words in movies
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)
Joey: (confused) Are we watchin the tape or not?!
Ross: Well, oh just ah, I was just wondering, when you and I split up, did you get the tape that was half the last episode of M*A*S*H and half the hostages coming home?
(Ross grabs the tape and heads for the VCR as Rachel goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it.)
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
The Casting Director: Wait Joey! You didnt need to come down because the director saw your tape from yesterday and loved it.
Joey: Did you take that tape?
Joey: Yknow what? This is not fair to her. Lets just forget the tape!
Rachel: (on tape) Oh I wanted to.
Rachel: (on tape) I screwed up so bad, I told Monica that I would stuff and send all these wedding invitations like weeks ago and I-I
Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, ok? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and he appears on the TV screen and a TV commercial begins)
Rachel: Clearly you dont want people to see this tape. Now I dont want people to see this tape either, but you so badly dont people to see it makes me want to see it. You see?
Chandler: This is about you and Richard. He's clearly not over you. He keeps a tape so he can... look at it whenever he wants.
Rachel: (on tape) Interesting.
Ross: (on tape) So we we both wanted to.
Monica: Why in the world would you take this tape and and why would you watch it?
Monica: I-It's just so insulting! Big spring for a new blank tape, Doctor!
Monica: Making her a mixed tape?
Joey: Ooh! A tape with a girls name on it. It's probably a sex tape... (realises) Wait a minute... This says Monica... (looks around) And this is Richard's apartment... (realises some more)
Monica: Shes right of course not. Honey, get the tape.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers. Chandler is sitting on the couch staring at the tape on the coffee table with his eyes huge and his mouth wide open.]
(Chandler takes the tape and sticks it under the chair cushion)
Rachel: Okay. (watching the tape) Ooh, my! (Rachel jumps when the woman starts screaming) Woah! Why is that baby torturing that woman?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
Rachel: Did you watch the tape?
Monica: No-no, its not okay! Its not! I mean you were just Youre so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Yknow Im just gonnaI, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.)
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
Tape: Good job.
Ross: (on tape) I know. Hey remember remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost
Monica: Okay, well, we have to get past this! Why dont we get rid of the tape and pretend it never existed?
Chandler: Because that's who I am, okay? I'm sure a mature man like Richard could see a tape like that and it wouldn't bother him. Just'd be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and moustaches.
Joey: (sounds confident) You didn't watch the tape.
Ross: Im trying to tell you I made you a mix tape.
Ross: Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didnt even watch it! Anyway, here. (He takes the tape out of his coat pocket.) I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself. (Tosses her the tape.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]
Chandler: (with his arm all the way under the cushion, moving it around) This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape. (Chandler puts the tape in, and they all sit down) Okay, here we go.
[Scene: Airport, Ross has headphones on, and is listening to a 'How To Speak Chinese' tape. Occasionally, he makes an outburst in Chinese in accordance with the tape. He is getting on the jetway. The flight attendant is there.]
Ross: (on tape) Yeah. (Pause) Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best.
Tape: We will now count from one to five. Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
Ross: Whoa-hello! We were closer with the mixed tape.
(Joey and Chandler both run to shut off the tape.)
(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandlers bedroom.)
Joey: (Hes recorded his voice on the tape) Joeys your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.
Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Reaches Joey's room and Joey slams the door in his face)
Chandler: I had to! Okay, imagine you were married... and you found a tape of your wife in another guys' apartment... Wouldn't you need to know what was on it?
Rachel: (on tape) Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we wouldve gone through with it? Yknow, if we hadnt gotten caught. Do you think we wouldve done it?
(Suddenly, the tape cuts away from Joey's impromptu scene, to Chandler standing really, really close to the camera.)
Ross: Oh, well you see how it works is, the part with Dick Clark in Times Square is actually live, but they tape some of the party stuff ahead of time. Yeah, not a lot of people know that.
Chandler: Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise, next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]
Monica: Chandler, we cant let this tape wreck Valentines Day!
[Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.]
Ross: Look, forget it Phoebe. Okay? Its Rachels tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story.
Chandler: I'm not gonna watch it... I don't NEED to watch it... I mean, what good could possibly come from watching? (sighs) Well, we know I'm gonna watch it. (Chandler moves to put the tape in the VCR and Joey enters the apartment)
Rachel: (on tape) Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged.
Joey: To tape the game? You do this every time Ross, youre not gonna be on TV!
Joey: (on the tape) Now, I wanna a suitcase filled with 100,000 dollars. (The duck quacks, to the duck) Choo! Choo! Choo! (To the imaginary cops) Filled with $100,000 in small bills, and if I don't get it (the duck quacks louder) Choo!! And if I don't get it, (pause, picks up the duck) I'm gonna shoot this duck!
Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine.
Chandler: Bad news. I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses and they weren't interested.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is looking at the tape sitting on the counter as Ross enters.]
Chandler: Yeah, were gonna need to see that tape. (They rest of them agree.)
Joey: (looks at him suspiciously) But, ehm... you watched the tape?
Monica: So you stole that tape from Richard's apartment?
Monica: That tape was never meant to be seen by... (pauses) Joey I would feel more comfortable if I was having this conversation in private.
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Joey: All right, fine... But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame... (Chandler turns his back to the TV. Joey puts the tape in the VCR, switches it on and watches what's on the tape... It's clearly a american football match, with the referee's whistle blowing, the crowds cheering...)
Joey: Um-hmm! Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take! Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs! My God! What if that had been porn?
Chandler: I got it! Scotch tape. (Theyre right.)
Director: Heres whats gonna happen. The musics gonna start, youre gonna dance, were gonna tape, you dont look at the camera. Any questions?
Rachel: (on tape) I-I knowI had put them in in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today.
(Ross and Rachel trade looks while watching the tape.)
Chandler: (thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.)
Chandler: (picking up a video from the table) Candy and Cookie. Candy and Cookie? Monica got me porn?! Girl-on-girl porn?! She really must love me!! (Chandler runs over to the TV, puts the tape in, and sits down to enjoy some "porn")
Phoebe: All right. Oh! Shoot! Oh shoot! Uh, Rachel wanted to see this tape!
[Scene: Chandlers bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]
Ross: How did you know she would buy scotch tape?
PHOEBE: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the tape in] OK.
Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You dont need to smoke. Cigarettes dont control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
Chandler: (looking at the tape) Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.
Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?
Joey: Okay, fine, I will bring you a tape, huh? (Walks away)
Monica: (hands the tape back to Joey, but doesnt let him grab it) Yknow maybe a little bit!
(Ross takes the tape roll she's handing him and walks to the guest room while mocking Monica's voice)
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
Joey: Would you guys want to come down tomorrow and watch me tape the show?
Ross: (on tape) I mean I I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasnt sure if you wanted to.
Rachel: (on tape) (Ross hands her a glass of wine) I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Monica just went on and on and on about it! (Mimicking Monica) "Okay Rachel! Here are the invitations Rachel! Now be very careful Rachel! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Rachel!" (She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations) Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh oh-oh-oh
Joey: (Yelling at Chandler) And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).
SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.
Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) Thats why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice!
ROSS: Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment Tonight.
Joey: (says hi to his grandma) Look! Oh! (Pointing out the window.) Is that the Pope?! (Chandler and his grandma turn to look and Joey slips a tape into the VCR.)
Rachel: (on tape) Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry man.
Joey: Yeah! You gotta tell a girl before you tape her. Such a rookie mistake.
Rachel: Just tell Joey that you watched the tape and you liked it, but your bosses didn't. Then that way, you're the good guy and they're the bad guys.
Ross: (on tape) You didnt do it?
Joey: (on the tape) All right back off! I gotta gun! I'm not afraid to use it!