go out today!
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Exactly!! (sits back down at his laptop and starts typing)
Helena: (singing) For Im loved by a pretty wonderful boy! (Applause.) Hello! And welcome to the show. I see some of our regulars in the audience. And a couple of irregulars. (He starts going into the audience.)
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.)
Rachel: Okay. Thank you! Thank you! BecauseI'm sorry, all right. Because y'know what? She didn't want menot important. The point is, I was right. Your decision. Okay? I was right. (She starts for the door.) (Stops) Your decision.
Phoebe: Regular Celery! (Starts to write that on her list) Oh, I already have that. (She gets up and heads for her room)
Rachel: Dont say that I have no sentiment! (Starts to show Ross whats in the box.) This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! (Holds up a bone) This is from the museum from the first time we were together. Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!
Chandler: Yknow, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing her hair)
(Ross goes into the room where Dr. Green is laying unconscious. He turns on the TV, puts his feet on the bed and starts watching a dinosaur movie where the dinosaur is caught by two cowboys. Dr. Geller awakes.)
Phoebe: Huh. Okay. Well, Im really happy for you. (Starts to walk away.)
Phoebe: Oh I do! (She grabs her huge purse and starts rummaging through it and taking out various items in a futile search for the gum.) Oh, yknow what? No. (Pause) Wait a second. (She removes a bag filled with water that has a goldfish swimming in it.) I know its in here somewhere.
Phoebe: All right. Hold on. (She starts digging in the chair.) I got it. Nickel! (Donates it.) How much more do we need?
Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a two year old. (starts to light another cigarette.)
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
(They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely)
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
(The camera cuts to Wayne whos busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)
Chandler: Joey! Joe! (Sees that hes not here and starts investigating. He picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beers still cold. Something terrible mustve happened here! (He decides its not that important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV] [Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
Mike: This is the first time hes ever used this product, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (To Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
Chandler: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
(Chandler runs to the window, opens it, starts out, but returns, casually walking back to his chair.)
(Rachel tries to stop mid-swing, and the swing starts to turn from side to side)
Ross: No one, I’m just saying if... (Phoebe starts pinching him in his neck)
[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from The One With The Stoned Guy.]
Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.)
(Joey starts playing with a toy alligator and has it attack him.)
(Joey starts to leave to embark on his genius moneymaking scheme, but is freaked out slightly when as he goes to open the door, there's a mysterious knock. He calms himself down and opens the door to reveal Phoebe.)
(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the audition.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]
Ross: No ah-ah-ah! Do not start this car! (She starts the car.) Okay! Okay! I will give you twenty bucks if you get out of this car right now! (He looks for the twenty Rachel stole and doesnt find it.)
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandlers head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Peter: Were not throwing it away! I built that canoe! (starts to leave as Tony chases after him)
Joey: No, no, no! (Starts looking around the room, terrified) Don't drop by, don't drop by!
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out theres more than three), five, six, and seven!
Ross: That's right, sex is off the table. (The door starts to open behind him and Dr. Green emerges) I am never having sex with you again. (Rachel stays quiet and after a few moments Ross realizes what has happened. He turns abruptly) Dr. Green, are you feeling better? (Rachel's dad glares at him with a deadly look)
Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! Thats like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, theres nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food.
Joey: Right!(he starts to ape her)"Oh my God, is this the men's room? Oh, I feel so foolish, have you always known you wanted to be an actor?" (he inclines his head as if to look at a man's private parts)
Ross: Oh much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians... (gestures with his hands and says in an impression voice?) "Can we walk"? (Phoebe starts laughing) Oh, you... you like that?
(The lights dim and Chandler tries to get away but as the bitter lady comes on stage and starts yelling he promptly changes his mind and sits down)
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Phoebe: Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross' building. Oh, the things she must have seen! And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw and then we ran to let her in (Realizes, that Chandler starts to not believing her) I went to far, didn't I? When should I have stopped?
Ross: Wow! Thanks, you guys. Thats uhohhh, I wanna, I wanna play you another piece! Umm! Uh-oh! I left my uh, helicopter sounds on another disk. Ill be right back! Okay? (Runs to fetch them) This is so nice, ImI am so (starts to break up and leaves)
(Sarah, is grinning and starts to reach over to Joey's plate to take a few clams)
Phoebe: Me taking care of you is no problem, huh? You guys feel safe. Right? Okay, Im gonna take that spit bubble as, "Yeah, I do!" Okay, after I get rid of this dirty diaper Leslie, Ill set you up with a clean one. (She throws it at the garbage without looking, misses, and knocks over a vase and flowers, which fall to the floor and break.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt mean to scare you. I just have to clean that up. Okay? Cause lets face it, were at Monicas. (She crawls over, disposes of the diaper, picks up the flowers, and the vase.) I broke it. All right. Well, thats just the way that goes. (She throws out both the flowers and the vase.) Okay, good. (She turns around and only counts two babies.) Why are there only two of you? Where is Leslie? Well, you cant answer. (She starts looking for her) Leslie? Where are you Leslie? Leslie, now would be a good time for your first words! (She turns around and finds that Leslie has managed to crawl into the bottom drawer of the TV cabinet.) Well, look at you! Hey! You are a little bit mischievous! My gosh! (She picks her up and notices a surprise is waiting in the drawer.) Oh, youre a lot mischievous! Well, itll dry. (Closes the drawer with her foot.) (To Leslie) Okay, you sit with your brother and sister nowwho arent there! (They both have disappeared as well.)
[Ross whines and starts working again. The door opens and Tag enters.]
(Ross starts to play. He plays a key that has a back beat sound attached to it. Over the background music he plays the sound of a barking dog, a mooing cow, a laser beam, someone coughing, a jackhammer, a doorbell, a police siren, a ray gun, breaking dishes, and for a closer he plays the sound of a loud crash. Basically, the music sucks.)
(He tries to get up again and starts falling backwards and Chandler catches him.)
Rachel: Okay! (She picks up the phone, Joeys phone number, and starts to dial.) Here we go! Okay! (On phone.) Hi, Joey! Its Rachel! Umm, I am free tomorrow night. Yeah, sure, sure I can bring some sandwiches.
Ross: (standing) Ok, gentlemen! Please! Aren't we a little old for this? I mean, we're scientists, right? We're academics. And most importantly I... you-you will have to catch us first. (he starts to run away with Charlie). GO, GO, GO! (the paleontologists starts chasing them)
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Joey: come on, come on, search your brain all right. it was (thinks) a certain amount of time ago, I was here you were here, we had sex (starts pointing out the places) here, here, here NOT there. Anything?
(The baby starts crying, and the doctor holds it up.)
Rachel: Oh, I forgot this was in here. Umm, this was the uh garter that I was saving for my wedding and I wanted it to be Monicas something borrowed and its blue. (Starts to cry again.) Yeah
Joey: FINE, ok, if you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. (He turns his back to them and starts humming) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Phoebe: (in a soothing voice) Great, lets begin. (She starts the massage.) Hows the pressure?
Rachel: (sympathetic) Oh. (Starts rubbing his wrist with her fingers.) Its gotta be rough.
Joshua: Huh. (She starts brushing the lint off and checking him out in the mirror.) Yeah?
Rachel: I dont like sitting up here! Im just gonna over (She starts to get up.)
Ross: Hey, when the music starts up again, I was thinking of maybe goind into the robot, yknow? (He mimics a robot)
Monica: (starts smiling) I am scrappy.